1. A Spirit-filled home requires submissive children (6:1-3)
a. Submissive children obey their parents (6:1)
b. Submissive children honor their parents (6:2)
c. Submissive children bless their parents (6:3)
2. A Spirit-filled home requires submissive parents (6:4)
a. Parents who are submissive to God’s order (And you, fathers)
b. Parents who are submissive to God’s design (do not provoke your children to wrath)
c. Parents who are submissive to God’s Word (bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord)
EPHESIANS 6:1-4
A young single preacher took his first part-time church while he was going to seminary. He preached a message one Sunday called, “10 Facts On How To Raise Perfect Children.” A few years later, he got married and they had their first child. He pulled out the old sermon to preach it again, but decided to retitle it, “10 Suggestions on How to Raise Healthy Children.” After the second child was born a couple of years later, it was time to preach it again. This time he titled it, “10 Possibilities for Parenting Children.” Well, the third child came. This time he revised the whole thing and called it “10 Prayers for Parents.” Several years later when they became teen-agers, he burned the message and wrote a new one simply titled, “Help Me Jesus.” By no stretch of the imagination is parenting an easy job. While parenting can be one of the biggest blessings God gives us, it can also be one of the most frustrating. When parents leave the hospital with their newborn babies, they aren’t given an instruction manual. At least we aren’t given one by the hospital. But God’s Word gives very specific instructions on how to raise our children the right way. That is what we’re looking at this morning. We’re looking at this very familiar passage that we love to pull out on our kids every time they mess up. But they aren’t the only ones this passage speaks to. Be careful mom’s and dad’s when you start to poke them with that elbow. Because this passage pokes an elbow in all our ribs. In it, Paul continues with the subject of submission that he started back in verse 21. Except here he does it in the context of the parent / child relationship. Some of you might think this message doesn’t apply to you. But, guess what? You’re wrong. Everyone here is either a parent or a child. All of us are in different stages of our lives, but so were the Ephesian Christians Paul was writing to. Remember that his teaching on parents and children is in the bigger context of verse 21 that we looked at a couple of weeks ago. All Christians should be filled with the Spirit. And in order to be filled with the Spirit, we must submit to one another. The first picture of submitting to one another he gave us was the marriage relationship. This morning we’re looking at the second picture—the parent/child relationship. The next time you find yourself complaining about the way kids act today, I want you to ask yourself a question—is that the way I act in the church? Do I act spoiled rotten and selfish? Do I throw a tantrum when things don’t go how I think they should? See, even though these verses talk specifically about parents and children, in reality they talk to each of us. We’re going to be looking at the two requirements for having a Spirit-filled home. Whether it’s the family that lives under the roof of your house or the family of God that lives under this roof—the same requirements apply. The first requirement of having a Spirit-filled home is that it requires having submissive children. It requires having submissive children and submissive children behave in three ways—they obey their parents, they honor their parents, and they bless their parents. First, submissive children obey their parents. Look with me at verse 1:
EPHESIANS 6:1
Submissive children obey their parents. We have no better example of this than the Lord Jesus Himself. Turn with me back to Luke 2. We won’t read this whole passage because you know the event. Starting in verse 41, we find the only Scriptural reference to Jesus’ behavior as a child. Because Mary and Joseph were good, God-fearing Jewish parents, they obeyed God’s Law. And part of God’s Law was for all Jews to go to the temple in Jerusalem once a year to celebrate the Passover. This time when they went, Jesus was 12 years old. And something happened to Mary and Joseph that scares most parents to death. They lost their child. They were traveling in a large caravan of people when they left to go back home. After they had been traveling for a day, they looked for Jesus and couldn’t find Him. I can hear them now. Mary looks at Joseph: “I thought He was with you.” Joseph looks back and says, “Well I thought He was with you.” Well, He wasn’t with either of them. It took them a full day to get back to Jerusalem and another day to find Him. And when they did, He was back in Jerusalem at the temple. He hadn’t been disobedient. He’d just gotten left behind. And when He got left behind, He stayed in His Father God’s house—the temple. Now, look what verse 51-52 says about Jesus:
LUKE 2:51-52
Jesus was subject to His parents. By the answer He gave them back at the temple, He understood that He was the Son of God. But did He use that fact like a lot of kids would? Did He ever tell Joseph, “You’re not my dad. I don’t have to do what you say.” No, of course not. Why? Because He was subject to His parents. Do you know what the original word that’s translated as “subject” here is? It’s the exact same word that’s translated “submit” in the passages we’ve been looking at for the past few weeks. Jesus—the One who Colossians 1:16 tells us that, “For by Him were all things created.” The One who John says was with God, was God, and was in the beginning with God. That Jesus is the same One who submitted to His parents when He was a child. He was subject to them. He submitted to them. He obeyed them because that is God’s plan for children. Because it is right. Just like it is right for all children to show submission by obeying their parents today. I don’t care if it’s not cool. I don’t care what all the other kids are doing. I don’t care if it seems incredibly unfair. The Bible says that for children still living under the authority of the home, obeying is right. In all cases, except for cases of abuse—obeying your parents in the Lord is right. Submissive children obey their parents. But not only are they to obey their parents, they are to honor their parents. Look at verse 2:
EPHESIANS 6:2
