We are continuing in our series through the book of Proverbs to seek God’s wisdom for everyday living. When I began going through Proverbs and categorizing different proverbs into various topics. The one topic which kept coming up again and again was the tongue or the mouth. There are more proverbs aimed at the words we say and the way we say them than just about anything else, in fact there is so much I needed to make this into a two-part sermon. Why did Solomon write so much on the tongue?
NIV Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
He included so many Proverbs on the tongue because our words are powerful. They have the power of life and death. They can pierce like a sword or they can heal. What we say to others or what they say to us effects us more often than we care to admit. Whoever said the phrase “Stick and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” was wrong, words can and do hurt. Physical harm is only superficial while words can cut to the heart whether for good or for bad. I’m sure most of us have said things we regret.
When you consider the fact that the average man speaks over 20,000 words a day and the average woman about 30,000 words a day…(I’m not making any judgment calls here) you get the idea for how much potential this has for helping or hurting other people.
In the NT book of wisdom called James, written by Jesus’ brother James he says this:
NLT James 1:26 If you claim to be religious but don’t control (bridle) your tongue, you are just fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.
James reminds us that our “religion” or our Christian faith should impact the words we say and how we say them. As Christians we, of all people, should control our tongue and use our words carefully. If we cannot control our tongue, if we act just like everyone else around us who are of the world than what is the point of our faith (or religion), it is worthless. He was not saying Christian faith is worthless, but we are missing Christ’s transforming power in our life.
Let me ask, what kind of words have we been using, especially with our spouse, children, family, friends, coworkers? Do our words reflect our faith? Do they reflect Jesus? Do they bring life and healing? Do they encourage and build up? Or do they cut like a sword and criticize, tear down, and injure?
Have you ever noticed how we tend to use the worst language with those we are closest to? The people we should be building up the most are the very ones we tear down. Around strangers we act nice saying kind and helpful things, but as soon as we get around family we seem to act differently. The truth is the person we are when we are around our family is the real us, because all of the masks are off. There’s no pretending around our family, they know who we really are, and sometimes it’s ugly and does not reflect our faith.
This morning we are going to begin by looking at the reckless words we use which pierce like a sword, and next week we will come back and focus on the tongue of the wise, and how our words should bring healing.
1. Words That Wound
A. Gossip
One of the reckless ways we use words, according to Proverbs, is gossip.
NRS Proverbs 11:13 A gossip goes about telling secrets, but one who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a confidence.
This is a pretty obvious statement but people are still doing it. Gossip is telling secrets, sharing something spoken to us in confidence without their permission or spreading a rumor (without the facts) that we heard from someone. It may be based in fact, or it may just be conjecture, but it doesn’t really matter. Here’s a rule of thumb, if you start a phrase with “well I heard…” or “so and so told me,” it is probably going to be followed by gossip.
People gossip to get attention, but it always works against us. Sure you may get attention, people will listen, but the crowd is short lived and once those dainty morsels of rumors are over people avoid you because you have broken trust. Once trust is broken it divides friends (16:28) and families. And people learn to distrust a gossip because chances are pretty good that if they spill the beans on what others tell them, they will probably share whatever I tell them too. Before you share something ask yourself, “do I have permission to share this?” or “If the person I am talking about were right here would they be bothered by what I am saying?”
B. Lying/deceiving
Another reckless word is lying or deceitfulness. In fact Solomon shares seven things which God hates most, and one of those seven is a lying tongue (6:17). Lying includes any type of deceit. How many times have people told just a part of the truth to lead people astray? Suppose I were to tell you, “I have never told a lie.” Would you believe me? (pause for effect) Technically speaking I have told the truth because I have never told a lie, I have told many lies. While I may have been accurate in what I was saying, I was using my words to intentionally deceive, and this is still a lie.
We can all remember the fiasco with President Clinton deceiving the country after the Monica Lewinsky scandal. A lie is a lie. The president of the U.S. was almost impeached because he lied or perjured himself on the witness stand.
Message Proverbs 26:18-19 People who shrug off deliberate deceptions, saying “I didn’t mean it, I was only joking,” are worse than careless campers who walk away from smoldering campfires.
