Text- Song of Solomon
Title- Lessons in Love- Part 1
Lesson #1- Romantic love is a good thing 1:1-11; 2:1-2
- Because God created it
- Because God inspired Song of Solomon
- Because it makes us happy
Lesson #2- Love needs to be preserved- 2:3-7; 3:1-5
- Wait for the right time
- Wait for the right person
Lesson #3- Love is a commitment- 4:8-15
- Be committed to God
- Be committed to your spouse
- Be committed to nurturing romantic love
I have a confession, I like love songs. I mean, I enjoy rock, Christian music, and other genres, but I have always enjoyed love songs. I don’t think of myself as a particularly romantic person, but I do enjoy listening to songs about love and romance.
I think this is one of the reasons I’ve always had a hard time finding Christian music that I like. There are times when I want to sing praise songs to God. But there are other human emotions beside praiseful. Sometimes you feel sad, or lonely, or excited, or totally in love. And a lot of times there just aren’t Christian bands that play music that fits.
I am discovering more and more that there are a lot of Christian rock bands out there that do write songs about something other than Jesus. I remember when I was in college hearing one Christian rock band complaining about how the Christian recording labels would impose a “Jesus count” on their records. They had to use the word “Jesus” a certain number of times in their record for it to be recorded.
I am discovering that this isn’t really the case any more. There are great, original Christian bands that play all kinds of different music and sings songs about lots of different things, even love songs. (So now I don’t have to listen to Elton John if I want to hear a good love song, I can listen to bands like Switchfoot and Jars of Clay and Newsboys and hear a great mixture of praise songs and love songs, and songs about life.
Right in the middle of all this rich history of who God is and what He has done, we find a love song. It seems so out of place here. In the book right before, Ecclesiastes, Solomon is dealing with the meaning of life. And in the book following, Isaiah, God speaks through His prophet about a coming savior. But right here in the middle of the OT is a steamy love story between two people who are clearly very much in love with each other.
This book has caused theologians fits throughout history. Many have taken the book as an allegory about the love relationship between God and His people. They think that this book isn’t really about two people in love, but it is a representation of the Love that God has for us.
I don’t think that interpretation is very fair, or valid. There can certainly be some correlation made between the church as the bride and Christ as the bridegroom, but that isn’t really what this book is about. This book is about the blossoming relationship between Solomon and the wife of his youth.
This book is a love story, but also a guide for us. It is a great example of how love begins, grows, and persists. It is a useful book for young people who have not yet entered into marriage, it is a useful book for people who are newlyweds, and it is a useful book for people who have been married a long time. There are a number of great lessons in love that we can learn from this book of the Bible.
I wanted to preach on this book for a couple of reasons, first, like I said before, I like love songs, and this is one of the greatest ones ever written. Also, I have just started a small group for couples and I have been thinking about this topic a lot. And I just think that this is a book of the Bible that gets neglected sometimes.
I won’t be able to read through the whole book, instead I want to simply draw application from different places in the book. I would encourage you to read it all the way through on your own at home. There are a lot of figures of speech in the book that you might not be familiar with, but the message comes across loud and clear.
The first lesson that we can learn from this book is that romantic love is a very good thing. It is a gift from God. It is not something that is dirty, or evil, or shameful. Unfortunately it can be turned into something disgraceful by people who abuse it. But those strong feelings of attraction and desire are not wrong.
Follow along as I read chapter 1 and the first part of chapter 2...
Wow, this is some steamy stuff! These are two people who clearly have some strong feelings for each other. It doesn’t say exactly where they were when they first met, maybe it was in the vineyard, maybe it was in the hills or in a garden. But it was clear, as soon as he saw her, he was in love. He says to her, “Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens.”
All the other girls paled in comparison. She stood out to him. She sees herself as a common wildflower, but he assures her that in his eyes she is completely unique.
Do you remember the first time you noticed your spouse? Do you remember where you where and what you were dong. The first time I noticed Camille was a t a wrestling tournament in Davis. She had been around, we went to the same school and I’m sure we had crossed paths. But the first time I really noticed here was that day. And then from that time on I couldn’t stop noticing her. I was in love, and that was a good thing.
Why is love such a good thing? Why is it such an important part of our lives? Why is it so powerful?
First of all, love is a good thing because God created it. God created each one of us to be passionate, affectionate, and loving. He designed for there to be an attraction between men and women. It was a part of His original design.
In Genesis chapter 2 it says…
Genesis 2:22-25 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ’woman’, for she was taken out of man." 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. 25 The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
God created us to love each other. He created us to be attracted to people of the opposite sex. God created us to fall in love and to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse and create a new family.
We also know that romantic love is a good thing because the Book of Song of Solomon is included in the cannon of scripture. Even though this book is often misunderstood, it is generally accepted as a valid book that was inspired by God. It’s almost as if God wanted to remind us that love is a great thing.
