Battle of the Sexes: Save the Male
03.07.07
Mark Batterson
This evotional continues the Battle of the Sexes series. To listen to the podcast or watch the webcast, visit www.theaterchurch.com. Or check out Pastor Mark’s blog @ www.markbatterson.com.
In Florence, Italy there is a museum that contains some of Michelangelo’s less famous sculptures. Michelangelo is famous for his sculpture of David and the Genesis scene on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. But this museum in Florence contains his less famous sculptures that were intended to be used on the tomb of Pope Julius, but he never completed them. The sculptures are partially complete—a hand here, a torso there, a protruding leg, part of a head. None of them are finished. It’s almost as if these partial sculptures are trying to break out of the marble—to break free and become what they were intended to be. But they’re stuck. Michelangelo called these unfinished sculptures “captives.”
Hold on to that image.
In his first public sermon, Jesus quoted the prophet Isaiah and said that he had come to set the captives free. We tend to think of that statement in forensic terms—we think of salvation setting us free from the penalty of sin. And that is certainly part of the meaning. But salvation is so much more than the elimination of sin. Salvation releases us to become the people God has destined us to be. It sets us on a path toward our God-ordained destiny relationally and occupationally. And part of that is becoming men or women of God.
Unfortunately, a lot of men feel like half-men. We feel incomplete. We feel unfinished. We feel like captives. We want to be men of God, but we aren’t entirely sure how to get there or what that looks like.
John Eldredge captures it well:
What we have now is a world of uninitiated men. Partial men. Boys, mostly, walking around in men’s bodies, with men’s jobs and families, finances, and responsibilities. The passing on of masculinity was never completed, if it was begun at all. The boy was never taken through the process of masculine initiation. That’s why most of us are unfinished men.
Here’s the good news. Jesus came to set the captive free. And He didn’t just come to set us free. I think Jesus is the masculine prototype. Jesus sets the standard.
I think a lot of our confusion about masculinity traces back to our view of Jesus. I think the church, by and large, has celebrated his feminine qualities and ignored his masculine qualities. In the words of Jesuit Priest Patrick Allen, Jesus is portrayed as a bearded lady.
Jesus could be soft as kittens. I admire the way he treated women and children. And that is part of being a man. But Jesus was also tough as nails. To borrow a 1990’s term, Jesus was da man. So I want to look at the example Jesus set, but we need to start with the first Adam in Genesis 3.
Three Challenges
Adam and Eve are in the Garden of Eden. And they’ve got it good. They are surrounded by the beauty of God’s creation. They have fellowship with God. And I’m not sure how else to say this, but they run around naked all the time. And there is no shame. Just beauty and majesty and intimacy and adventure. That’s it. Then the Serpent enters stage left.
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, "Did God really say, ’You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?"
The woman said to the serpent, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ’You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’"
"You will not surely die," the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.
Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."
And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"
The man said, "The woman you put here with me — she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."
Adam makes three mistakes: sitting, hiding, and blaming. And nothing has changed. I think guys make the same mistakes so let me issue three challenges: quit sitting, quit hiding, and quit blaming.
Quit Sitting
I think we have tended to focus on the fact that Eve ate the fruit first and we let Adam off the hook. But I want you to notice where Adam was when Eve at the fruit. He wasn’t in some other part of the garden. Verse six says he was with her! Adam was right there. And he did nothing. He didn’t try to protect Eve from the serpent. He didn’t try to stop her when he was about to take a bite. Adam went passive.
I had a weird flashback this week as I want thinking about our roles and responsibilities as men. I remembered something that happened right after Lora and I got married. Lora took a dress to the dry cleaner. And it had polka dots on it. When she got it back from the dry cleaner it didn’t have polka dots. They basically ruined her dress and instead of apologizing or giving her money back, they were rude to her. When I found out I got pretty riled up. You can disrespect me, but if you disrespect my wife you’re going down! I was fuming. I was ready to stand outside and boycott the Dry Cleaner for the rest of my life. I didn’t really care about the dress, but don’t disrespect my wife. I went in there and caused a scene. I don’t know if I’d ever done anything like that before. I don’t know that I’ve done anything like that since. And I don’t even know if this is right or not, but I yelled at them.
