A Mom Worth Modeling
Proverbs 31:10-31
Rev. Brian Bill
www.pontiacbible.org
5/13/07
I think some moms were mad at me last week. Not only did I encourage kids to be noisy in church whenever I said the name “Haman,” I also told a young boy after the service that he could take the trumpet home. He was pretty excited and raced back into the auditorium to pick it up. Everything was going well until he ran into his mom, and things were going great for me until mom ran into me. With glaring eyes and a pointed finger, she let me know in no uncertain terms that I had crossed a line. She kept telling me I was in a deep hole. I think I saw a smile on her face but I can’t be sure.
In an effort to climb out of the hole with moms this morning I want to trumpet the significant role of all women and mothers in particular. It’s my hope to do more praising than preaching because I sincerely want to celebrate and not denigrate the amazing women here today.
It’s easy for men to mess things up on Mother’s Day. Billy Graham’s favorite story is about a husband who never bought anything for his wife on Mother’s Day because he reasoned that she wasn’t his mother anyway. One year he decided to change all that and so he stopped on his way home from work and bought a box of candy and some flowers to surprise her. When he arrived home he decided to go to the front door and ring the doorbell. When she opened the door, he crooned, “I love you deeply, honey. Happy Mother’s Day!” She instantly started crying but he noticed quickly that these were not tears of joy. As she dried her eyes she exclaimed, “Oh, Harry! This is the worst day of my life! The dishwasher broke. The toilet backed up. The kids have been fighting all day. The house is a wreck. And now you come home drunk!”
Eight-year-old Mary wrote her mother a note for Mother’s Day: “Dear mother, here is the box of candy I bought you for Mother’s Day. It is very good candy. I know, because I already ate three pieces.” President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day. He established this day as a time for “public expression of our love and reverence for the mothers of our country.” It’s certainly true that no nation is ever greater than its mothers, for they are the makers of the next generation.
While we certainly want to magnify motherhood; today may be pleasant or it may be painful for some of you. Perhaps you’ve recently lost your mother and you’re grieving her. Or, maybe one of your children has died or gone prodigal on you. It’s quite possible that you are in conflict with your mom or your memories of her are not so good. If you’re a mom, maybe you feel some guilt about how you raised your kids. Some of you can’t have children and you’re hurting about that. Others of you aren’t married and you wish you were. And some of you are parenting solo as you strive to hold everything together.
I should tell you that I have never preached a sermon on Proverbs 31 because I’ve heard some women say that they never want to hear a Mother’s Day message on this passage. One woman told me several years ago that if she never hears another sermon from Proverbs 31 that would be fine with her. Another mother wondered out loud: “Is this really a real woman?” After all, who can live up to this laundry list of expectations? At the risk of getting some more moms mad at me, I want us to look at this portion of God’s Word. I have three goals today. First, it’s my prayer that more women will learn to worship and fear the Lord. Second, I trust that this portion of God’s Word will provide some mentoring for moms who wonder about their role as women. Third, I want each of us to practice praising the women in our lives.
Before we ponder this passage, let me make some introductory comments.
* The Book of Proverbs deals with how to apply wisdom in the family. This collection of wisdom is designed to help us in every area of life, with particular attention given to the family. If you and your family could use some extra wisdom you may want to check out the sermon series “Wise Words to Live By” at www.pontiacbible.org. Incidentally, if you’re struggling with where to read in the Bible, why not read one chapter of Proverbs a day? Since there are 31 chapters, you could read the one that matches the day of the month. If you start today you would read Proverbs 13.
* Proverbs 31:10-31 is an acrostic. In Hebrew, each of the twenty-two verses begins with a different letter of the alphabet. This was a common form of wisdom poetry, like Psalm 119, which has twenty-two stanzas of eight verses each. This made it easier for people to memorize.
* The writer is remembering the mentoring his mom did for him. We see this in Proverbs 31:1: “The sayings of King Lemuel—an oracle his mother taught him.” The influence of a mom is beyond measure. Some commentators suggest that this is actually a guide from his mother on how to choose a wife.
* Scripture seems to celebrate work “inside” and “outside” the home. While some have used this passage to castigate women who have jobs outside the home, I see this woman as doing whatever it takes to help her family. The main point is not where a woman works, but whether or not her family is her priority.
* This is a composite picture, not a “to-do” list. The writer is saying that from “A to Z” the ideal woman will reflect these qualities. He’s not building an argument like Paul does in Romans (where we will return next week) but is rather stringing together accolades as he trumpets the woman who fears the Lord. The Life Application Bible says: “She may not be one woman at all—it may be a composite picture of ideal womanhood.” This “wonder woman” has servants and seems to be a wealthy aristocrat, which makes it almost impossible for every woman everywhere to emulate. However, every woman can draw some help from this heroic hymn.
* Jewish husbands and children recited this poem on Friday evenings. These words were designed to build up the worth of wives and magnify mothers. Follow along in your copy of the Scriptures as I read this ode to the load that women carry from Proverbs 31:10-31:
“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar. She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls. She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers. She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet. She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.”
