The Lord’s family is our focus this month as we take a look at five words that describe the character and function of a church. Last week’s word was loyalty, and we discovered that a loyal member of God’s family (God’s church family) is one who gives unguarded worship to only God; he has no other gods in front of Jesus!
This week’s word is strength. And our text is Exodus 20:12:
Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you. (NRSV)
Frankly, when I was a little guy I had my own ideas about that business of honoring parents so my days would be long upon the earth; I thought it meant that, if I didn’t honor them, Dad would kill me! But, back then I always looked at things from the negative side.
In fact this command is a positive one, “do this” rather than “thou shalt not”. It also carries a promise of longevity.
However, the real focus is on the first word, “honor”. That is the connection with “strength”. Honor is what brings strength. A person who lives his life to bring honor to God is a person who receives the strength of character to be the kind of family member worthy of the kingdom of God. That builds strong homes and churches and nations.
How do you define a “strong” church?
What would you say are the marks, or characteristics of a strong church? Is it the numbers? You know…number of people attending, amount of money given and Christmas shoeboxes sent? Is it the numbers alone? No! I rather think you define a strong church by its character.
A fact which is evidenced over and over is that a church with a strong sense of honoring God, a character of worship and total abandon to the purposes of the Father is the kind of church where you will see the numbers increasing. By comparison, churches that are clubs or merely exist to serve the needs of its members do not have that kind of commitment to God’s direction, and you always see the numbers decreasing. A strong church gives honor to God, and it brings strength! A self-centered person or church gives honor to what has always been, what they’ve always demanded.
• “Honor” is a matter giving weight to something. To honor the mother and father is giving weight to God’s commands to respect authority in all forms
• “Strong” khawzaq’ means to fasten-on or seize. In other words, to take hold.
God’s definition, then, of a strong church, or family member is one that takes hold of the concept of honor…giving weight to the fact that there is an authority that is over us all.
When God says to the children (of any age) “honor your parents” He is helping us see that we must be that way towards the Heavenly Father as well. The parental injunction is representative of the greater relationship of God’s authority. We must recognize and respect the command or sovereignty of God in order to be strong.
Just like the Holy Spirit (through Paul) compared the church to a Bride, with Christ as the head…and the relationship a marriage, we must honor the authority that is God’s in order to be God’s family member.
In a strong marriage the wife and husband have taken hold of the Biblical admonition to leave and cleave….to become “one flesh”. They honor, or give weight to God’s command to let nothing separate them but death!
In the Exodus text, the Lord uses the parent/child relationship together with the word “honor” to tell us to give weight to the authority that exists over us…it is there for our good; we will be strong in the land if we honor authority.
So, then, last week’s loyalty in worship, putting every other god out of our lives, begins the presentation of the God-kind of family; it describes our relationship with God as vital, vibrant or holy. This is not something the Pastor supplies by preaching you a good sermon. It is not something conjured up by a good choir special, or a good Sunday School program or membership in a class. Vibrant relationships of a church with God as well as people with God are carried out one-by-one as people dedicate themselves to worship Him!
Today’s word, strength, carries that respect into the relationship we have with other members of God’s human family. We are to give weight or honor to them, respect them. God himself modeled this for us as he respects all life. Again, this is less a corporate reality than a personal responsibility. Each of us creates a little bit of the character of our homes, community and this church with every relationship we carry-on; we either make this church and our communities a little more like heaven or a little more like hell. We create honor or dishonor with our choices.
So, Why are Strength and Honor
SO IMPORTANT?
NATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY
The commandment originally was intended to give Israel an unquestioned grip on the Promised Land. The principle behind the strength of any nation is the submission of its people to authority. If there is not an abiding respect for the laws of the land, a nation will disintegrate. People are only governed by their consent. That consent takes place as submission to the authority of rule.
INDIVIDUAL RESPONSIBILITY
The command filtered down to individual families, because nations don’t submit to authority – people bend their will to authority one by one. Like droplets of water, we form a great sea. Like anything else in the universe, our actions affect everything else in the universe.
