Train Up A Child
Scripture: Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:1-4
Introduction
Today we have the opportunity to dedicate our newborns and small children to God. In thinking of the importance of this ceremony I thought it would be fitting to take this time to talk to each of us, parents and children. We often speak of children as being either good or bad, smart or dumb without much consideration to what that does to them for the duration of their lives. Many a child has been negatively influenced by some loose comment that their parents constantly made to them throughout their childhood. There are also many children who have been positively influenced by what their parents chose to share with them. In both of these situations there is one common denominator, whether good or bad, a parent will have a lasting influence on their children during the short time they are living in their homes.
So this morning in preparation for our dedication service, I want to first talk to the parents and then to the children, all of us children, regardless of age. If your parent is still alive then you are still their "child." This will not be new, but hopefully will serve as a reminder of things you have already heard and maybe already doing for your children. Turn with me to a very familiar verse of Scripture found in Proverbs 22:6.
I. Message for the Parents
"Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 (NASB)
In this verse from Proverbs 22:6, Solomon tells us that we should train up our children. As you may recall, Solomon possessed wisdom unlike any other man ever conceived of a man and woman. Based on his undisputed, God-given wisdom, we can believe that there is truth to his statement. Besides the fact that what he is saying comes from wisdom given from God, if you were to evaluate the children of friends that you know, you would be able to determine with your own knowledge that what he said is true. A parent who takes the time to work with their child early will reap the benefits later. Solomon says that when a parent trains a child in the proper way when that child grows older, the child would not forget it. This does not mean that the child will not push the envelope and rebel in some ways, but overall those things that you place within them will remain. Now here is the catch, training a child is more than just teaching them right from wrong, but also includes teaching them how to live, how to handle situations, how to believe and trust in God. When we are teaching our children, we must remember that they are watching our every move so we are always teaching them something. Let me give you an example.
Several years ago I had the opportunity to work with some teenagers. During one of the lessons, we were talking about being honest and doing what was right. I gave some examples and was surprised that they did not think the examples I gave were actually wrong. I kept getting some push back from several kids (black and white) and when I pushed back on them, they confessed that some of my examples were things that their parents were currently doing. Needless to say I was surprised and in a situation that could potentially anger some parents. Although their parents came to Church, praised and worshipped God, at home they let their guards down. Here are a few examples. At home some of these parents would openly lie and teach their kids to lie. If a bill collector called the house, they would tell their child to tell them they were not at home (lying and having their child to lie). (I think I may have done that a time or two when a telemarketer called.) They would go out to dinner or to a movie and have their child lie about their age so that they could get the extra discount for their child. They would go to the restaurants or clothing shops where their friends worked and receive free food or discounts on the clothes (stealing). Do you know anyone always looking for the "hook-up?" Although these things may seem minor, they were lessons being taught to the children who took it and applied those same principles to other areas in their lives. The lesson was it was okay to do wrong as long as no one "really" got hurt. We teach our children through the lessons we teach them verbally, but more so through the examples we give them in how we live on a daily basis. That brings me to what Paul said in Ephesians 6:4.
"And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4 (NASB)
"Fathers, do not irritate and provoke your children to anger, do not exasperate them to resentment, but rear them (tenderly) in the training and discipline and the counsel and admonition of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4 (Amp B)
I have always found this Scripture interesting as Paul is speaking directly to fathers. It would appear that the fathers he was speaking to were similar to fathers today. I know that there are exceptions to every rule, but let me contrast a father versus a mother in some situations we find ourselves in. In the verses preceding the 4th verse, Paul speaks to the children telling them to obey their parents. After telling the children this, and I will come back to those verses shortly, he speaks directly to the fathers. Let me give you some background on the culture of the time so you can better understand why Paul possibly felt he had to address the fathers.
In the Jewish culture, the role of raising the kids fell on the wife. It was not like it is today where it is defaulted to the wife who stays home with the kids while the man does everything else he wants to do. It was actually a much honored position that the men respected. The man was responsible to ensuring that his wife had everything she needed to take care of the kids as well as maintain the home. Their roles were viewed as equal but different. So when Paul wrote this statement to the men, he was addressing situations to help me understand the importance of their actions within the household. Let me explain it this way through a few examples. In general, you can count on a mother to stand by her child unless that mother is having some issues on her own. If she cannot take care of her child, she will do whatever is necessary (most of the time) to ensure her child is taken care of. We also see this in the animal world where it is the mother who takes care of the babies while often times the father is off doing whatever. In America, fathers walk out on their children at a much higher percentage rate than mothers. It does not matter how ugly or pretty a child is, a mother will love and take care of her child. Have you ever heard the statement "This child has a face that only a mother could love?" This statement has merit in that a mother’s love for her child is blind. It does not matter how ugly the baby is, that mother will love that child. Now a father would look at a "less attractive" baby and say something stupid like "are you sure its mine?"
