Conflict is part of our lives here on earth. Our Lord Jesus Himself said, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.”[1] The question is not if but when are we going to have conflicts. If you notice it, a small issue can even escalate into a big fight. It seems making peace is easier said than done. Is it really possible to resolve conflicts? Is peace really doable? This morning we will talk about “Conflict Resolved.” Our Lord declared, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.”[2] Again, to make it easy to remember, I summarize this message with the acronym P-E-A-C-E. Let us pray…
Why do we have conflicts? James 4:1 made this diagnosis: “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” That means we have conflicts within which leads to conflicts outside. These conflicts within us are a result of our spiritual conflict with God. That’s why to resolve conflicts, we must have PEACE with God first. According to Romans 5:1, “since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ…” We were made right with God when we accepted our Lord Jesus as our Savior. Thus, we now have peace with God. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us… when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son…”[3] We are no longer in conflict with God. And when we have peace with God, we can now experience “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, [which] will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”[4] Once we have settled the conflict inside of us, we can now deal with the conflicts outside of us.
Now that doesn’t mean that once we are Christians, all our conflicts are automatically resolved. That’s far from the truth. But once we settle our differences with God, we are in the best position to settle our differences with others.
“E” stands for EXERT efforts to make peace. Romans 14:19 say, “So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.”[5] However, we tend to pursue peace at all costs. But note that before saying “Blessed are the peacemakers…” our Lord declared that “Blessed are the pure in heart…” When one is pure in heart, he becomes a peacemaker.
Dr. John MacArthur Jr. wrote, “We all want to avoid needless strife, whether at home, at work, or wherever, but if we avoid it to the point of sacrificing truth, then we compromise our principles, and we don’t have peace at all—we have just a truce, a cease-fire, a cold war, a time to reload… You have not made peace between two people unless they have seen the sin, the error, and the wrongness of the bitterness and hatred and have resolved to bring it before God and make it right. Then peace comes through purity.”[6]
Hebrews 12:14 commands us, “Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.” We are to spare no effort for both peace and purity. That means peace will not come easy. We give our best effort to win peace. We extend our hand to reconcile. And we must keep on extending it even if the person we are in conflict with refuses to take it.
Now Romans 12:18 is very realistic: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Note that we are to make peace as much as possible as far as it depends on us. Yes, ideally, we are not to give up even if our efforts for peace are rejected. But it appears it is not always possible to live at peace with people. If we feel that our principles will be compromised or the pursuit for peace is not doing us or the other person any good then we back off for a while. We cannot please all people.
That takes wisdom. That’s why we need to ACCEPT the need for God’s wisdom. James 3:17-18 says, “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, [note the progression from purity to peace] gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no partiality and is always sincere. And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of goodness.” Note that peacemaking involves wisdom. Allow me to share a helpful diagram that I adapted from a marriage seminar in International Graduate School of Leadership.[7]
In a conflict, we have issues and relationships. The issues are the reason for the conflict and because of it our relationships are at stake. Now, a “win-win” solution is that we settle the issues and save the relationship.
But there are times we feel that our principles or the non-negotiable truths of the Bible will be compromised. So we have to make a stance for the issues and risk the relationship. For example, we may end up risking our relationship when we confront a person of his errors.
Yet, there are times we feel the issue at hand is not worth the relationship. That we are not to divide over the issue. I am not talking of principles but preferences or differences in style or personalities. So we give up the issue or choose to let go of it for the sake of the relationship.
There are times that we have to meet at the middle, to give and take on both issue and relationship. We agree to disagree but remain friends.
But there are times also when we have to give up both the issue and the relationship. Our discussion of the issue is hurting our relationship already. We realize that we cannot agree on how we could settle the issue. So we decide to part ways.
There are so many applications for this diagram. Our time is so limited in discussing it exhaustively. But let me say that in every conflict let’s aim for win-win. But if it is not possible, ask: “Can we meet at the middle?” If that is not possible also, then choose. “Which is more important at this point? The relationship or the issue?” We need to ask God for wisdom throughout this process.
It is hard to settle conflicts. It is difficult to be a peacemaker. But we are to COMMIT to a ministry of peacemaking. Matthew 5:9 goes like this in the Amplified Version: “Blessed… are the makers and maintainers of peace”. The Message translate the verse this way: “You’re blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight.” How do we do that? First, we must love enough to confront. Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke / Than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, / But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” You may have to hurt in order to heal. I like how the Contemporary English Version goes: “A truly good friend will openly correct you. You can trust a friend who corrects you…”
Second, we promote peace. Let us go back to Romans 14:19. “So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another.” When we push for peace, we don’t pull each other down. For example, someone offers a juicy piece of gossip to you. A gossip usually starts with, “This is only between the two of us.” You refuse it outright or you tell the person, “May I quote you?” Or, someone shares that he has an issue with another person. A peacemaker will say, “I think it is better if you talk to that person instead. If you like, I can accompany you.”
And the best way to be a peacemaker is to lead people to have peace with God. Isaiah 52:7 declares, “How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation”. Let us share the gospel of salvation to others. God called us to this ministry of peacemaking. 2 Corinthians 5:18-20 says, “He sent Christ to make peace between himself and us, and he has given us the work of making peace between himself and others. What we mean is that God was in Christ, offering peace and forgiveness to the people of this world. And he has given us the work of sharing his message about peace. We were sent to speak for Christ, and God is begging you to listen to our message. We speak for Christ and sincerely ask you to make peace with God.”[8] Let us commit to this ministry of reconciliation and let us share the message of reconciliation.
The Lord promised that those who make and maintain peace “will be called sons of God.”[9] When we put our trust in Christ, we become children of God. “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God…”[10] But the world will only recognize that we are God’s children if we are peacemakers. For we EXEMPLIFY the ultimate Peacemaker. “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace.”[11] If we claim to worship a God of peace, then we have to be peacemakers. It is sad that some people do not want to become Christians because they saw believers fight each other. They saw us wound each other with our words. They witnessed our fights in the family. Now all families fight. But, as Christians, we should know how to resolve it properly. We have to model God before people by becoming peacemakers so that they would long to have peace with God also.
Brothers and sisters, let us resolve conflicts by…
PEACE with God first.
EXERT efforts to make peace.
ACCEPT the need for God’s wisdom.
COMMIT to a ministry of peacemaking.
EXEMPLIFY the ultimate Peacemaker.
Let us pray…
[1]John 16:33, New Living Translation (NLT). All Bible verses are from the New International Version, unless otherwise noted.
[2]Matthew 5:9
[3]Romans 5:8, 10a
[4]Philippians 4:7
[5]New American Standard Bible
[6]The Beatitudes: The Only Way to Happiness
[7]If you want a copy of the diagram in PowerPoint, please e-mail me at mgc_pastor@yahoo.com.
[8]Contemporary English Version
[9]Matthew 5:9
[10]John 1:12
[11]1 Corinthians 14:33a
