FAMILY
Part 2-GPS for Marriages
Ephesians 5:21-33
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Pastor Brian Matherlee
“One thing I know is that marriage is made in heaven, but then again, so is thunder and lightning.” (sermoncentral.com)
Key verse: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21
Background:
It is important to note the background of this passage as we begin. This passage gets a lot of bad press and is poorly understood. Knowing why Paul wrote what he did makes a difference.
The Ephesians society was a centrally powered society. And the power was given to men. Years ago when I was in Africa, my host told me “it is good to be a man in Africa”. It was good to be a man in Ephesus too. One commentator wrote, “Husbands were the undisputed masters of their wives”. (Ephesians, Life Change Series, Navigators, 1985)
Paul entered a culture that was extremely suspect of Christians. They were afraid that they would upset the social order. Paul was aware of this and wanted to change the culture but knew he couldn’t bulldoze it. They would have to embrace different principles one heart at a time. So he gave the command in our key verse, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Ephesians 5:21
The word Paul used for “submit” was typically a military term and involved the idea of taking your assigned place in a voluntary manner. That we would willingly submit to give in, cooperate, assume responsibility, or carry the burden assigned.
Paul wanted the new Christians at Ephesus to change the culture by being good subordinates. But he also wanted the new Christian men at Ephesus to change the culture by being likewise submissive to their wives, children and slaves. It was a radical proposition—service with a smile.
Paul says that we are to do this out of reverence for Christ. It is literally “fear”. He uses this word so that his readers, including us, will keep in mind the awesomeness of our God and the Lord, Jesus Christ, and the impending judgment by God upon our actions.
We have to answer to God for how we treat others. And many times we treat everyone in the world great until it comes to our families & our spouses. There’s an episode of Andy Griffith we used in our Bible Study a few months ago where a couple fights with one another with incredible ferocity. Andy decides to help them work things out and speak kindly to one another. It works, but then the couple is mean to everybody else so Andy goes back and starts a fight between them and they fight each other and get along with the rest of the town. How do we treat our families behind closed doors? What do we say to our wives, our husbands?
Paul’s instructions following verse 21 have to be understood in light of the audience he wrote to. Today, this principle is still vital for our relationships. And we need help.
Christian comedian Tim Hawkins gives us some helpful advice on the subject of marriage. (Tim Hawkins, “Full Range of Motion” clip about GPS)
GPS for marriages is God’s Plan of Success. And it is found in the principle of godly submission.
God has good plans for our marriages. And we desperately need him. Bill Hybels writes in “Fit to be Tied”, God knows “unless we give Him the place of preeminence he deserves, we will be frustrated, empty people.” (pg. 28)
Who here has been married more than 50 years?
What has been the secret?
A great piece of advice I received years ago was about the importance of the marriage relationship above all others.
You have children but you chose your spouse. That is the earthly relationship that is the key to all others.
• At church one morning, my friend Gwen was about to start her 4-year-olds’ Sunday school class when a little boy showed up without any identification. Gwen managed to get his first name, but couldn’t find out his last name. "Joey, what’s your daddy’s name?" she asked. "Daddy," he replied. She tried again, "Joey, what’s your mommy’s name?" "Mommy," he answered. Suddenly she realized exactly how she could get the answer she needed. "Joey, what does your daddy call your mommy?" His face lit up. With a grin and a deep voice, he replied, "Hey, Babe."
• I am thy Main Squeeze; thou shalt have no other squeeze before me.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of thy Squeeze in vain, nor badmouth him/her behind him/her back.
III. Remember our Anniversary, and keep it holy--or else.
IV. Honor MY mother and father. THINE are just too weird.
V. Thou shalt not kill my love by behaving tackily or cause undo embarrassment when I am with thee.
VI. Thou shalt not commit adultery, nor shalt thou even THINK about it least you be smitten from the earth.
VII. Thou shalt not steal from my wallet/purse while I am at my bath, nor use my credit cards.
VIII. Thou shalt not talk about our personal problems to our friends.
IX. Thou shalt not covet the higher market price of thy neighbor’s house without first diggin’ in the job jar and helping out.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s main Squeeze, nor anything else that belongs to thy neighbor.
Now, what principles do we find in Ephesians 5:22-33?
What does Godly submission mean for a wife?
1. Gracious (as to the Lord)
a. Paul doesn’t use the word “obey”. He reserves that for children. (v.6:1)
b. He is talking about a grace that doesn’t come naturally for the human.
c. We think of ourselves first and begrudgingly give to others without Christ.
d. But with Christ the wife has a different viewpoint. Her life has been touched by grace and therefore wants to touch the life of her husband with grace.
2. Partnership (head of the wife)
a. In Genesis, God said that he wanted to make a suitable helper for Adam. The partnership design is clear in Scripture.
b. Ladies’, how do you seek the benefit of your husband. The most beautiful pattern is found in Proverbs 31.
i. Be of good character (v.10)—note that it is rare
ii. Be of good stewardship (vs.13-21)
iii. Be of good speech (v. 26)
c. I Peter 3:1-2 tells us the greatest benefit of submission.
3. Complete (in everything)
a. There is only one exception to the command of complete submission. That is disobedience to the will of God.
I. It means husbands are to give themselves completely to and for their wives.
A. Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"
B. Ephesians 5:2 "And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling savor."
C. Chrysostom, a minister in the early church ¡V (Paraphrased from Barclay¡¦s Letters to Galatians & Ephesians) ¡V ¡§If it be needful that you should give your life for her, or to be cut to pieces a thousand time, or endure anything whatever, refuse it not... Christ brought the Church to His feet by His great care not by threats nor fear nor any such thing. So conduct yourself towards your wife.¡¨
II. It means husbands are to desire conformity to Christ for their wives
A. Ephesians 5:26-27
B. Christ’s desire for the church is that it might be holy and pure.
C. Husbands are to love their wives to the degree that they protect the sanctity and purity of their wives and of their marriage.
D. Husbands should be first stirred to be holy (separate and untouched by evil) unblemished and then to stir their wives by love to be holy and without blemish.
E. Lewis B. Smedes, (Marriage Partnership, Vol. 8, no. 1). Love is fair when it builds up both the lover and the beloved, when it increases both and diminishes neither, when it brings them close and lets them be separate, when it nourishes both and leaves neither wanting.
III. It means husbands are to care for their wives with the same devotion they care for themselves.
A. Ephesians 5:28-29
B. A Christian husband is to care for his wife with the same devotion that he predictably demonstrates as he cares for himself.
C. Joined = to glue together; to be joined in the closest union possible; to be so totally united that two become one.
IV. It means husbands are to provide for her needs.
A. Ephesians 5:29
How is your marriage?
What if you need help?
1. Pray, pray, pray
2. Don’t panic
3. Acknowledge the problem to one another.
4. Seek help—a counselor if necessary
5. Stay committed
