A few weeks ago we began a sermon series from the book of Proverbs so that we could learn God’s wisdom and make the right choices, God’s choice, in our everyday life. The primary author of Proverbs was Solomon and the Bible says God gave King Solomon more wisdom than any other person. His wisdom and insight and the breadth of his understanding was as measureless as the sand on the seashore (1 Ki. 4:29). Solomon collected this wisdom and put in the book of Proverbs.
As I was preparing for this series and trying to determine what topics to preach on, because there are so many covered by Solomon, I noticed that Solomon dedicated almost three entire chapters (5,6 & 7) to teach his son about the lure of sexual sin, particularly adultery, and the wisdom of steering clear of it. One thing has not changed in the three thousand years since Solomon’s time, the temptation of sexual sin is still very real, and we are surrounded by it all the time. The television programmers and advertising world knows this hard fact, “sex sells.” Amy and I were watching a television show a few weeks back on one of the big four television networks, and an ad came on showing snippits of all the shows coming up that Friday night. I kid you not, in every single clip representing every show there was either someone sleeping with someone else, partial nudity, or . One of the shows is one of the most popular among my generation, Grey’s Anatomy. We are constantly surrounded by a culture which glamorizes sex, whether it is premarital sex, adultery, pornography, you name it. It isn’t shameful anymore, it is mainstream. Of course we are not called to live according to the culture. We are called to live according to God’s wisdom, and his design for our life.
Solomon realized the danger of sexual sin and he tried to warn his son. For the title of the sermon, “playing with fire,” I chose one of the images Solomon used of dabbling in sexual sin, fire.
Prov. 6:27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? 28 Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched?
Obviously the answer to both questions is, no! If you play with fire, sooner or later, you will get burned, and the same is true of sexual sin, you will eventually get burned.
1. Avoid Walking Near Fire –(Proverbs 7:6-8)
In Proverbs 7:6-8 Solomon tells about a young man he observed as he looked out through his window one evening around twilight, as the sun was going down. This young man was walking near the corner of the street where a seductive woman lived. He then took a turn down the street she lived on walking near her house. Of course the woman came out to greet him kissed him and seduced him by telling him things like, “I came out to meet you; I was looking just for you.” She even used religious language to make it sound respectable, “I have my fellowship offering.” The fellowship offering was an animal sacrifice offered to God at the Temple and it was cooked there and part of the meal the person brought back home to eat. In other words she was saying, “I have this meal with no one to eat it with me.” She went on to say she had prepared her bed with the finest perfumes, and her husband was gone away for a long time. In other words her words were like honey, smooth as oil (5:3). And sure enough like an “ox going to slaughter” or “like a deer stepping into a noose,” as Solomon writes, the man fell for it hook, line, and sinker.
Whose fault was it that this young man found himself in the arms of this woman? While the woman obviously was to blame for seducing the young man, Solomon’s point was to share with his son that it was the young man’s own mistake for placing himself in the position where he would get tempted. In other words, he chose to walk near the fire.
People who fall into sexual sin always start with this step. They walk near the fire. They pretend the casual stroll by temptation is innocent. The little office flirtation didn’t mean anything. Flipping by the provocative channel on TV is no big deal. Looking at the inappropriate magazines or clicking on the graphic website doesn’t hurt anybody.
Avoid the Office Relationship
One of the most common places people walk near the fire is at the office. The coworker begins paying more attention to you and you think they care more about you than your spouse does. A comment you might hear is “They actually listen to me, they treat me better than my spouse.” Perhaps it becomes a little office flirtation which is supposedly harmless. If you begin rationalize your need to spend more time with this person you are walking to close to the fire, and there is no good which will come from it. Work is one of the easiest places to fall because you have the opportunity. You might be spending large amounts of time with the opposite gender, and generally people are at their best, they look good, they are dressed nice, makeup on, putting on the kind, friendly, mask.