A Woman’s Worth
Proverbs 31:10 says: “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” It’s hard to estimate the worth of a woman but salary.com just released a study that found if the typical stay-at-home mother in the United States were paid for her work as a housekeeper, cook, day care center teacher, laundry machine operator, van driver, facilities manager, janitor, computer operator, chief executive officer and psychologist, she would earn $138,000 a year. A mother who holds full-time work outside the home would earn an additional $86,000 for the work she does at home.
While it might be helpful to calculate a woman’s salary, verse 10 indicates that it is impossible to put a dollar value on the virtuous woman. The word “noble” means able and powerful. And the word “worth” speaks of ability and activity. The main point is this: a good woman is not easy to find, but, when found, she is of inestimable worth. Or, to change the words of a popular commercial: “Laundry - $50, help with homework - $100, managing the home - $200; a lifetime of love, devotion and self-sacrifice…priceless!”
A worshipping woman is extremely worthy. In light of the Hebrew acrostic, I want to draw on some “ABC’s” that should help us not only remember but also rejoice in the impact a godly woman makes through her abilities and activities. A wise woman practices her ABC’s.
A – Accomplishes a lot through her hands. A Junior High science teacher lectured on the properties of magnets for an entire class period. The next day he gave his students a quiz. The first question read like this: “My name begins with an “M,” has six letters, and I pick things up. What am I?” Half the kids in the class answered, “Mother.” Moms do more than pick things up, but they sure do a lot of that. Let’s look at our passage to see how hard this woman works.
* She selects the best. In verse 13 the word for “select” is also used for worship. She worships while she works, never settling for mediocrity.
* She works with eager hands. This woman is willing to work and takes delight in her duties as seen in the last part of verse 13: “…and works with eager hands.” In verse 22 we read that she “makes coverings for her bed” and in verse 24 she “makes linen garments and sells them.”
* She doesn’t get much sleep. Verse 15: “She gets up while it is still dark…” and verse 18: “…her lamp does not go out at night.” Some of you have young children and you’re struggling to get the rest you need. Allow me to encourage you with the words of Isaiah 40:11: “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” May you know the sweet gentleness of the Shepherd as you care for those under your care.
* She works hard. Verse 17: “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” Verse 19: “…she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.” Verse 27 adds that she “does not eat the bread of idleness.”
* She provides for the poor. She is aware of the afflicted around her and shares what she has with them in verse 20: “She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.”
According to Titus 2:5, one of the things older women are to teach younger women to do is “to be busy at home.” This literally means to be a “home-worker.” That doesn’t preclude working outside of the home but it does mean that mothers are to see their primary ministry as managing the home. By the way another session of our women’s mentoring ministry called “Apples of Gold” will be held this fall.
My guess is that most women wish they had some help around the home because many of you feel like you have to do it all. One woman called from the office and asked her husband to make dinner. When she arrived home she found her husband lying on the couch watching ESPN. She got angry and asked, “I thought you said you were going to make supper?” To which he replied, “I did make dinner. I made a pasta salad and the directions told me to “chill” one hour before serving!” That reminds me of the axiom: “Man works from sun to sun but a woman’s work is never done.”
B – Brings value to others using her head. The letter “A” stands for accomplishes much. We could picture this with her hands. The letter “B” represents bringing value to others. Never once is this woman said to do anything just for herself – she seems to always be attentive to others. To help us remember, think of a woman’s head with its different parts – ears, mind, eyes and mouth.
* Her husband is happy. Verse 12: “She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” She uses her ears to listen to his concerns.
* Her family’s needs are met. Verse 15: “She provides food for her family…” Verse 16 tells us that she buys a field in order to better feed her family. Verse 27 says that she “watches over the affairs of her household…” She engages her mind as she strategically follows a plan.
* Her servants are cared for. Check out the last part of verse 15: “…and portions for her servant girls.” Her eyes notice the needs of her servants and she makes sure they are cared for.
* She speaks words of wisdom. A mother’s tongue is to be tender and her words weighty according to verse 26: “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” Beth has an uncanny ability to turn almost everything into a “teachable moment” for our girls. Sometimes I’m envious at how many times they quote her. When the girls were younger I would sometimes drive home a different way than Beth does just to see what they would say. When I would turn a block early I would hear this chorus from the back seat: “Mommy doesn’t go this way!”
I think men and women are different in multiple ways. A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use each day, pointing out that women speak 30,000 words while a typical male mouths 15,000. The wife replied, “The reason is because we have to repeat everything to men.” The husband turned to his wife and said, “What? Did you say something?”
G. Campbell Morgan, a profound British preacher whose four sons all became pastors, influenced millions with his sermons, teaching and writing. One day, when his young son Howard finished preaching, a reporter asked him, “Since you have five Pastors in your family who is the greatest preacher?” Expecting the son to give the honor to his father, Howard surprised the reporter by saying, “My Mother!”
Let’s take a minute or two right now to share some bits of wisdom from the wise women in our lives. What are some of the things that your mom preached to you when you were growing up? Was there a repeated refrain that you’ve since internalized?