In other words, even though they were just kidding the smoldering ashes of the comment still remain.
C. Words Spoken in Anger or Leading to a Quarrel
Too often when we get angry the words which follow are often cutting and tear each other down which leads to fighting or quarrelling as Proverbs calls it. Our tongue lashes out in anger with the intention of wounding the other person. We may push hot buttons, bring up garbage from the past.
NIV Proverbs 17:14 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.
In the NT book of Ephesians (4:26-27, 29) Paul writes, “in your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” A couple of verses later he goes on to say, “do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
In other words resolve your anger quickly, and we can never use our anger as an excuse for blasting someone with “unwholesome talk,” or as the NLT says “foul or abusive language.” Too many families and marriages get into trouble because they open their mouth in anger and out comes nastiness. It gives the devil an opportunity to work his evil in relationships.
D. Pride or Self-centered Words
Sometimes we use our words to make ourselves look important, to put the attention on ourselves. In other we use our mouth to push our own self-centered agenda.
NIV Proverbs 18:2 A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.
A fool likes to talk about him or herself, what I think, what I like, without care for the other person. As Christians our concern should be for others, we are commanded to love our neighbor, which means we are interested in what they have to say too.
E. Complaining
I Think Solomon had a sense of humor because of this next Proverb about complaining:
NLT Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live alone in the desert than with a crabby, complaining wife.
The person who is constantly complaining isn’t just annoying, their words are reckless because they are ignoring the goodness of God. They are failing to appreciate what God has given them, and they do not have an attitude of thankfulness. You cannot complain and give thanks in the same breath.
Other ways we use our mouth recklessly which aren’t included in Proverbs but shared in other places in the Bible:
F. Foul language or swearing, particularly using the Lord’s name in vain.
G. Abusive words
2. The problem is with our heart not our words
I’m sure we could probably come up with several others ways we use our mouths recklessly, but it really isn’t about our words, at least that is what Jesus said:
NIV Matthew 12:34b For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36 But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37 For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."
The reason we have difficulty controlling the words from our mouths is not so much a problem with our mouth as it is our heart. Jesus said our words will naturally follow what is in our heart: a heart filled with love will speak words of love that lift up and encourage others, praise God. Hearts filled with darkness will speak words of gossip, lies, anger, self-centeredness, boasting-bragging, put-downs, complaining, and swearing. You may say, “well the words just slipped out of my mouth, I didn’t really mean them.” Or, “I just wasn’t thinking.” Or, “I was just joking.” According to Jesus, our words are just slipups. Reckless words don’t just happen, they come from a heart which is in need of healing. They come from a heart which needs to be touched by God because only God through Jesus Christ can change a heart. We cannot change our heart on our own, it is changed only be the supernatural work of God.
Communion Meditation:
Today we are celebrating communion, and in the Bible (1 Cor. 11) it tells us we must examine ourselves before we receive the bread and the cup. We must look within ourselves and ask, “Is there some way I have sinned against God or others, particularly with the words of my mouth?” Have I used my mouth in an inappropriate way? Did I yell at someone out of anger? Did I put someone down? Did I lie or try to deceive someone? Did I gossip about someone else? Did I use the Lord’s name in vain? We will have a moment of silence to allow the Holy Spirit to speak to us and reveal where we have not honored God with our words so we can seek his forgiveness and healing. [Time of silence].
Pray: Lord God, we admit to you we have not always used our words in ways which honor you or helped others. In our hearts we confess to you the sin of our mouth which you have revealed to us (pause). We ask for your forgiveness Lord claiming the promise that if we confess our sin to you with a genuine heart, that you are faithful to forgive us through the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ on the cross. We also ask that you would bring healing into the darkness of our heart which caused our mouths to speak these words. We pray as David did,
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer (Ps. 19:14).”
And
“Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips (Ps. 141:3).”
Amen
As you come forward to receive communion may it serve as a symbolic reminder that we are forgiven of our sin through Jesus Christ. Let it also remind us that as we symbolically take of Christ’s body and blood we are receiving him into our life, his Spirit, his healing power and strength to live as his followers including the control of our mouth for his glory. Again, you are saying I receive your forgiveness, and I receive your healing power and strength to help me master my mouth.