Illustration: Let me tell you a little story my parents shared with me. When my dad was in college his roommate was also from Grand Rapids, and so they became good friends. Their friendship continued after college as they both returned to work in G.R. and got married. As time rolled on my parents became very involved in church, they met new friends. They became part of a small group with other young couples. In fact I was friends with most of the kids of the couples in their group. A time came when one of the ladies in their group was looking for a job because the kids were all in school. Well it just so happened that my dad’s best friend found a secretary position where he worked. Time went by and my dad’s best friend spent more and more time with their friend. Pretty soon they shocked everybody when they announced they were divorcing their spouses and getting married to each other. And that was what they did. You can imagine how my parents felt his best friend, and their good friend from church, and they were the ones who brought them together. I’m sure it began as something innocent but it ended up destroying their marriage, their families, and their closest friendships. You flirt with fire long enough and you will get burned. There are a couple reasons I tell that story. 1) To show that work is often a place where we fall into this temptation, and 2) because we shouldn’t think for a moment that just because we are a Christian that we are somehow immune to the temptation. I can tell you of several pastors I know, some personally, like the campus pastor while I was in college who played too close to the fire and got burned.
Avoiding Pornography
Another fire which people, particularly men, begin walking too close is the fire of pornography. It usually starts off innocently enough, magazines as a teenager, accidentally clicking on an X-rated website on the internet, watching videos in college. Pretty soon it increases with the rational being, ‘what will it hurt if I just look.’ The internet is making pornography even more accessible than ever before. The NY Times wrote that one out of every four persons on the internet is looking at pornography. “The Nua Internet Survey reports that 75% of hits on the Web are looking for a porno site.” It’s becoming a major problem.
What’s wrong with just looking? It’s not like its committing adultery or anything, right? When Jesus taught on the commandment “do not commit adultery” he explained that adultery wasn’t just about committing the act, it begins long before that with what we think, what we allow to enter into our mind and inadvertently into our heart. Jesus taught, “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matt. 5:28).” It doesn’t matter if that woman is in person, on a magazine, a website, a video, or a cable channel, according to Jesus if it causes lust within you, you have already committed adultery. The images make a permanent mark on the brain, particularly for men. Once you see the image it is ingrained there for a very long time. For many men, it even becomes addictive and escalates. Pretty soon it goes from looking at magazines to watching videos, then from watching videos to watching more graphic videos, . Do you remember Ted Bundy? The serial killer, who brutally killed over 24 women, he told Dr. James Dobson that it all began when he was a teen with pornographic magazines. That was where it started and escalated from there. Not to say that every person who looks at a pornographic magazine will become a serial killer but to demonstrate that what begins innocently enough can and often does escalate.
I believe the reason Jesus taught that even thinking lustful thinking is sin because those images in our mind will eventually affect our behavior. We compare our spouse to the unrealistic image we have in our brain. Our spouse isn’t attractive enough, sexy enough, romantic enough, (you fill in the blank), and when they don’t meet our unrealistic expectations we draw farther away from them, and the wedge begins. We get closer to the fire.
Consequences (Prov. 5:7-14)
Just as my parent’s friends discovered there are consequences, collateral damage if you will for walking near fire and playing with fire. Broken families, friendships, and churches.
Solomon lists some consequences as well here in chapter 5.
• We lose our dignity (v. 9)
You will give away your strength, your honor, your dignity. People will no longer respect you because you betrayed the trust of your spouse, and all those around you.
• We are affected financially (v.10)
It affects your pocket book, “lest strangers feast on your wealth, and your toil enrich another man’s house.” You face economic ruin because people no longer respect or trust you, and they don’t want to work with you, do business with you. “If he was unfaithful to his wife, what is to stop him from being untrustworthy with his work and business dealings with us?” We can also think about some of the natural consequences of a broken marriage: alimony, child support, broken homes, disease.
• We will have regrets (v. 12-13). He laments, why didn’t I listen to my . He’s not just stating a fact, he is lamenting his error in judgment. I doubt there are very many people who committed sexual sin and didn’t regret the fallout from it.
• We will face embarrassment/humiliation in the larger community (v. 14), “I have come to the brink of utter ruin in the midst of the whole assembly.”
