• Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
INTRODUCTION:
The top ten things teenagers hate to hear their parents say:
10. Pull your pants up. (What good will that do? They will just fall down again.)
9. When I was your age we did things differently. (Unfortunately, your kids still aren’t convinced you ever were their age.)
8. Who is going with you and what will you be doing? (This only shows you were not listening when they asked to go to a movie with their friends. You know who their friends are don’t you?)
7. When I was your age we didn’t have computers or cell phones and we got along just fine with out ‘em. (That only proves to your kids that you are old; whatever you do don’t tell them you only had four channels on the TV and one of them was fuzzy all the time.)
6. Someday you will look back at this and remember me laughing. (That’ may be worse than “I told you so.”)
5. Clean your room. (It has taken a lifetime for them to get it just the way they like it and now you want them to mess it up?)
4. Why? Because I said so that’s why! (What kind of a reason is that?)
3. It’s past your bedtime, so go to bed. (Teenagers believe that sleep is overrated.)
2. It’s past noon get out of that bed now! (Sleep is only overrated when it is dark outside.)
1. You’ll understand someday when you have a child just like you are. (And all along they’ve heard parents say how much their kids are just like they are.)
Some words of wisdom for parents (and children):
• Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. – Erma Bombeck
• The most common fallacy among women (and men – in my humble opinion) is that simply having children makes them a mother (a father), which is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes you a musician. – Sydney J. Harris
• We never know the love of our parents for us till we have become parents. – Henry Ward Beecher
Well enough of that; its time now for ALL IN THE FAMILY—this morning we are going to look at “Kids will be. . .” The old saying goes, “Kids will be kids,” but what will kids be when they are grown up? Will our kids still be kids, or will our kids have learned not just to be adults, but will they have learned to know God through a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Yes, kids will be kids, but more importantly KIDS WILL BE WHAT WE TRAIN THEM TO BE. So on this Father’s day we are going to look at our role in bringing up Godly children.
One father was talking about his three sons. He said, “I remember the day the little fellow came into my life. It seems like yesterday, I held his little head in my hands as his little body seemed to curl and cuddle into mine. As I looked into his little brown eyes I knew he was mine. Then it hit me – the responsibility of caring for such a little guy was a bit scary. How would I care and provide for him? What would I teach him? Could I train him? Would he respond? His needs and the responsibility to meet those needs was enough to overwhelm the best. But I worked hard and succeeded. That German shepherd was the best trained dog I ever owned!” He went on to say, “I have discovered, now that . . . there is a big difference in training boys and dogs. Choke chains and leaders do not work with little boys.”
Although think with a sixteen year old son and another who is almost a teenager (not to mention my three daughters) I might want to reconsider a choker chain with a good strong leash, that might help keep them in line. Who knows they might even think the choker chain is fashionable!
• Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
• (NLT) Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it.
• (MsgB) Point your kids in the right direction—when they’re old they won’t be lost.
• (Good News) Teach a child how he should live, and he will remember it all his life.
What can we learn from the Wisdom of Solomon to help our kids? Regardless of who we are we can all learn something today. The word “CHILD” in the Hebrew does not refer to a son or a daughter but is anyone from the age of infancy to adolescence. The word can also apply to a young servant who shares no family relationship with their master. Therefore, those of you who are not parents what is said about training a child in the way he/she will go applies to you as well. You can determine to be an influence for righteousness and train children in the way of the Lord—that child may be a niece, a nephew, a granddaughter, a grandson, or even the kid who lives down the street from you. God can use any of us to touch the lives of any number of children if we are just willing to make an investment into their lives.
The bottom line simply is this: WHAT CAN I DO FOR THE KIDS GOD HAS PUT IN MY LIFE?
We’ll look today at five “I”s (no not eye glasses), five letter “I”s to help us apply Solomon’s wisdom in our lives and the lives of our kids.
Intentional, Instruction, Individual, Initiate and Insure
I. Be intentional about how you raise your children.
1. Godly kids don’t happen by accident! Be intentional!
a) The Hebrew word most often translated as “train” is used elsewhere in scripture to dedicating a building. For instance, in 1 Kings 8:62 Solomon offers sacrifices unto the Lord at the dedication of the Temple. The Temple was designed and built for a specific purpose; thus as it was completed the building was dedicated for its intended use.
b) Now apply that understanding to a child. Each child has a God-given purpose to fulfill in their life. Just like a building doesn’t just come together by itself but is put together according to the architect’s plan, so to children must be trained or taught the right way to live. In this way their lives are dedicated to the Lord so that as they grow through adulthood they won’t forsake what they have learned but will continue in the way of the Lord.
ILLUSTRATION: Susie and I have sometimes been complemented on our kids. We’ve got two of them off to college with three more following behind. As their dad I’m thankful that each of them love God and want to live their lives to please the Lord. That didn’t happen by accident. As parents we didn’t just dedicate our children to the Lord when they were infants; we’ve been intentional about how we have raised them over the years.
2. Kids are sponges; they were born to learn. BUT HOW ARE THEY BEING TRAINED?
a) You can send your kids off to school to get an education, but even by the age of five they have already learned a lot from mom and dad and the others in their lives. Yet it isn’t good enough to simply educate our kids and fill their heads with facts. As parents it is our responsibility to train or teach them how to live.
b) If you are not intentional and don’t train your children in the way of the Lord, then there are plenty of ungodly influences out there that will send them off on the wrong path. And more importantly, because you as their parents say nothing about it, your silence simply validates the ways of the world over the way of the Lord.
• Ephesians 6:4 (MsgB)
Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.
c) Paul’s message applies equally to fathers and mothers. We aren’t to exasperate our kids and make them hate us. We are to bring our children up in the training and instruction of the Lord. The emphasis is to bring up our kids in THE WAY and not just any old way.
d) The single most important thing we can do is to bring our children up in the way of the Lord; that is the ONLY ETERNAL difference we can make in their lives. Let’s not mess this up!
• Judges 13:8 (NIV)
Then Manoah prayed to the Lord: "O Lord, I beg you, let the man of God you sent to us come again to teach us how to bring up the boy who is to be born."
e) Sampson’s father was told his wife would give birth to a special son whom God would use. The Lord instructed Manoah that Sampson was to be raised as a Nazirite fully devoted to God. But that wasn’t enough for Manoah; instead he asked the Lord to teach him how to raise the boy in the right way.
f) Some have suggested that what Solomon is saying is that we should train children in ‘his or her way’ or according to their natural bent. But Proverbs does not support the interpretation of ‘way’ as being toward an individual’s personal aptitude. Proverbs encourages submission to the way of the Lord, to live in the way of wisdom and warns against discovering one’s own way. Consider the warning Solomon gives to those who want to do things “their way.”
• Proverbs 18:1-3 (NLT)
[1] A recluse is self-indulgent, snarling at every sound principle of conduct. [2] Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions. [3] When the wicked arrive, contempt, shame, and disgrace are sure to follow.
g) This is contrary to the idea of letting someone discover their own way. The loner makes his own path and does what he wants. He does not seek out the counsel of others but is quick to do his own thing. Such a path will in time to lead to contempt shame and disgrace.
3) Be intentional! Bring up your children in the way of the Lord. That leads us to our second “I”—Instruction.
II. Give children instruction in the way of the Lord.
1. Instruction is not just piling on facts; instruction is to affect the taste.
• Matthew 5:6 (NIV)
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
• Psalm 34:8 (MsgB)
Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—how good God is. Blessed are you who run to him.
a) Have you ever tried to force feed a baby? It’s messy! You will get more on the baby and yourself than you will get in them. Rather than force feed our kids we need to help them to develop a taste for the Lord.
b) When your kids have developed a taste for the Lord they will enjoy worshiping the Lord, reading their Bibles and praying. You won’t have to make them go to church, they will want to go.
ILLUSTRATION: We have helped our kids to develop a taste for the food they eat. Like all kids they have let us know when they didn’t like something at the dinner table. We had a simple rule: “If mom and dad can eat it you can eat it, so if you complain you get more.” They acquired a taste for food by following our example; what we eat, they eat. This actually worked both for and against us. Our kids did learn to like things they once complained about; that’s good. But they also would complain on purpose about the things they liked just so they could have more of it! Ha!
c) So how do you help your kids develop a taste for the Lord? You set an example for them to follow! You instruct your kids to walk in the way of the Lord by walking with them.
2. Instruction also means teaching by example.
a) "As parents, we cannot put anything in our child’s heart that is not first in our own, anymore than we can come from where we’ve not been." - Adrian Rogers
b) Someone said: “Children learn more by what is caught than what is taught.” You can’t teach what you don’t live and believe yourself! If we want our kids to live a godly life, then we need to live a godly life. Parents are the primary teachers of children; they learn what to believe by watching your example.
c) Steven Covey writes in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective Families, "You cannot not model. It’s impossible. People will see your example - positive or negative - as a pattern for the way life is to be lived." Covey quoted the advice of Albert Schweitzer about how to best raise children, “Three principles - first, example; second, example; and third, example.”
• John 13:15 (NIV)
I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
• 1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV)
Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
• Philippians 3:17 (NIV)
Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you.
• 1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)
Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.
d) From Jesus right on down to today we have not learned how to live the Christian life by memorizing a religious creed or doctrine. We have learned to walk in the way of the Lord by the example of those who have gone before us. Like Paul I encourage you to follow my example as I follow Christ, but more importantly I set that example for my children. You should do the same. Don’t try to just teach them how to live but live a righteous life as an example for your kids.
e) You cannot not set an example. What ever is within your heart you will live out for others to see, and your children are watching, and learning all the time.
• Where does your security come from? Your kids will find security in the same place.
• Where does your guidance come from? Your kids will get the direction for their life there too.
• Where does your wisdom come from? Have you caught on yet? Your wisdom will be your kid’s wisdom.
