A FATHER’S RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS SONS
A. Jesus introduced God as a Father of love, compassion, forgiveness; a Father we can approach with our FEARS, PROBLEMS, SINS, and STRUGGLES, and He will always be there to HELP us.
COMMENT:
The concern of most fathers is, “How do I as a father present God as our Heavenly Father to my children?” As fathers, we want to BE and DO the BEST for our children, but we don’t always.
B. As we look around, it isn’t difficult to see many fathers who often FAIL (four extreme examples stand out).
1. Irresponsible Dads.
COMMENT:
This kind of Dad keeps his own AGENDA. He doesn’t want to be TIED down to too many commitments. Irritating things like going to SCHOOL FUNCTIONS, DISCIPLINE, KEEPING PROMISES are seen as a BOTHER and a HINDRANCE to his own personal HAPPINESS.
2. Negative Dads.
COMMENT:
These Dads are often OPINIONATED and DOGMATIC. They think they are always RIGHT and do not like to be CHALLENGED. They frown more than they smile, and their speech is characterized by DISTRUST, REBUKE, and CONDEMNATION. Very little AFFIRMATION and AFFECTION are shown. RULES, ROUTINES, and RIGID order are the marks of their LIVES and HOMES.
3. Distant Dads.
COMMENT:
This type is becoming more COMMON in our time. These Dads are usually on the go: to WORK, CIVIC CLUBS, SCHOOL MEETINGS, CHURCH ACTIVITIES, and a dozen other places. When he is home his thoughts are somewhere else. These PREOCCUPIED Dads are frequently BRIGHT and in GREAT DEMAND, but an invisible and often impregnable wall separates then from the families who
so much want to BREAK through and spend some time together.
4. “Super” Dads.
COMMENT:
You know these are “Super Dads” because they tell you. These fathers advertise themselves with bumper stickers and license plates. They portray themselves as having all the bases covered. They have planned LIFE for themselves and everyone in their families. However, these Dads haven’t learned how to be FLEXIBLE. When something unexpected happens that throws off their routine, they become FRUSTRATED and DISAPPOINTED easily.
B. God doesn’t ask us to be SUPER DADS, just to be AVAILABLE, APPROACHABLE, and REAL before our KIDS.
COMMENT:
Will we MESS UP? You better believe it—many times. I think back over some of the MISTAKES I’ve made as a FATHER and it just BREAKS my HEART. And BELIEVE me, the MISTAKES still come from time to time. I still SAY and DO things that I shouldn’t, but I’m not
AFRAID or too PROUD to tell my KIDS “I’m sorry”.
Although I am not a PERFECT Dad, one thing my children and grandchildren know without a DOUBT is that I LOVE them DEEPLY.
MESSAGE:
COMMENT:
In Luke 15:11-32, Jesus presents us with a unique portrait of God as our Father. We call this the “Parable of the Prodigal Son.” The emphasis of this story is not on the younger son, but on the LOVING Father. Jesus wants His hearers, the self-righteous Pharisees and Scribes, to see God from a perspective on which they have not been focusing. They looked at God as merely a God of JUDGMENT and WRATH, but Jesus wanted them to see God as a Father who is PATIENT and FORGIVING. I want to focus on the Father’s relationship with his two sons.
I. THE FATHER’S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE YOUNGER SON
A. The Father had CULTIVATED an HONEST and OPEN environment.
1. The YOUNGER son was able to approach his Father with a difficult and demanding request: “Father, give me the share of the estate that falls to me”- v. 12a.
a. If this Father had been a “hard nosed,” domineering, unloving man, there would be no way that his son would be able to approach him with such a REQUEST.
COMMENT:
Now, some fathers will probably tell you that’s the way it should be. These fathers feel that they must have absolute control. They look at their ROLE as a father as being more like a PRISON WARDEN in charge of hardened CRIMINALS, than one who has been entrusted by God with fragile human beings to be gently molded into the likeness of Christ.
b. I know that we Fathers mean well, but sometimes we make it so DIFFICULT for our CHILDREN to APPROACH us with almost anything for FEAR that we will OVERREACT.
