“The Brick Method” Proverbs 18:21
Introduction
When I was a young Marine Sergeant, stationed in Yuma Arizona, I worked for a Warrant Officer named, Chris Cox. Now, Warrant officer Cox stood about 6ft 4 inches and weighed just shy of three hundred pounds of solid muscle.
At the time I had just started back to college and I was in my first year of undergraduate course work. I was taking an introductory business class as part of my general education requirements… One day I was telling Warrant Officer Cox about what I had been learning in my college classes…
I was telling him about the communication cycles I had been learning about. I was telling him about what causes communication to break down in the workplace and different strategies to counteract the breakdown of communication and how to foster a positive atmosphere of communication.
I told him that I wanted to hold some training on communication for the troops the next training day that we had scheduled. He pretended as though he was interested and said that would be a good idea… and after a while of my excited ramblings he said, “I took a class like once… have you ever heard about the brick method?”
I very seriously said that I had not and then asked, “What is the brick method?” To which he replied… “It’s simple, when somebody doesn’t listen to what I tell hem… I hit them upside the head with a brick!”
Transition
Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” (ESV) This morning I want to talk to you about communication. I’m going to share the ways in which we often use the brick method in our own lives and here in the church… and I’m gong to offer some biblical alternatives to the brick method.
We are going to explore some specific ways that the brick method rears its ugly head and talk about some practical ways to avoid having the brick method… in all of its expressions… influence our communication.
My hope and prayer is that we will all leave here this morning a little more conscious of the power and the importance of our words… This morning I’m going to share with you three scriptural principals vital to healthy communication.
1. Be Candid
A happy couple had always raised cucumbers and made sweet pickles together. The husband just loved to watch things grow. Thus he spent his winters studying the seed catalogues to get the best possible cucumbers. The whole family enjoyed preparing the soil, planting and caring for the plants.
He would often go out and just enjoy the way they grew. His wife loved to make sweet pickles. She studied the best recipes and the best methods of preparing and preserving them. They were such a happy family, and all their visitors went home with a jar of their famous pickles.
The church always had a good supply of their pickles as well. People marveled at this family that had found a project to do together. Finally, the man died. The next spring all the children returned home. They said to their mother, “We know how much you love making pickles, so we are going to prepare the garden and plant them for you.”
The mother smiled and said, “Thanks a lot children, but you don’t have to do any planting for I really don’t enjoy pickle making. I only did that because your father loved to grow the cucumbers so much.” The children were all amazed, but the youngest son was upset, because the father had pulled him aside not too long before and shared with him that he really didn’t like growing cucumbers, but only did it to please the mother!
Is this a happy or a sad story? I’m not sure. In many ways it is happy. They were happy doing for each other. People enjoyed being with them. But why is it also sad? Primarily, because they were not able to share their changing needs and joys with each other. Instead of growing, they stagnated in the performance of what they thought were their duties to each other.
Proverbs 12:17, “Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit. (ESV) I have often said that I would rather have a hard truth than an easy lie. Just because we ignore the truth doesn’t make it go away... and pretending for the sake of another’s perceived feelings can be damaging.
Often, as in this story, the lack of candid honesty… even though it was well intentioned… is actually hurtful. For years this couple pretended to enjoy something for the sake of what they thought the other person liked, when in fact, neither of them liked what they were doing.
While there intent was good… because of a lack of honesty they spent hours doing something that neither of them enjoyed… for the sake of each others enjoyment!
Every time that they pretended to enjoy the activity of planting cucumbers and making pickles… with every act of planting a seed or tightening the lid on a pickle jar… they laid another brick on the wall that separated each of them from the truth…
Have you ever noticed that the longer you ignore something the less you seem to notice it? I remember at the old beach house Christina and I had in Florida, there was a bad crack on the wood of the door the shed at the back of the property.
The crack had splintered and every time I would open the door to the shed to get out the pool chemicals or the lawn mower I would have to be very careful not to get my hand caught on the splinter because I had got it caught once and it hurt really bad…
I kept saying that one of these days I was going to go out there and do something about it. Well, finally, after more than two years of living with that splinter, when we were getting the house ready to sell in fact, I went out there and drilled one little screw in the crack and fixed it in about three seconds!
