To Die Or Live For (With)
Scripture: Ephesians 5:21-25
Introduction:
Tomorrow we will celebrate what is known as the day to recognize love – Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day started in the time of the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, February 14th was a holiday to honour Juno. Juno was the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. The Romans also knew her as the Goddess of women and marriage. The following day, February 15th, began the Feast of Lupercalia. On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars. Each young man would draw a girl’s name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing of the children lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.
Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II, Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended, beaten to death with clubs and his head was cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. We celebrate this holiday by giving the ones we love Valentine cards, candy and/or romantic dinners. In school our children have parties that sometimes lead to hurt feelings. There were always one or two kids who would not receive a Valentine card during the parties. I remember vividly watching Charlie Brown as he was always ready to receive a card, only to be disappointed.
In preparation for this message, I emailed a survey to you that asked you the question of which you like to have; a mate who would die for you or one that would live for and with you. The answers were mixed as I expected they would be. I want you to know that regardless of which answer you chose, you chose the correct answer because there was no right or wrong answer. I sent out the survey so that you would have time to consider the question before you heard the message this morning.
Turn with me to Ephesians 5:21-25.
I. To Die For or To Life For (With)
“And be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:21-25
In these verses we find the key to a happy marriage, husbands do what your wives tell you. No, I am just kidding. To have a happy, satisfying and fulfilling marriage we should submit to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives should submit to their husbands and vice-versa. Husbands should also focus on understanding what it means to love their wives. As you think on these verses, I want to ask you this question for consideration and we will come back to these verses later: “How do you treat your spouse or loved one?” Tomorrow many of us will give our spouses or loved one cards and candy expressing deep love for them. With all of these words and expressions of love, how do we really treat them? Someone once said “I cannot hear what you are saying because your actions are yelling to loud.” Do your actions match up with the words? Let me give you a few examples of things we “say” but may not line up with our actions.
I Treat My Wife Like A Queen. Okay, here we find a statement where the man says he treats his wife like a queen. Let us examine this relationship, one between a queen and her husband. If the queen was the queen by birthright, when she married her husband he became a prince, not the king. She retained all of the power. He had no power so he had no choice but to treat her like a queen for she was his superior. Whatever decision she made, she could make it whether he liked it or not. Once the decision was made, he had to abide by it. Although he may have loved her dearly, the true power of the kingdom rested with her. So if this is what we mean when we say I treat my wife like a queen, then I am not buying it. There are very few men who “choose” to treat their wives this way. There is a difference between having to do it by design and doing it by choice. When we say we treat our wives like a queen, in the truest definition of a queen in this example, it does not happen. The other situation involves the woman becoming a queen because she married the king. If the queen became queen by marrying the king, then she was “treated” like a queen, not necessarily by the king, but by her servants. Although the king would make sure that she was taken care of and had the things she desired, he retained the right to do anything to or for her – her life was within his hands. Remember the story of Queen Ester? Remember when she wanted to talk with the king (her husband) she had to have permission to enter into his presence? This was typical of the relationship between a king and queen during those times. I believe this is the queen most men think of when they refer to treating their wives like a queen. They may treat their wives well, but their wives may not be seen as their equal since they are the “head of the house.” He is the head of the house and that is all there is to it. In some cases she may be treated like a queen depending on how she is acting that week. Are you getting my point here? Treating a wife like a queen is not necessarily a compliment.
I Treat My Husband Like A King. There are actually some wives who do treat their husbands like kings – maybe not because they want to, but because they have no choice. In the last example of the queen marrying a king, he ruled and she was there to please him. If she pleased him, she could live, if she did not please him she could be put to death. It is the same here, but we kill emotionally and spiritually, not necessarily physically. Her life became one of being available to serve the king, to meet his every demand. Whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, she would be available. In this situation we find a woman who does everything for that man. She follows him wherever he goes regardless of the path. Whatever decision he makes, even those she knows are wrong, she follows him, offering her support. She does not ask for anything for herself for her life is wrapped up in pleasing him. Sound like anyone you know? Most women would not be able to be married to the typical king of the bible days. When we think of kings today, in some cultures this has not changed much. So when wives say that they treat their husbands like a king, maybe some do, but I think most do not.
I’ll Do Anything For My Spouse. Oh really. For those of you who have said this, or felt this way, let me give you a few examples of “I’ll do anything”. Last week was Super Bowl Sunday. Guys, if you were watching the game and your wife walked up to you and said “Sweetheart, forget the game, come take a walk with me” would you have done it if your favorite team was playing? Or better yet, she comes home with a brand new car that was bought under your name because the car she got last year was out of style. Would you mind? Ladies, you work just as hard as your spouse on your jobs, but your husband tells you he wants dinner on the table at 6:30 p.m. sharp. This means every night when he gets home from work he wants his dinner ready. On his day off, at 6:30, his dinner is to be on the table, even if you worked that day. Would you mind doing it? What about your husband informing you that he wants to sell the house and buy a trailer. He wants to do this so he can buy that sports car he’s always wanted. Would you have a problem with it? Not if you’ll do anything for your spouse. The possible correct version of this comment is “I’ll do anything for my spouse when it is not an inconvenience to me.”