2. One of the hardest things PARENTS have to deal with is giving their children FREEDOM.
COMMENT:
It hurts to LOVE a child because you know there are CHOICES that he or she is going to make that will not be in his or her best interest. But part of the MATURING process is having to suffer the consequences from bad decisions and choices, as difficult as that might be for both the child and the parents.
3. The YOUNGER son in this story is probably in his early TWENTIES.
a. It was time for him to GROW UP, so the Father gave him and his older brother their INHERITANCE.
COMMENT:
The question is often asked: “Did the Father know that his son was going off into the far country?” Of course, we don’t know. But what if he did know, does that make him a “BAD FATHER” as some have suggested?
b. Again, there are times when we have to allow our children to make DECISIONS that may prove to be DETRIMENTAL to them. (And believe me, it’s not easy.)
COMMENT:
As much as we might like to, we cannot FORCE our children to do everything we want. And if we could, it wouldn’t be HEALTHY for them or us.
Some of the most valuable lessons I learned as a Teen-ager were from the MISTAKES I made. Those are the kind of lessons that can’t be taught—they must be LEARNED the hard way.
c. Even God allowed some of the great men of faith to make some FOOLISH DECISIONS and do some STUPID THINGS, in order to teach some VALUABLE and LASTING lessons.
d. Remember, the Father in the PARABLE represents God. God wants people who CHOOSE to OBEY Him and not simply be FORCED to.
B. The Father waited PATIENTLY for his son’s RETURN.
1. The Father in this story watches his son leave into a FAR COUNTRY, where he knew his boy would face all kinds of temptations and sins—not unlike what many parents do today when their children graduate from HIGH SCHOOL and go off to COLLEGE or the MILITARY.
a. However, the son didn’t just leave HOME—he left his Father in REBELLION.
COMMENT:
The Father, however, never gave up HOPE that one day his son would RETURN to him. He waited and watched for him to come walking down that road. He didn’t know when it would be, but was CONFIDENT that one day it would happen.
b. The Father knew he couldn’t CHANGE his son, so he relied upon God to do the CHANGING required.
COMMENT:
He could have PLEADED with him to not LEAVE, but he would have gone any way. Once a grown child REBELS, there is nothing more that a Father can do to CONTROL that child. He only hopes and prays that he instilled enough Godly values to one day cause his child to RETURN.
2. Patience is a QUALITY that many parents lack in dealing with their children.
COMMENT:
We want what’s BEST for our children and we WANT it now! Yet, like the Father in the story, we must DEPEND on God to work on our children to bring about POSITIVE and SPIRITUAL results in their lives.
C. The Father MODELED an AUTHENTIC FAITH in his home.
1. The YOUNGER son knew what SIN was; he knew how to REPENT and seek FORGIVENESS.
a. A child will more readily RECOGNIZE sin, ADMIT it, and REPENT of it when he or she has seen Dad and Mom do the same.
COMMENT:
It is extremely difficult for many parents to ADMIT that they are WRONG to their children. The worse thing that a parent, who makes WRONG DECISIONS or SINS in front of their children, can do it to try to COVER it up or PRETEND it didn’t happen. Such a parent is teaching his or her children that REPENTANCE applies only to certain sins or is only necessary under certain conditions. If it’s not CONVENIENT or if it causes you to LOOK BAD in front of others, don’t
ADMIT your SIN PROBLEM and REPENT.
b. Is this what we want our children to believe?
2. Fathers, if you can’t tell your children you are SORRY or that you made a MISTAKE or have DONE them WRONG, then don’t expect them to readily CONFESS and REPENT of their SINS.
a. Fathers often think it is a sign of WEAKNESS to ADMIT their MISTAKES to their children and say, “I AM SORRY.”
b. It is sad how our American culture has led us to believe that men are WEAK when they admit their MISTAKES—especially to their children.