It was my husband instinct to stand up for my wife. So here’s my question: what is Adam doing? How can he just sit there and let the serpent tempt his wife. How can he just sit there and watch Eve take a bite? Adam does limp. He plays the wimp. Come on, man. Step up. Step in. To borrow the old aphorism: don’t just stand there, do something! But Adam is relationally and spiritually passive!
I don’t want to over spiritualize what happened, but I think Adam chooses Eve over God and that does a disservice to both Eve and God. God told him not to eat the fruit. Eve offered him a bite. And the moment he took a bite, Adam put Eve before God. Men have been making the same mistake ever since. You know what women really need and really want? A man that seeks God first and loves them second. It’s a better deal for everyone involved.
Not let me juxtapose first Adam with second Adam. Adam is relationally and spiritually passive. He dishonors Eve by not doing anything. Jesus is the exact opposite.
Few things are as impressive to as the way Jesus treated women. He honored them. He befriended them. He defended them. There are so many stories, but one of the favorites is John 8. The woman caught in the act of adultery is about to be stoned. And Jesus comes to her defense. He loves her when she least expects it and least deserves it.
What a contrast. Adam doesn’t do a thing when the serpent is tempting His wife. Jesus comes to the defense of an adulteress. That says something. These Pharisees are holding stones. And Jesus says, “Let him who has no sin cast the first stone.” Brilliant and brave! It is almost like Jesus is saying, “You can stone her over my dead body!”
Now let me zoom out and make an observation. Men are aggressive. Aggression is part of our masculine design. It can have some pretty detrimental effects if we don’t learn to channel that aggression. 90% of major crimes are committed by men. They haven’t learned to channel their aggression in godly ways. I think Jesus gives us a way to channel our aggression for godly purposes. But something has happened. I think men feel like they have to check their masculinity at the door when the walk into church. I think the church has made a huge error in judgment. We’ve forced men to find their adventure outside the church. We have emasculated churchmen.
Before he became President, Teddy Roosevelt was a Sunday school teacher. One day a boy showed up for class with a black eye. He had been fighting on the Sabbath. Some bully was pinching his sister so he took a swing at the kid. The future president told the boy he was proud of him and gave him a dollar. Word got around the church and Roosevelt was released from his teaching responsibilities.
The church needs a few more Teddy Roosevelts!
I love Jesus’ description of the Kingdom in Matthew 11:12: The kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and violent men take it by force.
Another version says: From the days of John the Baptist until now, the Kingdom of Heaven has been forcefully advancing and forceful men lay hold it.
You can feel the channeled aggression can’t you?
I think those of us who practice Christianity in 21st century America can’t really appreciate the bravado of our spiritual ancestors. Our freedoms are the byproduct of their sacrifices. But their example is too often overlooked and underappreciated.
Polycarp was the Bishop of Smyrna in the second century. Tradition has it he was discipled by the apostle John. Polycarp is also one of Christendom’s most famous martyrs. He was eighty-six years old when he was arrested. The proconsul told him to curse Christ. Polycarp said, “Eight-six years I have served him, and he never did me any wrong. How can I blaspheme my King who saved me?”
The proconsul then ordered him burned at the stake.
As Polycarp walked into the stadium in Smyrna, ear witnesses said they heard a voice that said, “Be strong, Polycarp, play the man.”
And that is what Polycarp did. They tied him to the stake and lit it on fire. But eye witnesses said it was like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. The flames engulfed him but didn’t burn him. Eventually, it took an executioner stabbing Polycarp to death.
Listen guys, if you think the church isn’t for men you haven’t read the gospels and you don’t know church history. God calls us to step up relationally and spiritually.
