There’s a difference between Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day.
The difference is more than just a difference in whom we give tribute to, but also a big difference in how we approach those two days and what we do on those days.
*ILL>Bill Cosby has offered us his theory on why Mothers’ Day seems to be a much bigger deal when it comes to celebrating it. He insists the Mothers’ Day is a much bigger deal because mothers are more organized. "Mothers," he says, "say to their children, ’Now here is a list of what I want. Go and get the money from your father and then surprise me on Mothers’ Day with these items as gifts.’ In contrast," he explains, "for Fathers’ Day I give each of my five kids $20 each so that they can go out and buy me a present--a total of $100. They go to the store and buy two packages of underwear, each of which costs a total of $5 and contain three pairs of shorts. They tear them open and each kid wraps one pair, giving the sixth pair of shorts to the Salvation Army. Therefore, on Fathers’ Day I am walking around in new underwear and my kids are walking around with $90 worth of my money in their pockets."
But there’s also a difference between a father and a dad.
Most guys can become fathers, if the circumstances are right, but only the BEST become dads.
You see, dads provide more to a child than just an X chromosome and a last name.
*ILL>Erma Bombeck explains the difference this way: "I received a letter from a single mother who had raised a son who was about to become a dad. Since he had no recollection of his own father, her question to me was: ’What do I tell him a father does?’" Erma goes on, saying, "When my own died in my ninth year, I too was raised by my mother, giving rise to the same question, ’What do fathers do?’ As far as I could observe, they brought around the car when it rained so everyone else could stay dry; they always took the family pictures, which is why they were never in them; they carved turkeys on Thanksgiving, kept the car gassed up, weren’t afraid to go into the basement, mowed the lawn, and tightened the clothesline to keep it from sagging. But it wasn’t until my husband and I had children of our own that I was able to observe firsthand what a father can contribute to a child’s life. What did my husband do to deserve my children’s respect? He rarely fed them, rarely did anything about their sagging diapers, seldom if ever wiped their noses or fannies, though he did on a few occasions play ball with them and bond with them under the hoods of their cars. What he did do?...He threw them higher than his head until they were weak from laughter. He cast the deciding vote on the puppy debate. He listened more than he talked. He let them make mistakes. He allowed them to fall from their first two-wheeler without having a heart attack. He read a newspaper while they were trying to parallel park a car for the first time in preparation for their driving test. So, if I had to tell someone’s son what a father really does that’s important, it would be that he shows up for the job in good times and in bad times. He’s a man who is constantly being observed by his children. They learn from him how to handle adversity, anger, disappointment and success. He won’t laugh at their dreams no matter how impossible they might seem. He will dig out at one in the morning if one of his children runs out of gas. He will make unpopular decisions and stand by them. When he is wrong and makes a mistake, he will admit it. He sets the tone for how family members treat one another, how they treat members of the opposite sex, and how they treat people who are different than they are. By example, he can instill a desire to give something back to the community when its needs are greater than theirs. But mostly, a good father involves himself in his kids’ lives. The more responsibility he has for a child, the harder it is to walk out of his life. A father has the potential to be a powerful force in the life of a child. Grab it! Maybe you’ll even get a greeting card for your efforts. Maybe not. But it’s steady work."
I invite you to open a Bible and turn to Ephesians, chapter six.
Our focus today is one what a godly dad does that differentiates him from being merely a father, and then how we should treat our own fathers.
What a Godly Dad Is To Do...
We’re going to focus our attention on what a godly dad is to do by learning from Ephesians 6:4.
1) Be a Positive Example.
Ephesians 6:4 -- And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger...
"not provoking your children to anger" DOESN’T MEAN...
Never making your child angry. In other words, it doesn’t mean that whatever you do when your child throws a tantrum is to be sure and "give in" to them. After all, we wouldn’t want the little buggers to ever be sad by not getting dad to buy everything at the toy store, would we?
No, actually a godly dad is going to be mature enough and bold enough and love his children enough to say no.
Yeh, that’ll make ’em angry sometimes, but they’ll get over it...and eventually "rise and call you blessed."
The truth is that a godly dad is going to be "large and in charge," and is going to be mature enough and bold enough to allow his children to be mad at him on occasion.
