---Robert Orben once wrote: Who can ever forget Winston Churchill’s immortal words: "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills." -- It sounds exactly like our family’s most recent vacation.
Let’s face it, family life can be tough. It always has been tough, and yet families are important.
To follow along with what we’re focusing on today, I invite you to open your Bible and turn to Genesis 2 and Ephesians 6.
---One Sunday a pastor was preaching about things money can’t buy. Money can’t buy laughter, and can’t buy love, he said. Driving his point home he asked the congregation a question: What would you do if I offered you $1,000 to NOT love your mother and father? The congregation was totally silent. But after a few seconds, a small voice in the second row asked, How much would you give me to not love my big sister?
>Some things never change ... but our society and the families within our society have undergone tremendous changes.
---Sociologist and historian, Carl Zimmerman, in his book, Family and Civilization, studied the disintegration of various cultures throughout history. His findings were surprising, as well as remarkable. He wrote of what he discovered: The decline of the cultures remarkably paralleled the decline of family life within those cultures.
>Zimmerman identified eight specific patterns of domestic behavior that typified the downward spiral of each culture he studied:
1) Marriage loses its sacredness ... it is frequently broken by divorce.
2) The traditional meaning of the marriage ceremony is lost.
3) Feminist movements abound.
4) There is a noticeable increase in public disrespect for parents and authority in general.
5) There is a dramatic and constant acceleration of juvenile delinquency, promiscuity, and rebellion.
6) People in traditional marriages begin to refuse to live up to their family responsibilities. (Dads who don’t find employment, moms who leave their children in the hands of others so they can engage in activities outside the home.)
7) There is a noticeable growing desire for and acceptance of adultery.
8) There is an increased interest in and an increasing spread of sexual perversions and sex-related crimes.
>If Zimmerman’s findings are correct, and I believe they are , then the United States is in serious trouble. Even more remarkable is the fact that Zimmerman’s book was written in 1947, sixty years ago, during a time when the trends he describes were nowhere near as prominent as they are today in America.
We are standing on the verge of the collapse of our culture, merely another one in a long list of cultures who believed they would last forever. However, when their families fell into disrepair, the culture fell too, banished to being mere relics in the annals of history.
We have two choices:
1) We can sit and bemoan the fact, and wait for the final shoe to drop.
2) Or, we can become actively involved in STRENGTHENING our own families, and begin to make a difference...one family at a time...in turning the United States around.
It’s not an impossible task ... there is still good news...
--Yes, 44% of all marriages in the United States end in divorce, but that means 56%, a majority of couples, are staying married and believe that marriage ought to be a life-time relationship.
--94% of all the people who are divorced will remarry, believing that marriage is something to be valued, something they want to be part of their lives.
--And more than 80% of all the young people now in high school and college WILL decide to get married.
<>So, while family is still "in" today, I invite you to SMILE FOR THE CAMERA of God’s Word. Let’s take a look at God’s Portrait of the Family. As we S-M-I-I-I-L-E for the camera, here’s what we’ll discover from God’s Word:
THE FAMILY THAT PLEASES GOD IS A PLACE OF...
S UPPORT AND COMPANIONSHIP.
Gen.2:18 -- Then the Lord said, ""It is not good for the man to be alone;""
It is in the context of the family that we can be fully known and accepted unconditionally.
<>In a God-pleasing family there is on-going companionship.
Gen.2:18 -- Then the Lord said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." ... The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.
---The famous writer, Anonymous, said it well: A family shares things like dreams, hopes, possessions, memories, frowns, and gladness. A family is a clan held together with the glue of love and the cement of mutual respect. No person is ever alone who is a member of a family.
>You see, God never intended for us to go it alone. Instead, He formed the first institution ever, the family, to provide us companionship, fellowship, and a support system.
>Of course, for companionship to happen, we’ve got to talk to one another, listen to one another, and spend time together.
