Introduction:
A. Happy Father’s Day to all our dads.
1. Let me start with a little Father’s Day humor.
2. One time a little boy was asked to define Father’s Day and he said, “Its just like Mother’s Day, only you don’t spend as much on the present.”
B. I have a Top 10 List for you: Top Ten Things Father’s Have Been Itching to Say for Years…
#10. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
#9. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
#8. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. So, Let it be.
#7. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
#6. Check your oil! Please, check your oil!
#5. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all past comments
become null and void after 7 days.
#4. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
we meant the other one.
#3. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong.
#2. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit,
not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. And we have no idea what mauve is.
#1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we…
C. So, Happy Father’s Day. Dads, please stand so we can honor you and pray for you.
D. Today we are continuing our series on Avoiding Life’s Biggest Mistakes.
1. Last week we discussed one of the biggest mistakes we can make in parenting which is showing favoritism.
2. This week we are going to discuss another of the biggest problems that parents can make which is neglecting to discipline their children.
E. I want us to keep two Old Testament proverbs in mind as we work through this lesson.
1. The first is: Proverbs 13:24, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
2. The second is: Proverbs 19:18, “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”
F. Our good/bad examples today happen to be three parents whose lives intersected in Old Testament times.
1. Their names are Eli, Samuel, and David and their stories are found in 1st and 2nd Samuel.
2. All of them failed to properly discipline their children which lead to disastrous consequences.
I. Their Stories
A. Before Samuel was conceived and born, his mother, Hannah was barren and longed to have a son.
1. She and her husband faithfully worshiped the Lord and prayed that she would have children.
2. During that time they would go to Shiloh to worship the Lord, and they were ministered to by Eli the priest and his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas.
3. Hannah made a vow to the Lord, saying that if she were to have a son, he would be given to the Lord.
4. God blessed Hannah and she had a son and named him Samuel, which sounds like the Hebrew word for “heard of God.”
5. When Samuel was weaned, Hannah and her husband, Elkanah, took Samuel and presented him to the Lord, and left him to be raised and trained by Eli the priest of God.
6. Each year Samuel’s mother made him a new robe and took it to him when they went up to offer their annual sacrifice.
7. So, the boy Samuel ministered before the Lord under Eli the priest.
B. The Bible tells us that all was not well with Eli and his sons.
1. 1 Sam. 2:12 says, “Eli’s sons were wicked men; they had no regard for the Lord.”
2. What were Hophni and Phinehas up to that was so evil? Two things.
3. For one thing, we are told that they were involved in sexual immorality. They were sleeping with the women who served at the entrance to the Tent of Meeting. (1 Sam. 2:22)
4. The other thing they were doing, was helping themselves to the meat brought for sacrifice before the fat was cooked off the meat.
5. The law allowed for the meat to be eaten by the priests and their families after it had been properly sacrificed.
6. But they decided they liked it better before the fat was boiled off. We all like it better that way.
7. So, they told the people to give them the meat in its raw form, and if the people would not hand it over to them, then they would take it by force.
8. The Bible says, “This sin of the young men was very great in the Lord’s sight, for they were treating the Lord’s offering with contempt.” (1 Sam. 2:17)
C. And what did Eli do about all this? Not much.
1. Concerning the sexual immorality, it appears that he spoke to his boys about it.
2. 1 Sam. 2:23-25 says, “Why do you do such things? I hear from all the people about these wicked deeds of yours. No, my sons; it is not a good report that I hear spreading among the LORD’s people. If a man sins against another man, God may mediate for him; but if a man sins against the LORD, who will intercede for him?”
3. The Bible says that his sons did not listen to his rebuke.
4. As a father and as the high priest, he had the authority and the right to take away the responsibilities and duties of being priests from his sons, but he failed to do so.
5. In addition to that, it appears that he also participated with them in enjoying the meat they were stealing from the sacrifices.
6. The Bible tells us, “Eli fell backward off his chair by the side of the gate. His neck was broken and he died, for he was an old man and heavy.” (1 Sam. 4:18)
