Series: “How Can I Best Love My Family?”
Sermon Two: “Parents, Protect Your Children”
Text: 2 Samuel 13
Introduction:
Well, we’re analysing David’s weakness in an effort to love our families better. And I said this last week today we’re going to address our need as parents to protect our children in general, but perhaps even from sexual offenders as I remain true to the text. I noticed as of lately, this is being a big concern in our nation. I notice this week that several states want to return to the argument for the death penalty. People want toughen laws! Sexual offenders are killing so many children. So, turn in your bibles to 2 Samuel 13. What is it that God can teach from David’s family life because that’s going to be raped?
If there were ever two questions that are the most difficult to answer in everyday conversation if you’re struggling in either category of family life, these would be the two questions: (1) how are things with your children? (2) How are things in your marriage? I wish things could be better for David, just like a wish things could be better for other parents when I at times ask these questions. Things are not good in with David’s children and things are not good among his 8 marriages. Can you imagine that? He had more wives than he could give one day a week. It’s been 13 years since Nathan the prophet told David “the sword would not depart from his home.” So, today Nathan’s prophecy proves to become painfully true. For example, how are things with your children? We’re asking the question, how can we best love our children for today’s text even thought our text is perhaps difficult to wade through.
Should we let them do whatever they want? Some parents say, “Absolutely not!” Yet, I’ve been around parents that have confessed to me, “My child should have never done such of thing,” but because they lack the desire to carry through with the proper discipline, that child goes unpunished and unlearned of the wrong that has been done. This is the problem we’re going to see in David’s family life. Yes there were rising problems in David’s family life as a result of God’s judgment upon his sin, but there were also things he could have done better to avoid a painful situation, but sources say David was far too passive as a family man. You know what I mean, slap the risk and turn the other cheek.
Transition:
“How are things with the children?” I thought the best way for me to outline my thoughts in this message would be to look at the characters as points to this message. We have three characters, - Amnon, Tamar, and David, Amnon is the abuser, Tamar is the abused, and David is the passive observer.
AMNON - ABUSER
Interpretation
First-Born
What do we know about Amnon? Well, we know he was the first born in David’s family. What do we know about first-born children? Norway did a research, which I collected from the internet, that stated first-born children tend to be more successful in school and at work than their younger siblings because their achievers. However, this is debatable! One challenger being the youngest in the family said to this website, “The oldest in my family dropped out of education, had children when she was a teen and has never had a full time job in her life.” I, however the youngest of all three, have a degree, a successful career and am childless at the age of 30. The trend may be for first-borns to be most successful, but the variation from family to family is enough to render this research absolutely and completely pointless. I wonder if the researchers were first born. Well, Amnon is the first-born, but he’s got his problems as will see. This entire section of scripture is titled, “The incest of Amnon.” so much for Norway’s research of the first-born.
A Family Plot – Vs, 1-10
(V.1) – “David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her.” Now, we’re going to find out this is an incestuous type of love, a time to satisfy Amnon personal gratification. Verse 2, “Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible that he could ever fulfill his love for her. You see what I mean? It’s an incestuous love. Verse 3, “Now Amnon had a very crafty friend—his cousin Jonadab. He was the son of David’s brother Shimea.” So, together these two men are going to plot the raping of Tamar, who was around the age of 15 or 16.
Application:
Now it’s been stated among women that have been sexually abused, the psychological abuse of male partner over their female partner is reinforced by social beliefs. In other words, men are the strongest therefore all women should be submissive unto them. So, if this proves to be true, and does in many cases proves to be true, that certain males have lived with the idea that all women should be submissive to them. Thus, Amnon is our abuser and Tamar is the abused. Now, note this rape took place in the family home. (V.8) – “So Tamar went to her brother Amnon’s house.” Guess what? This is something else we can learn from modern day statistics. They tell us most rapes take place in the secure surroundings of the family home. Go back to verse 5 where Amnon is going to describe his love for Tamar and he’s talking to his cousin Jonadab. He says, “I am in love with Tamar, the sister of my brother Absalom.” So look what Jonadab tells him to do to trap Tamar. "I’ll tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you’re sick. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Just tell your Dad you’ll feel better if she feeds you." Red flag goes up dads! Why would David fall for such a line?
Transition:
So, the plan is to trap her in his bedroom. So, enough said about Amnon, our greater concern is for Tamar, the abused one.
TAMAR – THE ABUSED
Four Negatives
Four negatives can be found in one sentence in verse 12. Do you see those four negatives? (1) “No, my brother,” – Now, this doesn’t mean maybe, it means no. Now I say this because some guys have the idea that if they want what they want and are willing to pressure the girl, when the women says no, they think that really means yes. NO! Inequitably no! (2) “Do not force me! In other words, this would be a criminal act of which I want no part Tamar says. She could be stoned to death for such behaviour. (3) “For such a thing is not done in Israel.” Amnon, think about what others are going to think. Among God’s people, to give into such an impure impulse would bring dishonour upon our people and upon the religion we profess. So, Tamar says with persistence in her voice, (4) “Do not do this disgraceful thing.” True women can gain a great deal when they wrongfully give in and accuse men of rape, but his is not one of those situations. Don’t you appreciate Tamar’s ability to see the bigger picture? Apparently, Amnon doesn’t care or he doesn’t understand the shame that Tamar will bear from society. Amnon, this is going against the social expectations of our people. I wish more Christian children would think about this, oh the shame that can be brought upon the Lord’s church. Why? People don’t seek to understand, they just point fingers.