---I’m reminded of the couple where to prove his love for her he swam the deepest river, crossed the widest desert, and climbed the highest mountain. She divorced him because he was never home.
<>In a God-pleasing family there is an unparalleled commitment.
Mt.19:6 -- What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.
>There is a bond in a God-pleasing family that is stronger than any other type of relationship. It starts with a couple leaving their previous homes and cleaving to one another to start a whole new home, a sanctuary from the rest of the world, a place to "come home" to and where good memories will be developed and will live on.
---Rudyard Kipling, speaking of the bond of family members to one another, said it this way, "All of US are WE, and everyone ELSE is THEY."
---Helen Reddy (and I’m not one to quote Helen often), sang it: It’s you and me against the world; sometimes it feels like you and me against the world. When all the others turn their backs and walk away, you can count on me to stay ... and for all the times we’ve cried, I always felt the odds were on our side. And when one of us is gone, and one of us is left to carry on, then remembering will have to do; our memories alone will get us through. We’ll think about the days of me and you, you and me against the world.
<>Family is to be a sanctuary, a place where we can be safe to "let our hair down" or take it off; a place where no one has to pretend, where we can be unafraid to be who we are because we know our family won’t abandon us...EVER.
--Family sticks with us for the long haul...they’re on our side through thick and thin, good or bad, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.
M ULTIPICLATION AND PROCREATION.
Gen.1:27-28a -- God created mankind in His own image ... male and female He created them. God blessed them and said to them, ""Be fruitful and multiply! Fill the earth and subdue it!""
We can’t create, only God can. However, God allows us to partner with Him in procreating, bringing children into the world.
>Notice the difference between the Bible’s description of the creation of man and the creation of all the animals: nothing is said in the creation of animals about their gender. But for humans, it’s important enough that God made sure it was noted that when God created the first two people on earth He made one of them a MAN and the other one a WOMAN.
>THEN God brought them together to form the first family, and gave them two tasks:
a) Rule over the earth
b) Reproduce...as the natural result of being a couple married to one another.
<>In other words, God’s picture of the family BEGINS with a man and a woman married to one another. -- Not two men, not two women ... not two same-gendered individuals raising children without the benefit of both genders being present to assist the child understanding his or her proper gender role.
--And, it is within the role of a man and a woman in a family that sex, pregnancy, and birth are to occur. That doesn’t preclude adoption for a heterosexual couple physically unable to have children biologically. In fact, we need Christian adults to step up as adoptive parents. But adoption should only be granted when the family portrait meets God’s standard for the family...where the couple is made up of a male and a female.
>Of course, there’s much more to RAISING children than just biologically PRODUCING children.
---I suggest to couples considering having children that they first engage in the following preparations for raising children:
----The Mess Preparation: Smear peanut butter on your sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch. Leave it there all summer. Begin to view a clean house as merely a dream.
----The Toy Preparation: Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold, and try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.
----The Grocery Store Preparation: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Try to always keep them in your sight, but afterwards pay for anything they manage to eat or damage.
----The Dressing Preparation: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff him into a small net beg, making sure that all the arms stay inside.
----The Feeding Preparation: Obtain one large plastic milk jug. Fill it half way full with water. Suspend it from the celing with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jub, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. Clean and repeat.
----The Night Preparation: Obtain one small cloth bag, fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it in water. At 3pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9pm. At 9pm lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10pm. At 10pm get up, pick up your bag and sing every song you ever heard. Make up dozens more and sing these until 4am. Set your alarm for 5am. At 5am get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years, and look cheerful the entire time.
----The Automobile Preparation: Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it in the cassette player or c.d. player. Take a family sized package of cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Finally, run a garden rake along both sides of the car.
----Fashion Preparation (for women): Obtain five large bean bag chairs. Attach them to your 5 favorite clothing outfits, and leave them attached for 9 months. Try not to notice your closet full of "normal" clothes. You won’t be wearing them for awhile.
