This has been one of the most difficult sermons I have ever written and will be one of the more emotional ones I have presented, yet it is something I feel I need to do. Looking back over the past few months we have lost three fathers and one mother in this congregation. Special occasions, such as today, often reopen grief and mourning. Most of what I say this morning will be based upon the relationship I had with my father, but I want it to apply to all fathers. I realize there may be some here who did not have as good a relationship with their father as I had, and I do not mean to upset anyone by what I say about fathers.
During one of the worship services last week at Annual Conference we sang a song entitled “Come and Find the Quiet Center”; it is in The Faith We Sing songbook (page 2128). While singing this song several thoughts of my Dad crossed my mind. The song begins, “Come and find the quiet center in the crowded life we lead, find the room for hope to enter, find the frame where we are freed.” Throughout my life, especially in these later adult years I depended quite heavily upon my Dad to be the “quiet center” in the “crowded life I lead.” I knew I could come to him at any time and find that blessed quietness we all need ever so often. Through Dad’s faith in Jesus Christ he had centered his own life and was therefore able to provide that “quiet center” to the rest of his family. When I sat and had a serious heart-to-heart talk with Dad, or even during light-hearted conversation, I always found “the room for hope to enter,” I “found the frame where I was freed,” freed from whatever was bearing upon my mind or in my life.
Paul told the Galatians, “And we have come to believe in Christ Jesus, so that we might be justified by faith in Christ, and not by doing the works of the law…” Faith in Jesus is very important for us all and especially for a father or a father figure. I recognize not all of us are fathers, but we can be father figures to a lonely, hurting child. A father’s faith in Jesus Christ will do nothing but benefit all who are around him. A father may religiously bring his family to church every Sunday morning; he may tithe and make sure the rest of his family know the importance of giving to the church; but, if his faith in Jesus is weak all these works will have little or no effect upon his family’s spiritual growth. Paul said, “…a person is justified not by the works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ.”
The rest of the first stanza is, “Clear the chaos and the clutter, clear our eyes that we can see all the things that really matter, be at peace and simply be.” Through that portion of his life which I can remember, Dad was always at peace with himself and with those around him; I just wish I could say the same for myself. Again Paul said, “I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me.” This is a challenge to all you Dad’s, let yourselves be crucified with Christ, then allow Him to live through us. Only then are we capable of becoming the father our family needs and deserves. It is when we have let yourselves, “Clear the chaos and the clutter, clear our eyes that we can see all the things that really matter, be at peace and simply be,” we will really see what matters most and that is the family. Too often we feel we must put in those extra hours so our family can have a bigger house, or fancier car, or designer clothes. These are not things which really matter. What good is it to have all kinds of stuff laying around if we don’t take time to ask our kids how their school work is coming along, or if we have to miss birthdays, recitals, or athletic events because we are working.
In the military I saw too many fathers totally ignoring their families because they were so busy seeking promotions. When asked what their motivation was, it was normally, “So, my family can have things.” Things are not important, relationships, knowing what color dress your daughter is wearing to the prom and whom she is going with, recognizing your son may be more gifted in music and art than football or baseball; these are the things which should be most important to us. Dads, you need to learn to take the time to spend with your family and learn these small simple nuances of their lives. Let them know what “really matters, be at peace and simply be.” Be a father to your kids and a husband to your wife.
Some fathers are often quick to raise their voices in any situation. I don’t know if this is an attempt to display their manliness or a show their supremacy in the household. We need to restrain our tempers, learn to speak in calmness. Verse two of the song begins, “Silence is a friend who claims us, cools the heat and slows the pace.” Dad very seldom raised his voice against us or anyone else. He allowed silence to be his friend. This is not to say we must not voice opinions or objections when they are warranted; it is only to say sometimes silence is the better way to handle such situations.
In a confrontational situation, silence can” cool the heat and slow the pace.” In very few instances did our LORD Jesus loose His temper or raise His voice; the only occasion which readily comes to mind is when He chased the money changers from the temple. Paul tells us, “…it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God…” If we are allowing Christ to live in us, then we should pattern our lives after His. It is through “faith in the Son of God” we can allow silence to be the “friend who claims us.”
Amazingly the recessional hymn for the Service of Ordination, “God the Spirit, Guide and Guardian” (page 648 of the United Methodist Hymnal) also flooded me with several thoughts of my father. Although verse two is speaking to pastors, these same characteristics also apply to fathers. The stanza says, “teacher, healer, suffering servant, friend of sinners, foe of pride: in your tending may all pastors learn and live a shepherd’s care.” A good father will be a teacher and a healer. In the role of “suffering servant” a father will willingly stay in the background as their children often struggle with growing pains. They are there to catch the child if he falls hard, but they will allow the child to make mistakes, simply because good judgment comes from the experience gained from bad judgments.
Our children closely watch every move we make and they learn life’s lessons from what they observe. My Dad was a “friend of sinners,” this is not to say my Dad was not a sinner, because he was; we all are. But as a “friend of sinners” and a “foe of pride” Dad never turned his back on anyone because of what others might say about them. We can learn a lesson from this; all people are God’s creation. “...I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” If the very Son of God willingly gave Himself for us because He loved us, are we not then capable of loving others and giving of ourselves for them, no matter who they are or what their reputation might be? To paraphrase the verse, “may all fathers learn and live a shepherds’ care.” A shepherd cares for all his sheep, no matter their looks or nature.
I do not want any of you to get the idea I think my father was perfect. In fact he was far from it; and he would be the first to say so. But in my eyes Dad was very close to Christian perfection. During my youth, Dad worked way too much. At one time he was holding down one full-time job and two part-time jobs. He did this so we would not be in need of anything. Even though he worked long, hard hours, he still found time to spend with us during his hours off. In Dad’s belief, church came before anything else. It didn’t matter if the biggest cross-county rival was playing football on Friday night; if it was revival week we were sitting on the pew beside Mom while he sang in the choir.
The third stanza of this song says, “fount of wisdom, womb of mercy, giving and forgiving all.” These words, most of all, describe my Father. He was a fount of wisdom and a very merciful man; he gave from his heart to all who needed and most of all he was a forgiving person. Paul said, “I do not nullify the grace of God,” and neither do I. It was through the grace of God that I had the opportunity to be raised and taught throughout my life by such a wonderful man. I only pray everyone could have such an experience with their fathers. Even if our earthly fathers are far from being what we wish them to be, we can depend wholly upon our heavenly Father to pick up where they leave off and love us unconditionally. “God it is who speaks and names us, knows our being, touches base, making space within our thinking, lifting shades to show the sun, raising courage when we’re shrinking, finding scope for faith begun.”
IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT…AMEN
