(Extensive inspiration for the sermons in this series derived from the sermon samples in the "Who Cares" promotional series by Outreach Ministries.)
Children’s Church Dismissal & Disclaimer (for this message we expanded our children’s church through 5th grade. It is a very blunt, and frank sermon dealing with a very sensitive sexual topic)
- If the church doesn’t deal with this issue honestly, where will the Christian teaching on it come from?
For almost every case and struggle with today’s topic, it starts with a seemingly harmless second glance. A scenario similar to when one particular husband and wife were shopping at a mall and a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. His eyes followed her. Then, without even looking up from the item she was examining, his wife asked, "Was it worth the trouble you’re in?"
That’s where it starts, but not where it ends. From there it might progress to simply flirting with the opportunity to lust after someone, or to take a glance at pornography. Beginning to walk the tight rope, seeing how close we can come without falling.
There was an affluent, aristocratic woman reviewing resumes from potential chauffeurs to drive her Rolls Royce. She narrowed the applicants to three men and invited them to her palatial home. She escorted each one individually to her driveway and the brick wall beside it. Then she asked, "If you were driving my Rolls, how close do you think you could come to that brick wall without scratching my car?"
The first applicant says, "I can drive within a foot of that wall and not damage your Rolls."
She brought out the second applicant and asked "If you were driving my Rolls, how close do you think you could come to that brick wall without scratching my car?"
He scratches his head and says, "I can drive within six inches of that wall and not damage your car."
She invited the third applicant and asked, "If you were driving my Rolls, how close do you think you could come to that brick wall without scratching my car?"
He did not hesitate. "Ma’am, I do not know how close I could come to the wall without damaging your car, but if I was driving your car, I would stay as far away as possible from the wall so as not to damage your car."
Guess who got the job? You see, many people want to know where the line is between a second glance and lust or an addiction to pornography. But when addressing sexual temptation, the point is not how close one can get to the temptation without getting "scratched" or crossing the line or falling off the ledge, but the issue is staying as far away as possible.
Because it may start with a casual second glance. It may even progress to seeking opportunities to be in locations for lust and pornographic fulfillment. But it won’t even stop there. It’s goal is not to tease you, but to control you. ("Who Cares?" Sermon Starter Video for Lust/Pornography)
Pornography is now big business. According to U.S. News and World Report, the industry grosses an estimated $10 billion per year. General Motors, the world’s largest company, now sells more graphic sex films through its DirectTV subsidiary than does Hustler pornographer Larry Flynt. May make some people rethink their “only buy GM products” conviction.
The no. 2 satellite provider, EchoStar, now makes more money selling sex films than Playboy does with its magazines, cable, and Internet businesses. It is estimated that 60% of all web sites are pornographic, and the United States, one nation under God, is now by far the world’s leading producer of porn, churning out hard-core videos at the astonishing rate of about 150 new titles a week.
And yet there are still those, some of which are good Christian people, who will argue, “It doesn’t hurt to look, does it?”
You tell me. It has been estimated that approximately 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be sexually molested before the age of 18. Seventy-seven percent of those who molested boys and eighty-seven percent of those who molested girls said they were regular users of hardcore pornography.
You may have noticed just a few weeks back in the “Faith and Values” section of the Herald-Leader the following headline (read). In this article, they indicate that 50% of all Christian men, and 20% of Christian women, are addicted to pornography. Beyond that, 57% of pastors polled said that pornography was the most damaging sexual issue affecting congregations today.
So this morning, we are going to get very practical. I’m not interested today in arguing over what is pornography and what is not. Whether the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, or the latest Victoria’s Secret catalogue should be banned from Christian homes. Whether simply “admiring God’s creation” poolside is lust. Attempting to draw with some Biblical authority just where the line is, and having us see how close we can get to walking it. If you want to debate those items with me, we’ll sit down together and do it. But today, we are going to simply get very practical.
And no matter who you are, male or female, married or single, young or old, I’m going to have at least two practical steps you can take in the Christian battle against lust and pornography. Ready? Here we go. And as they say. . .ladies first.
1. WOMEN – DO NOT DISCOUNT THE REALITY OF THIS STRUGGLE FOR MEN.
Let me tell you what I mean by that. If a man approached a woman and said, “You shouldn’t be so hormonal. You shouldn’t be so emotional. You need to learn to not be so sensitive.” What would most women call that man? At least, what would he be called that could be repeated in church. Insensitive. Jerk. Clueless. Someone who needs to try being a woman for a month or two. Right?