As a stone tossed in a calm lake causes ripples, so the actions of one unruly member of society affects and changes all the rest. Here, the command is given for children to respect, because it is the best place to begin. One child’s behavior may not mean much when it comes to world conditions. However, multiply that behavior many times over and you have the actions of an entire generation.
The command is spoken as if to the children -- but it is an injunction to the parents to teach them.
Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. Deuteronomy 6:7 (NRSV)
Train children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray. Proverbs 22:6 (NRSV)
And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (NRSV)
In Israel’s day it was not the duty of the state, local or private school to teach the children. It was not the duty of the Sunday School. It was each individual father’s responsibility to see to the moral education of his children.
SACRED RESPONSIBILITY
How narrowly did God view this responsibility?
All who curse father or mother shall be put to death; having cursed father or mother, their blood is upon them. Leviticus 20:9 (NRSV)
18If someone has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey his father and mother, who does not heed them when they discipline him, 19then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his town at the gate of that place. 20They shall say to the elders of his town, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.” 21Then all the men of the town shall stone him to death. So you shall purge the evil from your midst; and all Israel will hear, and be afraid. Deuteronomy 21:18 - 21 (NRSV)
Notice, please that all the men of the city were to take part in the purging of evil from among the midst of God’s people. That is a sacred and corporate responsibility.
Now, before you have visions of David Koresh and other lunatics - - please understand that there is not one recorded instance in Holy Writ of this happening. But think of the leverage it gave all those Jewish mothers when little Fyodor got defiant over eating his manna in the morning. Fyodor, I’m telling you one last time – You remember what Moses said about being rebellious. If you don’t finish your breakfast right now, I’m gonna open your father’s scroll to Deuteronomy 21!
Back then this leverage gave some teeth to the command about submission to authority. And because of that Israel was a strong nation. The children respected their elders. The nation hung together.
What Does That Mean In 2007?
One quick look around today tells us we have lost a lot of leverage. Today, if children don’t like the home agenda they can divorce their parents. The breakup of the family has meant that kids don’t see very much they can honor. Skewed priorities among many parents leave the children without heroes to which they can look. We are left with a disrespectful, violent society.
However, the command means the same today – the promise is still valid. The principle is just as real to New Israel. If we will honor our fathers and mothers, our nation will be stronger. Our lives will be blessed. A third question,
What Should I Do?
There is a real temptation to blame today. Remember Ron Lay of Enron? He blamed his financial misdeeds on accountants. Politicians blame the media for what they do. Terrorists blame the capitalists; capitalists blame liberal lobbyists. The chain of blame starts in the White House and extends to the outhouse (or the other way around, depending on your perspective).
We could very well blame our violent and disrespectful society on the courts. They won’t allow prayer in school; they won’t keep criminals behind bars. TV is a mess, and the movies are a corrupting influence.
Rather than blaming, a different strategy is in order:
Accept the responsibility to change, beginning now!
I want to share some actions for both parents and kids that are positive. If taken seriously, they will honor not only our mothers and fathers, but our heavenly Father.
Actions for responsible parents
BEHAVE YOURSELF
Being a model of honesty and diligence is the first rule with teaching kids anything! If dogs can spot a nervous person in an instant, it is true that kids can see through hypocrisy quicker!
If you want Johnny to behave with respect towards others, he should be seeing Dad respecting others.
Do you call people names like jerk or imbecile?
Are you disrespectful to Johnny’s teachers? Do not be surprised when Johnny takes that into the classroom. Your words will only mean something when backed up by the way you live!
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO BEHAVE
Let’s face it, behaving goes against kids’ nature. Granted, some children are more ill-behaved than others. But all children come with the sin nature as standard equipment. If they are not taught by their parents, they will never be submissive to authority.
Permissiveness got a strong foothold in the Dr. Spock generation. The problem is that letting Johnny or Susie find themselves leads to arrogance and obnoxiousness. May I submit parents, that your goal is not to make your child happy -- it is to make him a person with character, so that he may find true happiness in the kingdom of God!
