• Exodus 20:3-17 (NIV)
[3] You shall have no other gods before me.
[4] You shall not make for yourself an idol. . .
[7] You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God. . .
[8] Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. . .
[12] Honor your father and your mother. . .
[13] You shall not murder.
[14] You shall not commit adultery.
[15] You shall not steal.
[16] You shall not give false testimony . . .
[17] You shall not covet.
INTRODUCTION:
Have you ever heard the story about the man who never made a decision without flipping a coin? Whenever he was confronted with a choice he would listen to what others would suggest. He was always willing to listen to the advice of others; he would read books and even pray. But when all was said and done and it was time to make a choice he would just end up flipping a coin.
One day a friend asked him, “Why do you always leave everything to chance? Why don’t you stop flipping coins and just start making your own decisions?”
The man replied, “All right but give it a try. Here you flip a coin. ‘Heads’ I won’t make decisions by chance; ‘tales’ I’ll just flip a coin.”
The friend flips the client and what and you know what it came up heads. “Well I guess you won’t be flipping a coin any longer!”
The man said, “Ahh, but you’re wrong! I been using this same coin years. Take a look and see for yourself BOTH SIDES ARE HEADS.”
For this guy what appeared to be a chance was really a deliberate choice. Now unless you happen to have a two sided coin, there are two sides to everything. This morning were going to continue our look at the Ten Commandments with commandment number five, Honor your father and mother,” and we’ll see that there are two sides to honor.
The fifth commandment brings a transition in thought or emphasis. The first four commandments are vertical; they deal with our relationship to God. The last six commandments are horizontal; they deal with our relationships to other people.
You can not be in right relationship with others until you are first in right relationship with God. And you can’t develop the ability to relate with others until you first learn to get along with the people in your own family.
I. Why should we try to obey the fifth commandment? Not everyone may be a parent in their lifetime, but everyone is a child. We all have parents, so why honor her parents?
• Exodus 20:12 (NIV)
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
1. The 5th commandment is one of promise.
• Ephesians 6:2-3 (NIV)
[2] "Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise—[3] "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."
a) Paul is quoting here from Deuteronomy 5:16 where Moses restates the commandments to those who are about to enter into the Promised Land. Moses wanted them to know that God had promised them blessing if they would honor their parents. God is kind of like the mother who looks at her son and says, “I brought you into this world and I’ll take you out.”
b) The promise is CONDITIONAL. Just because you’re living in the Promised Land does not guarantee you the blessing of God and long life. You received the blessing only through obedience to the commandments of God.
c) The promise is COLLECTIVE. God’s promise of blessing and long life was not given to an individual but to a nation. This means that as the nation obeys God’s commandments many of the people but not all would receive the promise. Within the nation you could find some whose life might be cut short even though they had obeyed God’s commandment to honor their parents. The same is true for us today. If as a nation we honor God and obey his commandments, we too will enjoy the blessing of His promises. But the further we as a nation drift from God and obedience to Him the more we will see the consequences of death and destruction as God’s promise of blessing is removed from our land.
2. We also honor our father and mother because IT IS RIGHT and PLEASES THE LORD.
• Ephesians 6:1 (NIV)
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
• Colossians 3:20 (NIV)
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
a) If our relationship with God is right and our faith in Christ is real, then it will be demonstrated by how we live from day to day in our homes. If the relationships between parents and children are fractured or strained than our relationship with God is likewise broken.
b) It is impossible to be a Christian and blatantly refuse to honor one’s parents. The greatest test of your relationship with God begins and ends within your family relationships.
c) We’re looking at the two sides of honor, so we’ll start off by looking at the flip side of the 5th commandment. If parents are to receive honor from their children they should be honorable.
II. How can we be an honorable parent?
1. What first is the parents’ responsibility to their children?
• Colossians 3:21 (NIV)
Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
a) As parents we can either be the wind in our children’s sails, or their rocks upon which the crash and sink. Our words can encourage them or crush them.
• Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
b) As parents we should not harden our children’s hearts towards us by repeatedly frustrating and infuriating them against us. This doesn’t mean we just live as our kid’s best friend and let them do whatever they would like. Instead we bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
c) What then should we as parents do to live as an honorable parent and bring up our children to follow Jesus? But first before I jump into my ‘to do list’ for parents, let’s start by asking our kids what they think it means for their parents to live an honorable life. What might your parents do, or need to do, in order to help you want to honor them?