God placed this book in the Bible to communicate to us the value and importance of the love relationship between two people.
Love is a good thing because it makes us happy. Now I’m not saying that this book is teaching us that if it feels good, do it. I’m not even saying that I believe that the primary purpose of love and marriage is to make us happy. But I do believe that God designed marriage to be a blessing to us.
Some believe that the primary purpose of marriage is to have kids. In the culture of Solomon and this book, having children was very important. And it is clear from Genesis, that God created the marriage relationship for the purpose of procreation. But it is interesting to note that there is not one word about children mentioned in this book. It is simply a celebration of desire and affection and romantic love.
Others have suggested that the main reason that God created marriage was to make us holy. There is a book by Gary Thomas called, “Sacred Marriage”. The thesis of the books is, ‘What if God designed marriage to make us holy rather than make us happy?” It is a great book. It does an awesome job of showing how a healthy marriage relationship will foster accountability and better communication and a spirit of service, and all kinds of other great Christian virtues. All those things are true, but marriage is also designed to make us happy.
Falling in love and developing intimacy and love and friendship are fun. It is such a great feeling to be in love with someone.
Song of Solomon is simply a picture of the joy and blessing of falling in love with someone. It’s not about procreation or sanctification; it’s about the way love makes us feel.
Even though this book is a celebration of love, it still contains some warnings. In 2:15 it says… Just as little foxes would run loose in the vineyard and ruin it, there are things that we do that can ruin a relationship. We need to catch those things early on.
Because of our sin nature we still have that tendency to take something that was intended to be beautiful and pure and make it ugly and sinful. In three places the beloved warns us that love needs to be preserved. First, look at 2:3-7…
Here the beloved is talking about how in love she is with her man. He is attractive, he makes her weak in the knees and gives her strength all at the same time; she can’t wait for their wedding day. But she stops and takes a second to warn the other maidens to not arouse or awaken love until the proper time.
We find the same thing in chapter 3… 1-5
In this section she is so in love with him that she just can’t stop thinking about him, night and day. She even dreams about him. He consumes all her thoughts. She dreams of searching for him, finding him, and then holding on to him and not letting go.
And again she stops to warn the daughters of Jerusalem not to awaken love before it’s time. At this point I wonder if she is really giving a warning to others, or trying to remind herself. Perhaps she is so engulfed in passion that she has to keep reminding herself, “not yet, not yet”.
This warning can be boiled down to two main points, first, wait for the right time. For the most part, we’re not very good at that. We want what we want right now. We are not used to having to wait for things. We are definitely an instant gratification nation. We see pleasure and satisfaction as the ultimate virtue. Our own happiness is the only thing that really matters, even if our happiness makes others miserable.
When it comes to romantic relationships this is no exception. We are not content to wait until marriage; we don’t know how to wait. Everything and everyone around us is telling us to go for it. When passion turns to lust and greed it is no longer about loving the other person, it turns into selfishly desiring to meet your own needs.
I believe that the beloved gives us this warning here because she knows that rushing the process will ruin the relationship. She knows that there is a proper, god honoring way to proceed. She understands that God has a design and an order for how things are supposed to work. Within the confines of that design love and marriage and intimacy are huge blessings.
If things are twisted and warped how can God bless it? She didn’t want to do anything that would in any way jeopardize her relationship with her man. She didn’t simply want immediate gratification, but a lasting relationship.
The world tells us that everything will be OK if we indulge our desires. But that simply isn’t true. Now for those who have made mistakes in this area, it doesn’t mean that your marriage is ruined, or that your relationship won’t ever be blessed by God. It does mean that you might have some repenting to do and ask God for forgiveness. It might mean that there will be guilt and shame that needs to be dealt with. But God is able to clean up the messes we make.
How much better would it be if we had never made the mess to begin with though?
I’ve been going through pre-marital counseling with a couple for the past few months. They have both been through a lot of ups and downs in life. They have both been married before. But this time they have a strong desire to honor God completely in their relationship. They want to do everything they can to make sure that their relationship is blessed by God. This includes a commitment to sexual purity.
I asked Robert for permission to tell this story because I thought it was very revealing. Both Robert and Brenda work at Central Valley Building Supply. Robert works out on the yard and Brenda works in the office. Apparently one day one of the other guys on the yard came up to Robert and asked him if he was gay. He had heard that Robert wasn’t sleeping with Brenda and he couldn’t understand why. Robert assured him that he wasn’t gay; he was a Christian and was honoring God by waiting for the right time.
The world sees abstinence and patience and restraint in this area as a flaw. Most people don’t understand why this is such a big deal, or how anyone could wait. Anytime is the right time for most guys.
There is a right time and a wrong time. If we are going to honor God, and respect our mate, we have to wait for the right time.
Next, preserving love also means waiting for the right person. Believe it or not, there are some people that God does not want you to marry. As a believer your standards need to be a lot higher. You need to be discriminating.