ILLUSTRATION:
As a boy, I thought my Dad was the STRONGEST man in the world. I bragged to my friends how my Dad could WHIP anybody. And he was physically STRONG. He WORKED hard all of his life. I greatly RESPECTED my Father’s MANHOOD and PHYSICAL STRENGTH.
However, I was never more PROUD of my Dad than I was when he HUMBLY came to us children with TEARS in his eyes telling how he was SORRY for getting ANGRY with us and asked our FORGIVENESS, or the times when he would go before the church CONFESSING his shortcomings, or during a quiet time when he would share with us his FEARS and STRUGGLES.
3. A Father who readily admits his SINS and MISTAKES and STRUGGLES to his children is not WEAK, but is one of the STRONGEST men alive.
COMMENT:
My Dad died over 10 years ago. If I respected him only for his PHYSICAL STRENGTH, then the last few years prior to his DEATH when he was terribly WEAKENED by chronic LUNG DISEASE and then CANCER, I would no longer have RESPECTED him. What I admired most about my Dad, which never CHANGED despite his WEAKENED BODY, was his Christ-like ATTITUDE. That’s what I want my own children to ADMIRE in me.
D. The Father demonstrated a genuine FORGIVENESS and COMPASSION toward his son.
1. “When the son returned, the Father saw him afar off and ran to him and then hugged and kissed him”- v. 20.
a. The Father HUGGED and KISSED his son before he had a chance to say: “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.”
COMMENT:
The son didn’t have to BEG his Father to FORGIVE him. He didn’t have to say a word. All that mattered to the Father was that his son had come HOME.
b. The Father doesn’t give his son the “THIRD DEGREE.”
COMMENT:
He offers his son no SERMON or BLAME. Instead, he displayed COMPASSION and FORGIVENESS and provided a time of great CELEBRATION.
2. Fathers, how FORGIVING and COMPASSIONATE are you toward your children?
a. I believe that a Father who is unwilling to CONFESS his sins to his children, will also be unwilling to FORGIVE the sins that his children commit.
b. Also a Father who has trouble FORGIVING will rear children who have trouble coming to him with their sins seeking FORGIVENESS.
COMMENT:
If you wonder why your children HIDE their WRONGS from you or try to COVER them up, it could be because you haven’t made it very easy for them to come to you with them.
Let’s strive to be more FORGIVING, UNDERSTANDING, and COMPASSIONATE toward our children. I truly believe if this is what we strive to become, then our children will be less REBELLIOUS and become more OBEDIENT.
II. THE FATHER’S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OLDER SON
COMMENT:
Diametrically opposed to the LIFESTYLE of the YOUNGER son was that of the OLDER. He remained home and faithfully served his Father when his brother did not. And when the foolish son returned home to such a warm RECEPTION from his Father, the OLDER son REFUSED to join in the CELEBRATION. Instead, he became “angry and thought his Father was WRONG to joyfully accepting back the younger son who had wasted his Father’s money on an UNGODLY and REBELLIOUS lifestyle, and, yet, the Father had no party for his faithful service”- vv. 28-30.
A. The Father brought words of AFFIRMATION and LOVE to the OLDER son.
1. “My child, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours”- v. 31.
COMMENT:
The Father never changes. He ran to the PRODIGAL, and he also went to the OLDER son. He LOVES them both. No, he’s not HAPPY that the YOUNGER son REBELLED against him and got caught up in SIN. He is HAPPY that he came home.
And, yes, he is THRILLED with the son who remained FAITHFUL to him and didn’t LEAVE. However, he doesn’t LOVE one son any MORE or any LESS than he does the other.
2. We Fathers need to show each of our children genuine LOVE and AFFIRMATION towards them whether they BLOW IT or OBEY.
B. The Father tried to help the OLDER son focus on his brother’s present REPENTANCE rather on his previous REBELLION.
1. “But we had to be merry and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found”- v. 32.