7. Why would it mention the fact that he was heavy? Perhaps because he had been eating all that fatty meat.
8. Back in chapter 2, God sent a prophet with a prophesy against the house of Eli.
9. The message included these words, “Why do you scorn my sacrifice and offering that I prescribed for my dwelling? Why do you honor your sons more than me by fattening yourselves on the choice parts of every offering made by my people Israel?” (1 Sam. 2:29)
10. The prophesy included these heartbreaking words, “But now the LORD declares: ’Far be it from me! Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained. The time is coming when I will cut short your strength and the strength of your father’s house, so that there will not be an old man in your family line and you will see distress in my dwelling. Although good will be done to Israel, in your family line there will never be an old man. Every one of you that I do not cut off from my altar will be spared only to blind your eyes with tears and to grieve your heart, and all your descendants will die in the prime of life. And what happens to your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, will be a sign to you—they will both die on the same day. I will raise up for myself a faithful priest, who will do according to what is in my heart and mind.’” (1 Sam. 2:30b-35a)
11. Later, God spoke to Samuel and confirmed this prophesy saying, “And the LORD said to Samuel: ‘See, I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears of everyone who hears of it tingle. At that time I will carry out against Eli everything I spoke against his family—from beginning to end. For I told him that I would judge his family forever because of the sin he knew about; his sons made themselves contemptible, and he failed to restrain them.’” (1 Sam. 3:11-13)
D. God’s judgment against Eli and his sons was simple and straightforward.
1. Eli knew what his sons were doing against the Lord and the Lord’s people.
2. And Eli failed to restrain them. He failed to discipline them.
3. What happened to the boys? In a battle with the Philistines, Israel was defeated. They lost 30,000 foot soldiers, the ark of God was captured, and Eli’s two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, died.
4. It was when Eli heard that news that he fell backward off his chair and died.
5. Remember Proverbs 19:18, “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”
E. After Eli’s death, Samuel took over the leadership of Israel, and led Israel very well.
1. The Bible says, “When Samuel grew old, he appointed his sons as judges for Israel…
But his sons did not walk in his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain and accepted bribes and perverted justice.” (1 Sam. 8:1,3)
2. So, when Samuel was old and needed to hand the leadership over to someone else, the elders of Israel came to him and said, “You are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have.” (1 Sam. 8:5)
3. This certainly hurt Samuel’s feelings, but God told him, “It is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.”
4. In the end, God gave them what they asked for, and King Saul was anointed as the first king of Israel.
5. Getting back to the story of Samuel and the issue of disciplining children, we don’t have as much information about what happened to his boys as we do about Eli’s boys.
6. Certainly Samuel had some inkling of what his boys were up to.
7. Surely someone had complained to him, or the Lord had informed him in some way.
8. But if he knew, and I believe he did, it appears that he did nothing to discipline the boys and that’s a terrible mistake!
F. It didn’t take too long for King Saul to fall out of favor with God because of his repeated disobedience.
1. So, God sent Samuel to the home of Jesse and chose David to be anointed the second king of Israel.
2. By many standards, David was a very successful man.
3. He began as a mere shepherd boy and for all he knew that was to be his life.
4. But because of his faithfulness and courage, God took notice.
5. He eventually played the harp for kings, and grew into a great soldier and politician.
6. But as great as he was in these roles, in many respects he was a failure as a parent.
7. When his children needed him the most, when he needed to take strong action as a parent; this is when he made his greatest mistakes. He failed because of inactivity.
G. David’s home life was complicated.
1. He had numerous children through several wives, and as we saw last week in our lesson about favoritism, multiple children plus multiple wives equals trouble.
2. What happened in 2 Sam. 13 is awful.
3. Amnon, one of David’s sons, became infatuated with his half-sister, Tamar.
4. Amnon told lies and manipulated the situation in order to be alone with Tamar.
5. He made advances, she objected, but he violated her anyway.
6. Immediately, his lust turned to hatred and he sent her away.
7. Tamar tore the richly ornamented robe she was wearing, it was one that the king’s virgin daughters wore, and put on ashes and wept.
8. She went to her brother Absalom’s house where she lived as a desolate woman.
H. What did King David, Tamar and Amnon’s father, do about this?
1. The Bible says, “When King David heard all this, he was furious.” (2 Sam. 13:21)
2. Good. He should be angry and heartbroken.
3. Then what did he do? Nothing.
4. He never confronted Amnon. He never issued consequences or correction.
5. So what problems did David’s inaction cause in the family?
6. It prompted Absalom, Tamar’s brother, to take matters in his own hands.
7. Absalom hated Amnon for what he did, and Absalom laid low for two years, waiting to see if his father, would do anything about Amnon’s wrongdoing but he did not.
8. So, two years later, Absalom came up with a plan. He threw a party for all the king’s sons.
9. Absalom had given orders to his servants, that when Amnon was in high spirits, they were to strike him down and kill him. And that is just what they did.
I. The initial report that David received was that Absalom had killed all David’s sons.
1. Hearing that report, David tore his clothes and lay down on the ground.
2. But then a more accurate report came to David. “Jonadab, son of Shimeah, David’s brother said, ‘My lord should not think that they killed all the princes; only Amnon is dead. This has been Absalom’s expressed intention ever since the day Amnon raped his sister Tamar. My lord the king should not be concerned about the report that all the king’s sons are dead. Only Amnon is dead.’” Now that made him feel better! Right? (2 Sam. 13:32-33)
3. Absalom fled, and David and his other sons mourned for Amnon.
4. What did David do to try to resolve things with Absalom? Nothing.
5. Absalom stayed away for 3 years. Joab arranged for him to return to Jerusalem and he lived there for 2 years, but never saw his father during that time.
