FUNDAMENTALS OF FRIENDSHIP
Jackie Robinson was the first black to play major league baseball. While breaking baseball’s “color barrier”, he faced jeering crowds in every stadium. While playing one day in his home stadium in Brooklyn, he committed an error. His own fans began to ridicule him. He stood at second base, humiliated, while the fans jeered.
Then shortstop “Pee Wee” Reese went over and stood next to him. He put his arm around Jackie Robinson and faced the crowd. The fans grew quiet. Robinson later said that arm around his shoulder saved his career.
Now you may say to yourself, “I wish I had a friend like that,” or “I’m glad I have a friend like that.” But I want to challenge you today to be able to say, “I will BE a friend like that.”
The Bible speaks of friendship; it has guidance on being a good friend, just as it contains instructions and guidance for other areas of our lives. So open your Bible this morning and turn with me to the book of Proverbs. Proverbs chapter 18 and verse 24.
- Proverbs 18:24
> Proverbs 18:24 A man with many friends may be harmed, but there is a friend who stays closer than a brother.
This verse is translated a little differently in different versions. After looking at them, I believe this is probably the closest. In this verse we see a comparison between many companions, or many friends, and true friends. Notice, not every companion, not every acquaintance is a friend. You and I need to understand, right from the beginning, that you cannot be everyone’s friend. You can be friendly to everyone, but you cannot be everyone’s friend. There are limitations to friendship.
I. LIMITATIONS TO FRIENDSHIP
Think for a moment of Jesus; our Savior and Lord, the One Whom we are to model our lives after. During His earthly stay, Jesus ministered to, healed, and taught, thousands of people. In spite of the countless numbers of people Jesus encountered, He only had 12 apostles. Of the 12, there were 3 of the group who were especially close to Him. There were only 3 invited to go with Him when He was transfigured on the mountain. When Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemane the night He was arrested, only 3 were invited to go apart with Him to pray. Of the three, only one was called the Disciple Jesus loved.
> John 13:23 One of His disciples, the one Jesus loved, was reclining close beside Jesus.
> John 20:2 So she ran to Simon Peter and to the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put Him!”
We read of the disciple Jesus loved again in John 21:7. and 21:20.
Those of you who have been taking a guilt trip because you feel that you’re letting people down because you can’t be everyone’s friend, need to give it break. You cannot be equally friendly to everyone. You can and should be friendly to everyone, as Jesus was. But, you cannot be equally everyone’s friend. That’s why our verse concludes, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
In our imperfect world, you and I will have 3 groups of people that we encounter regularly. I’m not speaking of just acquaintances. I’m talking about people you regularly interact with. First, there are those you minister to.
1. Those you Minister To – There are needy people you and I need to reach out and minister to. You know the one’s I’m talking about. They are the ones that you regularly encourage. They are the ones that need someone to listen. They are the ones who leave you feeling drained everytime to talk to them.
Perhaps it’s some people at work, who have no one to listen to them or minister to them at home. Perhaps it’s a neighbor who comes over and unloads all of his or her frustrations.
Everyone of us, as Christians, should have people we regularly minister to and help. That’s part of sharing God’s love. But, if all you have in your life are a bunch of needy people who lean on you, then you will be drained and run down. That’s why this verse begins, “A man with many friends may be harmed.” If all you have in your life is people you minister to, then you will be drained. You will be hurt.
To help us, God provides a second group of people, and these are the people who minister to us.
2. Those who Minister to us – A while back I was having some struggles, so I called a couple of people who minister to me. When I called those men, I didn’t call to encourage them. I didn’t even really ask how they were doing at first. I just called and began to unload. I just called and said, “Hey, this is how I’m feeling; I’m a little frustrated by this, will you pray for me.” And you know what? They encouraged me. They picked me up. They prayed for me.
Both of the men I called were former or retired pastors. Both of them were church planters. They had been in my shoes. They knew some of the struggles I was facing, so they were able to pick me up.
But, when those men need encouragement, when they need a lift, they don’t call me. They are my seniors. They are my teachers. They ministered to me.
Now, if all you have in your life are people who minister to you, where is the growth? Where is the maturing? You can easily begin to lean on them like a crutch. In that case again, you can be harmed.
So God provided others to minister to us. He provided us to minister to others, and then, praise God, He provided friends.
3. Those who Are Friends
A true friendship is one based on giving and taking. It is based on 2 people walking together, each being encouraged and each encouraging.
