Twenty-six miles. I stare at the trailhead sign and wonder if I really want to do this again. You see, I’ve been here before. I’ve climbed this mountain trail a number of times. I’m getting older. I might be getting wiser. But do I really need to climb a mountain trail? Do I need to wonder in the wilderness, alone, looking for who knows what? Do I need to make this giant circle?
Every time I have been here I have come seeking beauty, solitude, and answers. I was able to find beauty. It surrounded me on the trail. The white aspens give way to tall, thin pine trees. Animals abound here. I’ve seen squirrels, skunks, raccoons, and countless types of birds. Last time a bull moose, complete with a full, elegant rack of antlers that showed he too had climbed this mountain numerous times, strode across my path not more than thirty feet from where I stood. I even saw the first bald eagle I’d seen in ten years soaring above the rocky outcropping at the mountain’s peak. Leaves and pine needles crunch beneath the feet, bringing up a scent I remember from my childhood. The very peak of the summit sometimes reflects in the lake below.
There is nothing but solitude on this trail. Never have I seen another hiker along the way. I even imagine my car sits desolate in the parking lot, even though it is the starting point for three trails. No. Up there it will be only God and me. No other humans. There won’t be a world closing in, its prying eyes wanting to know everything I say, do, and think.
So why do I hesitate? What keeps me from grabbing my gear from the trunk of the car and climbing the mountain?
Fear.
Oh, I’m not afraid of what might be up there. I know there are bears because I’ve seen the claw marks on trees at the level of my head and higher. I don’t carry a gun and fortunately I haven’t seen a bear yet. Nor do I think I could shoot one if I did. I’ve heard rumor that there are still mountain lions in this part of the country. I’ve never seen or heard one out here. I’m not even sure what I’d do if I did. I know there are snakes. But I have lived with my fear of snakes for so long I’ve learn how to best avoid them, how to keep an eye out for them, and most of the ones in these hills aren’t poisonous.
No. It isn’t the animals I might encounter along the trail that scare me. Nor is it the though of being alone on top of a mountain, in the dark night. I’ve done that many times before. Once I camped out alone for three months. It isn’t a fear that I might get lost either. I don’t plan on getting off the trail for any reason. No. Danger isn’t what I fear about this hike.
I don’t care about being alone either. I came here seeking solitude. I will have it I’m sure. I’ve hiked this trail a number of times before and never once have I seen another hiker along it. In fact, I imagine my car sits desolate in the parking area despite the fact that it is the gathering point for three trails.
Those are not what concern me in the least. I told you I have been here before.
I seem to have lost my purpose. My heart has lost the momentum it once had. I am weary, road worn, battle torn, and discouraged. There are days that I wonder which direction I’m going or if anyone is still leading.
It’s the questions that bother me most. It’s the answers that I fear. Questions like “What if I’ve done it all for nothing?” Am I fighting the battle that I’m supposed to be fighting? What about my personal life? Is this really where I need to be at this stage in my life? Should I keep going on the path I believe is assigned to me? Or is it time to change directions?
And what about the battle itself? I’ve suffered wounds along the way. Was the sound of retreat sounded and did I miss it? Am I out here on my own? Should I be making my own way back? Where is my leader? Is He still leading the charge and have I lagged behind so far that I can no longer see Him? Did I miss some left turn back in Albuquerque? Or was it a right?
It is little wonder that I have so many questions at this point in my life. I know I’m not alone in this. So many of us come to the same point in our lives. We wonder if there is any point to it all and so we come back to a starting point. We come back to familiar ground.
The disciples went through the same thing. You can find it in the book of John 21:3-14.
John 21:3-14
3 "I’m going out to fish," Simon Peter told them, and they said, "We’ll go with you." So they went out and got into the boat, but that night they caught nothing.
4 Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.
5 He called out to them, "Friends, haven’t you any fish?"
"No," they answered.
6 He said, "Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some." When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.
7 Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, "It is the Lord!" As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, "It is the Lord," he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. 8 The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. 9 When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.
10 Jesus said to them, "Bring some of the fish you have just caught."
11 Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the nets was not torn. 12 Jesus said to them "Come and have breakfast." None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord. 13 Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. 14 This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.
NIV
Jesus has died and risen from the grave. He’s already appeared to the disciples twice and yet they’re listless. Their leader is no longer with them all the time. They’re not even sure what it is they’re supposed to be doing. It is Peter that comes up with a solution. He says, “I am going fishing.”
