Breaking the Chains of Unforgiveness
Luke 17:3-10
Philippians 3:7-14
Galatians 5:16
Romans 12:19
INTRODUCTION: There is much misunderstanding about what forgiveness really means. Like the story about a pastor who visited a man who had been active in the church, but, due to a dispute with a fellow member, he had stopped coming to church. He reasoned with him at length about the need for forgiveness and returning to church. Reluctantly, he agreed, and then they prayed together. When the pastor was leaving, he followed him to the car and said, "Now, I’ll forgive him, but all I want is for him to stay on his side of the church, and I’ll stay on mine."
Unforgiveness robs us of our friendships, it steals our joy, it keeps us focused on the past, it saps our energy to live in the present.
How Do We Know if We Need to Forgive?
We need to forgive if we find ourselves thinking about an offense with no outside prompting. In other words, we bring up the subject to others or to ourselves for no apparent reason.
Let’s begin with a way to know when real forgiveness has happened: Forgiveness has taken place when we no longer dwell on the offense.
We must stop bringing up the offense to the offender, others or ourselves. 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, (NAU)
If we have really forgiven someone, or covered it in love, we will not brood about it. Forgiving is a type of forgetting. Jeremiah 31:34 . . . declares the Lord, “for I will forgive their iniquity, and their sin I will remember no more.” (NAU)
Isaiah 43:25 “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins. (NAU)
Literally NOT REMEMBER means: 1 to remember, recall, call to mind. 1a (Qal) to remember, recall. 1b (Niphal) to be brought to remembrance, be remembered, be thought of, be brought to mind. 1c (Hiphil). 1c1 to cause to remember, remind. 1c2 to cause to be remembered, keep in remembrance. 1c3 to mention. 1c4 to record. 1c5 to make a memorial, make remembrance.
Let’s look at Luke 17:3-10 so we can learn when we should forgive.
When Should We Forgive?
Lk 17:3 1. When we start the process “rebuke him”
Luke 17:3 “Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. (NAU)
Forgiveness seldom happens if we don’t start the process.
The word REBUKE means: to confront him with his sin.
So the first step to forgetting is remembering! If the offense is serious enough so that it occupies our thinking, then we must mention it to the one who has offended us.
This is hard. That’s why Jesus said, “Be on your guard!”
Paul places the burden on the one who knows about the sin. Galatians 6:1 Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. (NAU)
Lk 17:4 2. Whenever forgiveness is requested “saying, I repent”
Luke 17:4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.” (NAU)
Forgiveness is not based on the person’s actions, just the statement alone. If someone were to ask forgiveness seven times a day his actions would seem to contradict his words, but we are to forgive anyway.
When forgiveness is requested, we must not only say we forgive, we must act like we have forgiven that person. When a disciplined church member told the Corinthian church he was repenting, Paul made it clear what they were supposed to do. 2 Corinthians 2:7-8 7 so that on the contrary you should rather forgive and comfort him, otherwise such a one might be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. 8 Wherefore I urge you to reaffirm your love for him. (NAU)
Lk 17:5-10 3. When we are obedient “we have done only that which we ought to have done”
Luke 17:5-10 5 The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” 6 And the Lord said, “If you had faith like a mustard seed, you would say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and be planted in the sea’; and it would obey you. 7 “Which of you, having a slave plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come immediately and sit down to eat’? 8 “But will he not say to him, ‘Prepare something for me to eat, and properly clothe yourself and serve me while I eat and drink; and afterward you may eat and drink’? 9 “He does not thank the slave because he did the things which were commanded, does he? 10 “So you too, when you do all the things which are commanded you, say, ‘We are unworthy slaves; we have done only that which we ought to have done.’ ” (NAU)
In order for a relationship to be restored there must be forgiveness AND repentance. But, in order for our relationship to God to be right we must give offenses to Him and trust God’s sovereign control over all circumstances whether that person repents or not.