Now, how can you tell if you are being a friend? How can you who are friends and who are not? Let’s look for a moment at some of the characteristics of a friend, as demonstrated by Jesus.
II. FUNDAMENTALS OF FRIENDSHIP
- John 1:43-51
1. Nonjudging/accepting
Nathaniel was:
a. Doubtful v46, of Philip’s statement
b. Prejudiced against people of Nazareth
c. Poor
Matthew was:
Despised as a tax collector. In his greed and wild pursuit of money he had traded his reputation, his family, his friends, his country, and his religion. He was not allowed in the synagogue because of his occupation.
Peter, James and John were:
Fishermen. They stunk.
A friend is one to whom we may pour out the contents of our hearts, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will sift it, keep what is worth keeping, & with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.
2. Affirming
> John 1:47 The Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward Him and said about him, “Here is a true Israelite; no deceit is in him.”
a. An Israelite indeed – You are a religious person, on the inside as well as the outside.
b. No deceit – No falseness
Dr. Larry Crabb tells about the first time he prayed in public. He was a young man at the time and had trouble speaking. He had trouble with a little stuttering and really didn’t want to pray in public but it was expected of him, so he did. While praying, he messed up his theology a little. After he finished praying he had decided that he would never pray or speak in public.
After the service he hurried for the nearest exit he could find, not wanting anyone to catch him and correct his theology for him. As he looked for the exit, an older man, Jim Dunbar, caught him. He said, “Larry, there’s one thing I want you to know. Whatever you do for the Lord, I’m behind you 1000%.”
To this day Dr. Crabb cannot tell that story without getting a lump in his throat. A true friend is affirming.
3. Sees the Potential
- John 1:40-42
Born Simon, called Peter. “Rockman.” Peter, this was a strange name given for the unstable son of Jonas who appeared to have in him nothing of the steadfastness of a rock.
Someone once noticed that Andrew Carnegie had a lot of millionaires working for him. When asked why this was he replied, “They weren’t millionaires when they started working for me. When you mine for gold, you don’t look for the dirt, you look for the gold.”
4. Prays for his friends
- Luke 22:32
5. Forgives when he is let down.
- John 21:15-17
Peter had denied Jesus 3 times on the night of His trial. Now Jesus reminds Peter that he is forgiven and that Jesus is going to use him.
6. Lifts Up his friends when they fall.
> Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
- Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
7. Majors on the Majors
A friend shares and visits, but never forgets that this life is just a preparation for the next one.
> John 14:6 Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
> John 3:3 Jesus replied, “I assure you: Unless someone is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”
**** SHARE PLAN OF SALVATION
It was the 1925 World Series. The Washington Senators were playing the Pittsburgh Pirates. The game was close. Finally, Goose Gosling of the Washington Senators came to the plate. The ball was pitched. Strike 1! The catcher threw the ball back to the pitcher. Goose readied himself again. The pitcher let a screaming ball loose toward the plate. Strike 2! Goose stepped out the batters box. He took a step or two. He stepped back into the box and readied himself. The pitcher wound up and flung another pitch. Goose caught the ball with the sweet part of the bat. It was a long drive into Center field. Goose took off running. He rounded first as the ball passed the Centerfielder. He ran toward second. He rounded third as the fielder threw the ball toward home plate. Goose made a running dive for home as the catcher caught the ball and spun to tag him. It was a photo finish.
The crowd jumped to their feet. Some screaming “He’s out.” Others screaming, “He’s safe!” The umpire didn’t say a word or make a call for a minute. Finally, he signaled for a megaphone and motioned for silence. An eerie hush fell on the field.
The umpire spoke. He said, “We have seen some great playing today. Both teams have been good sports and have shown why they deserve to be in this series.
Now, Goose touched home plate before the catcher tagged him. The stands erupted! After a moment, the umpire called for silence again. Goose beat the play at home. The problem is, he never touched first.
People began shouting. “But this is Goose! This is the World Series!” After the noise died down, the umpire continued, “I know this is Goose and I know this is the World Series, but you can’t go home, unless you touch first.
The same is true in our lives my friends. You may go to second and be a good friend. You may go to third and be baptized or attend church. You might even preach or serve as a missionary in some foreign land and believe you’re heading for home, but it doesn’t matter at all, if you haven’t touched first. Nothing in the world you do matters in the end, if you haven’t first taken care of your relationship with Jesus Christ.
I invite you today, won’t you take care of that most important relationship? Won’t you take the time today, to get to know that friend Who sticks closer than a brother?
