Some things I need, it is true. But many of the things I think I need I do not truly need. I only want them, but persuade myself I need them. They are not needs; they are wants.
And, deeper than that, many of the things I think I want I do not truly want. I just hope they will make me feel good about myself, and so tell myself I want them. It is not I, really, who want so many things. It is that part of me that feels insecure and uncertain. Many things are not needs, not even wants, they are props for people who do not feel secure..
We have two granddaughters – one of them almost four, and very aggressive; the other a little over two, with the voice and face of an Old Testament prophet. Olivia snatches a toy from her little sister and says, “I need that doll.” But Jackie knows better, screws up her tiny face, and announces, “That’s not fair”. No, Olivia does not need it; she just wants it. And when that child has grabbed her sister’s doll under the guise of needing it, but ten seconds later throws it aside to go for something else, you know what is going on. She neither needs it nor wants it. She just expects to be numero uno.
We think we need things, but it’s really a want; and it’s not really a want, but a prop to make us feel better about ourselves. I have learned that all that truly matters is to know my own heart and follow it, because deep down my heart can hear the heart of God.
I have discovered that the most important question I can ask myself is, “What do I really want?” “What do I really want?” When there are choices in front of me, when I am struggling to discern what to do, I have learned to ask that penetrating question: “What do I really want?” I know it sounds selfish, but it helps me clarify what is important and it keeps me from going after things that I do not really even want to have – because, some things I need, but many of the things I think I need I do not truly need. I just want them, and persuade myself I need them. They are not needs; they are wants. And, deeper than that, many of the things I think I want I do not truly want. I just hope they will make me feel better about myself, and so I tell myself I want them. It is not I, really, who want so many things. It is that side of me that feels insecure and uncertain. These things are not needs, not even wants, they are props. So I have learned to ask myself, “What do I really want, deep down?
I don’t know about Montgomery Hills, but at Takoma Park, money did not always just roll in for the church budget. Two or three times during my twenty-year tenure at Takoma Park we suspected that there wouldn’t be enough income in the next year to support everything we wanted to do. So I need to confess that on those occasions, I would play a little game. I would volunteer to forego a raise in salary. I would say to our finance people, “Look, give all the others a raise, but hold mine back. I’ll take the burden of balancing the budget.” Now when I would do that, the committee was supposed to say, “Pastor, how heroic of you! How unselfish! But we can’t let you do that, so here, take your raise.” That’s what they were supposed to do, and a couple of times they did. But guess what? One year we got a tough-minded chairman on that committee, who took me literally. When I went through that speech, she said, “Okay. Fine. If that’s what you want, that will help us.” She actually believed my game! “If thatis what you want ...” But hey, that’s not what I wanted! What did I really want? Not only the money, but also the acclaim for being superpastor, so spiritual he lives on bread and water and prayer! Ah, she caught me, didn’t she? I had not listened to my own heart enough to know what I really, deep down, wanted. And certainly had not listened to the heart of God.
What do you really want? Aren’t we all caught up in that confusion? Don’t we all have to work at making sure we are hearing ourselves rightly? You know, we get in the mailbox at my home about eight mail-order catalogs every day. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but on average, eight catalogs, all with enticing pictures of luxurious goods, usually modeled by luscious lovelies who, sad to say, do not come along with the merchandise you order! If my wife and I had not learned how to listen to ourselves, we would be swamped in things we have been told we need; but we do not need them, we merely want them; and down deep we do not even want them but may get hooked on the idea that a new coat or a piece of furniture or electronic gear will make us feel we are somebody! My wife has decided not even to open most of these catalogs, but just to put them in the recycling bin! We have listened to our hearts and found out what we really want, and guess what? More stuff isn’t it!
In fact, we are in that phase of life where we simplifying. Having lived in the same house for more than 33 years, we have accumulated things we thought we needed or wanted or would make us feel good. But they didn’t. They sit on shelves and gather dust in closets, and now that we can listen to our hearts more clearly, we are culling out clothes we never wear and giving away equipment we never use. I am a little concerned about it, though; this week my wife said, “This place has too many things in it that are getting really old, and we need to clear them out” – and then she looked long and hard at me! So there may be a message there I don’t want to hear.
But are you with me? Do you grasp what I am saying? Some things I need, it is true. But many of the things I think I need I do not truly need. I just want them, but persuade myself I need them. They are not needs; they are wants. And, deeper than that, many of the things I think I want I do not truly want. I just hope they will make me feel better about myself, and so tell myself I want them. It is not I, really, who want so many things. It is that side of me that feels insecure and uncertain. I have learned that all that truly matters is to know my own heart and follow it, because deep down my heart can hear the heart of God.
The apostle Paul reports a marvelous experience. He had determined to gather an offering to relieve the struggling church at Jerusalem. He had appealed to the various churches around the Mediterranean world. We do not know how all these churches responded, but we do know quite vividly about one of them. We know that the church in Macedonia gave even though they themselves were poor, and – here is the astonishing part – they even begged for the privilege of sharing in this ministry. They asked to be included. They listened to their own hearts and found out what they really wanted ... and they begged for the privilege of giving.
Let’s dissect this episode and see what we can discover in it. It just might hold the clue for our own life lessons.
I
First of all, notice how what appear to be contradictory things come together to help us know what we want. Things that do not seem to compute can help us hear our own hearts. Listen carefully to the bad news and the good news, both, in the Macedonian Christians’ story. Paul says they had undergone a severe ordeal of affliction. That likely refers to a time of persecution, where the local authorities made life awfully rough for Christian communities. Bad news. And more bad news – Paul mentions their “extreme poverty”. These folks – probably many of them slaves or even beggars on the streets – these folks had next to nothing. Bad, bad news. But did you hear their good news? Abundant joy and an overflow of generosity! What is going on? How could this be?
Brothers and sisters, have you discovered that if we have too many things we don’t even understand what we have? We are overwhelmed with all our stuff. My wife and I like to go to the basement book sale room down at the Wheaton Library. We browse for reading material at ultra-low prices. But you know you have accumulated too much when you bring home a prize 25-cent book and find that you already have a copy on your shelves that you paid $25.00 for! I have so many books on my shelves I cannot even remember what they are! If we have too much we cannot even appreciate all we have.
So there are times when the Lord has to do something to get our attention. There are times when the Lord has to put us into a situation of shortfall to remind us who it is that has given us all that we have and made us all that we are. Here are these Macedonian Christians, who have been through rough times and who don’t have two nickels to rub together, but in them is joy and satisfaction and generosity. They know the grace of God in a way that affluent people do not, and they are prepared to witness to that grace. They have little more than one another, and so they are more than ready to share the grace by which they live. Sometimes our God gives us a shortfall so that we can discover His grace and know our own hearts again.
A little lady called me up one day to ask about our church at Takoma Park. She said she had been living in the neighborhood for a long time, but had spent her life taking care of her aging parents. Because she felt confined by their illnesses, she hadn’t been to church in years; in fact, the church of which she had been a member had actually disbanded. She wondered whether she might find a spiritual home with us, but she worried about it too. She said, “I don’t have much money to give. And I don’t know much about the Bible ...” [She proved that by asking me whether we used what she called the ‘Saint James’ Bible]. “And besides,” she said, “I’ve visited your church, and most of the folks are black, but I’m white, and I don’t know whether they would want me there.” I went to visit her home; it was just about the smallest, most cramped little space I have ever been in. I didn’t know the Takoma neighborhood had anything that small. She asked me not to sit on one of her chairs because, she said, it might collapse. Of course that could have been more of a comment on my weight than on the sturdiness of her furniture – but it was clear she didn’t have much.
Well, Miss Beulah did join Takoma Park, with fear and trembling. She wasn’t sure how she would be received. I am so happy to say that our people embraced her. They sensed how much she needed to be loved and accepted. Beulah came to worship regularly, and wept regularly when someone would hug her or give her a ride or take her some food. She would say to me, nearly every Sunday, “Reverend, I just love your church.” And I would say, “Beulah, it’s not my church. It’s the Lord’s church and it’s your church.” Well, after all too short a time, Beulah became ill. Several of us visited her regularly; we didn’t even know who her family members were, but did discover some distant cousins in New Jersey. Inevitably the day came when Beulah died, and so our church provided her with a funeral and gave her family all the trimmings, at no cost. We didn’t think Beulah had any money at all. She had spent everything taking care of her parents, and her tiny little house and broken-down furniture was apparently all there was. But within a month of her death there came a letter from a lawyer, with a check for $10,000, from Beulah’s will. Out of her poverty, because she had felt the grace of God, she had found great joy and it overflowed in generosity. She discovered what she really wanted, and it wasn’t wealth. It was love, it was acceptance, it was a home for the heart. Out of the contradictions of her life she figured out what she really wanted. Do you know what you really want?
II
Now the Macedonian Christians, knowing what they really wanted, show us something else. Not only do they show us that even when our lives are filled with apparent contradictions, joy can come; but also they show us that when you really know what you want, you will be eager to do whatever it takes to make it happen. How many people do you know who could be described as Paul described the Macedonians? “They voluntarily gave according to their means, and even beyond their means, begging us earnestly for the privilege of sharing in this ministry.” I have this wonderful fantasy in my mind of somebody running up the aisle, chasing one of your ushers, and saying, “Hey, brother usher, wait a second. I didn’t give enough. I want to give some more.”
But do you know I have seen that, or something like it? I have seen and known people who so knew what they wanted that they fell all over themselves doing what they could to make it happen. And there is no victory quite like it, no joy quite as deep as this. When you know what you really want, you do everything possible to make it happen.
Several years ago, at Takoma Park, we started what we called a Capital Projects Fund. The idea was that we would create a list of things we needed to do and equipment we needed to buy, and we would put those things in priority order and do them as the funds came in. Well, the day we published that list, one member, an attorney, saw on the list an item for the church kitchen, and said, “Don’t campaign for that. I’ll give that myself.” Another person, a choir member, saw robes for one of our choirs on the list, and said, “I’ve been paid some money for an extra job I didn’t expect, I’ll get those robes.” And on it went, week after week, with people just listening to their own hearts and giving what needed to be gathered in order to make these things happen. It was exciting.
But then we got down on the list to the big ticket item. We needed $25,000 for a new fifteen-passenger van. That was a bit much; nobody stepped up to give that amount. We plugged away at it, however, got up to about $20,000, and there we stalled. No new money for several weeks. So I just got up one Sunday morning and said, “I just believe that out there somewhere there is $5,000 that the Lord needs and wants for this van, and that if you listen to your hearts it will come.” That’s all ... fools and pastors rush in, you know, where angels fear to tread. Forty-eight hours later our financial secretary came into my office, smiles wreathing her face. “Pastor,” she said, “guess what came in! $5,060! Isn’t God good? Now we can not only get the van; we can even put a license on it!”
Brothers and sisters, I am trying to say that when you know what you really want, you will beg for the chance to make it happen. You will live and breathe for the opportunity to take it forward. But the issue is, do you really know what you want? Do you want Kingdom things to happen?
May I be very candid with you? I don’t know much about your church, and know nothing at all about your finances. But I know what I am seeing in church after church around this city. I am seeing Christians lose their way. I am seeing churches pulling back from Kingdom tasks. I am seeing people who are getting no joy out of their Christian lives.
Friends, some of our Baptist churches have become very small. Almost nobody is receiving Christ, almost nobody is joining. Almost nobody in some of our churches is really getting what they want. What is going on? We have not listened to our own hearts, we have not listened for the heart of God, and we’ve settled for paying the bills and going through the motions of doing church. I talked to one deacon chairman this week who said that most of the few people left in his church actually wanted the pastor to go ahead and close the church down! I cannot believe that anyone really wants this, not if they have listened carefully to their own hearts. Nonetheless I am seeing people pull back.
I guess that now that I am a senior citizen, I am entitled to reminisce a little. Indulge me. For when I was growing up, my home church did its best to give away half its income to missions! Think of that, 50% for missions. And a good chunk of the rest for witness and outreach. Now, although I am proud of many of the things Takoma Park did for evangelism and for missions during my tenure there, I have to hang my head in shame and admit that we could scarcely get past giving about 10% to missions. Our problem, brothers and sisters, is that we in the churches are not listening to our hearts, down deep, and we are not hearing God’s heart. We have settled for being comfortable, and we have not discovered that what we really want is to see men and women, boys and girls, come to a saving knowledge of Christ. We have listened to the world’s way, and we have suppressed that deeper desire within us to see reached and redeemed the last, the least, the lost, and the lonely!
What do you really want? What do you really want out of your Christian walk? What do you really want for your church? I challenge you today to keep on listening until you can hear the heartbeat of God, who desires not the death of any sinner, and who wants all of His children at His side. And when you hear that, when you feel that in all its urgency, you’ll chase the ushers up the aisle and beg for the privilege of supporting this church!
III
The bottom line is, as Paul said of the Macedonian Christians: “They gave themselves first to the Lord, and then ... to us.” They put first things first, their relationship to Christ. And out of that relationship flowed everything else.
Today I cannot make you pledge a worthy amount. I cannot argue you into a tithe. I probably cannot even get you to hear me talk about stewardship two more minutes. But can I at least insist on your hearing this – that the central issue is, “What do you really want?” That is the most important question you can ask yourself. And then I can offer you the only answer that ultimately makes sense – that you want Christ; that you want nothing more than to be in fellowship with Christ; that you know in your heart of hearts that the only way to live with joy and victory and confidence is to follow Jesus Christ.
So I am not asking you this morning to give to support the church. I am asking you to connect with the Kingdom of Christ. I am not asking you this morning to make Montgomery Hills Baptist Church bigger or more comfortable. I am asking you to follow Jesus into the dusty streets and the lonely places and there to bring hope to others. I am not encouraging you to pay the pastor more, though I am sure he deserves it. I am not urging you to improve the property here, although I know of no church building that could not use some attention. I am asking you to look at a community where young people flounder, and to consider what you really want for them. I am asking you to listen to a city whose people are right now racing carelessly by on the Avenue, hardly even noticing that you are here, and to consider what it will mean to reach through that indifference. I am asking you to discover, in your heart of hearts, what God feels about His lost creation, and to know again what you really want for God, with God. I am telling you that first you must give yourself to God, and then you will give yourself and all that you are and all that you have, so that your heart’s desire may come true.
Do you know what you really want? Do you not really want, above all things, to follow Jesus? We think we need things, but it’s really a want; and it’s not really a want, but a prop to make us feel better about ourselves. I have learned that all that truly matters is to know my own heart and follow it, because deep down my heart can hear the heart of God. The poet said it well: I asked for riches that I might be happy; I was given poverty that I might be wise. I asked for all things that I might enjoy life; I was given life that l might enjoy all things. I was given nothing that I asked for; But everything that I had hoped for.
