Title: “How to Rise a Rebellious Child”
Text: 2 Samuel 13-18
Introduction:
You know, one of the most appealing qualities about the Bible is its realism. You know what I mean? For example in the Bible we have the nation of Israel, God’s chosen people, and we have God defending them, protecting them, sustaining them, but at the same time God doesn’t hide from us all their misgivings and mistakes the nations people have made. We see the characters of the bible in the good and bad times of life. We see their steps of faith and we’re encouraged. We see the sinfulness, the failures, and even their times of rebellion and we’re warned. This morning I’m driving into the topic of raising a rebellious child. I’ve analyzed Absalom’s life and I’ve come to some conclusions and I thank God I’ve never had to deal with a rebellious child. As we analyze David’s son Absalom, the third to the oldest in the family, picture this in your mind.
Absalom lay peacefully in his mother’s arms as King David observed from a distance. Isn’t that a beautiful mental picture? What wrong with this mental picture? Let me clue you in! Absalom means “peaceful,” yet, this child when he burst upon Israel’s history was anything but peaceful. Matter of a fact his attributes to all of humanity were murder, seduction, hatred, rebellion, and war. Even within death Absalom did not find peace. Now, you tell me how do you raise such a rebellious child? After spending 8 hours this past Wednesday at a Counselor Training Seminar in Broken Bow, I was once again reminded that the only way to solve a family problem is to reduce it down to its root causes. You’ll find those root causes in you outline as a bulletin insert. Every problem has a root cause.
Transition:
So, what caused Absalom to become so rebellious? Number one, if you’re following with your bulletin insert, revenge filled his heart.
Problem: Absalom was a Rebellious Child
Revenge filled Absalom’s Life.
The bible tells us that Absalom had a deep-seated hatred. It seems this hatred started immediately following the raping of his sister Tamar by the oldest in the family, Amnon.
I talked about this moral failure in David’s family life last week. As I started last week, David’s continued problem as a family leader was his passiveness. He wasn’t there for his children, as an encourager or as a disciplinarian. He did absolutely nothing to discipline, rebuke, or chastise his first-born for raping Tamar, his daughter. So, since Tamar was Absalom’s full sister, last week said Absalom provided shelter in his home for his sister as a desolate woman and then he set out to kill this half brother that did it. He set out to plot the murder of Amnon. So, now we’re getting a clear picture - one daughter raped, one-son dead, another with blood on his hands, the royal palace is within complete turmoil. Oh, me oh, my – what is this family going to do? Well, every home needs a strong leader and usually that strong leader in the Jewish home was the father.
It was time for David to step up to the plate with that Goliath type courage and Saul pardoning mercy, but the children saw nothing of their father. The Bible says David wept for his children, but he wept in solitude. Is this a good idea? No, even in today’s life we’ve grown up to much with the idea that it a sign of immaturity for a man to cry in the presence of others.
Application
Dad’s let your children see the tears you weep for them and then be there for your children when they need your presence. You know it’s real painful to look back on your life and wonder why it is your children have a great relationship with their mother, but it’s not the same with dad. I would think that fighting a war would be a good reason for many Father’s to be gone at this time in life. However, you find that so many children seem to grow up in life having to raise themselves. It seems David’s children where in that predicament. However, Absalom’s not a child anymore, and you can’t blame your father for your own sins no matter what the counselor might tell you. Israel was guilty of blaming all their sins on the past generations, but God said this will not be accepted. (Ezekiel 18:1-3) No, Absalom is a grown man responsible for his own behavior, but he still needs his father’s love and appreciation. What’s he going to do now that he’s murdered a family member? He flees Jerusalem and finds protection in his grandfather’s home, which is the King of Geshur, on his mother’s side of the family. And isn’t that wonderful? Granddad’s & grandma’s seem to always be there when there needed. I’ve yet to learn what this means, but I think it’s true. We are to always be there as a refuge place for the grandkids. We are blessed in this gathering with many grandparents who are great in lending a helping hand raising the grandkids.