The last thing your child needs is for the child to be "put in charge" of the house. He/she is not ready for that, nor should you as a dad ever forfeit your God-given role of being his/her guide and authoritative guide.
What "do not provoke your children to anger" means:
a) A godly dad doesn’t live a double standard.
It provokes your child to anger when you require of him/her something he/she sees you not doing in your own life.
When, for example, you discipline your child for lying, but then he/she hears you boast to your buddies about how you tricked a client on a business deal, or how you cheated on your income taxes, it’s confusing to your child and it angers him/her.
When you proclaim to your children that you love God, but then you don’t attend church and worship God regularly, and your children hear you take the Lord’s name in vain, and they hear you make vulgar comments or tell off-color jokes, or do things, say things, go to places, or watch things that they know God would not be pleased about, it sends a confusing message to them.
At first it makes them scared and feel insecure by your inconsistency and wavering, but eventually it leads them to become angry at you for expecting of them that which you don’t expect from or demontrate yourself.
*ILL>I’m reminded of the true story of a young man who was in court to hear his sentencing to a penetentiary for crimes he had committed. The judge had personally known the young man since the young man was a small child, because the judge was well-acquainted with the young man’s father. The father was a legal scholar and the author of an exhaustive study entitled, "The Law of Trusts." The judge asked the young man, "Do you remember your father?" The young man replied, "I remember him well, your honor." Then, trying to probe the offender’s conscience, the judge asked a second question: "As you are about to be sentenced and as you think of your wonderful dad, what do you remember most clearly about him?" There was a pause, and then the judge received an answer he hadn’t expected. The young man turned and spoke to the judge, saying, "I remember when I went to him for advice. He looked up aat me from the book he was writing and said, ’Run along, boy; can’t you see I’m busy?!’ When I went to him for companionship, he turned me away, saying, ’Run along, son; this book must be finished!’" The judge remained silent for a moment, then muttered to himself, "Alas! He finished his book, but lost his boy!"__
You see, a godly dad leaves a "legacy of character" for their children to remember them by...and to pass along to future generations by modeling it in their own lives.
b) A godly dad isn’t overly stern and doesn’t deprive his children of warmth.
*ILL>Keith Hernandez was one of baseball’s top players and is being considered for the Baseball Hall of Fame. He has a lifetime batting average of over .300, won numerous golden glove awards for excellence in fielding, won a batting championship and was voted Most Valuable Player in his league, and was even named the Most Valuable Player in the World Series. Yet, with all his accomplishments, he missed on something crucially important to him: he never experienced his father’s acceptance and recognition that what Keith had done was something good and valuable. In a candid interview with a sports reporter, Keith once said, "One day I asked my father, ’Dad, I have a lifetime batting .300 batting average. What more do you want?’ My father replied, ’But someday you’re going to look back and say, "I could have done more."’"
I hear it over and over again from counselees. In fact, if I would have received a dollar for everytime I’ve heard a client say these words I could have paid for my house in cash. The words, with variations from person to person, can be summarized as follows: "I’m now in my forties (or thirties or fifties or older), but I never one time heard my dad tell me he loved me." Many times they even go beyond that and add that not even once did their father ever hug them or tell them they did something well, never even once told them he was proud of them.
*APP>Dads, if you don’t hear anything else today, hear this: Go today and tell your children you’re proud of them, that they’ve done some good things.
It might seem like something really unimportant to you, but I can promise you it can change your child’s life forever.
A godly dad...
<>Instills in his children "good" feelings about themselves.
--Fosters confidence.
--Expresses his love for and pride in his kids.
Interestingly, after the verse begins with a negative focus (don’t provoke your children to anger...) it then moves on to positive instructions.
2) Be an Authoritative Guide.
Ephesians 6:4 -- And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up...
What "bring them up" means:
Dad, you have the responsibility, and God expects YOU to bring up your children, not someone else.
He has entrusted your children to you with the responsibility of investing your own time and care.
There are two big mistakes some fathers make...that true "dads" don’t make...
<>A dad invests his time, not just "turning his kids over" to mom, or to the baby-sitter, or the day care worker, or the youth minister or children’s minister at church, or the teacher at school.
