THE BIBLICAL FAMILY - Raising Infants (0-5)
Authority and Discipline - Ephesians 6:1-4
INTRODUCTION:
A. We live in a world today were obedience and honor are almost dirty words.
1. The words have a tendency to proclaim “Authority!”
2. Which is a dirty word as well!
B. But God’s word, as well as His purpose, is filled with the idea of authority: obedience and honor.
1. First they are required by God of men in their relations to Himself.
a. Deut. 13:4 Ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.
b. Proverbs 3:9 Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase:
2. When we do these we are respecting God’s authority.
C. Now it should be noted that God places authority in the hands of man as well - 1 Tim. 2:2 For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.
1. One of the places He sets His authority is in parents
2. God has seen fit to place His authority with parents, as His regents, in bringing up children.
3. We read of this most clearly in Eph 6:1-2 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. [2] Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)
4. All of this is based upon the command found in Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
5. When we honor and obey we are submitting ourselves to the authority of someone else & are blessed for doing so.
D. So what we find is that when children honor and obey their parents they are in a place of blessing
1. Tedd Tripp in his book entitled Shepherding a Child’s Heart calls this atmosphere where there is honor and obedience the “Circle of Blessing.”
- By the way, much of what we will go over tonight was gleaned from his book Shepherding a Child’s Heart
2. Parents, this is where we want our kids to dwell – in the circle of blessing from the Lord – is it not?
3. It is to this end that I believe the major goal we have as parents with children 0-5years of age is to teach them how to live under authority!
E. Our outline for this lesson is simple
1. The Goal: Teach Authority
2. The Discipline: Spanking, if Necessary
May God open our eyes to the needs of our children and the biblical means to see that they obtain it.
PRAY
As we begin to look at how we might bring our families closer to the Lord and at the same time raise God fearing children it would help us to have this goal in mind:
I. THE GOAL: TEACH AUTHORITY
A. I want you to think about the first 5 years of a child’s life – in a word, how would you explain it? CHANGE
1. Physical change: learning to move their head, role over, crawl, walk, run; they are learning to manipulate objects & feed themselves
2. Social change: at first he is it – he thinks (sort of) only of self; then there is the relationship with momma, then other family members, other people and eventually he has his own friends. Even toilet training is a personal, yet social development.
3. Intellectual change: he begins to learn words, then sentences – even his mistakes follow the logical grammar patterns – “I thinked” instead of “I thought.”
- Curiosity abounds, everything is an adventure, “why” is a key word.
4. Spiritual changes: they begin to hear and learn simple truths about God: Creator, that He loves them, etc.
5. In a nutshell, it all changing and the child is blooming – he is learning his environment and what he can do and what he can get away with!
B. The One thing that will provide stability in the midst of all this change is the understanding that he/she is an individual under authority!
1. It is at this age they need to see the “Circle of Blessing” as a place of safety and that the circle involves submission to parental authority.
- Drawn out it would look like this (Show slide)
2. Two things need to be taught: Honor & Obedience
a. Honoring parents means to treat them with respect and esteem because they are God’s appointed authority in their lives.
1) Their learning to honor parents will be the result of two things:
a) The parent teaching them to do so
b) The parents’ conduct being honorable.
2) One of the clearest ways for a child to honor parents is in the way they speak to their parents
a) Children are not to speak to parents in imperatives (commands)
b) They are not speak to parents as their peers.
b. Obeying parents is necessary, as well, if they are to learn to be an individual under authority
1) Obeying parents can be defined in a very simple and succinct manner.
2) It means doing what one is told
a) Without challenge
b) Without excuse
c) Without delay
c. Submission to this authority brings the blessings of long life and things going well for them.
D. Once this has been taught by the parents and learned by the children you can install a “Process of Appeal.”
1. The appeal process should have the following guidelines:
a. You begin to obey immediately, not after the appeal
b. You must be prepared to obey either way
c. You must appeal in a respectful manner
d. You must accept the result of the appeal with a gracious spirit
2. An Illustration:
a. Mother says, “Its time to go to bed.”
b. The child begins to pick up her things and asks, “Is it okay for me to finish coloring this picture first?”
c. Mother may say, “Yes, that would be okay” or she may say, “No, dear, you were up late last night, you need your sleep.”
d. Which ever, the child must be prepared to obey without challenge, without excuse, without delay.
E. A word to parents: CONSISTENCY!
1. Children are not dumb – they are ever learning
2. They will learn our inconsistencies as well as or consistencies!
3. If you are not consistent you will confuse them & provoke them to anger.
F. We could go into much more concerning this topic but we don’t have the time – it will be built upon as we put together our family ministry.
Now all this is easier if you have a very compliant child, but what if yours is not so compliant? That is where discipline come in.
II. THE DISCIPLINE: SPANKING
A. Now before you leave me here, let me show you what the word of God has to say about spanking.
1. Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
2. Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.
3. Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
4. Proverbs 23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. [14] Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell.
- A word of explanation: the Hebrew word translated “beatest” or “beat” is naw-kaw and it is anything from a slap or swat to a death blow, all determined by context -in this context, it is a slap or swat.
B. The Purpose of Spanking
1. The purpose of spanking is not to punish, it is to discipline – to correct – to move a child from a place outside the circle of blessing which provides difficulty and hardship back to the circle of blessing that things might go well and that he might have long life. (Show slide)
2. It is actually a rescue mission!
3. Children need to know that to disobey their parents is to disobey God – not that mom and dad are God but that they have be put in the place of authority and therefore stewards of the children God placed within their home.
4. Spanking should not be done in anger or out of frustration – there must be complete self-control!
C. Now lets look at some particulars concerning spanking. (Tedd Tripp’s book Shepherding the Child’s Heart has a lot more dealing with spanking that you might want to read.)
1. The “When” of spanking – it is really pretty simple
a. When you give a directive that he has heard and is within his capacity to understand and he has not obeyed without challenge, excuse or delay.
b. You will have to spank very little if you do it consistently, thereby letting the child know that obedience is not an option – it is mandatory.
2. The “How” of spanking
a. Take your child to a private place – never spank in front of friends, siblings or anyone else – respect his privacy and preserve his dignity.
b. Tell him specifically what he has done or failed to do – give him the biblical mandate (show him God’s word) – this lets him see for himself that it is God who sets the standard not the parent
c. Secure an acknowledgement from the child of what he has done – his acknowledgment ensures he knows why he is being spanked
d. Remind him that the purpose of spanking is to restore him to a place of blessing – spanking should reflect your obedience to God’s directives and concern for the child’s good.
- EMPHASIS: You have no right to hit your child or spank him under any circumstances other than biblically sanctioned disciplined.
e. Tell the child how many swats he will receive – this is an important signal of your self control
f. Lay the child across your lap (this puts the spanking in the context of your physical relationship) and then spank him on the fleshly portion of his buttocks. (bare bottomed or under pants?)
g. Following the spanking hug the child and let them know how much to love them, how much it grieves you to spank them, and state the hope that you never have to do it again.
- This keeps the spanking referenced to restoration, not retribution.
h. Pray with him. Encourage him with the fact that Christ was given because we are people of sin – there is forgiveness in Christ.
3. The “Why” of spanking.
a. God commands it – Prov 23:13-14
b. It is an act of love – Prov 13:14
CONCLUSION:
A. If we teach and discipline our children to understand submission to authority in those first five years we give them a great foundation.
1. They will have a greater tendency to respect, honor and obey, teachers, policemen, government officials, laws and etc as they grow older
2. Miss it and we set them up for hard times.
B. Let’s teach our children the circle of blessing and for their sakes help them to see it as such!
