Untouchables: Divorce
collision. 4.9.07. gregg barbour
One day a young man was looking through the classifieds in search of a used car when he came upon an ad for a brand new Jaguar being sold for only $50. Surely he thought this was typo, but calling the number listed he was assured that $50 was correct. The next day he went by to see the car and to his amazement found the automobile to be in superb condition. Asking the woman why she was selling a $150,000 car for only $50.00 the woman said, “A year ago my husband began to go through a mid-life crisis. That’s when he bought this car. About a month ago he ran off with his 23 year old secretary. A week ago he called to say he was running short on cash and asked me to sell his Jag and send him the money. So that’s exactly what I’m doing.”...
We’ve taken a break for a couple weeks from our Untouchables series due to some unfortunate circumstances, but tonight, we’re back on. We’ll be talking about Divorce.
How many of you in here have parents who are divorced? It’s sad to say that you are in the norm. 50% percent of marriages end in Divorce. The divorce rate is even higher for those who have had a divorce and got re-married: 67% of second and 74% of third marriages.
How many of you know someone who’s been through a divorce?
There are many common causes of divorce in America:
Poor communication
Financial problems
A lack of commitment to the marriage
A dramatic change in priorities
Infidelity (not staying faithful)
Let’s take a look at some of God’s thoughts on divorce:
Malachi 2:15-16, “Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. ‘I hate divorce,’ says the Lord God of Israel, ‘ and I hate a man’s covering himself with violence as well as with his garment,’ says the Lord Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit and do not break faith.”
Let’s read these words of Jesus, from Matthew 5:31-32. Please follow along as I read.
"It has been said, `Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’ 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery."
Let’s explore a few questions:
The first is this:
1. Why does Jesus discourage divorce?
* Because marriage is an image of Christ’s love for the church.
One of the lies being perpetrated by our society today is that marriage is no different than living together, except for a slip of paper.
That’s just not true! A marriage is not a contract; it’s a covenant. What’s the difference?
Well, let me just put it this way. When you sign a contract to buy a house, would you die for that house? No.
But Jesus says that He died for the church. He laid His life down, and the book of Ephesians tells us that Jesus labors to present us as stainless and pure before the Father.
Divorce hurts the image of the church, especially when professing believers in Jesus do it.
And divorce hurts Jesus,...
* Because it hurts those He loves.
I think that the chances of a pain-free divorce are so slim as to be virtually non-existent.
You might hate each other’s guts, and the divorce process might go smoothly in some cases, but the fact is that a marriage has been destroyed, and lives have been impacted negatively.
Who really wins in a divorce? No one. Yeah, you might get the house or the pets, or even custody of the children.
But did you really win? I don’t think so. There is still hurt, there is still pain, there is still shame in not being able to work it out.
I just don’t see how anybody could win in a divorce situation.
Even if the divorce was the result of a dangerous living situation, there is pain involved, and no one really wins.
Folks, Jesus doesn’t want divorce. The religious leaders of Jesus’ day made it very easy, and so does our society today.
But Jesus discourages divorce. Let’s look at the next question,...
2. When is divorce permissible?
1. Unfaithfulness.
Jesus just talked about adultery. It is one of the Ten Commandments, and Jesus makes it plain that it is still a sin.
It is a sin not only against God, but against your spouse. And it is serious enough for God to allow a divorce if necessary.
Second, divorce is allowable for an...
2. Unbelieving spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:15 - “But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.”
The gist here is that if you were both unbelievers, neither of you were followers of Christ when you were married - and if one of you becomes a follower of Jesus and the other decides to leave because of that, you are free.
But you also need to grasp something here. No matter what the issue, divorce is not the FIRST option, it is the LAST. Reconciliation should always be sought before proceeding with a divorce.
This means offering forgiveness, and working through the pain, hurt, and disappointment. And it usually means seeking outside help through the church or a professional marriage counselor.
Let me give you a few unacceptable reasons for divorce:
"We don’t love each other anymore." Guess what, folks? That’s not good enough. If the only reason you got married was because of an emotional buzz you got from being around each other, you got married for the wrong reason. But that does not give you the right to make another wrong by divorcing.
"The spice has gone out of our marriage." That one doesn’t cut it either! There is more to marriage than love, and there is more to marriage than the physical "spice," as wonderful as that is.
Here’s a third unacceptable reason: "I’m just not happy anymore, and God wants me to be happy."
Let me just clue you in on something. That is one of the most selfish attitudes in the world. Yes, God wants us to live a full and abundant life. But not at the expense of abandoning a covenant and hurting those who love you.
What about such things as abuse or abandonment?
I am of the opinion, and I think that while Scripture does not give chapter and verse, I think it is safe to say that God does not expect anyone to stay in a situation that brings endangerment to those involved.
In fact, let me go farther by saying abuse is illegal, and we are to obey the laws of the country. Abuse needs to be reported, folks.
If you are the victim of abuse, or know a victim, please get help. You may be saving a life.
You might have noticed that I did not just say husbands abusing wives. Because you would be surprised at how often it’s the other way around.
Here’s the bottom line: if you are in a dangerous situation, GET OUT. Questions about divorce are secondary to your safety. Just get out.
I know that many of you in here are being enlightened to what God’s mandate for divorce is, and that’s not an easy thing to hear. We talked about how nobody wins in a divorce because people get hurt. I would bet that when you ask people who are getting married if they plan to divorce, they would all say “NO.” Nobody plans on getting a divorce when they are in love. They go to the chapel, they say the vows, and enter into a covenant marriage relationship.
Marriage Vows: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.
Most divorced people will admit they don’t just say these things flippantly. They actually at one time did mean them, and through a matter of circumstances they think they only have one out-a Divorce. It’s sad, humiliating, painful, and yet, for some, they feel it’s the only option. In Mark 10, Jesus was questioned about divorce, and he made reference to Genesis. Vs 6, “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
I know many of you have been hurt by your parents going through a divorce, or you empathize with your friends who have gone through one, but I want to remind you that we serve a big God; a God of hope, and forgiveness, and a God of reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5:18-21, “All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”
I would dare to say that through a divorce some of you have a good relationship with one of your parents, and not the other. You may need to receive the ministry of reconciliation. God may be asking you to offer forgiveness to your parent, to be reconciled to them. Though you may not condone what they did, you would neither condemn them.
Some of you may take this message as one of a preventative measure. That you would take care in choosing a spouse, and do all things necessary to work through problems and issues, and to put God in the center of all your relationships.
If your parents are divorced, then I want you to know that I’ve been divorce. My dad had been unfaithful, and so my mom had Biblical grounds to divorce him. She would do just as Jesus does for us. She would continue to forgive him over and over again, until finally she had enough. She filed for divorce, and though it was very painful, we’ve made it through. I had to let the ministry of reconciliation take over in my life and I had to forgive my dad, though it took years for me to do that. I want to encourage you, that no matter where you are in regards to these things, God wants to speak to you. I want us to just have a moment of silence and allow you to do business with God. Ask him to let you know what He wants you to do with this knowledge, and then make a plan to act on it. We are going to play a song, and while that song is playing, just do business with God. If you want to pray with a leader, then we’ll be available for you during this time. Play song: none but Jesus. (Invitation)
