Husbands and Wives
Ephesians 5:21-33
Introduction
Over the past few Sundays and Wednesday nights we have been studying and examining the Book of Ephesians – seeking to learn how God has been dealing with our hearts and how we have to receive and accept what he is saying to us in order to be more like Him.
Ephesians is a life-long application book, but God worked this study out so that we could have this on a Sunday morning I believe intentionally, because if ever there was to be a time for us to be honest – it is with our mates. There is wisdom to be learned in this and I want to state up front for those who have had their spouse go on to be with the Lord – does the Lord not become your spouse and care-giver? Think of this as we go through this message and I believe that you can see how God could, should, and will assume that role if you invite Him too.
Open your bibles to Ephesians Chapter 5 and let’s pray together.
v21
When we submit to one another, it means we consider the other person’s feelings as important as our own. Submission is an act of obedience, but not an act of being in control over someone else. Being submissive to one another means remembering that God requires your submission now – and that is the example we can have of being submitted to one another.
Husbands and wives must be submitted to one another. This is Holy, this is right, and the Lord demands it. When we put one another first, we are saying to that person that you value them more than yourself – you are becoming a SERVANT of the other! This, is the true application of humbleness!
Being humble requires sacrifice – and from that sacrifice will be servitude. GET THAT!
v22-24
These verses do not mean that a wife is supposed to be a slave to her husband.
This means that his wife needs to submit herself to her husband as a partner in marriage.
Gen 2:18 “The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
In order to have a successful marriage, there ought to be a partnership that goes on between husband and wife. Can you guess what the number one cause is for failed marriages? (Get responses ...)
FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE!
It is not that someone does not clean house, do dishes – those are effects of the failure – which is failure to communicate! One does not have to be a rocket a scientist to know that if you cannot talk to someone; neither will be very productive or happy in marriage! The same communication we have with the Lord ought to be something that we have with our mate! Honest, open, direct – and sometimes funny! Humor is the spice of life … so embrace it and learn how to talk to one another!
v25
How much should husbands love their wives – as much as Christ loved us by dying for us!!
To be a true husband, in the true sense of the word, you have to be willing to sacrifice for your family. This means that your favorite sports team playing might be something you give up to spend time with the family! If more husbands concentrated on this verse – I believe more marriages would succeed in this world.
v26-27
Just as Christ cleanses his church, we can have a positive influence on our spouse. It is easier to follow the Christian walk when those around us are also setting a good Christian example.
1 Corinthians 7:13-14 says “And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband.”
Men – this is a life lesson for you. Simply translated, if YOU will not be the man that God has called you to be, he will give the authority over your wife and let her lead. We gotta get this – God has called us to be spiritual leaders in our home – not dominion rulers – and if we will not perform our job then He will bestow the leadership on your wife! Don’t miss this!
v28-29
Now, don’t we nourish our own flesh? Have we missed many meals? Therefore God is saying that just as we nourish ourselves, we ought to nourish our relationship with our wives!
Cherish -- Husbands must cherish their wives. They must be concerned for their welfare, and they must not be afraid to express their love. If we cherish someone, we want only the best for them.
Nurture -- Husbands need to nurture their wives. I think this means help them to reach their full potential -- encourage them and assist them in their endeavors. There’s an old saying "Behind every successful man is a woman." But I think it’s equally important that behind every successful woman is her husband helping, nurturing, and encouraging her.
v30
This is to both of us – men and women! If you are truly a member of God’s body, then we need to learn to let him control us. Chapter directs the conversation towards us, and if you are reading this today then it is directed at you! We must learn to submit in our marriage (both men and women) and allow God to control. The moment that you step forward with your pride and take control, is the moment you said to God, “I am bigger than you, and I can handle this.” You have now entered a very dangerous territory with God, and I beg of you not to go there.
This is an “act like it” moment – you are a member of God’s body … ACT LIKE IT!
v31-33
Men, you were born of a mother and father. Then God ordained it that you should leave that home and enter into a home with a woman of His choosing for you. The making of one flesh is a Holy, and Sanctified moment. Paul explains it as a “great mystery” – but to us, we need to simply understand that when you get married, God views you as one, and together you shall be held accountable!
Conclusion
Men and women are different – plain and simple. And, it is a very good thing that they are. I have no business handling the finances of our home – and thus, God sent me Lisa who is the definition of a Proverbs 31 woman. Proverbs 31:16 talks is an example of a woman handling the finances: “She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.” Did you get that? The Godly woman has money – and she has permission to take care of things of the home or for the home! Men, I want to encourage you to look at Proverbs 31 sometime, and be thankful that the Lord has sent you who He has!
Wives need to feel loved. The fact that the husband does things for his wife -- earns money, helps around the house, spends time with the children -- is not enough. Wives want to know that they are loved. Men naturally will care for their wives but some have a problem showing their love. So Paul writes here in a nutshell the most important thing for a husband to do -- love his wife. Husbands need to learn how to show their feelings to their spouse and to say the words often, "I love you."
But my experience has been that for the husband, the need is different. Even more than knowing that their wives love them, husbands want most that their wives respect them. It is necessary for a wife to not humiliate her husband or put him down, especially in public, but also in private. Wives will naturally love their husbands, but what their spouses want most is respect. So Paul writes that a wife should "respect her husband."
Invite singers
Wives, are you respecting your husband today? Men, are you loving your wives today? Perhaps you need to come to the altar and pray together for a strengthening – or to give thanks for who God has given you? You do as the Lord leads.