• Where does your strength come from? That’s right if you depend upon your own strength, then your kids will learn to depend on their strength. If you look to the Lord then so will they.
f) Instruction involves developing a taste; what are you doing to show your kids how good the Lord is? Instruction involves teaching by example; what are your children learning from the example you set?
3. Train up a child in the way he should go—Be Intentional, Give Instruction, and the third “I”—Individual.
III. Deal with your children as an individual.
1. Acknowledge the individual differences between your kids.
a) If you were paying attention you might be thinking, “I thought you said that Proverbs 22:6 didn’t support training a child according to his or her natural bent. So why deal with a child as an individual?”
b) That’s right we are not to instruct a child in their own way but in the way of the Lord. However, every child is an individual that learns things differently. Be intentional and instruct children in the way of the Lord, but do it in a way that best fits the child. As an individual how will they best learn to follow the Lord?
• Deuteronomy 6:6-9 (MsgB)
[6] Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you [7] and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. [8] Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; [9] inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.
c) Can I paraphrase this for you? “Do whatever it takes to get God’s word and His commandments into your hearts and the hearts of your children.” Or to borrow a phrase from Nike, “JUST DO IT!”
d) When are the best moments and times to teach your children? Anytime can be a teachable time, but let’s face it when you get to know your kids as an individual sometimes will be better for one than another. My boys are like me, they are early risers, but my girls are like Susie, they would rather stay up late and then stay in bed until mid morning. Some kids learn best by listening, others by reading. Some are visual, others are kinesthetic (that is they learn touching things, or tearing it apart an trying to put it back together).
Be intentional! Instruct your child as an individual in the way of the Lord.
2. Individual instruction also means that sometimes the only way our children will learn is through INDIVIDUAL DISCIPLINE.
a) What would we be like if we never received the discipline we did? What will our children turn out to be if we fail to correct them? Individual discipline is a major part of training a child.
• Proverbs 19:18 (NIV)
Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
b) We live in a world of physical abuses that bring harm and damage both to the body and mind. Many parents now shy away from wanting to discipline their children in any way. However biblical correction is intended to bring a positive change in the child’s behavior, while still reinforcing the parent’s love.
- Discipline in Love
• Proverbs 13:24 (NIV)
He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.
- Discipline a child’s foolishness
• Proverbs 22:15 (NIV)
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
- Discipline brings deliverance
• Proverbs 23:14 (NIV)
Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
c) The parent who disciplines their son or daughter follows the example of God the Father who disciplines us as His children.
• Hebrews 12:5-11 (NIV)
[5] And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:
"My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, [6] because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."
[7] Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? [8] If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. [9] Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! [10] Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. [11] No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
3. Train up a child in the way he should go—Be Intentional, Give Individual Instruction in the way of the Lord and finally “I”s four and five: Initiate Instruction to Insure your child’s success.
IV. When all is said and done, take the initiative to get your kids started in the way of the Lord as to insure they will stay in the way of the Lord.
• Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
1. Initiate – Get started now!
a) That’s the first half of the verse and is said to emphasize everything said thus far.
• Teach your children to choose the right path. . . (NLT)
• Point your kids in the right direction. . . (MsgB)
• Teach a child how he should live. . . (Good News)
b) Initiate and get started as you chose to be intentional. Initiate and get started giving your child instruction in the way of the Lord. Initiate and get started instructing your children as an individual.
2. Insure their success.
a) That’s the last half of the verse
• . . . When they are older, they will remain upon it. (NLT)
• . . . When they’re old they won’t be lost. (MsgB)
• . . . He will remember it all his life. (Good News)
b) Insure – i-n-s-u-r-e – is to protect against risk. To ensure – e-n-s-u-r-e – is to make something certain, to guarantee it. We need to take the initiative to insure (with an I) our children’s success. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do to ensure (with an E) and guarantee their success.
ILLUSTRATION: An auto insurance policy is purchased to protect you against the loss of your vehicle in the event of damage cause to your vehicle by someone else or if it is stolen. Auto insurance can even protects you if you are at fault and are the cause of an accident. It is auto insurance not auto ‘ensurance;’ car insurance does not guarantee that you will not have an accident.
c) Solomon gives us a principal and not a promise. We like to think of Proverbs 22:6 as a promise. A promise is something made by the Lord that assures us of what God will do; often a promise is conditional—if you do this, then the Lord will do that. Nothing in this verse says what God will do for us. Rather it is a principle. If we train our children in the way of the Lord, then we have the insurance that they will continue to follow the Lord all their life—the will be taught in the way of the Lord and remain in the way of the Lord. Train up your children in his or her way and when they are old they will not depart from the teachings of God you have placed in their lives.
CONCLUSION:
Yes, kids will be kids, but more importantly KIDS WILL BE WHAT WE TRAIN THEM TO BE. May God help us to train our kids to live their lives in the way of the Lord.
Be intentioinal! Instruct your children individually in the way of the Lord. Only as you initiate instruction can you insure success for your children.