COMMENT:
He never DENIED the YOUNGER son’s SINS, but he wanted the OLDER son to understand that his brother’s REPENTANCE should be followed by their unconditional ACCEPTANCE and FORGIVENESS of him.
2. A Father who is willing to FORGIVE instills in all of his children the importance of a forgiving heart.
CONCLUSION:
A. Being a Dad is one of the toughest jobs anyone could ever do.
1. There are no MANUALS or PREPARATION courses for the ROLE.
a. It’s a lifetime of TRIAL and ERROR and plain HARD WORK.
b. But here we have a MODEL of a man who earned the right to be called “DAD.”
COMMENT:
His decisions weren’t always POPULAR or completely UNDERSTOOD by his SONS, or, for that matter, even by us. But his sons’ highest good was always his MOTIVATION.
2. Fathers, we have all made MISTAKES in rearing our children.
a. However, the greatest mistake we can make is not being GENUINE or REAL before our children.
b. We don’t have to be “SUPER DADS” in order for our children to LOVE and RESPECT us, just DADS who are there when our children need us whether they be YOUNG or OLD.
B. I want to close by sharing with you a true story of a father who learned the hard way of how important his relationship to his children was.
ILLUSTRATION:
This father was a bright, innovative young EXECUTIVE who quickly climbed the corporate ladder of SUCCESS. He, along with his wife and two boys, lived in a nice suburban neighborhood just across from a beautiful park.
His children, one Saturday morning came bursting into his BEDROOM, “Dad let’s build a FORT in the park.” The father said, “I’m sorry sons. I can’t today, I’ve got some things I have to do at the OFFICE.” Both of the boys had a very disappointing look on their faces. “Next Saturday,” the father promised, “we’ll BUILD a FORT.”
The next Saturday they burst into his BEDROOM again. This time they’re not taking any chances—they come bringing boards, nails, and hammers. “Dad! Dad, wake up! You promised that you would help us build a FORT today in the park.” The young father said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot all about it!” Seeing the DISAPPOINTMENT on their faces again he says, “I tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to get on the PHONE and in your hearing, I’m going to take next Saturday off. I just can’t get away today.” “Okay, Dad,” the boys said understandably. (KIDS ARE SO FORGIVING, AREN’T THEY?)
Next Saturday comes, and the father and two boys are sitting around the table eating breakfast. The boys are EXCITED, bouncing back and forth singing, “We’re going to built a FORT. Dad’s going to help us BUILD a FORT.” As they start out the DOOR, the phone rings. SILENCE! You can hear a pin drop. WHAT IS DAD GOING TO DO? Dad goes over and answers the phone. He doesn’t have to say anything to the boys. They can tell by his expression that it’s the BOSS.
“John, I need you to come in this morning. You are the only one who can close this DEAL.” He looks at his sons carrying their boards and hammers and thinks to himself, “Well, I guess it’s either a CHOICE between my JOB and my KIDS.” Reluctantly he says, “Listen boys, I’ve got to go into work. I’ve got something I need . . .”
“No, Dad! No! You promised.”
“I’ve got to go in just a little while. You start the FORT without me, and I’ll be back very soon to help you FINISH it.” The father got into his car and DROVE away.
The youngest son started across the street carrying his boards, hammer, and nails crying because his Dad BROKE his promise again. Blinded by the tears, he doesn’t see the oncoming CAR, walks out in front of it and is struck KILLING him instantly.
Three days later the young father is at the FUNERAL of his little boy. He looks out over the audience and sees his BOSS and all of his male COLLEAGUES. And he realizes the IRONY of it all; what the CHOICE he made COST him. He begins to CRY. He then stands and speaking through the TEARS he says for all to hear, “Men, if I can leave you one piece of ADVICE this morning, it will be this: BUILD THE FORT TODAY, FATHERS. PLEASE, BUILD THE FORT TODAY!”