2. Five things every parent should do to live a life worthy of honor.
[1] Set an example for your children.
a) As parents we cannot tell our kids, “Do as I say not as I do.” More will be “CAUGHT” than “TAUGHT.”
b) Nothing speaks louder than an example.
• John 13:15 (NIV)
I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
• 1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV)
Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
[2] Dedicate your children to the Lord.
a) Hanna was childless but cried out to the Lord in prayer that the Lord would give her a son. Hanna dedicated her son Samuel to the Lord EVEN BEFORE HE WAS BORN.
• 1 Samuel 1:11 (MsgB)
Then she made a vow: “Oh, God-of-the-Angel-Armies, If you’ll take a good, hard look at my pain, if you’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me by giving me a son, I’ll give him completely, unreservedly to you. I’ll set him apart for a life of holy discipline.
b) What does it mean to dedicate your children to the Lord? Dedication first means that you commit yourself to the Lord. You’d dedicate your children to the Lord by making a promise or a vow that you will be the kind of parent God wants you to be. The dedication of our children begins with us as parents.
c) Secondly, the dedication of our children is to surrender or give them completely to God. Literally we give our children back to God. My kids are not mine, and they don’t belong to themselves either. Chrysta, Gracie, Greg, Pearl and Mike have all been given to God; they belong to the Lord. This is very liberating for Susie and I. Is our kids do or say something that’s disappointing to us we can remind the lord that they are his kids and ask the lord for his help to bring them up and right way.
d) Every parent should know the joy of leading their children to the Lord. But because we have dedicated our children to the Lord it is not just a joy IT IS OUR RESPONSIBILITY. It is not the responsibility of the church to lead your children to Christ anymore than it is the responsibility of schools to teach your children morals.
• Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (MsgB)
[6] Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you [7] and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night.
• Psalm 78:5-7 (NLT)
He commanded our ancestors to teach [His law] to their children, [6] so the next generation might know them—even the children not yet born—that they in turn might teach their children. [7] So each generation can set its hope anew on God, remembering his glorious miracles and obeying his commands.
e) Set an example for your children, dedicate your children to the lord, and:
[3] Pray over your children.
a) It’s important that we pray FOR our children, but it is equally important that we also pray OVER OUR CHILDREN. You can pray for your children anytime and anyplace, but our children need to also hear our prayers for them. This can only be done as we pray over them.
• Malachi 4:6 (NIV)
He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."
b) Is it possible that someone here doesn’t like their kids? Let’s face it parenting can be tough. Satan wants nothing more than to drive a wedge between parents and their children, to harden our hearts towards our children, to resent them and wish they’d just grow up and leave. God has another plan for your family. The Lord wants to turn the hearts of parents to their children and the hearts of children to their parents.
c) if your heart has been hardened towards your kids then you need a change of heart. The transformation of your heart begins as you choose to pray for your children. When we pray for our kids the hardness of our hearts will melt away, and God will bring a renewed love and compassion for our kids in its place. When our hearts are turned towards our children their hearts will be turned to us and together the hearts of parents and children will turn to God.
d) If you don’t know how to pray over your children then followed Jesus’ example as He prayed for his disciples and all those who would follow Him through their message in John chapter 17. In other words you can pray for your kids the way Jesus prayed for you. Pray over your kids for things like this:
Pray that your kids will know Christ intimately.
Pray that your children will know and live by the word of God.
Pray to God will keep your children from the influence of evil in the world and that they will remain in Christ.
Pray that your kids will experience the fullness of joy that comes only by a living for Christ.
Pray that your kids will remain holy and thought and in deed.
Pray that your children will lead others to Christ.
e) Set an example for your children, dedicate your kids to the lord, pray over them, and:
[4] Train your children; in other words TEACH and INSTRUCT them in godliness.
• Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
a) Teach your children to know and fear the Lord “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” Proverbs 1:7 (NIV)
b) Teach your children to submit to Biblical discipline. “Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?” Hebrews 12:7 (NIV)
c) Dream a big with your kids; believe in them. Help your kids to know that God loves them and has a great plan for their lives.
d) Teach your children and good work ethic.
e) Teach your children integrity and honesty. Jesus said, “I am the truth.” Being truthful makes you a person like Jesus. Being dishonest is to be like Satan. Jesus said to some of the religious leaders and Pharisees, “You belong to your father, the devil . . . there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” John 8:44; 14:6 (NIV)
f) Teach your children MODESTY.
g) Set an example for your children, dedicate your kids to the lord, pray over them, train your children in the way of the Lord, and:
[5] Set limits or BOUNDARIES for your children.
a) Limits and boundaries say I LOVE YOU.
b) before god gave the people the 10 commandments he instructed Moses to establish limits or boundaries around the mountain. The lord said, “Be careful that you do not go up the mountain or touch the foot of it. Whoever touches the mountain shall surely be put to death” Exodus 19:12 (NIV). What was the purpose of these limits? Not only did these boundaries establish a distinction between God and his people, but they also prepared the people for the limits and boundaries that God would give them within the Ten Commandments.
c) Don’t be surprised when your kids test the boundaries you have established in your home. Our kids really just want to know how safe am I?
d) Our boundaries must be consistent. We can’t just turn the rules on and off like a light switch.
ILLUSTRATION: my dad grew up on a dairy farm, so he learned a lot about cows. He told me that a cow can actually tell if the electricity has been turned off in an electric fence. When the electric is turned on cows will stay far away from the fence, but switch it off and it won’t be long before the cows aren’t just eating the grass on the other side of the fence but will have broken through the fence and are into the corn. CONSISTENCY IS THE KEY TO BOUNDARIES AND LIMITS.
e) Parents honor begins with you. If we are to receive honor from our children we must first live honorably. So let’s Set an example for our children in what we say and do; let’s dedicate our kids to the Lord; let’s pray over them; let’s train our children in the way of the Lord, and let set limits and boundaries for our kids. Now let’s flip the coin and look at the other side of honor.
III. How can children show honor to their parents?
1. Honor is not the same as to obey.
a) The fifth commandment does not say “Obey your parents.” Instead God instructed children to “HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER.” To honor your parents is not the same thing as to obey them.
b) How many of you kids have discovered that your parents can make you obey them? Obedience can be IMPOSED from the outside; there are times that you can be made to obey. HONOR COMES FROM THE HEART; in other words honor is a choice that you alone can make. Honor can only be given; it cannot be taken or forced.
• Romans 12:10 (NIV)
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.
c) Paul was not just talking to children, but he shows us an important principle about honoring others including our parents. To truly honor another person means two things: [1] you love them, and [2] you think of them above yourself. To give honor requires humility! Paul said in Romans 12:3 (only 7 verses earlier) that we should not think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. We are all just flesh and blood, ordinary people, so let’s be willing to humble ourselves and give honor to others.
• Romans 13:7 (NIV)
Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.
d) Choose to give honor to those to whom it is due. Honor is a gift that you alone can give to someone else. AND AS CHILDREN, GOD EXPECTS US TO GIVE HONOR TO OUR PARENTS.
2. Why should we learn to give honor to our parents?
a) The simple answer: GOD SAID SO! But why has God told us to honor our parents? HONOR IS PROGRESSIVE. If we don’t learnt to honor our parents at home then we will have a hard time ever giving honor to others. As employees we won’t want to give honor to our boss. As citizens we won’t give honor to police or those who serve in our government. Have you ever wondered why there is so little respect for President Bush? Regardless of your political beliefs he is worthy of honor because of the position he has been given, yet many do not give honor to the office of the president because they have not first learned to honor their parents.
ILLUSTRATION: Greg and I talked about choosing to give honor to parents just this week. Like any other teenager he does not always agree with his mom and dad. As his parents we can force his obedience to our expectations when he is with us, but what about when he is on his own? His obedience then can only be a gift of honor to his parents. I suggested that in those times he could tell his friends that he would like to do this or that what ever it might be, but he has decided to honor his parents and not do it because they have asked him not to. Now he can be honest and tell his friends that he doesn’t agree with mom and dad about this, but he chooses to honor them in his actions. Therefore he can tell his friends that as he chooses to honor his parents that he will likewise give them the honor that they are due. They can trust him to never take advantage of them or hurt them because he is an individual who has learned how to think of others above himself and is willing to give them honor.
b) So young people let me encourage you to honor your parents, because the honor you choose to give or withhold from your parents will affect every other relationship you have. You will either be a person who knows how to give honor or you won’t.
c) Adults you may have withheld honor from your parents and in turn now struggled to give honor to your husband or wife, or to the countless others to whom you should give honor. Choose to begin to honor your parents. Forgive them of their past failures. They alone are your mom and dad, so let the Lord show you how you can begin to give them honor.