The Bible tells us in 2 Samuel 13, Absalom lived within his grandfather’s home for a period of three years. (V.38) In (V.37) we’re told that David mourned for his son everyday, but this wasn’t Absalom. He was mourning of the death of Amnon his first- born. Well, it doesn’t take Absalom very long to figure out that he and his father were not going to get along. Here is what we would call the Prodigal Son. This in the one that decides that it’s time to leave his father’s home and set out on his own. We’re down in chapter 14 of 2 Samuel, and Joab the captain of David’s Army’s convinced him that it was time for Absalom to come home to Jerusalem to live and raise his family in the surroundings of his other brothers and sisters, but verse 28 tells the story. “Now Absalom lived two years in Jerusalem, and did not see his father’s face.” Why does Absalom have all this hatred and revenge within his heart? What is the root cause for us revengeful side of life? He was a neglected child! He was deeply neglected by his father David, and probably others in the family as well.
Transition:
Shortcoming number two,
Lack of Moral Responsibility Filled Absalom’s Life
Where is the moral compass within people’s lives? Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Where do we find the standard of morality laid? The government? Heaven forbid! Is it within the wimps of people? I don’t think so! Democracy is not working to achieve moral stability. Is it within religious institutions? No! Religion has never been the answer to our greatest moral needs and teachings. Why? There are some many different ideas as to what religion is. No, the foundation for morality is the 10 Commandments, and not God’s 10 greatest suggestions. In the New Testament as a New Testament people in Matthew 5, the
Beatitudes becomes that sacred attitude we are to live and die bye. Truth, righteousness, going the second mile, loving our enemies, living a life for God as best we can and then depending upon Christ to be our strength. And you see, all these choices point to moral responsibility, but Absalom was creating his own happiness. He didn’t desire a heart after God like his father.
Application
What does this communicate to us parents? Our children are watching us very carefully aren’t they? If we overlook our failures and not teach from our failures, our children will do the same. What is the root cause that often leads to moral failure? Bitterness! Absalom was a terribly bitter man.
Transition:
Shortcoming number three,
Lack of Meaningful Relationships Filled Absalom’s Life
Here’s what I’m seeing! Turn in your bibles to 2 Samuel 16. There’s a real depressing verse of scripture that can be found in 2 Samuel 16:21 that states, “Then all Israel will hear that you have made yourself a stench in your father’s nostrils.” Absalom didn’t need to hear those words. However, Absalom is hanging around the wrong people so that their evil ways rub off on him. Look how this all transpires. Ahithophel of all people, one of David’s most influential advisor’s, an astute crafty politician, convinces Absalom to rebel against his dad. And he gets the ball a rolling by saying, “Hey, Absalom, if you really want to become a stench in your father’s nostrils, just lie down with your father’s concubines.” He didn’t come up with this idea did he?
Application
“Do not be deceived, bad company corrupts good morals. Become soberminded as you ought, and stop sinning; for some have no knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.” (1 Corinthians 15:33-34) Wow! What could be so bad Paul? Paul insert these two verses in the middle of a chapter speaking on the resurrection? Is the problem is to reveal the source of the problems about the resurrection and that source was bad company? Christians were likely hanging around those who were influenced by Greek thought and they believed there was no resurrection. And the consequences of such a view was staggering. If there is no resurrection then there is no judgment after death, no accounting before God, and no consequences for sins committed in this life. It was the bear commercial philosphy of our day and continues to be with us, “Grab for all the gusto in life you can for you only go around once in life.”
Ahithophel was this type of influence upon Absalom. What’s the root cause of Absalom’s lack of meaningful relationships? He hung around the wrong kind of people and was willing to follow the wrong type of advice to nurture is feelings of being neglected within those earlier years of life.
Transition:
Then finally, a lack of remorse filled his life to the very end of his earthly life.
Lack of Remorse Filled Absalom’s Life
I’m using 2 Samuel 18:9, as a focus point. I don’t think remorse ever entered Absalom’s heart for his sins when he came to the end of his life. Joab the captain of David’s army’s? You remember it was Joab that sought out this Prodigal’s Son to bring him home in hopes that he could work things out with his father, but David wasn’t willing to work matters out and neither was Absalom. So, when Absalom revolted against his father, by sleeping with his concubines, and listened to Ahithophel too much; Joab and Absalom become real enemies. In 2 Samuel 18:9, is fleeing from Joab on his mule, but for some strange reason his head becomes stuck in the branches of a low hanging tree and mule just kept right on going. So, here he is hanging by his head in a tree with no help and Joab is closing in fast.