Transition:
Well, all you to do is read further and you can see Amnon didn’t listen to Tamar, as most molesters don’t. However, years ago I listened to the broadcast of a strong woman of faith in God talk her molester out of raping her and turning himself into the law for help. It was a remarkable story of faith and trust in God. God can change anyone’s heart and so parents we’re the question why did this happen? What if Amnon was your child? My attention turns to David, but not in an accusative fashion understand.
David – The Passive
The Guilt of Parents
There are things he could have done differently as we’ll see, but he can’t be made responsible for making his children’s decisions. We all know of parents that have beat themselves black and blue because of something their children did on their own free will. As I’ve said before, “God forgives, and helps rebuild.” Blessed is the name of the Lord. However, we all know of parents that have suffered a great deal, withdrew from relationships, and become hermits somewhat because of the shame they feel. Good men that seem to drop out of the leadership if the church because they feel they blew it. Here are some thoughts to think about.
David’s Example
These are things we do have some control over from our own modeling example. Was this a situation of father like son? Think about it? Was David’s sexual relationship with Bethsheba consensual or non-consensual? I’m not going to say that David is completely innocent even though he is a man after God’s own heart. David had many privileges as a king. Perhaps this assuming of a man’s rights continued on into the life of his first-born son, Amnon. David takes advantage of his employee, Uriah and Amnon takes advantage of another sibling. If David takes Bethsheba as his own deceitfully, why can’t Amnon have the same treatment? No, all we can do is provide a safe environment for our children to grow in, educate them in the ways of the Lord, and pray for they daily. Let’s take a look at David’s example.
Application
Look at verse 20! This is Tamar full brother talking her after the time of rape. “Her brother Absalom said to her, "Has Amnon, your brother, been with you? Be quiet now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart." And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman.” In other words, she’s not seeing any company, she’s filled with grief and shame, and none apply to her as a suitor. In other words, nobody wants the hand of this princess in marriage. How sad! She didn’t do anything wrong. All she wanted to do was to do the will of her father. Look at verse 7 – “David sent word to Tamar at the palace: "Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him." If you were David wouldn’t it just cry your eyes out before your daughter knowing you put her into that compromising situation. Truly, David didn’t know anything was going to happen, right? Or, didn’t he?
How does David respond? Verse 21, “When King David heard all this he was angry.” That’s all it says! As a parent I want a few more verbs in the sentence don’t you? Like confront, punish, and maybe even banish. Or, are we to passive to think that our children could do any wrong? No lecture, no penalty, no imprisonment, no chewing out, no seeking help from authorities, David just gets angry and does nothing and even worse, he did nothing for Tamar. No going to her and begging for forgiveness? No, daughter saying Daddy that’s okay, I don’t hold you responsible, just nothing. And when Amnon is finished he orders his servants to throw her out of his room on to the street like common trash.
Conclusion:
So, as we close this section of David’s life, God help us, what can we do to be better family leaders? Every time I walk pass the bulletin board at Wal-Mart and I see the pictures of so many children that have been kidnapped, and perhaps repeated molested and I wonder God what more can we do?
Illustration
When Randall Crane came to teach at Jennings Middle School in Akron, Ohio, the superintendent felt lucky to get him. He didn’t realize he was hiring a man that liked to talk to young girls behind closed doors. And so last year in June he got a two-year sentence for rape of a 14 year-old student. What am I saying? Perhaps our greatest need is to just making ourselves aware. “Therefore, be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but wise making the most of your time, knowing that the days around you are evil.” AWARENESS! What else can we do? Well, in Genesis 35, after Jacob’s daughter Dinah was raped by a Hivite named Shechem and Jacob’s sons took matters into their own hands by killing the people that had done this, in chapter 35, God gave this advice to Jacob because he was bitter with his sons, Simeon and Levi for destroying his reputation among the nations people. And the sons said to their dad, “Would you have us treat our sister as a prostitute?”
Well, this is what God said to Jacob after the whole ordeal was over. Jacob thought the blame should be placed upon his sons, but God had a different focus and I can’t emphasize this thought enough. Jacob, the problem isn’t just with your children, the problem is the home life that you’ve developed. God says, “Put away your foreign gods, which are among us, and purify yourselves and change your garments.” In other words, these heathen practices that you’ve accepted into you home environment have got you into the situation that you’re in so you need to cleanse your home. Would God say that of our home today? It needs to be cleansed? Guess what? Aside from the prayer that David offered for Bethsheba’s baby that God said would die, scripture gives no indication that David ever prayed for his family. Dads, I encourage you to pray daily for your children daily. This effort alone can bring so much cleansing into your homes. Here’s one more thought. Parents; don’t become such workaholics. David was a busy man for he had a city to settle and a kingdom to build, When you put work before the family needs, the family always suffers. So, how are things with the children? That’s the question I leave you with today.
Prayer:
