Investments Tips About Dating
10/21/07 Proverbs Proverbs 4:20-27 1 Corin 7:32-40
One of the most difficult things about this process called dating, going together, going steady or whatever the term is for it today is that most of the time it ends up being a painful process for one or both of the people involved. Check out a story that’s been true and continues to be true (Show video clip Everybody Plays The Fool—This can be seen at our website www.glenvillenewlife.com under the section “Words and Illustrations)
Has anyone here been guilty of playing the fool once or twice in your life? Recently we began singing a song, with the lyrics, “I love myself so much, that I can love you so much. That you can love you so much, that you can start loving me.” When I first heard that song, I thought the person was being egotistical with an overestimation of his or her own importance. But then I realized, it had the message of Jesus in it, when Jesus said, “love your neighbor as yourself.” If you do not love you very much, then it follows you will not love your neighbor too much either.
Dating begins with loving yourself so much, that you will not do anything that’s not in your best interest. I mean your best interest in relationship to your own life, your family, and your relationship to God. When we hear the word dating, some of us immediately start to giggle and get goose bumps because we think something romantic or sexual is coming on the horizon. Here comes our beautiful princess or our handsome prince to sweep us off our feet and carry us off to some mystical place where joy and love fills the air. Tell your neighbor, “it’s not going to happen and there is no such place.”
There is no verse in the bible that says you shall date or you shall not date. We find instances in the bible where parents arranged for marriages to take place as with Isaac and Rebekkah. We also see that David saw and fell in love with Michal and they got married. We saw in our New Testament reading a situation in which a couple was seeing each other and trying to decide on marriage or not. Our goal therefore is to look for principles in the bible to lead us into make wise choices.
To understand dating, we first need to understand ourselves, and what we are capable of getting into. First of all, we all have a heart that’s sinful and needs to be changed by the power of Jesus Christ. We all are subject to giving in to temptation and disobeying God. If we do not put barriers around ourselves to keep us from sinning, then we will most certainly fall into sin. It is foolish for any of us to say or to think, “oh that could never happen to me.”
We all have an incredible ability to deceive ourselves into thinking, we have things under control when we really do not. We get upset with our parents who want to limit our dating saying, “oh you don’t trust me.” If you admitted the truth about you to yourself, you would not trust you either.
We are given some powerful wisdom from Proverbs 4:23 (NIV) 23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. The key to us navigating through relationships will depend on how well we guard our hearts. Have you made the decision that anything coming into my heart, must first pass through my God. It is easy to fall in love with the wrong person. Ask for the opinion of those you trust about the other person, before you go head over heels for him or her. Remember, the person you are dating is putting his or her best appearance forward which mans there are some hidden land mines.
Let’s look at the purpose of dating from a Christian perspective. As Christians, whatever we do is to be done to the glory of God. We ask ourselves the question “is this pleasing in God’s eyes.” One goes dating in order to learn about or to get to know the other person. The big issue ought to be, what kind of a friend will this person be. You see if your goal for dating is to find someone you would like to spend your life with in marriage, you need to be looking for someone who would make a great friend.
We have bought into the lie, that the way to know someone is to have sex with the person as though what happens in sex, proves how much you love someone or how great a lover they will be. A date is reduced to how quickly can I get your clothes off you and get into bed with you. Nothing more is known about the person than before.
If this is your version of dating, then make sure you get the person’s address, phone number, birth date and social security number and all in advance before taking off your clothes. You will need it in the future for child support payments, and follow up on possible venereal diseases that may take place during sex. There’s a good chance this will be the last time you will be seeing this person for a long time. There are many mothers, who have no idea what the father’s real name is because they met at a bar and everyone called that good looking guy Ray-Ray.
Since the purpose of dating is getting to know the other person, as a Christian make sure your dates take place in a public place. Find out about the person, what they like and what they dislike. Find out about the person’s family. Are they close to each other or not? Listen to how he treats his mom and his sisters. That’s probably how he’s going to treat you. Observe how she respects her parents. That’s probably what you will get if you marry this person. Look at how the person spends and handles money? Find out about how much debt they have. Talk about disciplining children. Find out what kind of goals they have for their lives. Discover if they are really active in their church and what their faith means to them. Look at what their work history is like? Find out if they constantly blame others for their problems. If so, they will blame you.
Finding out this information is so much more important than locking lips and tongues in the back seat of a car, or at his place or at her place. If you let physical lust drive your relationship, you are going to crash it. That desire you get when she touches you, or when you look in his eyes is nothing more than lust at work. It is a desire God has placed in us to bind two people together who have made a commitment to each other in marriage.
We confuse lust with love. Lust says I want you, and I want you at the cheapest rate I can get you for. Love says I want you, but I’m willing to pay the highest price possible to receive you as my own. Which of these is going to lead to the kind of rich relationship you want to have. Don’t let somebody purchase you for far less than what you are worth. Have you noticed, the more we pay for something, the better we take care of it? God says you are valuable in His sight.
Lust is going to be a part of every dating relationship. This is why, young people you should not be eager to start dating and going out with someone just the two of you. As a Christian youth, are you willing to commit to not being alone with this person to keep from giving lust a chance. Go out skating, bowling, to the dance, or to the movies as a group of people and not just as a couple.
As you’re going through high school, you need to love yourself so much, that your primary goal is to get into college. You are not going to be the same person at 15 that you are at 22. The last thing you need is to have gotten involved with someone, had a child, and now you want nothing else to do with this person some seven years later but you’re having all kind of drama because of dating mistakes. Some mistakes do not easily just go away.
Adults, lust is going to be a part of your dating relationships. Are you willing to likewise commit to keeping your dating in public. The same hormones that run into teens are going to run inside of you. The word of God tells us to run from sexual temptation. Most of us make it as easy as we can get to be tempted, and then wonder why we did not make it. If you are alone in each other’s apartment long enough, you will begin to compromise. You will fall into sin.
What should you be looking for in a date. Most of us miss out on people who would make great mates, because they do not fit our stereo type of someone being beautiful or handsome. They have to be a certain size, a certain height, a certain weight, with a certain amount of money and a number of other things that have nothing to do with being a good friend who would make a good mate. Good looks and beautiful bodies might be nice for pictures, but they carry no guarantees for a happy life together. When you are upset and angry with a person, you do not even notice how good they look or what their body looks like.
Remember when a person asks you for a date or you accept a date, neither of you is saying this is permanent. Neither of you is agreeing to date the other person exclusively. Neither of you is saying, this means it is God’s will for us to be together from this time forward. Dating is a chance to get to know someone. Dating is not the opportunity to hear the word directly from God.
If someone says, “God told me you are to be my wife or my husband” then feel free to tell the person, “God knows where I live and I’ll have to get a confirmation from God directly. Going out on a date does not give you rights or claims on a person. It is only if both of you agree to become exclusive with each other, does it actually happen. You are always free to break off a dating relationship in the eyes of God.
You should not be looking for the one person that God has chosen for you. God does not choose one person, God gives you a filter to screen out people. First God says, the person needs to be in the Lord. In other words we are to be equally yoked, which means both of us are striving to serve the Lord. We have both decided to live for Christ. If a person is married, that person is not free to date anyone. Dating a married person leads to disaster. If you find out the person is married, that should be the end of your dating that person.
It is of utmost importance that we share our lives with other believers. Just finding a nice person is not enough. Being a Christian is more than going to church. It affects all that we are and how we think. Marriage is the most difficult of all relationships to handle if you want to have a good one.
It’s a lie to think all you need are strong romantic feelings for each other. You need someone who answers to a higher authority than you concerning his or her behavior. All of us are selfish, ungrateful at times, and hard to get along with. Jesus is the one that helps us to confess these things, and turn away from them.
We need Jesus to forgive each other. We need Jesus to start again. We need Jesus to agree on discipline for kids. We need Jesus to help us get along with each other’s families. Just because you think so and so doesn’t go to church, but is a nice person, does not mean this person is going to make a good mate. You are deliberately deceiving yourself and setting aside the will of God for your life.
Stop thinking there is only one person out there for you. Forget all the non sense you have heard about love in the songs on the radio. You do not have to quit living because so and so is gone. It may be the best thing to happen to you, and you don’t even know it. In our New Testament reading, God’s word said a woman who had lost her husband was free to marry anyone she wishes, so long as the person was in the Lord. Now does that mean that any two Christians can marry each other and get along. Yes, if both of them are submitting to the Lord. Does it mean you will be equally happy with any believer? NO.
The important thing is not only is this other person the ideal person for me. Are you the ideal person for this other person. You see we all have a little check list when dating. But we often pretend that we are better than we really are when we are dating. So the other person has a distorted view of us and we a distorted view of him or her. Not only that, throw in our romantic feelings and we really see someone who does not exists. This is why it is important to bring the person you’re in love with, around those who love you so, that they can help you see things that you’re not seeing, or you’re not taking seriously. Listen to their advice instead of saying just mind your business. You are there business. Observe their warning signs.
Remember this, you cannot change a person simply by marrying them. Whatever habits and annoyances they have during dating, they will take into the marriage. If you cannot accept those things, then do not marry that person. If you are not ready to surrender the right to make your own decisions concerning you, then you are not ready for marriage. If you are ready to let someone know how grown you are, and no one can tell you how to live your life, you are not ready for marriage.