God’s wisdom is very clear and simple on this, avoid walking near the fire in the first place. In Proverbs chapter 5, Solomon says it plainly, “now then, my sons, listen to me; do not turn aside from what I say. Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house (Prov. 5:6-7).” Don’t turn down the street in the first place. “Her” could be anything which may entice us. Don’t spend time alone with the coworker you are attracted to or are getting inappropriate attention from them, don’t walk near the magazine rack where you can see the cover, don’t get on the internet or if you need to get on the internet have some safety protocols in place such as having the computer in a high traffic area of the house for accountability, or have one of those blocking software which prohibits traveling to those websites. Set up boundaries and don’t cross them.
Amy and I have set up a boundary to protect ourselves. It is simple. We have committed to never being alone with someone of the opposite sex (other than family members). Someone else needs to be nearby, in the next room or in the house/church. That means no car rides, no counseling appointments, no meetings. Some people might think this is a little extreme, or that it is communicating that we don’t trust each other. We do trust each other, but we create boundaries because we are not so naive to think that we are immune, or that other people around us are immune just because we are Christians.
2. Drink from Your Own Well, Be Captivated By Your Own Spouse
Instead Solomon says if we are married we should enjoy our own spouse. He uses water imagery to describe sexual intimacy between a husband and wife, “15 Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. 16 Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? 17 Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. 18 May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
He goes on to say in verse 19 to give some more graphic details and concludes, “may you be captivated by her love.” Some translations use the word “intoxicated.” The idea is of being seduced by your own spouse. Solomon is encouraging his son, and us, to enjoy our spouse. How often do you hear that in the church? The Bible actually says you should enjoy sex with your spouse because if you enjoy intimacy with your spouse, you won’t need to look elsewhere. In the NT, the Apostle Paul even says those who are married should not refrain from being intimate with one another unless it is for a limited period of time so you can be more dedicated to prayer (1 Cor. 7:3-5). I know for some of you guys the only thing you are going to remember of this whole sermon is this part, this week you’re going to turn to your wife and say, “Did you hear what the pastor said…?”
What about those who are single? In that same chapter the Apostle Paul wrote that singleness is a gift from God, and should be desired so you can devote yourself more fully to God. But for those who cannot because of “urges” he called them, marriage was a viable option (1 Cor. 7:2-3; 9). In other words sex is created by God only for marriage. Marriage is the firewall God has given us to satisfy the need for sexual intimacy. You know what a firewall is right? A firewall is a barrier used in construction to prevent a fire from entering that section of the building. It is also computer lingo for a barrier to prevent viruses, spyware, and other nasty things from entering your computer from the internet and damaging it.
When we are outside God’s protective firewall someone’s gonna get burned because you are running with your own plan and not God’s. I think we can say that wise living involves enjoying our sexuality within the covenant of marriage.
Conclusion
God wants us to wise up about our sexuality. He warns us about the lure of sexual temptation, he wants us to truly understand the destructive consequences of giving into that temptation, he wants us to enjoy the alternative in the context of marriage, and he wants us to make wise choices because he knows our choices determine our future. I realize this wisdom is against the grain of our society today, but it’s with the grain of God’s created order.
Now the one thing the book of Proverbs doesn’t really deal with is what to do if you’ve already started down this path or if you’ve already made the wrong choice. Proverbs tells us what not to do. But Proverbs doesn’t talk about how to get off that self-destructive path once you’re on it. Fortunately in the New Testament Jesus emphasizes the power of God to take people who have chosen the pathway of self-destruction and sexual sin to change their direction. Jesus consistently encountered men and women who were living outside the boundaries of sexual activity and he transformed their life. Jesus encountered people who had given in to premarital sex (woman at the well), who committed adultery (woman being stoned), even prostitutes. Jesus forgave them and then by the power of God’s spirit he healed them to make them into new people, pure, righteous, and holy before God
If you’ve made choices that have taken you down the path of self-destruction, it’s never too late to call on Jesus for help. Not that God will erase the consequences of your choices. If you’ve contracted a disease, God’s probably may not heal that disease. If you’ve cheated on your spouse, calling on Christ won’t automatically restore trust and heal the marriage. But he can forgive and heal your heart condition.
[Prayer for those who have already violated sexual purity already, for forgiveness, and for a restoration of purity, and for all of us to have the wisdom to stay on the path of purity before God and avoid sexual temptation].