What we say we are willing to do versus what we actually do is very different. How we say we treat our spouses is often inflated based on reality. The words sound so romantic when you are saying them but when it comes time to put them into action we often find that the words were hollow. This is the reason I asked you the question. It is very romantic to hear someone tell you that they would die for you and it is also very endearing to hear someone tell you that they will put their words into action and live for you. So lets examine the two statements and again I will be speaking from my viewpoint. It is okay if you disagree with me.
I Am Willing To Die For You
I can tell you without a doubt that I am willing to die for Nikki. If she was standing in the street and a car was coming, I would push her out of the way so that the car could it me. Sometimes she gets irritated with me when we are walking on a sidewalk and I always make sure she is on the inside. I do this so that I can protect her, at least in my own mind. But I would also be willing to do the same for my daughters because of my love for them and for any child. Why any child? Because within me I believe adults should do their best to protect a child. Now my being willing to die for my daughters and any other small child does not take away from the love that I have for Nikki as my reason for being willing to die for her. Because I am willing to die for her that does not necessarily equate to how I treat her while I am living. You see, since I KNOW that I may never have to back up those words, although I would if I had to, it is not something that is a daily part of my reality. Although I am willing to die for her, on a daily basis that thought does not remain in the front of my mind. I just know in certain situations what my responses will be. For those of you who chose this, again, your choice is not wrong, but I think what Paul wrote to the church of Ephesus calls for this and a little more, especially on a day to day basis.
I Am Willing To Live For and With You
I believe this is much harder to do and yet what is required. Within this comes the reality that you would definitely be willing to die for your loved one because you demonstrate your love for them everyday by being willing to live for and with them. What does this mean? Remember what we read in Ephesians 5:21-25? It said,
“And be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church. He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:21-25
The idea in these verses is that each partner should willingly submit to their spouse and will have a constant attitude of reconciliation. When Paul uses the term “love” he demonstrates how the husband should devote himself to the good of his wife. This is very hard to do, from both ends. Why? Because it will require that the person give up something of themselves to be available to the one that they say they love.
Living for someone does not mean that our lives are so totally wrapped up in meeting our spouses’ needs that we lose ourselves. What it does mean is that we make choices daily to stand with our spouse in a love relationship. To tell them we love them is not enough. To live in the house with them is not enough. Here is what Paul meant in his letter to the Ephesians. We are to give our spouses the respect and honor that is due them, even when others outside of the relationship do not understand. When we are in conversation with our spouses, we actively listen. To actively listen mean we stop what we are doing and give them our undivided attention. To live for and with our spouse on a daily basis requires us to acknowledge their presence, not just physically, but intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. We acknowledge that they bring something to the table. We acknowledge that they have an impact on our lives which can be a beautiful thing. We acknowledge that we do not have all of the answers and our spouses may have that insight that we are missing. To live with and for our spouse mean when we disagree, we seek understanding. We seek reconciliation. We seek to understand the other person’s position and the “whys” behind their position. When we think our way is the only way, we choose to reevaluate our position based on information from our loved one. This reevaluation affirms our commitment to the value and importance that our spouse brings to the relationship. To live with and for someone requires us to deny ourselves. There will come times when we choose to put our wants and desires on the back burner so that we can make sure that our spouses have what they need in that moment. It means that when I may want to watch TV, I choose to give it up to spend some quality time talking with my spouse. To live with and for someone in a love relationship where both acknowledge the other and are willing to submit to one another can be heaven on earth.
Conclusion
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Why not give your spouse or loved one something special this year. I am not saying not to buy the dozen roses, cards and candy, but give them something that will really matter to their lives. Give them your commitment to live with them – to fulfill in your relationship Ephesians 5:21-25. Express your real love, not just in the gifts, but in the words. If you spouse does not accept or believe you, keep telling them. Love your spouse enough to pray for and with them. Bring God back into your relationship, allow Him to rule. These are the things that will last long afterwards the candy is eaten and the flowers have died. Give them something that will last, a true commitment.
I promised that I would share the results of the survey. There were a total of 21 respondents, 15 females and 6 males. 62% of the people chose to Live For while 38% chose Die For. Based on gender, the men were split evenly 50/50 while the ladies were 1/3 for Die For and 2/3 for Live For.
Again, regardless of your choice, recommit yourself to loving and living with and for your spouse today, tomorrow, and for the remainder of your life. For this kind of love anyone would be willing to die for. May God bless and keep you is my prayer.