*ILL>William Bennett, in a 1996 speech about challenges facing American families, asked, "Where are the fathers? Generally the mothers are struggling, for nine out of ten children in single parent homes, the father is the one who isn’t there. One-fifth of all American children (the number now would be one in three) live in homes without their fathers. Where are the fathers? Where are the men? Wherever they are, this much is clear: too many are not with their children."
<>A dad remembers that his children and family must never be a lower priority than his job.
*ILL>In a recent survey conducted for the Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Corporation, 35% of the parents surveyed deemed time constraints to be the most important reason for the decline in family values. However, two-thirds of those surveyed also indicated that they would probably accept a job that required MORE time away from home if it offered them more income or greater prestige.
You see, THERE’S the problem! They might SAY they deem time away from their children to be a bad thing, but when the chips are down, they still want more money and prestige MORE than they want to give their children their time investment.
Dad, the very reason for your job is to provide for your family. It’s NOT the other way around: your family doesn’t exist just so you can go to work. The purpose of your work is to provide you with adequate funds to provide for the material needs of your family, and it must never be an excuse for neglecting their emotional and spiritual needs.
Consequently, if you neglect your family for the sake of your work, your priorities are out of whack!
In fact, I’m convinced that what some fathers need to receive this Fathers’ Day is some WHACK because they seem to be very much out of it!
Neglecting your children and family for the sake of your work is "letting the tail wag the dog."
<>Dad, you need to be aware of your child’s developmental stages and what they need at the age they are.
"bringing them up" means there are stages they go through as they grow up and mature, and you need to know those stages of development just as well as your wife knows them.
It also means you need to celebrate those stages just as much as your children’s mom does.
3) Be a Loving Encourager.
Ephesians 6:4 -- ...bring them up in the discipline (KJV: nurture)...of the Lord.
"bring them up in the discipline / nurture of the Lord" means...
Dad, whether you like it or not, you are your child’s first impression of what God is like.
Unfortunately, the poor example set by some fathers is the reason why many people have such a difficulty understanding how the words "loving" and "heavenly Father" can go together.
And yet, if we exercise both discipline and nurture, we’ll get it right, and our children will benefit from it.
You see, discipline and nurturing are positive activities and they represent how our heavenly Father treats us:
Just as our heavenly Father does toward us, a godly dad disciples / disciplines / trains his children...even when they don’t to be...because he loves them.
The words disciple and discipline have the same root.
They have as their basis the idea of developing right values, right habits, right patterns of behavior.
So, as godly dads we will discipline our children, helping them learn the right behavior, establish right patterns and right routines of activities so that in any given circumstance they will have learned to respond appropriately.
You see, discipline is not a bad thing when it’s done for the purpose of guiding your child.
Discipline is only bad when it’s done out of anger or without the focus being on the best interest of the child.
If you’re harsh with your child because you’re in a bad mood or because you’re out of control with your own emotions, then YOU’re the one who needs to learn better discipline.
However, to NEVER discipline your child is even worse, because it deprives your child of direction and value formation.
Discipline is actually designed to give direction and to provide "safe" and helpful boundaries.
Boundaries make your children feel more secure...they actually want boundaries.
Survey after survey reveals that children, and especially teenagers, when asked when mom and dad aren’t around, actually WANT their parents to "draw a line."
Oh sure, they’ll try to press the limits, test to see how secure the limits really are. But it’s not really disappointing to them when you’re firm in the boundaries.
They want the security of knowing mom and dad will keep them within those safe and secure boundaries.
Surveys and studies also show that children raised in a home with discipline are happier as adults later on.
*ILL>Dr. George Rekers wrote of the results of one survey, one which he was personally involved in researching. Dr. Rekers, not a Christian himself, but writing simply as a sociologist, summarized his survey (as was also true with more than thirty similar surveys on the topic) this way: "A positive and continuous relationship with one’s father has been found to be associated with a good self-concept, higher self-esteem, higher self-confidence in personal social interaction, higher moral maturity, reduced rates of unwed teen pregnancies, greater inner control, and higher career aspirations. Fathers who are affectionate, nurturing, and actively involved in child-rearing are more likely to have well-adjusted children."
Just as our heavenly Father demonstrates toward us, a godly dad is also tender, merciful, and compassionate toward his children when they need him to be...because he loves them.