Permissiveness – and being your child’s buddy, instead of a parent – is one of the most subtle, and dangerous forms of child abuse. When a child is not disciplined he learns that he can get what he wants if he acts badly enough. For a person who grows up this way healthy relationships become impossible.
Roberto Alomar didn’t like the disappointment he experienced when an umpire made a decision against his team. So, in front of thousands in the stands (and millions of TV viewers) he spat in the umpire’s face.
We can be certain Martha Stewart had no training about respect for the rules of the NY Stock Exchange. Respect for everything in society that is good, begins in the home. A child who learns no respect will grow up to be a miserable partner when he marries. He will be abusive and demanding.
If you are worried about disciplining – especially corporal punishment, where the board of education meets the seat of knowledge – allow me to encourage you. The Bible is your authority, not Ann Landers:
Folly is bound up in the heart of a boy, but the rod of discipline drives it far away. Proverbs 22:15 (NRSV)
Do not withhold discipline from your children; if you beat them with a rod, they will not die.
Proverbs 23:13 (NRSV)
Certainly no parent has the right to abuse his child. There is a definite line between correcting with discipline, and beating a child. The key is simply saying what you mean, and following through with what you say. Do it all in a context of developing respect in the child for submitting to authority. (Which, incidentally, you cannot do when simply beating a child because you are angry with him.)
A scenario that begins in church would go like this – Johnny is tapping his foot on the pew in front of you. You tell him to stop several times. Finally you say, one more time and we are out of here. You will be in trouble. He doesn’t listen. Now, some parents begin the warnings all over again. This is wrong. However, it is equally wrong to take him out of the service, tell him he was wrong, and then add, now we’re just going to have to wait out here until the service is over. Johnny has just learned that if he can mess with you long enough, he’ll get out of the service. Cool!
Instead, parents, warn them, and then take them out to that soundproof room we have by the fellowship hall. Drop his pants, and lay a few on him. After the whimpering subsides, you tell him two things;
a. That was because you did not listen to me. I am your father, and I will not have you not listening to me.
b. We are going back into the worship service now, and you will be quiet -- right?
Johnny learns you mean business, and he learns to keep quiet in church. But he also learns who is in control. Mother, Dad – if you love him – and you want others to like him – do not fail to discipline him properly.
Actions for obedient kids
I am not too certain any kids will be listening to me after that, but let’s try anyway. If you want to be an obedient child of God, here are some suggestions for your relationship to your parents, and all in authority:
OBEY CHEERFULLY
Your commission as a kid in the family is to learn from your folks. There is a basic assumption here that your Mom and Dad have more knowledge than you. That may not be true in every case, but even the tortoise won a race against the hare, simply because he started earlier.
Your Mom and Dad were earning a living, fighting traffic, buying a house and worrying all night about their kids – all before you stopped filling your diapers. Give them a chance.
When Mom says Do the laundry, jump up and get at it with a good attitude.
When Dad comes in on Saturday morning and shakes you awake at the unheard of hour (9am), and says, Son, please cut the yard today, jump up and get shaking.
You might think, Man, if I do that they’ll be on my back for everything -- I’ll never have any time for myself. On the contrary, obey cheerfully, and you’ll have total freedom -- they will probably both have a coronary & you’ll be free!
EXPRESS APPRECIATION
Don’t forget to tell them you love them. If you’re grown and have your own family, that aged mother and father still need to hear that voice that only you have.
GIVE CARE IN OLD AGE
Honoring is much more than words. It is a lifetime commitment. There is an old legend about when a certain city was under siege from a superior army. In the city there were two brothers, who had, in some way cooperated with the general. They received permission to flee the city, carrying as much of their property as they could before it was set on fire. Accordingly, the two boys showed up at the city gates, one carrying their Mother, the other carrying Dad.
That is honor!
Those boys were strong!
That’s what God intended!