Application
What do you think was Absalom’s dieing words? Next week I’m going to talk about David’s dieing words. Sources say he probably cursed his father to his dieing breath with Joab’s javelin sunk deep into this chest. What’s the root cause for such lack of remorse? I’ve determined that it might be found I Timothy 4:1-2, “The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. (2) Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron.” Absalom’s conscience had become seared. It’s hard to reach a person whose conscience has become seared, they don’t understand right from wrong. Barnes Notes Commentary says, “Such a conscience exists in a mind that will practice delusion without concern; that will carry on a vast system of fraud without wincing; that will incarcerate, scourge, or burn the innocent without compassion; and that will practice gross enormities, and indulge in sensual gratifications under the mask of piety.” That was Absalom’s life in a nutshell.
Transition:
Now, what’s the solution? How do you raise a rebellious child? The solutions I’m going to share with you come from counseling books, and some experience in working with rebellious people.
SOLUTIONS
Deuteronomy 21:18
I’m happy this is no longer encouraged by God take them out and stone them death. (Deuteronomy 21:18) No parent in today’s life would ever resort to such drastic measures, but that verse does help us see what God thinks about rebellion. He is never pleased with rebellion! Strong measures were to be carried out to prevent its influence upon the nation. The reason so many people can grow up in today’s world and be so heartless is because we haven’t done anything to prevent the spread of such behavior.
The courts hands become tied because of the laws we chose to create to govern our every move. God is never pleased with rebellion. How do I know?
1 Samuel 15:23
Look at 1 Samuel 15:23 - In 1 Samuel 15:23, Saul was an older man, but look at what God said about this Kings rebellious ways. “For rebellion is like the sin of divination, and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.” He says, “Saul, because you have rejected the word of the LORD, the Lord has rejected you as king." You see that parents? God ranks rebellion on the same level as demonism, and I think sometimes it’s the same, but that’s a personal opinion. What I’m trying to point out is that God hates few things worst than idolatry, but rebelliousness is equal to idolatry. It caused king Saul to loose his throne. It will cause a child to be thrown into prison. I will cause a family to become devastated for years to come. What’s the root cause for allowing such behavior to reside within Christian homes? Looking back on David’s life it was passivity! David was to passive to deal with the behavioral issues of his own children. He was busy to love and encourage all his children. So, what’s our parental duty? I think it’s to love the child, but hate the rebellion.
Conclusion:
Build their self-esteem because they’re going to need as they step into a world that does not want to absolve it, to point them in the way of a godly forgiveness. So, here some good rules to follow that I learned this week. (1) Encourage growth rather than tolerate it. No rebel child is allowed to ruin a home no matter what background, nor the type of intimidation. There are kids that just love to imitate their parents because the parents are passive. Dads, learn from David failure as a family man Please, don’t be a passive bystander and let the wife raise the children. You be there for those children! (2) If the level of rebellion necessities separation, choose biblical principle over personal connection. We run into the same problem when we seek to carry out discipline in the every life of the church. People will 9 times out of 10, side the side of personal relationship than the Word of God. Stand your ground! (3) When true repentance occurs learn to forgive and do your best to forget. God honors the father that welcomes home the wayward son after he’s learned his lesson. (Luke 15: 11-32)
Prayer:
Father, as Christian parents and at times with spiritually rebellious children, we struggle with the “what ifs” of life. “What if we had done this differently” or “What did we do wrong to force him/her away from God and the church?” And honestly, in most cases parents do the best they can to raise their children in the love of the Lord, but children of all ages have a free will to make their own choices. This is where we need your intervention God. We can point them in the way to find Jesus as their Savior, but we can’t force them to repent and allow God into their lives. God, thank you parents in this church that don’t let matters get out of hand, parents that love you more than life itself. Please, help us learn this day from David’s mistakes if we’re slipping in any way of form so that all the children will live lives honoring unto you – In Jesus Amen!
