Break It Up
Phil. 4:1-3
Illus. (SC.com) Abe Lemmons was head basketball coach at the University of Texas for years. Asked if he was bitter at Texas Athletic Director Deloss Dodds who fired him…, he replied, "Not at all, but I plan to buy a glass-bottomed car so I can watch the look on his face when I run over him."
Today, we get to look at a subject that’s near and dear to all our hearts – conflict.
Please turn with me to Phil. 4:1-3 (Review).
Paul has spent 3 chapters encouraging the Philippians/us, but before he closes, he needs to take care of some business in the Church. Apparently, all is not well.
This passage really deals with how to practically handle conflict.
•So, while we take a close look at what this passage says, we’re going to take a longer look at how to apply it.
Prayer
I. PAUL’S PRAISE
1THEREFORE, MY BROTHERS, YOU WHOM I LOVE AND LONG FOR, MY JOY AND CROWN,
It’s probably better to connect this verse with Ch. 3 rather than Ch. 4.
Paul says, “Therefore, as you pursue Christ and wait for His return, this is how you should stand firm”.
That having been said, this verse is also a great bridge between his two topics of longing for heaven and living today.
Before Paul addresses the problem, he once again begins with praise.
•Before he tears them down, he builds them up – in 5 key ways.
A. He is related to them. MY BROTHERS,
This is the 5th time he calls them brothers. They’re his family in many respects.
He’s not exerting his power/authority. He’s one of them. He struggles like they do.
B. He loves them.
Lit. “my beloved brethren, whom I long to see.”
This is the same word as “dear friends” at the end of this verse.
We’ve seen this theme throughout his Letter. Paul deeply cares for these people.
C. He longs for them.
This word means “greatly desired.” He’s mentioned this before, too.
Phil. 1:8 GOD CAN TESTIFY HOW I LONG FOR ALL OF YOU WITH THE AFFECTION OF CHRIST JESUS.
D. They are his joy.
Paul rejoices over them - again.
Phil. 1:4 IN ALL MY PRAYERS FOR ALL OF YOU, I ALWAYS PRAY WITH JOY.
Phil. 2:2 MAKE MY JOY COMPLETE BY BEING LIKE-MINDED, HAVING THE SAME LOVE, BEING ONE IN SPIRIT AND PURPOSE.
E. They are his crown/reward.
(Phil. 3:12-14) Paul’s pursuit/goal was seeing Christ, but his crown was the Philippians.
•His reward was seeing them in glory with him.
1 Thes. 2:19-20 FOR WHAT IS OUR HOPE, OUR JOY, OR THE CROWN IN WHICH WE WILL GLORY IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR LORD JESUS WHEN HE COMES? IS IT NOT YOU? 20INDEED, YOU ARE OUR GLORY AND JOY.
Now that Paul has reiterated his love and praise for the Philippians, he makes his point.
II. PAUL’S POINT
THAT IS HOW YOU SHOULD STAND FIRM IN THE LORD, DEAR FRIENDS!
This is how you should stand firm against false teachers/persecution/fear/division.
Phil. 1:27-28 WHATEVER HAPPENS, CONDUCT YOURSELVES IN A MANNER WORTHY OF THE GOSPEL OF CHRIST. THEN, WHETHER I COME AND SEE YOU OR ONLY HEAR ABOUT YOU IN MY ABSENCE, I WILL KNOW THAT YOU STAND FIRM IN ONE SPIRIT, CONTENDING AS ONE MAN FOR THE FAITH OF THE GOSPEL 28WITHOUT BEING FRIGHTENED IN ANY WAY BY THOSE WHO OPPOSE YOU.
This is how you should conduct yourselves.
•And speaking of conducting yourselves, there’s a problem that needs to be resolved.
•Again, Paul returns to the theme of unity – this time, it’s personal and practical.
III. PAUL’S PLEA
2I PLEAD WITH (urge, beseech, beg) EUODIA AND I PLEAD WITH SYNTYCHE TO AGREE WITH EACH OTHER IN THE LORD.
We don’t know anything about these women or the cause for their feud.
•It’s possible that they were prominent women in the church.
•To Paul, who they are and what they’re feuding over doesn’t matter.
Instead, he urgently pleads with each woman individually to break it up and reconcile.
What’s even more powerful is that Paul points specifically to 2 women in a letter that’s to be read to the whole church. Ouch!
•Apparently, their contention and division had become a serious matter.
Paul doesn’t tell us what the problem is, because what’s important is the solution.
A. Practical Unity
AGREE WITH EACH OTHER IN THE LORD. “Be of the same mind, live in harmony.” (11x in Phil.)
Put into practice what I told you in Phil. 2:1-4. (Humble yourselves, put others first)
The Philippians aren’t the only ones struggling with practical unity.