>Budget Preparation (for men): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the customer service counter and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store for the next 18 years. Now purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.
----Final Assignment: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve their parenting skills based on your vast experience gained from reading books. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Notice their amused expressions. Enjoy the experience. It will be the last time you’ll have all the answers.
I NTIMACY AND AFFECTION.
Gen.2:24-25 -- For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
It is in the context of the family that sex and physical intimacy belong.
<>In a God-pleasing family there is a mature commitment to one another on the part of the husband and wife.
Gen.2:24 -- For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
Notice the progression: first you leave your father and mother’s home, THEN you start your own.
<>In a God-pleasing family there is unashamed intimacy, affection and acceptance.
Gen.2:25 -- and the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
It doesn’t mean the family needs to walk around naked all the time, but it does mean secrets can be safely known there.
I NSTRUCTION AND GROWTH.
Eph.6:4 -- Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
It is within the home / family that the greatest potential exists for learning, and were God designed it to occur.
>The responsbility for teaching our children does not rest with school teachers or day care workers, but with parents. Fathers, YOU are to bring your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. It’s your responsibility.
--It doesn’t mean school teachers are your enemy or schools themselves. It means that school teachers, and children’s workers in the church, youth ministers, etc., can and should come beside you and assist you with your responsibility, but it doesn’t change the fact that the ultimate responsibility for what your children are being taught is yours as his/her parent.
--It means, moms and dad, that you need to monitor what your children are hearing and seeing, and to get involved in protecting their young minds from falsehoods or information that is inappropriate.
--It also means, dad, you need to spend the time to meet your child’s teacher. You need to know the curriculum being taught in your child’s classroom. Yes, YOU, dad, not just mom. Your child is more important than sealing one more deal at work or making an extra dollar.
---Socrates once wrote: Could I climb to the highest places in Athens, I would lift up my voice and proclaim, "Fellow citizens, why do you turn and scrape every stone to gather wealth, and take so little care of the children to whom you must someday relinquish it all?"
>Bottom line: Parents, next to our commitment to the Lord and to our spouses, our children must be our highest priority.
---Clovis Chappell used to tell the story of two paddleboats. They left Memphis at the same time, traveling down the Missisippi River to New Orleans. As they traveled side by side, sailors from one vessel remarked about the snail’s pace of the other. Words were exchanged, challenges were made. Competition became vicious and one boat began falling behind due to a lack of fuel. There had been plenty of coal for the trip, but not enough for a race. So, as they dropped further back, an enterprising young sailor took some of the ship’s cargo and tossed it into the ovens. When the sailors saw that the cargo burned as well as the coal, they fueled their boat with the material they been assigned to transport. They ended up winning the race, but they had burned their cargo in the process.
Parents, God has entrusted a valuable cargo to us too: our spouses and our children. Our assignment is to see that our cargo reaches its destination. However, many parents end up shifting their focus to something else, like climbing the ladder of professional success, or acquiring possessions, or numerous other things that can divert their attention from their ultimate assignment of delivering their cargo safely.
It’s possible to ""win"" an artificial race but FAIL in our important assignment ... because along the way we’ve LOST OUR CARGO in the process.
<>Moms and dads, as our children’s primary teachers, we need to see to it that our children are taught the right things, INCLUDING the following:
a) Reverence for God.
Prov.9:10 -- The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
Deut.4:10 -- ...Assemble the people to Me...that they may learn to fear Me all their days on the earth, and that they may teach their children.
Deut.6:7 -- You shall teach (God’s truths) diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk...and when you lie down and when you rise up.
--God has entrusted children into your family for you to partner with Him in teaching them God’s truths.
--We teach in two ways: by what we say, but also (more powerfully) in what we do.
--What do you suppose kids learn about reverence for God if their parents never read the Bible, never go to church, and take God’s name in vain?
--However, when mom and dad walk the talk and demonstrate a commitment to God, kids learn reverencing God is important.
b) Right and wrong.