Be candid, straightforward, open and honest in your relationships. Whether it is with a spouse, a friend, whether it is with other members of a committee here at our church, we need be honest in our relationships.
Remember though, candor and forthrightness should never be an excuse for throwing bricks… the need for candor does not excuse rude and hurtful words… Ephesians 4:15 tells us to, “Speak the truth in love; and to grow to be more like Christ.” (Paraphrased)
Every day we ought to be growing more like Christ. And when we look at the life of Christ we see that He always spoke the plain truth, He always loved people. If we are to be about the business of building up the Church then we must be about the business of building up people.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” (ESV) Be candid, but more than that, build each other up in honesty with love.
2. Be a Careful Listener
Back when the telegraph was the fastest means of long-distance communication, there was a story, perhaps apocryphal, about a young man who applied for a job as a Morse code operator. Answering an ad in the newspaper, he went to the address that was listed. When he arrived, he entered a large, noisy office. In the background a telegraph clacked away. A sign on the receptionist’s counter instructed job applicants to fill out a form and wait until they were summoned to enter the inner office.
The young man completed his form and sat down with seven other waiting applicants. After a few minutes, the young man stood up, crossed the room to the door of the inner office, and walked right in. Naturally the other applicants perked up, wondering what was going on. Why had this man been so bold? They muttered among themselves that they hadn’t heard any summons yet. They took more than a little satisfaction in assuming the young man who went into the office would be reprimanded for his presumption and summarily disqualified for the job.
Within a few minutes the young man emerged from the inner office escorted by the interviewer, who announced to the other applicants, “Gentlemen, thank you very much for coming, but the job has been filled by this young man.”
The other applicants began grumbling to each other, and then one spoke up, “Wait a minute—I don’t understand. He was the last one to come in, and we never even got a chance to be interviewed. Yet he got the job. That’s not fair.”
The employer responded, “All the time you’ve been sitting here, the telegraph has been ticking out the following message in Morse code: `If you understand this message, then come right in. The job is yours.’ None of you heard it or understood it. This young man did. So the job is his.”
How often do we cause problems in our relationships because we aren’t careful listeners? How often do we find ourselves not listening to others the way that they deserve to be listened? Two men were talking one day. One of them said, “My wife talks to herself a lot.” His friend answered, “Mine does, too, but she doesn’t know it. She thinks I’m listening.”
When we don’t listen to what others are saying we run the very real risk of building brick walls between us and those we love. We run the very real risk of wounding others by not honoring and valuing their thoughts and opinions.
Today, be intentional about listening actively to others. In honoring their words you honor them… in paying attention to their opinions you value them. So often we are consumed with what we want to say, what we think, and what we have in mind that we unknowingly overlook those we love the most…
And what about in your prayer life – How often do we spend all of our time in prayer talking, so that in the end we never stopped to listen to the still and quit voice of the almighty speaking gently to our hearts…
The 19th century Danish philosopher and theologian Søren Kierkegaard once wrote, “A man prayed, and at first he thought that prayer was talking. But he became more and more quiet until in the end he realized that prayer is listening.”
Today, determine to become an active listener to those who you love, those who you associate with, and with God in prayer.
3. Compassion
Though it is rarely our intention to wound a friend, a family member, or a spouse… far too often, that is exactly what happens. Often our words are unclear and we fail to get our messages across the way we intend.
Instead of sharing a part of us with another, so often we resort to throwing hurtful or thoughtless words… bricks… at one another. Proverbs 15:4 says, “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.” (ESV)
As we interact with others it is compassion that guides our honest communication. As we listen actively to others, we honor them and show loving compassion to them. Compassion is the central theme to biblical, Godly, effective communication.
Conclusion
Today, as you go out from this sanctuary, be candid, caring, and most of all be compassionate as you communicate with others.
As you go out this morning, I encourage you to remember the words of Titus 3:2, “To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.” (ESV)
Let us pray.