1 Cor. 1:10 I APPEAL TO YOU, BROTHERS, IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, THAT ALL OF YOU AGREE WITH ONE ANOTHER SO THAT THERE MAY BE NO DIVISIONS AMONG YOU AND THAT YOU MAY BE PERFECTLY UNITED IN MIND AND THOUGHT.
It’s one thing to preach unity, but it’s another altogether to practice it individually.
Real unity begins personally, then corporately. It starts with me, not the church.
Real unity is practical, not theoretical.
Frank Thielman (NIV Application Commentary, NT: Philippians, 222. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, © 1995)
“…In the modern church, no dichotomy can exist between what we believe and what we practice. If we believe that God is the “Creator of heaven and earth,” we cannot exploit His creation in ways that dishonor Him. If we believe in “the forgiveness of sins” through the death of Jesus Christ, then we cannot refuse to forgive the sins of others. If we believe in “the resurrection of the body and the life everlasting,” then we cannot grieve over death as if we had no hope. But especially in light of this passage, if we believe in “the holy universal church” and in the “communion of saints,” then when relationships within the church are broken, we must work for their reconciliation. It should be unthinkable to confess our faith… but to refuse to associate with our brothers and sisters across the church aisle.”
Notice that Paul also says to agree “in the Lord.”
•This phrase is mentioned 6x in this Letter alone.
The truth is, they/we will never find real, practical unity apart from abiding in the Lord.
Jn. 15:5 “I AM THE VINE; YOU ARE THE BRANCHES. IF A MAN REMAINS IN ME AND I IN HIM, HE WILL BEAR MUCH FRUIT; APART FROM ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING.
Paul doesn’t stop with a warning just to these 2 women. He calls in a third party.
B. Personal Intervention
3YES, AND I ASK YOU, LOYAL YOKEFELLOW, HELP THESE WOMEN WHO HAVE CONTENDED AT MY SIDE IN THE CAUSE OF THE GOSPEL,
Again, we know nothing of who this “peacemaker” is.
Regardless of who he is, he is a genuine, sincere companion in the work of Christ.
•And Paul urges him to intervene and help these women solve their feud.
HELP THESE WOMEN WHO HAVE struggled together with me IN THE CAUSE OF THE GOSPEL,
Phil. 1:27 …WHETHER I COME AND SEE YOU OR ONLY HEAR ABOUT YOU IN MY ABSENCE, I WILL KNOW THAT YOU STAND FIRM IN ONE SPIRIT, CONTENDING AS ONE MAN FOR THE FAITH OF THE GOSPEL
Paul still praises these women for their help in spite of their hassle.
While he’s at it, he remembers Clement, too, as they all worked together with Him.
ALONG WITH CLEMENT AND THE REST OF MY FELLOW WORKERS, WHOSE NAMES ARE IN THE BOOK OF LIFE.
Even though these 2 women aren’t practicing Christian unity, they’re still true believers.
So after Paul praises the Philippians, he pleads with these women and this mediator to solve their conflict and promote practical unity.
OK, so what are some practical steps we can take toward unity based on this passage?
How can we break up the inevitable feuds and disagreements and conflicts we face?
IV. PRACTICAL STEPS TOWARD UNITY The ABC’s of conflict resolution
These are great steps not only for feuding factions but for mediators to use as well.
1. Admit the problem.
Admit first of all to yourself that you have a grudge against someone.
•Maybe they’ve hurt you or simply disagree with you.
•Maybe you have different personalities. Maybe they have a beef with you.
The most common response to conflict is to avoid it/pretend it doesn’t exist.
•Bury it under the carpet. Smile as if nothing’s wrong (like the fired coach).
If there’s a problem, admit it and seek to work it out.
Mt. 5:23-24 “THEREFORE, IF YOU ARE OFFERING YOUR GIFT AT THE ALTAR AND THERE REMEMBER THAT YOUR BROTHER HAS SOMETHING AGAINST YOU, 24LEAVE YOUR GIFT THERE IN FRONT OF THE ALTAR. FIRST GO AND BE RECONCILED TO YOUR BROTHER; THEN COME AND OFFER YOUR GIFT.
2. Begin with praise.
Paul always began with praise before presenting the problem.
Look for the good in people before you focus on the bad.
Phil. 1:3-4 I THANK MY GOD EVERY TIME I REMEMBER YOU. 4IN ALL MY PRAYERS FOR ALL OF YOU, I ALWAYS PRAY WITH JOY… -Even though he knew there were some who were causing trouble.
Try complimenting each other before confronting each other.
3. Confront in love.
The reason you’re working through the problem is because you want to find unity.
•You care about the person/the Church. You want to be pure/blameless before God.
Of course, if this isn’t true of you, then you have an even bigger problem.
