Handling Offenses When They Come
Scripture: Luke 17:1-4; 2 Timothy 2:24; Matthew 18:15-16
Introduction
The topic of this message is “Handle Offenses When They Come.” This message has been in my spirit since February of this year. We, as individuals and as a Church body, need to be fully aware of how we handle offenses. We should also be cautious about not offending others through our actions and/or sins. In this message I want to focus on what happens when we become offended and we do not follow Christ’s example in dealing with it. This applies to Church, your family relationships, and to everything other situation you may encounter as you walk this earth. For this message, I will only focus on the impact to the Church.
All Churches lose members from time to time and we are no different. However, whenever we lose a member it hits me hard because of the closeness I feel with every person that joins (or visits regularly) this congregation and the fact that right now we are small and more intimate. Most of the members who left this congregation left in an offended state of mind. For example, we had one member who disliked the truth that was spoken to them by another member and chose to leave. Although it did not involve me or anything pertaining to the Church or our doctrine, I was still hurt at the loss. We lost another member because they did not agree with the vision of the Church and the fact that I was following it. When they joined the Church they stated that they understood and believe in what we were trying to do. However, once they were here for a while, what they truly felt started to show. The vision of this Church, as laid out before everyone, states that this Church would not be built on my gifts alone, but on the gifts of everyone that chooses to unite with us. In order for this vision to be accomplished, we must teach the people the truth, not tradition, the truth according to God’s Word. As more people began to join the Church and stated their desire to serve in different areas of ministry, this individual was offended that I was allowing these people to serve in these areas where we had a need. The individual was especially offended by some being appointed to take on certain leadership positions like deacon or trustee. When I met with the person to discuss why they were not coming to Church, the individual shared that they were concerned that I was actually allowing “these people” to serve in leadership positions. When I asked the person why they were offended at this, the individual said they just “felt” the people were not ready and or deserved to be in those positions since they did not have those types of positions at previous churches. I shared with the person that sometimes a person only need to have the opportunity to serve for them to really demonstrate the gifts and talents they possess, but it was not accepted. I reminded the individual of our vision and that we were fulfilling it according to what we believed is God’s will for our Church. Because this individual was offended and could not get pass it, they left the Church with their family. We had another family leave for reasons that had nothing to do with the Church but because of an offense.
Whenever some leaves our Church, those of you who remain have questions. It is natural to want to know why the person left and do they know something about the Church that you do not know. I can tell you, everything about this Church, our doctrine and our finances are an open book. There is nothing secret about anything that we do. So everyone here has the same knowledge (or access to it) about this ministry as everyone else. As it pertains to me personally, what you see with me is what you get. I have no secret lifestyle or interests that anyone close to me is keeping from you. That is one reason I am blessed to have the staff that I have, they are not so infatuated with me that they would follow whatever I am doing just because it is me. I tell you this so you will understand that those who left this Church did not leave because they know something you do not. Most left because they were offended and could not get beyond it. In every case I have tried to protect the privacy of the one making the decision to leave, especially for those personally close to me and my family. Each situation was very difficult for me personally and I thank God for the leadership team that He has blessed me to work with who walked through each situation with me.
My goal is for everyone who joins this congregation to know my heart and the heart of my leaders. Pastors generally do not want to be close to their congregation in this way because they believe that the more someone knows about you, the easier it is for them to lose respect for you. Well I have never hidden the fact that I am a man trying to do my best just like you. So that should not be a surprise. But I also recognize that this may be unnerving for some people who have not ever had this type of relationship with a pastor. Again, in order for us to fulfill the vision of this Church, we have to work together, side by side. Your gifts are very important to this ministry. By knowing my heart and those in leadership, you are able to trust our abilities to carry out our roles and responsibilities in our service to you. As you also begin to know and understand the hearts of your fellow members, you begin to trust and believe in them as they carry forth in their ministry gifts. Through this knowledge of each other, we open the door for forgiveness to be available because when offenses come, we first see the heart and not the offense.
This morning I want to address how we handle offenses when they come. If we can positively and with the love of God handle each situation when we are “tempted” to become offended, we will build a Church where everyone looks to the heart first and the action second. Turn with me to Luke 17:1.