We would find it ridiculous for a man to simply look at a woman, with her design being such that there are significant chemical and hormonal swings that occur on a regular basis in her life, and look at her and say, “You just need to get it together.” Right? Any “Amens” from the women in the crowd?
But that is what we do with men when it comes to lust and pornography. Which though not exclusively a male problem, is significantly a male problem. Women tell men, “What is wrong with you. You are not normal. You just need to calm down.” Or a more blunt popular reference that might be made to men, “You need to quit being so horny.”
And what we end up doing is treating the individual man like there is something wrong with him. Like he is some kind of freak because he struggles with these feelings, impulses and temptations. We communicate to him that he is less mature of a Christian, or less of a husband, or less of a disciplined individual because he battles these desires inside him for sexual activity that often pull him towards lust and pornography.
We will better address this issue in the church when the women in the church choose to take the position of acknowledging the reality of the temptations and sins associated with the natural sex drive of a man.
Women, read your Old Testament. This stuff isn’t new with rated X movies and the internet. Some of the greatest men in the Bible, men commended for their lives of faith, did very poorly at dealing with the reality of lust and sexual urges in their lives. David. Samson. Solomon.
Some of the men in the Old Testament even had handfuls of wives and concubines followed by dozens of children. Why? At least partly because it is a reality that most men are wired with a sexual drive that does not, for the most part, match their female counterparts. And when women simply discount that as odd, perverted, or something we should just be “able to control” it does nothing to help address this reality in men’s lives and their struggle with lust and pornography.
For Example: A practical outflow of this is the mindset and issue of dress both in the church and in the world. (Elaborate)
Women, if you want to help men deal with this issue, have victory over this issue in their lives, do not discount the reality of this struggle.
Now, as we turn our attention to the men of the church, this biological wiring does not become an excuse for inappropriate thought lives and behavior. But the really important point of practical application for men might look something like this. . .(Video from SermonSpice showing an employee trashing his computer after porn shows up on the screen.)
Now that is kind of comical, and maybe a bit too easy to laugh off. Because Jesus words on this subject are anything but comical. Matthew 5 says, “You have heard that it was said, ’You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” (Matthew 5:27-30, ESV)
The point for men. . .
2. MEN – DO NOT MINIMIZE THE SEVERITY OF THIS BATTLE.
Jesus says, “It isn’t worth it.” This is your eternity you are dealing with. This is not a casual second glance. This is not just how we are wired. We can not afford to say, “This is no biggie because I would never act on it, or no woman would ever give me opportunity to act on it.” This is a huge deal to God, and one that He says we need to take some pretty severe actions to protect against.
But really, whose going to gauge out an eye or cut off a hand? I wasn’t born yesterday. But what are you willing to do? Cut off your computer? Cut off your cable? Cut off your subscription to magazines that are constantly full of ads that tempt you with lust and “soft” porn? Do not minimize how serious this battle is.
(i.e. Removal of TV when traveling)
Because lust and pornography involves so much flesh, it can be easy for us men to make this an issue of the flesh. But remember, we wrestle not with flesh and blood. There is an enemy behind this battle who wants to destroy you, and for the most part, is willing to take more drastic steps than we are. But Jesus says, “It is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.”
Okay, now things are going to get really tough, and really uncomfortable. Let’s talk to the husbands and wives for a few minutes. Let’s look at some practical application for them. Single people tend to think, why would married people struggle with this? They’ve got it made, right? Not so fast.
I Corinthians 7:3 (read through verse 5). If you are a married woman, here is your second point of application.
3. WIVES – BE MINDFUL OF FULFILLING YOUR HUSBAND’S PHYSICAL NEEDS.
Let me make sure I am being very clear here. If a wife is not mindful of her husband’s physical needs, or does not care to fulfill them, that is not an endorsement for the husband to find his fulfillment elsewhere. “Well, God’s Word told her to take care of my needs, she didn’t, and that is what got us in this mess.” Again, admonishments and encouragements to one group does not become an excuse for another group. But wives do need to be mindful of fulfilling their husband’s physical needs.
And I venture to guess, it is not for the reason you think. It is not simply so he is fulfilled sexually. That is small potatoes compared to the real reason. It is not so that he will buy you roses, wash the dishes, or let you pick out that new dress you have been wanting. Again, small potatoes compared to the real reason.