Submissive children honor their parents. You know, our parents are our parents hopefully for a long time. Most of the time they are our parents for a lot longer than the time we spend living under their authority. While we are living under their authority, the highest honor we can give them is obedience. But that changes as our station in life changes. As we saw last week in Ephesians 5:31, God’s design is for “a man to leave his father and mother and be joined unto his wife and they two shall be one flesh.” That word “leave” is a very important word. When my wife and I first got married, I took her to an island out in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. And God blessed me with the fact that they only had one flight out of there per week. Because as soon as she got there, she was ready to go home to Momma. But I had a whole week to convince her to stay. We lived there for 5 years and it was the best thing for us. Now, granted, that is kind of an extreme version of leaving. But I think it was necessary for us. Most couples don’t have to go to those extremes. The point is, when we leave home and get married, our loyalties change. We leave the authority of our parents and cleave to the authority in our own homes. The structure of obedience changes. Once we cleave to our spouse, we are no longer responsible to obey our parents. As a matter of fact if we try to, we’re being double-minded. And the Bible says that a double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. In order to cleave, we have to leave. But that’s where the honoring comes in. While we obey our parents only for the short while we live under their authority, we need to honor them for a lifetime. Honoring is all about attitude. You can do good things for your parents all day long. But if you do them out of a sense of obligation instead of out of love, it becomes duty instead of honor. Let’s look to Scripture for an example. Turn to Mark 7:9-13. The Pharisees were in the middle of accusing the disciples of breaking the Law by not washing their hands before eating. Jesus pointed out their hypocrisy by blistering them about how they treated their parents.
MARK 7:9-13
The Law said that they had to financially take care of their parents. But instead, what they would do is they would declare all of their money and possessions Corban. By calling it Corban, they were saying all their stuff was dedicated to God and could not be used to support their parents. They were basically saying, “All my money has been set aside for God.” Meanwhile, elderly Mom and Dad were left to fend for themselves. They thought they had found a loophole to keep from having to take care of them. They were technically within the law, but Jesus saw their attitude. Their attitude did not honor their parents. Honoring our parents isn’t an option. It’s a commandment. A commandment to honor them by providing for them when they can’t provide for themselves. A commandment to honor them by caring for them when they can’t care for themselves. A commandment to honor them by loving them and encouraging them. A commandment to honor them by not being a burden to them—emotionally, financially, or spiritually. Submissive children obey their parents and honor their parents. But they also bless their parents. Look with me at verse 3:
EPHESIANS 6:3
Submissive children bless their parents. What is the biggest blessing a child can give a parent? This verse sums it up. It’s really a two-fold blessing. First that it may be well with thee. Wellness. What more could a parent ask for? Physical wellness—we always want the best for our children. We don’t want them to suffer any physical harm. That’s why to this day, I know never to run with scissors. That’s why at CJ’s baseball game the other night, I saw a 300-pound dad go sailing over a chainlink fence when his son got plowed over at first base. We want physical wellness for our kids. But more than that we want spiritual wellness. As a Christian parent, nothing hurts more than when your child has strayed from the Lord. If your child is lost, it is a burden that is almost too great to bear. But, what a blessing it is when it is well with our children. And what a blessing it is for them to live long on the earth. That’s not to say that if a person dies at a young age that they weren’t submissive to their parents. What it does say is that when we do honor our parents, God will give us the full length of life He has intended for us. In other words, He will not allow our life to be taken prematurely. In Scripture there are countless examples of disobedient people who did not live out the full life that God intended for them. 1 John 5:16 speaks of a sin unto death. A sinful pattern of behavior that prematurely leads to the death of a rebellious believer. Our passage would seem to indicate that failing to honor our parents can be a sin unto death. That is certainly not what we want for our children. We want them to be a blessing to us. We want them to bless us with their obedience. We want them to bless us with their honor. We want them to bless us with their submission. But what about us parents? The first requirement to having a Spirit-filled home is that it requires having submissive children. But that’s not all it takes. So moms and dads, put your elbows away—now it’s your turn. The second requirement to having a Sprit-filled home is that it requires having submissive parents. Look with me at verse 4:
EPHESIANS 6:4
A Spirit-filled home requires submissive parents. “Boy, now that preacher’s really gone over the top.” “How in the world are parents supposed to submit to their kids?” Well, remember back to the passage that introduced that pesky “S” word. Remember back in verse 21. In the church, who is supposed to submit? Everybody. We are all supposed to submit to one another. And the first example Paul gave was how it works in our marriages. And now he’s talking about how it works between parents and children. So if everybody in the church is supposed to submit to one another, and now he’s talking about parents and children, that must mean that only children are supposed to submit, right? Wrong. Parents are required to submit to their children as well. But just like the mutually submissive relationship between husbands and wives we talked about last week, parents’ submission takes on a different role than children’s submission. Submissive children obey, honor and bless their parents. Submissive parents are parents who are submissive to God’s order. They are submissive to God’s design. And they are submissive to God’s Word.