I love what R.C. Sproul once said: “When I became a Christian, I understood that Jesus took my sin away. What I never heard from Him was that He intended to take my backbone away.”
Now listen. This isn’t just a male pep rally. Let me share my struggle and how I’ve tried to overcome my own passivity. It is easier for me to lead National Community Church than it is to lead my family. I feel like one of those unfinished statues as a husband and as a father. But I’m absolutely determined to be the husband and the dad God wants me to be!
I’ve found that if I don’t set goals or establish priorities I’ll become passive. I’ll become reactive. Let me share threes New Year’s resolutions that I made two months ago. I made them because I felt like I needed to step up relationally. I needed to put my family first.
I don’t check work-related email on my day off
I’m going to use all of my vacation days in 2007
And I won’t travel more than thirty nights
I think overcoming passivity is putting your family first. I’ve said it before but let me say it again. Coaching my son’s fifth grade basketball team is the most important thing I’m doing right now. I love pastoring. A pastoring is important. But it’s not as important as coaching my son’s team! Overcoming passivity is romancing your wife and playing with your children. It’s not letting the culture raise your kids.
Quit Hiding
Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.
Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?"
He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid."
Instead of confronting the issue, men tend to hide. We put on a brave face. But we hide behind fig leaves. We hide behind trees.
Studies have actually shown that men are better at dissimulation. We can hide our true feelings better!
Men are also experts at repression. We repress our anger. We repress our frustration. We repress our anxiety. We repress our love. And the church encourages this. And it shouldn’t. I think repression is the opposite confession. But we’re so afraid to confess our weakness as men. We’re so afraid of confessing our fears. So we hide. We repress. And lead what Henry David Thoreau called quiet lives of desperation.
Can I make an observation? Every man I know struggles with sexual temptation. I’ve never met a man that doesn’t. Certainly there are degrees of temptation and degrees of failure or success. But I’m never surprised when a man confesses sexual sin. And my opinion of that man doesn’t go down. It goes up! I just think that confessing our weaknesses makes us more manly than repressing our issues!
Real men don’t repress. Real men confess!
Guys, is there something you’re hiding? Is there something you’re withholding? Maybe it’s time to come clean.
Quit Blaming
And he said, "Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?"
The man said, "The woman you put here with me — she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it."
Instead of just taking it like a man and confessing his sin. Adam plays the blame game. No one wins the blame game! Adam should have taken responsibility.
I really think it’s important for us to hit some tough issues head-on. One of the passages that causes lots of problems for lots of people is Ephesians 5:23.
The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.
A lot of people get hung up on what I call "the headship clause." Let me give you my take. I think life is too short and the truth is too important to dance around these things.
I do believe that the husband is the head of the wife. But if you think that means a man has unilateral authority you totally misunderstand what this verse is all about and I feel bad for your wife.
Here is my take on the headship clause. If you view headship as a right you’re headed for trouble. If you view headship as a responsibility you’re headed for bliss. That is a subtle difference. But it’s a huge difference. Headship is not a trump card that men can employ anytime their wives disagree. It simply defines our relational responsibility as men: love our wives as Christ loves the church.
Sigmund Freud said, "Despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, I still haven’t answered the question, what is it a woman really wants?"
Let me take a shot at it. I think the deepest need of women is to be loved the way Christ loves the church. I think what women want is a man who is willing to go to the cross for them. Women want a man who will fight for them, who will lay down their life for them, who will make sacrifices for them.
I’ve never had a woman complain to me, “Pastor, my husband is loving me just like Jesus loves the church. He sacrifices too much. He serves too much.”
It’s not about finding our manhood in our wives. It’s about offering our manhood to our wives. It’s not about getting our needs met. It is about meeting the needs of our wives. It’s not about finding strength in our wives. It is about offering our strength.
In the words of I Corinthians 16:13: Act like men or to borrow from the King James: Quit you like men.
Quit sitting.
Quit hiding.
Quit blaming.
Play the man!