What kind of traits should you be looking for in a person while you are dating. Just take the 1 Corinthians 13:4 test. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. These are the things that are going to matter.
How long should you date a person? You can date for as long as you want to as long as your relationship is not a physical one. By that I mean, all you do is blow each other a kiss and you keep your relationship public. Remember every dating relationship has an element of lust in it. Control the lust, and you keep your chances of knowing the other person a whole lot better.
If you don’t control your lust, you will find all of your time goes into the physical part of the relationship and you really are not learning much about this person at all. Pretty soon, this relationship is just a sexual exchange of two empty people who are stuck in a rut going nowhere. You also know that God is not pleased with the turn things have taken. God has no intention of blessing this mess.
You should only date long enough to find out the answer to these questions. Then you decide if the person’s score is something you are willing to commit yourself too. If not, then move on. The moment your relationship becomes a physical one in which you have started kissing and embracing one another, you need to have a timeline to get married so that your relationship does not turn into a sinful one, or you need to cut off the relationship to give yourselves time to see if this is really the direction you want to go.
For those of you who become engaged, Satan is going to tell you that now that you’re engaged, you can start having sex. That’s a lie, an engaged couple is not a married couple. You are free to end your relationship right up until the moment you say I Do. You can even say I Don’t and be making the right decision. Sexual sin is a poor foundation upon which to start building a marriage. It’s a terrible place to try to build a dating relationship from. It’s like trying to build an upside down pyramid. It cannot sustain the weight of the rest of the building.
Well how long should you be engaged? The question is not how long should be engaged. The question is, “what boundaries do we have to establish to keep our relationship pure and holy in God’s sight.” The boundaries establish how long the period can last. Once you are struggling to live within those boundaries of protection, you need to set a wedding day as soon as possible or break off the engagement. Marriage is about commitment: A commitment to each other and a commitment to God. Forget all the stuff about the ideal wedding you’re saving for and make it you 10th anniversary goal. Keep your relationship on track with God. Your ultimate goal is to be found pleasing in the eyes of the Lord.
You may be thinking, but if I don’t have sex, then I may lose this person. If you have to have sex to keep the person, then you have lost the person already. That person cannot give you, what you are really looking for in life. Part of the call to follow Christ, means that we will lose some people, we will miss out on some things they may have been fun, and we will wonder if we made the right decision.
We have a call in God’s word which says Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV) 5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Trust God that God will do the right thing for your life. It may be hard to do that today, but when God does come through for you, you will know you made the right choice. Choose to live on a higher level.
Sermon Outline Pastor Rick
Investment Tips About Dating 10/21/07
Proverbs 4:20-27 1 Corin 7:32-40
A. What Makes Dating Hard
1. Does Everyone Play The Fool
2. I Love Myself So Much
3. So You Can Love You So Much
4. Dating In The Bible
B. What We Need To Know About Us
1. We Have Hearts In Need Of Change
2. Temptation Is A Challenge
3. Can I Really Trust Me
Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
4. Avoid Falling For The Wrong Person
C. Purpose Of Dating
1. Is This Pleasing In God’s Eyes
2. Will This Person Be A Good Friend
3. Sex Proves Nothing
4. One Night Stands—Get Information
5. Be Prepared For Ray-Ray
D. Get To Know The Other Person
1. Let’s Choose A Public Place
2. Things You Want To Know
3. Things You Want To Observe
E. Dangers To Avoid
1. Lip Locking & Tongue Twisting
2. Who Is Going To Do The Driving
3. Lust And Love –Different Rates
4. I Won’t Be Alone With You
5. Let’s Do It As A Group
6. Adults-Teens Same Challenge
7. In The Apartment
F. What Should I Be Looking For
1. The Looks & The Money
2. A Date Is Just A Date
3. What If God Told You But Not Me
4. Where Is Mr. Right Or Ms. Right
5. Be Equally Yoked
6. What If The Person Is Still Married
G. It’s Not Ever Going To Be Easy
1. Marriage Is Work
2. When Romantic Feelings Fail
3. Our Selfishness And More
4. Jesus Makes A Difference
5. A Nice Unbeliever Still An
Unbeliever
6. Is There Only One For Me
H. Who Can I Choose From
1. What Freedom We Have
2. Are You The Right Person
3. Get Help From Others
4. Marrying Does Not Change People
5. How Ready Are You To Surrender
I. Is There A Trait Scale I Can Use
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV) 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
J. How Long Should You Date A Person
1. How Do We Set A Date
2. We’re Engaged—Now What
3. Purpose Of Boundaries
4. I Might Lose This Person Unless
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
5. Trusting God