*QUOTE>These God-like qualities of firmness and discipline, coupled with mercy and "nurturing" are so important, it has led Dr. James Dobson, founder and President of Focus On the Family, say: "Our very survival as a nation will depend on the presence or absence of masculine leadership in the home."
--Notice: Dr. Dobson doesn’t say our nation’s survival is dependent upon who gets elected President or to Congress. It’s not dependent upon how strong our economy remains, or how trade negotiations go, or how well or poorly we cooperate with other nations in the U.N., or whether or not global warming is a reality, or whether we ever find a cure for cancer or A.I.D.S., or any other item. As important as each of those things are, THE MOST CRUCIAL ingredient to our survival as a nation, Dr. Dobson declares (and he should know, having served over 40 years as a family counselor) is MEN STANDING UP TO BE GODLY MEN IN THE HOME!
<>Guys, it’s time we stepped up to the plate and declared along with Joshua, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"
In summary to this point, a godly dad will provide a positive example, be an authoritative guide, and be a loving encourager, but finally, a godly dad will...
4) Be a Spiritual Instructor.
Ephesians 6:4 -- bring them up in the discipline and instruction (KJV: admonition) of the Lord.
"bring them up in the instruction / admonition of the Lord" means...Dad, you have the responsibility to teach your children right from wrong, based on the Bible’s instructions.
What the Bible teaches us to be passed along to our children as that which is RIGHT is what we call the discipline of the Lord.
It declares the right behaviors to learn and demonstrate in our lives, as empowered by the Holy Spirit.
What the Bible teaches us to be passed along to our children as that which is WRONG behaviors or WRONG attitudes or WRONG ways of thinking is what we call the admonition of the Lord.
The picture here is teaching our children to avoid / not do what God admonishes against.
Of course, to be able to teach those things, dad, you yourself need to learn what the Bible teaches.
It’s important to know, because your children are depending upon you to guide them.
5) Finally, dad, you have the God-given charge and responsibility to be the spiritual leader in your home.
*APPS>
--It means we’re to lead by example.
--It means we’re to lead by teaching truth.
--It means we’re to lead by not being afraid to admonish when necessary.
--But it also means we’re to lead our children to love God...by exhibiting the characteristics of our loving heavenly father in how we treat our own earthly children.
Dads, today is a day of new beginnings.
Just as we sang earlier today, our desire and prayer needs to be that of "beginning again" and living a life as a godly man.
But, it’s important for all of us to know how God wants us to respond to and treat our fathers.
1) We’re To Respect Our Fathers.
Hebrews 12:9 -- Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live?
You see, even our fathers weren’t always respectful toward us, it doesn’t give us any right to not respect them.
Our fathers are our fathers not by some great mistake, but under the sovreignty of God, and we should recognize that for whatever purpose, God allowed our fathers to be our fathers, and, out of respect for God, we need to respect our fathers’ roles in our lives as fathers.
2) We’re To Listen To Our Fathers.
Ephesians 6:1 -- Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
I realize that’s a very unpopular verse, especially to children, but it’s important to notice a couple things:
God’s plan for children is to provide them an older, more experienced guide...those guides are called parents.
Children are to obey their parents "in the Lord."
That’s an important key. In other words, there are some remote and rare times it would actually be wrong for a child to obey every command of a parent.
If a parent tells his/her child to submit to improper sexual conduct with him/her, the child is to disobey because this is not an action that is "in the Lord."
If a parent tells his/her twelve-year old child to go into the store and buy him/her some cigarettes, the child should disobey the parents, because breaking the laws of the land in such a way is not "in the Lord."
After we’re adults and living on our own, we’re not under a command any longer to obey our parents.
And yet, we’d still be wise to LISTEN to their counsel.
Age and experience does teach us some things we don’t learn on our own, and we’d be wise to listen to the advice offered by our elders, especially if our parents are godly parents and love us.
3) We’re To Honor Our Fathers.
Ephesians 6:2 -- Honor your father and your mother (which is the first commandment with a promise).
Leviticus 19:32 -- YOu shall rise up before the gray-headed and honor the aged, and you shall revere your God; I am the Lord.
It means we’re to always speak well of him...even if we have to search hard for something good to say.
It means taking time (more than just one day each year) to give him credit, express your gratitude for the good things he’s done for you.
Bringing It Home...
Dads, be a DAD, not just a father.
All of us...look for a way to honor your father today.