If the person who has sinned against us is unavailable (maybe because of death) we must still forgive (or forget, i.e., treat the person as if they had not committed that sin).
Mark 11:25 “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. (NAU)
Matthew 18:35 “My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” (NAU)
Since this grates on our human nature, Jesus proceeds to explode two objections to obeying this command.
Two Excuses for Not Forgiving
Lk 17:5-6 1. We assume that we can’t do it “faith like a mustard seed”
Look at Vs.5-6 above.
We don’t need more faith, we just need to obey a clear command.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. (NAU)
Lk 17:7-10 2. We let our feelings rule “things which are commanded”
Look at Vs.7-10 above.
Jesus tells a story about a servant. When he comes in from the field tired he doesn’t FEEL like fixing a meal for his master, but that is what is required. So we too should just do what is required even when we don’t feel like it.
How Can We Forgive?
Let’s remember that forgetting an offence does not mean that we have no recollection of it. Genesis 41:50-52 50 Now before the year of famine came, two sons were born to Joseph, whom Asenath, the daughter of Potiphera priest of On, bore to him. 51 Joseph named the firstborn Manasseh, “For,” he said, “God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.” (NAU) Joseph later talked about his troubles, but they did not consume his thoughts.
Let’s use Philippians 3:7-14, Galatians 5:16, and Romans 12:19 to teach us five principles that will make it possible for us to forgive and forget.
Phil 3:7-11 1. Be consumed with Christ “in view of...knowing Christ”
Philippians 3:7-11 7 But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ, 9 and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, 10 that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; 11 in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead. (NAU)
We can indeed forget offenses when we are consumed with getting to know Christ better.
Phil 3:12-13a 2. Be conscious of your faults “Not that I had already obtained”
Philippians 3:12-13a 12 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. 13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; . . .(NAU)
Forgetting the sins of others is much easier when we think how much we want our sins to be forgotten. Otherwise, the sins of others tend to puff us up with pride.
Phil 3:13b-14 3. Be convinced of victory “I press on toward the goal”
Philippians 3:13b-14 13 . . . but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (NAU)
Living in the past will drag you down. We cannot change the past. Living for the Lord on a daily basis will take all the concentration we can muster. Matthew 6:34 “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (NAU)
Galatians 5:16 4. Be Controlled by the Holy Spirit “Walk by the Spirit”
Galatians 5:16 But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh. (NAU)
We don’t stop fulfilling “the desire of the flesh” in order to “walk by the Spirit.” When we “walk by the Spirit” we will find ourselves forsaking the flesh.
2 Timothy 2:4 No soldier in active service entangles himself in the affairs of everyday life, so that he may please the one who enlisted him as a soldier. (NAU)
Do you have trouble forgetting what someone has done to you? Apply these principles as often as you need to. The first day you may need to do it 30 times. The second day 15 times. The third day 10 times, etc.
Romans 12:19 5. Believe that God’s will is good
Romans 12:19 Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. (NAU)
God said this. Do we believe it?
What Are The Results Of Real Forgiveness?
1. We are reminded of our own need of forgiveness
Matthew 6:12,14-15 12 ‘And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 14 “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 “But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. (NAU)
2. We will be more understanding of others and less petty
Philippians 2:3-4 3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. (NAU)
3. We will be free to live each day fully
Let go of yesterday so God can use you today.
Psalm 32:1-4 1 How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered! 2 How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit! 3 When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away Through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; My vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer. Selah. (NAU)
Psalm 32:10 Many are the sorrows of the wicked, But he who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindness shall surround him. (NAU)
Romans 8:6 For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, (NAU)
CONCLUSION: Consider two questions: Is there an offense you have refused to forgive and forget? Are you a victim of self-pity and paralyzed by anguish and despair? God’s Word has the answer.
We need not climb up into heaven to see whether our sins are forgiven: let us look into our hearts, and see if we can forgive others. If we can, we need not doubt but God has forgiven us. Thomas Watson