In 1 Corinthians Paul talks a lot about this. I read the passage last week that warns us not to be unequally yoked with and unbeliever. As believers, you should not pursue a relationship with an unbeliever. It will cause a lot of pain and grief and hardship.
In chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians Paul talks about marriage and divorce and remarriage. He tells those who are married to an unbeliever to stay married to them, not to divorce them. To work hard at maintaining the relationship and praying for their spouse. The hope is that the believing spouse can be a saving influence on the unbelieving spouse.
He also tells widows that if they are going to remarry it should only be to a believer. The importance of waiting for the right person is emphasized in his writings.
This is so much easier if we make it a point to never get involved with unbelievers. Once you begin to fall in love with someone, it will be very hard to change course. Love takes hold of us and blinds us to things we should be able to see.
If your desire is simply for companionship then it will be very hard to wait for the right time and the right person. If your desire is to honor God and put Him first, than your relationships will be done with patience, and purity and with God’s blessing.
That brings us to the last point we will look at today, love is a commitment. In the first three chapters we find the courtship stages of the relationship. They meet, fall in love, and pledge themselves to each other.
Chapter 4 records the marriage. Follow along as I read 4:8-15…
Here Solomon takes her to be his bride. He takes her from her parents, takes her from her hometown, and takes her to live with Him. He has made the commitment to her. OK, at this point there is a problem. Can any of you identify what might be wrong with this? I am talking about King Solomon and my application point is all about commitment.
Let me read part of 1 Kings 11:3…
1 Kings 11:3-4 3 He had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines,
Solomon was not just committed; I’d say he was over committed. How can we talk about the importance of commitment with a guy who had 700 wives and 300 concubines? This guy isn’t exactly the model that we should follow. Let me read the rest of that passage in 1 Kings…
1 Kings 11:3-4 3 He had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines, and his wives turned his heart away. 4 For when Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart away after other gods; and his heart was not wholly devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been.
So Solomon serves as a great example of what happens when you turn marriage into something other than a God honoring love relationship. He took on these other wives as a way of expanding his kingdom, growing his wealth, and multiplying his offspring.
Instead of finding contentment with the wife of his youth; Solomon disobeyed God and all these other women turned his heart away from God.
Solomon was arguably the wisest man in the OT. He had been granted the gift of wisdom from God. He wrote beautiful poems, he wrote many proverbs, he studied life and was renowned for his great wisdom. But even with all this vast wisdom, what was it that brought him down? Women.
One of the biggest misconceptions about marriage that many people have is that love is primarily an emotion. Love is an emotion, but it is so much more than that. If you were to do even a cursory study of love in the Bible you would see that love is not merely an emotion.
But when you first meet that special someone you have a lot of the kinds of feelings that are expressed in this book. You can’t stop thinking about them, you dream about them, you love being around them, they can do nothing wrong. Too many people think that that dough-eyed, warm-squishy, blissful-rapture that you feel at the beginning of the relationship will last forever. As soon as the spark fades, people get bored and start looking for something new and exciting. I believe that the divorce rate is so high because people have a fundamental misunderstanding of what love really is.
Love isn’t primarily a feeling, it is a commitment. Just look at the Bible’s definition of loe…
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love is an action, it is a decision, it is a commitment. It is so much more than personal happiness or pleasure.
If we are going to have successful, God-honoring relationships we have to start with a commitment to God. We have to be committed to obeying Him and living in a way that He will honor and bless.
As each person grows in their relationship with God they will grow in their relationship with each other. I’m sure you’ve seen this graphic before: Triangle
A strong commitment to God is the first step, but you also have to have a strong commitment to your spouse as well. You need to have a commitment to that other person. You have to have a desire to see them grow and mature and thrive. You have to put them first, differ to them from time to time. You have to demonstrate you love for them through your patience and kindness and humility.
It isn’t enough to be committed to making the marriage work for the sake of the kids, or for the sake of appearances. You have to be committed to that person.
It is also important to be committed to nurturing romance in your marriage. Even though we might not feel lovey-dovey with each other all the time, it is important to keep the fire stoked as best you can. We will talk a lot more about that next week.
I am so glad that Song of Solomon is included in the Bible. It is such an encouraging and affirming book. Love is so important to us as human beings. Even if you don’t like listening to love songs, we still have a need to be loved. There are a lot of ways in which I could encourage you to nurture your relationships this week. But maybe the best thing would simply be to read a few passages from Song of Solomon to your spouse this week and see what happens.
Let me close with this explanation of the fruit of the spirit by an old preacher named Donald Barnhouse…
“Love is the key. Joy is love singing. Peace is love resting. Long-suffering is love enduring. Kindness is love’s touch. Goodness is love’s character. Faithfulness is love’s habit. Gentleness is love’s self-forgetfulness. Self-control is love holding the reins.”
Donald Grey Barnhouse
May you learn to love in that way.
