Comfort One Another
Scripture: 2 Corinthians 1:3-8; 2 Corinthians 12:10; Romans 8:37
Introduction
During my lifetime I have had the opportunity to attend many funerals both as a child and more so as an adult. I remember my parents visiting their friends and other family members when there was a death in the family. I would sit quietly and watch and listen as they talked with the family members about their lost loved one. I remember wondering how they knew what to say to the people who were experiencing these bad times. As I grew older and eventually entered into the ministry, I found myself in the position that I had witnessed my parents fulfilling, trying to comfort someone. There are no easy words to say in these situations but the words that are said actually give those who are grieving a sense of peace. When we visit someone who is grieving and offer words to console them, this is called the act of comforting one another. This morning I want to talk about this act of comforting one another.
I. Our Need For Comfort
I do not know about each of you, but as a man, I struggle with being on the receiving end of comfort. Let me explain. I feel much better when I am able to provide comfort to someone else verse allowing someone else to comfort me. When I am comforting others, I am the one meeting a need versus being the one in need. Call it pride or whatever, but I struggle with being on the receiving side. I remember grieving when my mother died and all I could think about was being alone. When I have experienced difficult emotional times, I tend to want to deal with it alone. Now let me give you some insight into this way of thinking: dealing with things alone gives the impression (false as it may be) that I am in control and therefore strong. This is especially true with a lot of men; we do not like being emotional or needing comfort. We run from the very appearance of being weak. Even as young boys this seed is planted within us; that we must be strong, not weak. Crying is weak. Needing comfort is a weakness. A son falls down and scratches his knee and his father says "deal with it – be a man." A daughter falls down and scratches her knee and that same father would do whatever he could to "comfort" his daughter because she is a female. Men are to be strong and never be in need of anything in a "supportive" manner. I believed this lie for most of my life and sometimes it can be a scary process to put down a belief that has become a very part of who you are and learn a new way. Let me explain to you why walking the way I have walked for many years is dangerous.
One of the tools that Satan uses so effectively against us is the tool of isolation. There are many times when we isolate ourselves from those who are in a position to help us because we do not know how to receive comfort or even worse, ask for help. There can be a fear factor of being vulnerable (and or weak) as I mentioned before. We also isolate ourselves when we do not want other people to know our business. Have you ever been so embarrassed that you refused to ask for or seek out help because of your embarrassment? I have been there and I tell you, I actually felt better thinking that I was doing myself good by keeping my problems private. Then there is the problem that comes with confiding in the wrong person. Sometimes we confide in someone who does not keep our confidence or who is glad that we are struggling because they may have some hidden animosity against us. These thoughts were such an active part of my life that when someone would ask me how I was doing I would respond with these words: "I cannot complain. Besides, who would I complain to? Half the people do not care about my problems and the other half is glad I am getting what’s coming to me." Now although I would say this jokingly, when I look at how I respond in other situations when I could really use some comfort, I think deep down somewhere within me, I believed this and therefore when I spoke these words, they were words of truth for me.
When we place ourselves in isolation, Satan wins. God always has someone out there to share His word, His wisdom and His comfort with us just as we are to be sharing that same comfort with others. In order to receive this, we must get beyond the stigma of being weak. I am not there yet as I have few people that I can be this transparent with. But, I can imagine what my life will be like when I actually can share freely with many other Christians and I know they have my back without judging me. You see, Satan is the great accuser and he wants us to believe that everyone operates according to his standard. If you operate according to his standard, you will not trust anyone with anything because you accept his lie that sooner or later those individuals whom you trusted will betray you or use what you shared against you. We must move beyond this. Let me share with you what God tells us about us comforting one another.
II. Comfort One Another
There is no room for what I described earlier as far as how I "prefer" to be the one comforting verses the one being comforted in God’s eyes. Through God’s Word it demonstrates clearly that our ability to comfort comes from our being comforted. One of the means in which God comforts us is through other Christians. Turn to 2 Corinthians 1:3-7.
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort." 2 Corinthians 1:3-7
In the verses above, Paul lays out the foundation for our comforting of one another. In verse three he says that "…the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." When we have received comfort, it is then that we are able to go out and offer up that which we have freely received from God. Have you ever heard anyone say that they had to work through their own troubles so they expect others to do the same? I remember several years ago when a good friend of mine was called into the ministry. He went to his friend who was also a pastor to ask for help in setting out to do what God had told him to do. The pastor (his good friend) told him that he had to develop on his own because that was the way it had been for him. In other words, since no one helped him develop into the ministry, he expected others to find their way as he found his. Can you imagine what both of these men of God would have developed into if someone had been there to assist them in the early stages of their ministry? This is similar to how some of us respond to those who are in a crisis. We expect them to work through it as we worked through our own crises. But is that God’s way? No! That is the way of our flesh and although sometimes it may feel good to do it, it is not of God. God desires for us to be a vessel through which His blessings flow. One of His blessings is comfort.
In verse five Paul says that "for just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows." When we experience the sufferings of Christ through our daily experience with the cross, we become conduits for Christ’s comfort. You see, when the comfort we receive from Christ overflows us, it is for the benefit of others. Some Christians today have what I will refer to as the cereal bowl mentality (a Rodney term). What happens when a child (or an adult) eats cereal from a small bowl? They fill the bowl up forgetting to leave room for the milk. When they pour the milk in, the bowl sometimes overflows. Well after doing this a few times, the individual knows that they want to have a certain amount of cereal so they move on to a bigger bowl so they can have more without the overflow. These Christians are taking the overflow of Christ’s comfort (and other blessings) which should be shared with others who are in need and are trying to find bigger bowls to put it in so they can keep it for themselves. Again, this is not God’s way.
Finally Paul says that "if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer." What he is saying is that when we are comforting one another with the same comfort we have received from Christ, it gives us the ability to be patient when we are going through difficult times knowing that others have successfully come through what we are experiencing. This is like the calming effect that one family member may have on another. One member could be stressing over a situation, but the other family member acts as the calming force letting the person know that things will be okay. As the person who was stressing listens to their family members, they begin to calm down. Satan does not want us to calm down. He wants us to be in a constant state of fear and panic because when we are walking in this manner it is difficult to walk in faith. It is difficult to see or realize God’s blessings in our lives when we are panicking. The experiences we have that are shared open the door for a solid foundation to be laid for someone else who are experiencing some difficult times.
III. In My Weakness Is God’s Strength
I shared with you at the beginning of this message that part of the reason I like being on the end of giving comfort was because for me I could be viewed as being strong. In my little mind I believed if I showed that I needed comfort, whether that was in the form of prayer support, a hug, or just expressing what I am "feeling" so that others could stand with me that it demonstrated a level of weakness on some level. In my mind, as a man, I cannot be perceived as being weak. Being emotional and needy was often translated as being feminine and weak. Understand this, I have come to know that not everything I have learned as far as "manly roles" are in line with God’s word. By not allowing anyone to comfort me and focusing on being the one to give comfort, I shut down God’s ability to use me more completely.
Turn to 2 Corinthians 12:10. It says "….for when I am weak, then I am strong." Although I have read and known this Scripture for many years, its’ truth are still being revealed. It is a truth that we are spiritually at our strongest when we feel we are at our weakest. How is this possible? With an abundance of natural strength (physical strength through body building or intellectual strength through years of secular study and training) we are useless to God. When we have no strength at all, we can hold on to God and while holding on to Him His strength will flow through us. This is what Paul meant in Romans 8:37 when he said "we are more than conquerors.” Whenever I am doing ANYTHING under Rodney’s strength, I am denying the power of God. God strength comes through abundantly when I am weak because others are seeing God and not Rodney. If you put your faith in Rodney, Rodney will fail you. Put your faith in God who is working through Rodney.
I understand now that in my weakness there is strength. As long as I allow Satan to convince me that I must maintain the perception of strength, I will suffer alone. In my past, when I was hurting, I was hurting in private. Although others could clearly see that I was in pain, I had to be strong because I was a man. When you factor in the point that I was a Christian, a man of faith, a minister and now a Pastor, there was no room for me to be weak for I had so many people depending on me to be strong for them. Let me tell you, all of us at some time in our lives will be in need of comfort. We will need someone to listen, to understand, to speak words of faith in our situation based on what God has done for them or what he has revealed to them for us to hear. There will be times when we will need someone to tell us "It is going to be okay." But if I continue to operate under the disguise that in order for me not to appear weak, I must not allow anyone to see that I need comfort, support, or someone to stand with me, Satan wins. In this situation Satan has effectively shut down that "overflow" of comfort that should flow from me to you and from you to me. When I expect you to handle your problems alone because that is how I operate, Satan wins. Again, he has effectively shut down that overflow of compassion that comes from above and should flow freely from us.
Conclusion
This is the time of year when Christians show more comfort to others in their actions. When out shopping they are quick to give a dollar to the Salvation Army representatives who are ringing bells in front of many of the stores we shop in. They are quick to look for ways to "donate to the less fortunate" so that they can feel better about the gluttony of money they spend on themselves buying more things they do not need in order to make Christmas "more" festive. When January roles around, they quickly forget about others and revert back to the "pre-Christmas" ways. People this is not God’s way.
All of us have had personal experiences with God that we can use to help someone else along their journey. We have come through situations, have arrived over the rough side of the mountain to now enjoy the blessings of looking back and seeing God’s deliverance. We have had times when we have cried out and God heard us. We have had times when we saw God shut down the works of Satan on our behalf. We have had times when we were on the receiving end of being comforted. Whether that came through a family member, friend, co-worker or a total stranger that God used to bring us a message, we have all received comfort from God. Will we shut down and keep to ourselves what God has freely given to us? Will we be so focused on what we are going through NOW that we will miss the opportunity to ease the pain of someone else? Will we keep the overflow for ourselves?
God needs each of us to allow His compassion and His love to flow through us. Don’t be a black hold (speaking of what is believed to exist in space) where light comes in and cannot escape. Allow your light to shine so that all men may see. Allow God’s love and comfort to flow through and "to" you as I am choosing to do. It is through His comfort that we develop that closer steadfast walk with him. May God’s bless you.