A mother will spend countless hours helping her child with home work, school appointments, doctor’s appointments, etc. A father in a lot of cases will be there when he can – if nothing else is going on. If a child is running and falls down, a mother will pick the child up, hug the child, kiss the sore to make it better and send the child away happy. The average father will see their child running, see the child fall down and say something like "See, I told you to stop running. I bet you’ll stop that running now!" I am not saying that all fathers are this way, but men are wired differently from women and I believe that is what Paul was addressing. There are things that a father can give a child that a mother cannot and if that father is not doing his job, the child will suffer. So what is it that a father can do that can provoke a child to anger? The answer can be summed up as this: not being a father. Not being around when the child needs you; ignoring their pain in an attempt to make them "grow up"; walking out on them, physically, emotionally and spiritually; not getting involved in their lives; mistreating their mother; not being an example for them.
Even if you do all of these other things and you fail to do this one, you can still cause a lot of harm to your child. As a father, you must give your child boundaries. They must know where the limits are so that they learn how to walk right and make good decisions. There are many men in prison today because they did not have boundaries in their home while they were growing up. I watched an interview once of some prison inmates and they were asked about their fathers. Most of them did not have fathers in their lives and of those that did, the fathers never set boundaries for them. This is an important roles that fathers have when tempered with love. When a child does not have an active father, regardless of how good their mother is, there will be some anger that will dwell within them. This anger can actually hinder their relationship with God because the only father figure they had was a bad one and now they are being asked to believe and accept a "good heavenly Father." For some that requires too much faith.
Whenever we are responsible for a child, whether our own or someone else’s, we have a serious responsibility to train them. What they receive as a child will follow them as an adult, even if what they do as they get older goes against everything they have been taught. What they have been taught will still reside within them and will be the foundation that God will use. Never underestimate what God will be able to do with the seeds that you are currently sowing. When we have our dedication service shortly, you will be reminded of your responsibility as parents and believe me, God takes these responsibilities extremely serious.
II. Message For The Kids
Okay children, I know some of you cannot wait to grow up and be on your own. In your heart you believe that when you move out of your parent’s house you can do what you want and answer only to yourself. You do not have to listen to your parents anymore. You can come and go and not have to take any advice from your parents. Well, let see if this is true in God’s eyes. Turn back to Ephesians 6:1-3:
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth." Eph. 6:1-3
Children, you are asked to honor your parents. Webster defines "honor" as "high regard or respect." You should have respect and high regards for your parents because this comes with a promise. What is the promise? Turn to Exodus 20:12.
"Honor your father and your mother that you days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you." Exodus 20:12
The promise that Paul refers to is long life. It is a proven fact that children who has no respect for their parents tend to have shorten lives. What happens is a child who does not respect their parent will do whatever they want regardless of what their parents have told them. This type of attitude will lead a child into trouble because they are refusing to listen to sound advice. You should always respect and honor your parents, even when you disagree with something that they tell you. They may not hear you say that they are stupid, unaware or just do not understand what is going on, but God does. He is listening. Remember when Aaron and Miriam spoke against Moses privately and God intervened? He is listening to what you are saying about your parents. But let’s take this a step further for some of you "older" kids. Earlier I mentioned about the children wanting to grow up and be on their own and they do not have to listen or pay attention to nothing their parents say to them again. Now here is my question, based on what God says in His word, at what point can you stop respecting your parent? Do you only have to respect them while you are living in their house? Do you only have to respect them while they are supporting you? Can you stop respecting them once you turn 21 years old and are living on your own? If they are living wrong, do you have to respect them? When you are 50 years old and they are 70 years old, do you still have to respect them since you may have kids and possibly grandkids of your own?
I will answer this question very clearly – you must respect your parent as long as there is breath in their body and yours. God doe not care how old you or your parents are, He expects you to respect them for as long as you (and they) are alive. In Jewish culture then, and now, kids are taught to respect their parents for as long as their parents are alive. They go to their parents for advice daily on issues and often follow what their parents recommend to them. In America that is changing somewhat, but the principle remains the same – you respect your parents. So, for all of those excuses you have for not respecting your parent, cast them away.
We are to train up a child and that training never ceases. Remember how every family has one senior person that everyone respects and will listen to for advice? Maybe for you it is your aging grandmother or great-grandmother, but every family has one. This individual is the go to person when issues arise because of their wisdom and ability to handle things rationally. It does not matter how old someone is, there will come a time when you will need to talk with someone older or more experienced than you are. Your parents (and/or grandparents) should be the first option in a best case scenario. By always honoring your parents, you are keeping one of the first commandments that carry a promise with it – your life will be prolonged.