3. Six ways children of all ages can show honor to their parents.
[1] Give your parents honor through OBEDIENCE.
a) Psalty the singing songbook sings, “O–B–E–Y obey your mom and dad. O–B–E–Y makes them very glad. So listen to the words they say. Obey your parents everyday. O–B–E–Y obey your mom and dad.” A simple little song with a life lesson for every child to learn: obedience.
ILLUSTRATION: Obedience in the home is like the continental divide. A top the Rocky Mountains is a line that runs along its peak. Rain that falls there will fall down one side of the mountain or the other. If it falls to the west then that water will eventually find its way into the Pacific Ocean, but if it falls to the eastern side of the mountain then the water will one day make its way into the Atlantic Ocean. Once that water starts its way down one side of the mountain there is no turning back its course is set for its final destination in one ocean or the other.
b) Obedience in to your parents sets a course of obedience and submission to authority in your life. Disobedience at home leads to rebellion against the authorities over you. Disobedience grows to produce a lifestyle of more and more rebellion.
• Romans 1:28-30 (NIV)
[28] Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. [29] They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, [30] slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents;
c) I find it interesting that disobedience to parents gets included in this list of sin and rebellion against God. Yet it is there because it is the root of rebellion and sin. Disobedience to your parents only leads to more and more rebellion and sin. While the water that starts toward the Pacific cannot change its course and make its way instead to the Atlantic, fortunately for us those who have started down the path of disobedience and rebellion can change the direction of their lives. It is called repentance.
[2] Give your parents honor by being CONSIDERATE of their needs.
a) As children grow up they have the opportunity to find ways to be helpful around the house, to take the initiative and do something for their parents just because they know it needs done.
b) Adult children can show consideration to their aging parents by likewise helping to provide care that is sometimes needed.
c) Helpfulness and care is giving your parents the gift of yourself. There is no greater gift that you can give.
[3] Give your parents honor by giving them proper RESPECT.
• Leviticus 19:3 (NIV)
Each of you must respect his mother and father . . . I am the Lord your God.
a) Think for a moment about the life of Joseph, the son of Jacob known as Israel. Joseph was sold by his brothers and taken to Egypt. He served for a time in the household of Potifer, but was then falsely accused of rape and put into prison. Years later Joseph was brought out of prison and given the second highest position in all of Egypt, only Pharaoh was greater. During the years of famine Joseph’s brothers came to buy food in Egypt. They had no idea that the man before them was their brother. In time Joseph revealed his identity to his brothers and asked that his father be brought to him in Egypt. Jacob made his home in Egypt. Some time later Joseph was told that his father was ill and dying. Joseph went and bowed on his knees before his father. Jacob was now an old man, sick and going blind. Jacob had no great wealth that he could pass on to his sons. Joseph was young healthy and very wealthy. He had a great position of power. Nevertheless Joseph kneeled before father to give him the respect that only he could give as Jacob’s son.
b) We need to respect our parents regardless of their position in life or the wealth and power that they may or may not have. They are our parents and we are their children. Let’s give them the respect that only we can give them as their sons and daughters.
[4] Give your parents honor by being THANKFUL.
a) Parents do lots of things for their children without ever expecting anything in return.
b) The least that children can do is to show gratitude to their parents for the many ways they give of themselves to their kids.
[5] Give your parents honor by LISTENING to their advice and counsel.
a) Your parents have years of experience that you do not have. Their experience gives them a perspective that you do not have. Seek out their advice and ask for their thoughts when you face decisions and difficulties in your life.
b) My wife has been amazed that I have learned to finally stop and ask for directions. When we go on a trip to a place we’ve never been, I used to like to just be adventurous and try to find my own way. I was never lost, I was on an expedition. I’ve learned over the years that its good to stop and ask others for directions or for help to know where to find a good place to eat or whatever it might be that we are looking for. As local residents they know what’s in the area and how to find it better than I do. The experience of parents can help us as children to miss some of the detours and potholes in the journey of life as well as helping us to stop and enjoy the scenery.
[6] Give your parents honor by LIVING HONORABLY.
a) If you are honored then your parents are honored.
b) If you are dishonored then your parents are dishonored too.
CONCLUSION:
The two sides of honor. Parents will reap honor from their children by living honorably. Children will set the course of their life by learning to honor their parents.
End with inviting families to share a time of family communion together.
You can not be in right relationship with others until you are first in right relationship with God. And you can’t develop the ability to relate with others until you first learn to get along with the people in your own family.