There was something he knew. He’d done it before he had met Jesus. It had been his career. Now when things seem most grim he turns back to that old way. He can go fishing and find the answers he’s looking for. Not surprisingly the others decide they are going with him.
Now there is something you must understand. Every believer goes through a cycle at some point in their Christian walk. Maybe you haven’t noticed it in your own life. Or maybe you have and just haven’t paid that much attention to it.
It begins with the call of God. I know where my call began. I know that it came in a time in my life when I most desperately needed God.
For a few of the disciples it began with a fishing trip. Peter was among them then too.
They are called to be “fishers of men.” They are given a calling, a purpose for their lives. It is the same calling that comes in our lives when we accept Christ as our savior. We hear the call but we don’t know what to do. We need to be taught what are tasks are. It’s called discipleship and even the disciples themselves went through it. Through the first four gospels we see Jesus teaching them. They are shown the casting out of demons, the healing of the sick, the calling forth of Lazarus, and most important the care and compassion of Christ. The see His anger when anger is needed. They hear his prays to his father. They learn first hand what it is Christ wants of them.
This is no different than you and me. We are shown what is required of us. It’s right there in the Scripture. Matthew 25:34-36 tells us to take care of the prisoner, the hungry, and the naked. We are told to take of the needs around us and if we do this, we are taking care of Christ himself. John 14:15 tells us, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Throughout the New Testament we are told what it is we’re supposed to be doing.
We learn it in Sunday School, in revivals, and during Sunday worship services. If you read Christian books the message is there too. We’re being sent out across the nations to tell others of Jesus Christ. We’re supposed to get excited about Christ. We’re supposed to want to reach out. We’re supposed to go and do.
And so we are sent. Acts 1:8 tells us, “You will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all of Judea and Samaria, and even to the end of the earth.”
We are called. We are trained. Then we are sent. And so we go. We rush out to tell the world about the one who has set us free. Then come the disappointments of life. We struggle just to stay on course and we become disillusioned. Like Peter we question what the point is and we go back to what we know. We go back to fishing for fish. We go back to hiking familiar trails.
It would be a sad thing if the story just ended there. But it doesn’t, does it?
Something miraculous happens. In the words of the 1700s minister Jonathan Edwards, “God comes to restore us to the path we are meant to trod.” Unlike the disciples it may not be Jesus showing up on the shore and telling us to cast our nets once more into the sea. Sometimes it is the gentle words from family, friends, or a minister. It comes in the whisper of a sunset on a beach. It comes while driving a tractor and listening to Christian radio.
But there is much more to the story. Perhaps if it had been only another appearance of Jesus after the resurrection the story might not have been so important to the writer. You see we have only touched on the beginning of the story. John goes on. He tells us the true lesson we need to see here. A message of hope. A message of restoration.
Take a moment to delve a little deeper with me. Let’s look back at John 21 beginning in verse 15.
John 21:15-19
So when they had eaten breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me more than these?"
He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You."
He said to him, "Feed My lambs."
16 He said to him again a second time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?"
He said to Him, "Yes, Lord; You know that I love You."
He said to him, "Tend My sheep."
17 He said to him the third time, "Simon, son of Jonah, do you love Me?" Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, "Do you love Me?"
And he said to Him, "Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You."
Jesus said to him, "Feed My sheep. 18 Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished; but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish." 19 This He spoke, signifying by what death he would glorify God. And when He had spoken this, He said to him, "Follow Me."
NKJV
The call comes again. “Follow me.” The call comes for us. Maybe we’re missing the boat. Maybe, like Peter, we’ve betrayed the Lord. But God isn’t done with us yet. There is still work to be done and in order to do it, we need to be restored. We need to be reminded what it is that got us started in the first place.
And so Jesus asks us, “Do you love me?”
In our worst of moments most of us know the answer. “Yes Lord.” He still asks again and again. Because He knows the time to give up is not now. The battle isn’t over with. Our time of service is not through. There is still so much more of life to be given to the cause.
Maybe I don’t need to walk the mountain trail again. Maybe I learned the lesson I needed to learn. But I know the day is coming that I’ll be right here again with my questions, my doubts, and my loss of vision. Still there is restoration for me and for you. You see, I’m normal. I go through the same things so many of us need to learn in those moments of disillusionment. Christ is still there. There is still renewal. There is still a purpose.