6. Absalom got so frustrated by all this that he sent for Joab, the king’s top general, but Joab refused to come to him.
7. So, he finally set Joab’s barley field on fire. That got Joab’s attention.
8. He said, “Come here so I can send you to the king to ask, ‘Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me if I were still there!’ Now then, I want to see the king’s face, and if I am guilty of anything, let him put me to death.” (2 Sam. 14:32b)
9. The Bible says, “So Joab went to the king and told him this. Then the king summoned Absalom, and he came in and bowed down with his face to the ground before the king. And the king kissed Absalom.”
10. All I can say is too little, too late!
J. David’s inability to bring discipline to the situation, exasperated Absalom.
1. Absalom had turned a very bad corner by this time.
2. He decided to take the kingdom away from his father.
3. He stole the hearts of the people away from King David, by making all kinds of promises.
4. He went to Hebron, held a large gathering, and proclaimed himself as king.
5. What did David do when he heard about this conspiracy? He fled. He did not stay and put up a fight, he just ran.
6. Absalom swept into Jerusalem, took up residence in the king’s palace and slept with the concubines David had left to take care of the palace.
7. The army with Absalom pursued David, but David’s army was victorious.
8. And even though David had commanded them to be gentle with the young man Absalom for his sake, Absalom died that day, and David mourned.
K. Proverbs 19:18, “Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.”
1. We’ve witnessed today the terrible results of the failure of Eli, Samuel and David to discipline their children.
2. Let’s try to learn from their mistakes.
II. Our Lessons
A. The Scripture reading I have used these past two weeks is very instructive for us.
1. “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ - which is the first commandment with a promise - ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
2. Children, the command for you is clear and the promise is wonderful. “Obey your parents and life will go much better for you.”
3. Parents, especially fathers, the instructions for us are that we should not treat our children in a way that exasperates or embitters them.
a. Certainly that can happen when we show favoritism, but it also happens when we are too lenient or too overbearing, or simply too inconsistent.
4. So, rather than embitter or exasperate our kids, God tells us to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
5. Really, that is what discipline is all about – training and instructing.
B. In our age of extremism, it is necessary for us to make a few clarifications. (Borrowed from Charles Swindol, Growing Wise in Family Life)
1. There is a distinction between abuse and discipline.
a. Abuse is unfair and unexpected; discipline is fair and expected.
b. Abuse is degrading and demoralizing; discipline upholds a child’s dignity.
c. Abuse is extreme – too harsh, brutal; discipline is balanced, within limits.
d. Abuse results from hatred and resentment; discipline is prompted by love and concern.
2. There is a distinction between crushing the spirit and shaping the will.
a. The ultimate goal in discipline is the building up of our children and the shaping of their character.
b. We don’t want to crush their spirit to the point of embittering and creating hostility and mistrust.
3. There is a distinction between normal childishness and willful defiance.
a. Every growing youngster needs some space to learn and make mistakes.
b. Children are going to forget to do their chores, spill their milk, and stumble and fall.
c. We need God’s wisdom to know when their behavior is just normal childishness and when it is deliberate disobedience. Both may require discipline, but different discipline.
C. Let me end with four targets that we can aim at while we train and instruct our kids. (Also taken from Swindoll’s book)
1. Start Early.
a. It is never too early to start. Obviously we must adapt the discipline according to the age of the child.
2. Stay Balanced.
a. Avoid extremes. Balance the kinds of discipline with a faithful tongue.
b. Be sure to include praise and affirmation when it is fitting.
3. Be Consistent.
a. We need to be as clear as possible about rules and expectations, and about the discipline that will result from disobedience. And then we have to be consistent.
4. Be Reasonable.
a. There are no perfect parents nor perfect children.
b. We must be careful not to demand perfection or set the expectation level too high.
c. The family should try to work together like a team. To pull for each other and be flexible. There should be lots give and take.
D. God is our heavenly father, and he tells us in Hebrews 12:5-11 that the Lord disciplines those he loves.
1. Although we kids of God may not appreciate it at the time, we appreciate the fruits of God’s discipline – the righteousness and peace it produces.
2. So it is with our kids. If we really love them, then we will discipline them with wisdom.
3. In the end, children will respect true, loving discipline.
4. Children want boundaries. In them they find safety and security.
5. Let’s not make the mistakes we have seen other parents in the Bible make who did not actively discipline their children.
6. I like what one person said, “Disciplining children is a lot like taking out the garbage: If you don’t do it, you have no right to complain later if something smells.”
7. If we start early, stay balanced, are consistent and reasonable, we will be happy with the outcome.
8. Proverbs 29:17, “Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.”