Acts 9:36 comes to mind when I think of the incredible ministry that moms have: “In Joppa there was a disciple named Tabitha… who was always doing good and helping the poor.” A wise woman knows her ABC’s. First, she accomplishes a lot through her hands. Second, she brings value to others by using her head. Finally, and most importantly, she cultivates her inner beauty with a holy heart. In fact, it’s out of a holy heart that her head and her hands find their foundation.
C – Cultivates inner beauty in her heart. Take a look at verse 30: “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” It’s a wise woman who knows that true beauty comes from a holy heart. Her identity comes from an inner encounter with the Almighty. The real issue is not her looks but how she looks to the Lord. The word “deceptive” means a “sham.” It’s not the real “you” anyway. If you focus only on the outward you’ll find it to be fleeting. It will leave you feeling unsatisfactory and empty. Pastor Chuck Smith quotes an old Swedish proverb that says: “Good looks don’t last. Good cooking does.”
In fact, true beauty comes from the inside which lights up the outside. 1 Peter 3:3-5 is a good corrective in a culture obsessed with the external: “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.”
The woman who “fears the Lord is to be praised.” Let me just say, at the risk of getting in another hole, that none of us can really control how we look anyway. Sure, we might be able to cover up a few blemishes and wear some nice things, but basically we look like we look and that’s what we’re stuck with. We can spend all of our lives wishing we looked differently and focus on the external or we can cultivate our inner beauty by growing in our fear of God. That’s something we can control.
Essentially we have two choices – we can fear how we look on the outside and spend all our time trying to make ourselves look better or we can fear God and allow Him to make us better on the inside. The real fear should be that we might displease God not that we might displease someone else. How do you know if you fear God? You know you’re revering Him when the thought of disappointing Him is abhorrent to you. God’s awesomeness is more important than our appearance.
Isaiah 8:13-14: “The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread, and he will be a sanctuary…” Exodus 20:20 says that the fear of God can “keep you from sinning.” Turn back to the very first chapter of Proverbs where we see 1:7 as the other bookend: “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom…” A woman who worships by fearing the Lord is a woman who is wise.
A new George Barna study found that mothers are often counted on to be the emotional compass, organizer and multitasking manager of the family. In addition, mothers are often the spiritual energizers. Women who are raising children are the most faith-minded and spiritually active segments of the entire American population. More so than any other group of people, moms are able to connect faith and family (www.barna.org). Why is that? It’s because many moms have learned to fear the Lord.
Let me add one other thought. When women cultivate a holy heart that worships a holy God, they realize that their purpose is wrapped up in their identity as a daughter of the King. This ties in with what we learned last week from the Book of Esther: “Our position is a platform for God’s purposes.” If you’re a mom, being a mother is your primary ministry! Once your heart is holy, your head will be in the game and your hands will work heartily as unto the Lord.
Giving Praise Where it is Due
It’s time for us to blow the trumpet on behalf of all the women here today. Proverbs 31:28-29: “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.’” And verse 31: “Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” I’m reminded of Ruth 3:11 where we read that people knew Ruth to be a noble woman: “…All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character.”
And so we’re called to congratulate and celebrate the worth of women. Children and husbands are to publicly praise. I’ve often wondered if the woman of Proverbs 31 is able to fully engage her heart, her head, and her hands precisely because she receives praise. In other words, our words of thankfulness can help the women in our lives feel the worth that is theirs. To say it another way, if you’re a woman and you don’t feel worthy, it might be because your children and if you’re married, your husband, are not extolling your virtues.
I think I’m about to go into the hole again for publicly embarrassing Beth but I am exhibit A for the truth of Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.” Beth, I experience the words of Proverbs 31:11-12 on a daily basis: “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
In the spirit of children rising and blessing their moms and husbands providing honor to their wives, I’d like all women to remain seated while the rest of us stand. With loud voices, let’s offer these words of encouragement to the wonder women here today: You’re blessed and you’re the best! Let’s say that again. You’re blessed and you’re the best!
We began the service with a gift from the children of this church as they sang the song “God’s Love is Like a Boomerang.” We want to conclude with another gift. Some of you have a parent in heaven right now. If you’re a born-again believer, then view your time here through the eyes of eternity, realizing that life on earth is but preparation for life in heaven. But for most of us, it’s hard to imagine what that would be like because we’re so locked to this life.
Bart Millard went through a period of great personal pain when one of his parents died after a long battle with cancer. Bart, who was 18 at the time, started wondering what life would be like in heaven. He found himself repeating the phrase “I can only imagine.” He began writing it on napkins, paper bags, anything he could find. He took great comfort in this because he realized that his separation from his parent was not permanent; one day they would enjoy God’s presence together. Eight years later, as lead singer for MercyMe, Millard stumbled across that simple phrase, “I can only imagine” in an old notebook and ten minutes later he wrote these words:
Surrounded by your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence, or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah?
Will I be able to sing at all?
As we conclude our service today, Christina Compton, niece of Sharon Maier and cousin of Beth Albrecht, will help us imagine eternity through expressive sign language.