The real reason, given to us by Paul in God’s Word, is so that he may not be tempted by Satan. Move this issue beyond what he wants and what I want. Recognize the reality that men do struggle with self-control in this area, and when their needs are not met in this area, because of our lack of self-control and weakness in the flesh, we become highly susceptible to the temptation of Satan.
Lest you think that is crazy. Let me give an example from the flip side. Most women who get involved in extra marital affairs do so not for the physical fulfillment, but because of what they perceive to be emotional fulfillment. “He listens to me when my husband doesn’t.” “He cares out about me when my husband is in his own world.” When a women’s emotional needs are not met, her lack of self-control and selfish desires can cause her to be tempted to go astray.
And the same is true for men. It is just a different need that we desire to have fulfilled. And again, if wives choose to just act like that makes us Neanderthals, that isn’t going to do a whole lot to help us in our struggle with this issue.
Paul knows our weaknesses. Paul knows how men are wired. And he says, “do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, but then come back together so Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Which leads us to our next practical application. One which may lead the women and wives to think the men are getting off easy. But this is much harder for men than women will ever know.
4. HUSBANDS – BE HONEST WITH YOUR WIFE REGARDING YOUR SEXUAL NEEDS.
Wives might be thinking. “Big whoop! That is a real tough one. My husband has no problem reminding me of his sexual needs.” That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about an honest transparency with your wife. And that means letting down some walls, and becoming highly vulnerable.
You see, for some of us, it might start with having to say, “I need to tell you. I’m really being tempted sexually at work right now. Or on the latest business trip, I gave in and rented a movie in my hotel room. Or I have been keeping a stash of some magazines in my desk that you don’t know about.”
Again, wives, look at it from an issue typically on your side of the fence. Do you find it easy to look at your husband and say, “Honey, I’m not feeling like you really love me right now. I’m not even sure you like me. You don’t look at me like you used to. You don’t talk to me like you used to. I feel very distant from you.” Wives, do you find that an easy conversation to have?
Trust me, for men, conversations about the fulfillment, the temptation, the sexual drive that can consume us are just as embarrassing, difficult and humbling. But husbands, it is critical that you rely on your helpmate, your best friend, the one whom God has joined you with as the only acceptable place for sexual fulfillment. . .it is critical that you be honest and transparent with her regarding your struggles and your needs in this area. No matter how embarrassing or difficult it might be.
And finally, one that applies to each and every one of us. Church. . .
5. BODY OF CHRIST – STEP UP AS A PLACE FOR ACCOUNTABILITY AND ENCOURAGEMENT.
It is at least somewhat ironic that we do not want our children to be taught about sexuality in the schools. That is for the parents and the body of Christ to handle from a Godly perspective.
We don’t want our men and women to live lives of closet sexual sins, temptations, and failings. That is for the body of Christ to walk each other through, and help each other experience victory over.
We don’t want our marriages to dissolve to divorce at the same rate as those in the world. The body of Christ is supposed to strengthen marriage, help with marital issues, and provide Biblical instruction on how to live as husband and wife.
So it is at least somewhat ironic that there are few places people are less comfortable talking about sex, and less comfortable teaching about sex than within the Body of Christ. I dare say there are some of you who have been embarrassed by some of the teaching today. Some of you have been a bit put off. There might even be one or two of you who feel it has been a totally inappropriate topic for a church service.
But to those of you I would ask, if the church does not step-up as a place for accountability and encouragement in regards to this multi-billion dollar sexual industry, then where in the world will the Christian teaching, training, and victory come from? Just ignoring the movements of satan does not end them.
So the church must become a place for accountability and encouragement when people are struggling with lust and temptation. A place where young men like Andrew Perkins can stand on this stage a few years back and declare, “I have struggled with pornography, God has given me victory, but I still need your help.” A place where newlyweds like the Shambachs or Kincaids can come to great veterans of all wisdom and marital knowledge like Debbie and I or the Moores and find encouragement and accountability to face the challenges of lust and sexual temptation that can tear apart a young marriage.
This, the church, the body of Christ is supposed to be that place. And if we aren’t, then MySpace or chat rooms or bars or office break rooms will be and the world’s perspective will win out over the word of God’s perspective on physical intimacy.
So we learn to be comfortable talking about such topics. We learn to be honest with our spouses and each other about our temptations and weaknesses. And we learn to project ourselves as a place that cares even before someone asks the question, “Who cares?”
Well, I know that was not an expository teaching by any stretch of the imagination. But hopefully one that will get us thinking, sharing, and experiencing some victory over this huge destroyer of churches, lives and marriages. Let’s pray.