Eph.6:4 -- Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
>discipline -- has to do with making good choices, choosing to do what is good, not what’s not good.
>instruction -- is how we learn to know the difference between that which is good and that which is not good.
--Mom and dad, your children need to hear from you that God’s Word is correct when it tells us that God spoke the universe into existence, ""bara"" -- creating from nothing all that now is.
--Your children need to hear from you that God so loved them He sent His only Son so we can be forgiven of our sin and be adopted into God’s eternal family.
--Your children need to hear from you that God’s Word is correct when it tells us that it’s NOT okay to engage in sex before or outside of marriage, and it’s NOT okay to declare something to be ""correct"" when God’s Word declares it to be sinful.
--We need to teach our children that stealing is wrong, lying is wrong, profanity is wrong, gossip is wrong, hitting is wrong, disrespecting others is wrong.
--Likewise, we need to teach our children that doing our chores is good, working hard is good, doing our best is good, and being kind to others is both right and good.
--And, they need to be taught that there are rewards and consequences to our actions, good or bad.
---Yesterday, Paris Hilton’s mom left the courtroom trying to justify her daughter’s actions. What should have happened is Paris’ mom should have taught her right from wrong and that consequences follow bad behavior. Maybe Paris wouldn’t do the things she does if she had been taught that those things are wrong.
d) Respect for authority.
Eph.6:1-2 -- Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother...
Rom.13:1 -- Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is not authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God.
---Suzanna Wesley once stated, If a child doesn’t learn to obey his or her parents at home, they will never learn to respect the authority of men or God in society.
>Parents, even though other parents over the past forty years have failed in this area, I encourage you to teach your children to be considerate of others. Teach them manners. Teach them to think about others and not just themselves. Teach them to practice the golden rule (which is in the Bible, by the way).
e) Role of gender.
Prov.4:1 -- Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, and give attention that you may gain understanding.
>This is a soapbox of mine so I’ll try to be brief, but the breakdown of the family in America parallels the absence of dads in the family.
--The most common factor, the most common denominator of all men and women in prisons in America today is not race, not whether they were raised in cities or rural settings, not whether they were rich or poor, not whether they were educated or uneducated. Although all of these variables do have their part in shaping the character and influencing the actions of the individual, none of these is the most commonly shared experience of those imprisoned.
--By far, the most common denominator of those imprisoned is that they were raised without a male role model in the home.
---Dr. George Rekers summarized the results of numerous studies, stating: A positive and continued relationship to one’s father has been found to be associated with a good self-concept, higher self-esteem, higher self-confidence in personal interaction, higher moral maturity, reduced rates of unwed teen pregnancy, greater internal control and higher career aspirations. Fathers who are affectionate, nurturing, and actively involved in child-rearing are more likely to have well-adjusted children.
>Dad, your son needs you to show him how boys and men are to behave: macho yes, but also considerate, responsible, and hard-working.
>Dad, your daughter needs you to show her how men are to treat women, especially a wife, and how they assist in meeting their family’s needs as a caring dad.
---Erma Bombeck once wrote about a little girl who loved her dad but wasn’t sure what dads were for or what they did. The girl wrote a letter to Erma saying, One morning my father didn’t get up and go to work. He went to the hospital and died the next day. I hadn’t thought that much about him before. He was just someone who left and came hoe and seemed glad to see everyone at night. He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn’t afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood that when it rained he would get the car and bring it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescriptions filled. He took lots of pictures, but was never in them. Whenever I played house, the mother doll had a lot to do. I never knew what to do with the daddy doll, so I had him say, ""I’m going to work now,"" and threw him under the bed. The funeral was in our living room. Lots of people came and brought all kinds of food. We had never had so much company before. I went to my room, felt under the bed for the daddy doll. When I found him, I dusted him off and put him on my bed. He never did anything, but I didn’t know his leaving would hurt so much.
>Mom, your daughter needs you to show her how girls and women are to behave. She needs you to answer her questions dad can’t answer.
>Mom, your son needs you to show him how women are special, how they deserve his respect, and what a woman loving a man looks like.
I DENTITY AND BELONGING.
Mt.1:1-2 -- Abraham was the father of Isaac, Isaac the father of Jacob, and Jacob the father of Judah and his brothers.
There’s an identity inherent in being part of a particular family.
God even identified Himself to future generations of Israel as being the God of their fathers Abraham and Isaac and Jacob.
When a couple marries, most times the wife takes her husband’s last name. Why?? As a matter of identity and belonging.
L ove and Acceptance.
Eph.5:25 -- Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
Titus 2:3-4 -- Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourge the young women to love their husbands, to love their children.
---Love is why a mom will kiss her child’s boo boo and make it better.
---Love is why a mom can think even the homeliest looking child is beautiful.
---Love is why a muddy or stinky child isn’t kicked out of the family, but instead is placed in a bathtub or on a changing table and provided a thorough and tender cleansing.
---Love is why even the toughest dad will have a tear in his eye as he walks his daughter down an aisle on her wedding day.
---Love is why parents sock away savings and send their kid to college instead of spending it on themselves.
---Love is why grandparents throughout all the ages have insisted on spoiling their grandkids with toys and surprises.
---Love is why grown children take care of their aging parents even after the parents have slipped into dimentia and can’t even remember their children.
>Love and acceptance is the stuff families are made of.
--We love family members not because they behave lovably, but simply because they’re family.
E NCOURAGEMENT AND SECURITY.
Col.3:21 -- Fathers, do not exasperate your chldren, so that they will not lose heart.
--In a God-pleasing family words like stupid or loser are never used to refer to chldren or family members.
--In a God-pleasing family no child is ever told he or she was an accident or unwanted.
--In a God-pleasing family no one is branded a failure.
--In a God-pleasing family the focus is not on the faults or shortcomings of another, but on the potential and the good qualities.
>Family is a place for building up, not tearing down.
--In a God-pleasing family there is security, a sense of being in a safe place, and there’s no fear of being abandoned or rejected.
---Dr. John Trent tells the story of a couple in west Texas. The wife, Betty, was very athletic, had been a cheerleader and was very popular in high school. Now she was fifty-five and had come to Dr. Trent for medical help because she was hurting a lot, her joints were beginning to swell. After examining her, Dr. Trent told her she had rheumatoid arthritis and there is no cure. She sat and cried for a moment as she considered her future. Then her tall, leathery-faced west Texas cowboy husband walked into the room and sat down beside her. Betty looked at him, and with tears running down her cheeks, said, Rusty, you need to get a divorce. I can’t be a wife to you anymore. It hurts every time I move, and I can’t even hold your hand. For your own sake you need a woman who can really love you. Why don’t you get a divorce, and go your own way, and I’ll go mine? But Rusty sat down on a stool next to her, looked her in the eyes and said, Betty, can you smile? It doesn’t hurt to smile, and that’s all I need, just a smile. And really, you don’t even need to smile. All I really need is YOU.
>You see, THAT is security. That’s how a true family functions: they stay together and work together through the ups and downs, the good and bad. They’re always there, informing the other members that they’re loved and accepted, no matter what happens, and that no matter what happens, love is always unshakable and lasting.
<>Bringing It Home...
--God not only created us with a need for family, He invites us into His famlly...the faith family...the family of God.
--If you don’t have a family, we at Desert Springs want you to know we’re willing to be an extended, adopted family to you. -- We’re brothers and sisters here, and God is our heavenly Father.
If you already are part of a family, I hope today will be a time of reneweing your commitment to those in your family.
--Committing yourselves to supporting one another.
--Committing yourselves to instructing your children.
--Committing yourselves to loving and accepting one another, encouraging and lifting up one another.
After all, that’s what a family portrait really should look like.