Eph. 4:15 SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE, WE WILL IN ALL THINGS GROW UP INTO HIM WHO IS THE HEAD, THAT IS, CHRIST.
On the flip side, if we don’t speak the truth in love, if we don’t pursue unity/reconciliation, it’s a sure sign we’re NOT growing up in Him.
4. Demonstrate compassion.
Demonstrate genuine love and concern, not condescension/disdain.
Paul didn’t lord it over them. He appealed to them in love. (cf. Phile. 8)
This is especially important if you’re called upon to be a mediator.
Col. 3:12-14 THEREFORE, AS GOD’S CHOSEN PEOPLE, HOLY AND DEARLY LOVED, CLOTHE YOURSELVES WITH COMPASSION, KINDNESS, HUMILITY, GENTLENESS AND PATIENCE. 13BEAR WITH EACH OTHER AND FORGIVE WHATEVER GRIEVANCES YOU MAY HAVE AGAINST ONE ANOTHER. FORGIVE AS THE LORD FORGAVE YOU. 14AND OVER ALL THESE VIRTUES PUT ON LOVE, WHICH BINDS THEM ALL TOGETHER IN PERFECT UNITY.
This isn’t about who wins or loses. It’s about practicing unity.
5. Encourage each other.
Again, this is a key step for mediators, but is important for all involved.
Heb. 3:13 BUT ENCOURAGE ONE ANOTHER DAILY, AS LONG AS IT IS CALLED TODAY, SO THAT NONE OF YOU MAY BE HARDENED BY SIN’S DECEITFULNESS.
If we truly care about each other and about the Church and about the reputation of Christ, then we will practice unity by working through conflicts together.
6. Find a mediator.
Paul appointed one here, again not to lord it over, but to help resolve the problem.
If you can’t resolve the issue with the person alone, PLEASE don’t be afraid to find help.
By the way, a good, godly mediator doesn’t take sides.
•Unfortunately, that’s what most people in conflict want.
A good mediator only takes God’s side.
He/she listens patiently, prays fervently, and responds fairly.
This goes along with Mt. 18:15-17. “IF YOUR BROTHER SINS AGAINST YOU, GO AND SHOW HIM HIS FAULT, JUST BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU. IF HE LISTENS TO YOU, YOU HAVE WON YOUR BROTHER OVER. 16BUT IF HE WILL NOT LISTEN, TAKE ONE OR TWO OTHERS ALONG, SO THAT ‘EVERY MATTER MAY BE ESTABLISHED BY THE TESTIMONY OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES.’
If you can’t resolve your problem together, ask a godly leader for intervention.
7. Give up self.
It’s not about who wins/loses. It’s not always about who’s right or wrong.
It’s about promoting unity for the sake of Christ, even if that means giving up your rights.
1 Cor. 6:1-8 4…IF YOU HAVE DISPUTES ABOUT SUCH MATTERS, APPOINT AS JUDGES EVEN MEN OF LITTLE ACCOUNT IN THE CHURCH!... 7THE VERY FACT THAT YOU HAVE LAWSUITS AMONG YOU MEANS YOU HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY DEFEATED ALREADY. WHY NOT RATHER BE WRONGED? WHY NOT RATHER BE CHEATED?
Remember, the ultimate goal here is not getting your justice, it’s giving God glory by practicing unity. Sometimes, that means giving up the victory in the argument.
8. Have the church intervene.
Apparently, this feud in Philippi was serious enough it warranted church intervention.
In grace and love, Paul confronted them publicly. This, too, goes along with Mt. 18.
Mt. 18:17 IF HE REFUSES TO LISTEN TO THEM, TELL IT TO THE CHURCH; AND IF HE REFUSES TO LISTEN EVEN TO THE CHURCH, TREAT HIM AS YOU WOULD A PAGAN OR A TAX COLLECTOR.
God takes conflicts seriously. Divisions and dissensions in the Church are cancerous.
They must be dealt with, in love, before they destroy the Church.
8 practical steps to resolve conflict and promote practical unity. (Repeat them).
The question is, will we practice them or will we continue to hide behind our anger/pain?
Better yet, will we grow up in Christ by seeking unity at all costs or will we remain spiritual babies by holding on to our resentment and bitterness?
If we truly understand what it means to be forgiven, if we truly know Christ, then we’ll be able to forgive others as we have been forgiven.
•If you can’t forgive and be reconciled, maybe you don’t really know Christ.
The truth is, how we handle conflict is a great measure of how mature we are.
Paul, and God, plead with us to work it out in love. Will we?
The Bottom Line: Stand Firm in the Faith by Fixing the Feuds.
Anyone here need to do business? If you need help, please let me know.
Prayer/Reflection
Power Point and Sermon Outline are available by emailing the author.
