The Conflict Cure
James 4:1-10
Introduction
This morning we are going to look at conflict in and out of the church. I have discovered a great deal about conflict and would like to share some of the more important points.
Lynn Buzzard gives negative advice on "How to turn a disagreement into a feud." He says there are eight (8) rules to escalating conflict.
1. Be sure to develop and maintain a healthy fear of conflict, letting your own feelings build up so you are in an explosive frame of mind.
2. If you must state your concerns, be as vague and general as possible. Then the other person cannot do anything practical to change the situation.
3. Assume you know all the facts and you are totally right. The use of a clinching Bible verse is helpful. Speak prophetically for truth and justice; do most of the talking.
4. With a touch of defiance, announce your willingness to talk with anyone who wishes to discuss the problem with you. But do not take steps to initiate such conversation.
5. Latch tenaciously onto whatever evidence you can find that shows the other person is merely jealous of you.
6. Judge the motivation of the other party on any previous experience that showed failure or unkindness. Keep track of any angry words.
7. If the discussion should, alas, become serious, view the issue as a win/lose struggle. Avoid possible solutions and go for total victory and unconditional surrender. Don’t get too many options on the table.
8. Pass the buck! If you are about to get cornered into a solution, indicate you are without power to settle; you need your partner, spouse, bank, whatever.
History gives us a rather interesting account on resolution of conflict. French novelist and playwright Alexandre Dumas once had a heated quarrel with a rising young politician. The argument became so intense that a duel was inevitable. Since both men were superb shots they decided to draw lots, the loser agreeing to shoot himself. Dumas lost. Pistol in hand, he withdrew in silent dignity to another room, closing the door behind him. The rest of the company waited in gloomy suspense for the shot that would end his career. It rang out at last. His friends ran to the door, opened it, and found Dumas, smoking revolver in hand. "Gentlemen, a most regrettable thing has happened," he announced. "I missed."
One thing you will always find in a church is conflict. Throughout history the church has been at the center of war and conflict. Even at the beginnings of Christianity we find arguments, conflict, and war. Thankfully we have scripture that deals with what it is or the critical conflict, where it comes from or the cause, and God’s solution or the cure.
The Cause
James puts it this way in verses 1-3. He says,
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
Where did it all begin? It began in the Garden of Eden. All of the peace and comforts anyone could ever desire and it was thrown away because they were tempted to be like God. Perfect harmony and peace wasn’t enough so they chose to disobey and now look what happened.
Jean Baker Miller says conflict begins at the moment of birth. We are the cause of conflict and war. It has nothing to do with anything other than us. We are hard wired to make war, war with other people, other nations, and ultimately with God. To use that over-quoted, but endlessly right Walt Kelly line used by Pogo the Possum, "we have seen the enemy and they are us".
What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
The Conflict
What is at the root of all of these conflicts and wars? In the next 2 verses we get the answer and it isn’t very surprising.
You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
Little kids are a prime example. They don’t get something they want and a tantrum ensues. They fall on the ground kicking and screaming and demand that we get them what they want. You have probably seen an embarrassed parent in the grocery store or mall wondering how it looks to everyone else.
Most crimes are motivated by greed and power. Someone sees something another has, so they steal and kill to get it. We are a species that unlike the animal world that kills to survive, we kill because we want something simply because we want it.
One nation sees something another has and so it is taken by force. Other nations become involved then to free the first nation and restore what was taken. Thus we have warring among the nations of the earth.
One study that was done gave these horrific results. Conflict is a part of life; it is a part of human history. A study reported in the Canadian Army Journal regarding the frequency of human conflicts came up with this interesting statistic – since 3600 B.C. the world has only known 292 years of peace. During this period there have been 14,531 wars, large and small, in which 3,640,000,000 people have been killed.
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
By being a friend of the world, we chose to live by the same standards as the world. The proven history is conflict with individuals, nations and anyone who stands in your way. It is very easy to say things today given the divisiveness in our own country and sometimes, our own homes.
Ultimately it all boils down to one word, pride. We by pride rebel against God, think we are better than everyone else and ultimately can do what we want because we deserve to do so.
So how do we avoid all of this? Can we keep it out of the church? The answer is no.
Larry Crab said in his book, The Safest Place on Earth, “The difference between the spiritual and unspiritual community is not whether conflict exists, but is rather in our attitude toward it and our approach to handling it. When conflict is seen as an opportunity to draw more fully on spiritual resources, we have the makings of spiritual community.”
The Cure
At the height of the civil war conflict when asked if he thought he would succeed or fail, Lincoln said, "Without God I cannot succeed. With God I cannot fail."
Lincoln was right. We are even given steps to take to avoid conflicts that grow into wars in the remaining verses. Not the cure for conflict but the cure for conflict that results in division is found in these steps. How do we handle it in a godly manner?
1. Submit yourselves, then, to God.
Trust what the Lord says in His word as a little child trusts the perfect parent. Yield to His word and His way. Give your life to Him through His Son Jesus Christ. Submit to His will for your life.
2. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
When anger and frustration builds in your life don’t give in to the temptation to strike back. Forgive as Jesus forgave you. Love your enemies and pray for them. If you resist, you can’t blame the devil. Our number one problem is ourselves.
3. Come near to God and he will come near to you.
If you seek the Lord you will find Him. He isn’t hiding from you He is waiting patiently for you to simply come to Him. Give up on rituals, good luck charms and simply come to Him.
4. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.
What is all of this about? It is heartfelt repentance. It is as Isaiah realized when he entered the presence of the Almighty, "Woe to me I’m a sinner, I will surely die."
5. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
Humble yourself before Him rather than being prideful and rebellious. You are not God so stop pretending. Humbling yourself simply means you realize He is God and you are not.
Outline
The Conflict Cure
James 4:1-10
The Cause
We are the cause
We were born that way
Our desires within
The Conflict
We don’t get what we want
We take away from others
292 years of peace out of 5600 years
Ultimately it is all pride
The Cure
1. Submit yourselves, then, to God.
2. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
3. Come near to God and he will come near to you.
4. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom.
5. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