II. What Offenses Represent In Our Lives
“He said to His disciples, ‘It is inevitable that stumbling blocks come, but woe to him through whom they come. It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than he would cause one of these little ones to stumble.” Luke 17:1 (NAS)
The Greek word translated “stumbling block” in this verse is “skandalon”, where we get the word scandal. It means “offense, stumbling block, or occasions to fall.” In other words, when we are offended, the door is open for us to stumble. This word “skandalon” originally described a small piece of wood that was used to keep the door of an animal trap propped open. A piece of food was placed in the trap and when the animal went into it to get the food, it would it the wood and the trap door would close shut trapping the animal. In the New Testament times this word was also referred to as a “stone or obstacle that causes one to trip, to stumble, and to lose his footing, to waver, to falter and to fall down.”
In these verses Jesus makes it plain that we will have the opportunity to become offended at some point in our lives. When we offend, or are offended, the offense hinders our ability (becomes a stumbling block) to do what God has called us to do. For example, when someone becomes offended with another person, they often times will withdraw from that person and if needed, would not reach out to help the person who offended them. Although the world may say the person is “justified” in not reaching out to the one who offended them, it is not God’s way. Actually to refuse to do something good when we know we should is a sin according to James. James 4:17 says “Therefore, to the one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.” James says that if we know the right thing to do and we choose not to do it, then we have crossed over into sin. That is what happens when we become offended, it changes how we would normally respond to situations and makes us susceptible to sinning.
Let me share with you how the world’s response quickly leads us into sin. As not to “offend” anyone here, I will use two fictitious individuals named David and Paul. David and Paul are good friends and they attend the same Church. They hang out at each other’s house because they are friends. Paul has a brother named Michael who also knows David. One day, David and Michael were talking when Paul was not present. During the conversation, David makes a comment that made Michael upset. When David realized that Michael was upset, he quickly apologizes for it was not his heart’s intention to offend the brother of his friend. Although David apologizes, Michael is not ready to hear it. He is disappointed that David made the comment and feels that David crossed the line. David reaches out to Michael, but to no avail. Michael, instead of talking to David, goes to his brother Paul and tells him what happened. Paul instead of telling Michael to go back to David and talk it through became angry himself. He began questioning his relationship with David. When David would call him he would not answer the phone. He stopped inviting David over to his house because David had offended his brother Michael and therefore David had offended him.
How does this story end? Paul chooses to stand in the offense with Michael his brother. Because he could not stand to be around his former friend, he left the church and refused to be friends with David any longer. Let me give you one other piece of information on David and Paul. David was Paul’s pastor and Paul was David’s deacon. Does this sound incredible? Actually this is based on a true story. I use this to illustrate to you what can happen when we become offended and how it can hinder our faith walk. Keep this story in mind as I will refer back to it as we talk about how Christ would have had this play out.
The last point I want to make is this. Jesus said “….but woe to him through whom they come. It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were thrown into the sea, than he would cause one of these little ones to stumble.” He was talking about Christians who offend weaker Christians and causes them to stumble. This could be through our actions towards that person, or a lifestyle of sin that we not have given up. Jesus said that it would be better for them if their lives were cut short than to cause a weaker Christian to stumble.
III. How God Wants Us To Respond To Offenses
“The Lord’s bond-servant must not be quarrelsome, but be kind to all, able to teach, patient when wronged, with gentleness correcting those who are in opposition, if perhaps God may grant them repentance leading to knowledge.”
2 Timothy 2:24 (NAS)
When Paul wrote this to Timothy, Timothy was a young pastor facing some serious hardships. His members were leaving the Church in large numbers to go back to their pagan ways of worship in order to save their lives. For some who remained, they were giving him problems and being rebellious. Timothy wrote to Paul asking for advice and the verse above is part of Paul’s response. Paul urges Timothy not to allow himself to get dragged into a war of words when dealing with people who have offended him or were offended by his ministry and leadership. He tells Timothy to be kind, still able to teach, patient and walk with gentleness. Based on Paul’s direction to Timothy, when we are offended, the first thing we must not do is become quarrelsome, ready to argue and fight. Next we must be kind. Yes I know we may have the right to be offended, but we should still be kind and able to teach in our actions. When others offend us, we should be patient, walking with gentleness towards them and being ready to forgive. Turn back to Luke 17, verses 3-4.