First, submissive parents are parents who are submissive to God’s order. Notice the first part of verse 4—“And you, fathers”. This whole passage is obviously dealing with the relationship between parents and children. So why do you think Paul singles out fathers here? Because he goes back to the idea that husbands are the head of the household. Both parents are included in Paul’s instructions here. But fathers are responsible. Did you know that over 40% of all children in America live in homes without fathers? Now, with that statistic in mind, let me give you some more. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. 90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. 85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. 80% of rapists come from fatherless homes. 71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. 85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. So, I guess God knew what He was doing when He set up the proper order in the home. Those statistics are for homes where the father is physically absent from the home. But don’t you think they can apply to those of us who are mentally absent? When our minds are always on something else? What about those of us who are emotionally absent? A Spirit-filled home requires parents who are submissive to God’s order. Just a word to any of you who are single parents. Single parents probably have one of the toughest jobs on the face of the earth. As you can tell by the statistics, you face a nearly impossible situation. But nothing is impossible with God. Be faithful to Him and He will direct you in the way you should raise your children. He will show Himself strong in your weakness. But your situation is obviously not the ideal. The ideal is a home with both parents. Both parents who are submissive to God’s order. Not only are submissive parents submissive to God’s order, they are submissive to God’s design.
“Provoke not your children to wrath.” Two things can provoke your children to wrath. First, discipline doesn’t provoke them to wrath—lack of discipline does. Second, God has designed each one of us differently. We are all unique. Using the wrong type of discipline for their personality can provoke children to wrath. I didn’t know how three people could be opposites of each other until I had three children. Your children may favor their mother, but they aren’t her. They may favor their father, but they aren’t him. One child may be so sensitive that all you have to do is look at them to get your point across. Another might be so hard-headed that nothing will hardly get through. When I was little and we would go over to someone’s house for dinner, if I would act up, Mom would pinch me under the table. I learned in a hurry that it wasn’t really a good idea to yell, “ouch”. I was kind of slow—but I learned. Some children require regular spankings for discipline. All some need is a stern look. If a stern look works, don’t bring out the switch. If a switch is needed, don’t start counting and bargaining with terrorists. God designed each of our children differently. A Spirit-filled home requires parents who are submissive to God’s design. They are submissive to God’s order, submissive to God’s design, and most of all, submissive to God’s Word.
“Bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” As parents, we all fall short—even James Dobson. We are fallible people in a fallen world. But God is not. His Word never falls short. And that is the greatest requirement in a Spirit-filled home. To raise up our families under the teaching and authority of the Word of God. We do that at home. We don’t pawn it off on the church. We don’t pawn it off on the Sunday school teacher. We don’t pawn it off on AWANAS. We don’t pawn it off on VBS. All of those wonderful programs are there to support and reinforce your teaching. None of the workers in those programs are mentioned in this passage. Who is? Fathers are. Parents are. Submissive parents.
A Spirit-filled home only requires two things—submissive children and submissive parents. But did you notice something? Did you notice that the qualities for submissive children are the same qualities we should have as submissive church members? The qualities of obedience, honoring, and blessing? So, let me ask you—are you obedient to God? Do you honor Him? Are the things you do a blessing to Him? Did you notice that the qualities for submissive parents are also the same qualities we should have as submissive church members? Are you submissive to God’s order in the church? His order of leading by serving? Are you submissive to God’s design in the church? Are you using the gifts He has given you? And are you submissive to God’s Word? Do you read it? Do you pray over it? Do you seek God’s face and His will for your life in its pages? You see, the things it takes to have a Spirit-filled home are the same things it takes to have a Spirit-filled church. Is your home Spirit-filled? Is your church Spirit-filled? If not, you can’t point the finger at anyone else. You can only point it at you. Are you Spirit-filled today?