“Be on guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times saying, ‘I repent’, forgive him. Luke 17:3-4
In these verses, we find another key to dealing with offenses. After Jesus said that offenses will come, He said that we should be on guard. He said when a brother sins against us (offends us) we should be ready to forgive them as soon as they repent, even if it happens seven times a day. Notice the direction He gives for us rebuking our brother. The word “rebuke” means to charge the brother, to explain to him what he has done. It does not mean that we have the right to get in his face and let him have it with everything we’ve got. We will never win a brother or sister with anger and rage. Once we have gone to our brother or sister and told them what they did, if they repent, we are to forgive them. Let’s examine one other scripture before we go back to David, Paul and Michael. Turn to Matthew 18:15-16.
“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.”
Matthew 18:15-16
In these verses Jesus explains that if a brother sins against us, we should go to them in private and talk with them. He did not say we should go to our brother, sister, best friend, etc. He said we should go to the one who has offended us. Why is this important? Anytime we are offended and share it with others, we run the risk of influencing that person against the one who offended us. Sometimes the person we told is put into a situation of choosing sides and will often side with the one they are closest to. By relaying the offense to others, it actually makes it harder to bring about reconciliation, especially if the other person sides with us because now that person is flaming the fire and justifying our actions. Jesus said we should go to the person in private and have the discussion. If the person repents, we forgive them and move on. However, if the person does not repent and depending on the circumstances, we are to take others with us to confirm the situation in case it needs to be brought before the Church or a court of law.
So let’s go back to my original example of David, Michael and Paul. Based on the Scriptures covered, when David offended Michael, Michael should first acknowledge to himself that he was offended. Next Michael should prepare his heart before approaching David. Remember what Paul told Timothy? Michael should be prepared to not argue, be patient in case David does not want to hear him, walk in gentleness as he approaches David. When he approaches David and David repents and asks for forgiveness, Michael should forgive David without ever having said anything to Paul. If Michael went to Paul first, Paul should refer Michael back to David without listening to the details that could potentially impact his relationship with his friend. Only after Michael has tried to talk with David and David does not listen or responds should Michael ask someone else to come along with him.
New Light, although this may sound very elementary and simple to do, it is not. People leave Churches everyday because they are offended. They never stop to think about how to bring about a resolution, they speak their minds and then leave. Some just disappear without ever revealing why they left a Church. But this goes deeper than just people leaving a Church. We have family members who do not speak because they are offended. We have best friends who are no longer best friends because someone was offended. When you are offended, it colors everything you do. You will perceive things differently and will always second guess the person who offended you. The only way to get beyond this is to practice the steps that Jesus gave us.
I asked each of you to bring your sunglasses today. If you have them, I want to illustrate what happens when you become offended. Right now you can see everything clearly. Now place your sunglasses on. When you are offended, you see things as if you are looking through sunglasses. Some of the light is being blocked so you are not able to see everything clearly. Sunglasses block the sun rays when you are outside, protecting your eyes. But when you are wearing the sunglasses of offense, you are not blocking the “Sun” you are actually blocking the “Son”. When we are offended we often block Jesus from being seen in our lives. We actually shut down His love that should flow from us into the lives of everyone we come into contact with. When we are offended, just like with the sunglasses, everything is filtered through glasses of offense which distorts everything you see. Simple things now bother you that normally would not have. You misinterpret things that normally you have understood clearly. This is why Jesus said that we must be aware of the offenses that would come. Being offended will shut down your ministry, hinder your health, steal your peace and shut down your spirit. When you are offended, even celebrating this time of year is difficult because everything circles around the offense.
I pray and ask each of you, please look to Christ’s words if and when you are disappointed, possibly leading to offense. Seek forgiveness privately first before talking to someone else. If someone comes to you who has been offended, do your best to send them to the person who caused the offense. If they cannot go to the person alone, offer to go with them as an impartial witness. If someone has offended you, go to them today and clear it up. If they do not respond appropriately, you have done your job. Let us take the high road. Some of you sitting here today, or reading this message in your home, have been offended. You are wondering what to do, what steps you should take. Look to Jesus, follow His example. May God bless and keep you is my prayer.
