Relational Health: Getting Along With People
By Shannon Lewis Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Living Springs Assembly of God
Bandera, Texas
www.lsagbandera.com
Philippians 2: 1-5
1So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy,2complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.3Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.4Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.5Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus,…
Tonight we’re going to conclude our 2 part series dealing with Relational Health: Getting Along With People
The last time we visited this series we looked at:
The 6 most important words: “I admit I made a mistake”
The 5 most important words: “You did a good job”
And
The 4 most important words: “What do you think”
Tonight were going to consider:
The 3 most important words: “After you please”
The 2 most important words: “Thank you”
The 1 most important word: “We”
And
The LEAST important word: “I”
To say the least, relationships are tricky and the words we inject into those relationships either create health or disease. It’s important that we view our relationships as they truly are; living and dynamic. As such, it’s important that we treat them with special care. Relationships are like a delicate flower. Flowers need special care and attention if they are going to flourish and so it is with our relationships.
A gentle showering of water on flowers is what kind words are to relationships. It causes life, health and growth to spring forth.
The 3 most important words: “After you please.”
Philippians 2:4 “Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
If our relationships are going to be healthy relationships we must learn to put others before ourselves.
The late, great Paul Bear Bryant said, “I’m just a plowhand from Arkansas, but I have learned how to hold a team together; how to lift some men up, how to calm others down, until finally they’ve got one heartbeat together, a team. There are just three things I’d ever say; if anything goes bad, I did it. If anything goes semi-good, then we did it. If anything goes real good, then you did it. That’s all it takes to get people to win football games for you.”
When praise is to be given in relationships try to be the one giving it rather than the one desiring it.
To put others before ourselves is to be like Christ. We see very clearly all through scripture that Jesus consistently put others before himself.
More concerned for the needs of other people, Jesus often forgot about his own needs.
Once such example is found in Matthew’s Gospel; Matthew recounts that Herod had beheaded John the Baptist and John’s disciples had run to tell Jesus of the news that they had just buried him. Upon hearing this new, the Bible tells us that Jesus had entered into a ship and departed into a desert place to be alone. But when the people had heard of it, they went by foot to where Jesus was and he seeing them was moved with compassion toward them and healed their sick. Being late in the evening, his disciples now come to him and say, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.”
Jesus responds by saying, “Yeah, you’re right. Let them go and buy for themselves. I’m tired, exhausted and saddened at the news of John’s death.”
Actually Jesus responds by saying, ““They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” Could he be teaching his disciples that they must put others before themselves? I think so. “You give them something to eat”. Well the problem was that they only had 5 loaves and 2 fish and among so many, it was next to nothing. Jesus takes what they have, blesses it and then breaks it. Giving it to his disciples, they begin to distribute food to every one of them that were seated.
What does this teach us about the Lord? It shows us that he thought about others and their needs above his own. Jesus’ whole attitude here is “after you please”. Even in his grief and exhaustion he would think of others more highly than himself and would teach his disciples the value of this principle as well.
Let me make an observation here. To live in our relationships with this kind of attitude is not to suggest we cannot or don’t need to take time for ourselves. Look at what Jesus did after everyone had been served.
Verses 22 and 23 of Matthew 14
22Immediately he made the disciples get into the boat and go before him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowds.23And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray.
Jesus still needed his “alone” time and took it. I have a theory. If all you do is give, give, and give without ever getting alone with God that he may freshen and rejuvenate your spirit, you’ll be spent with nothing left to offer others. Jesus knew he needed to get alone with His father so that he would be able to give to others when necessary.
The 2 most important words are: “Thank you”
Two men were walking through a field one day when they spotted an enraged bull. Instantly they darted toward the nearest fence. The storming bull followed in hot pursuit, and it was soon apparent they wouldn’t make it.
Terrified, the one shouted to the other, "Put up a prayer, John. We’re in for it!"
John answered, "I can’t. I’ve never made a public prayer in my life."
"But you must!" implored his companion. "The bull is catching up to us."
"All right," panted John, “I’ll say the only prayer I know, the one my father used to repeat at the table: ’O Lord, for what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.”
It’s good to give thanks to God but what about saying to one another, thank you.
I think it’s important; so important that Tiff and I teach our children to say thank you when someone shows them an act of kindness.
The two most important words in getting along with other people are “thank you”. What do those 2 simple words bring into any relationship; thankfulness, appreciation and recognition.
If someone is kind to you, you show thankfulness, appreciation and recognition by saying these 2 important words.
You’re telling that person you recognize their contribution, their gift, their input, their friendship and their involvement.
Those 2 words have the ability to help others see the value they add to your life. It helps the recipient of those 2 important words to understand they have positively impacted your life and that’s always good, for you and them.
Don’t let a good deed go unnoticed! To those that think of you in special ways say thank you, to those that do for you special things say thank you, to those that share a kind word with you say thank you, to those that go out of their way to help you say thank you, to those that forget about themselves for the purpose of helping you say thank you.
There are many times in a day where these 2 little words can fit quite nicely and the impact they’ll have on our relationships can be dramatic.
Say thank you and say it often!
The 1 most important word: “We”
When success happens in relationships the word that must be expressed is “we”. We accomplished this or that, we did it, and we saw it through.
The construction of this new building that we’re enjoying didn’t happen because of 1 person. It happened because of dozens of people. We did it! We worked hard and with God’s blessings we have been able to do what has been done!
If you ever want to kill the joy of a joint effort, use the word I in place of the word we. You’ll find yourself all alone real quick.
Every year in Alaska, a 1000-mile dogsled race, a run for prize money and prestige, commemorates an original "race" run to save lives. Back in January of 1926, six-year-old Richard Stanley showed symptoms of diphtheria, signaling the possibility of an outbreak in the small town of Nome. When the boy passed away a day later, Dr. Curtis Welch began immunizing children and adults with an experimental but effective anti-diphtheria serum. But it wasn’t long before Dr. Welch’s supply ran out, and the nearest serum was in Nenana, Alaska--1000 miles of frozen wilderness away. Amazingly, a group of trappers and prospectors volunteered to cover the distance with their dog teams! Operating in relays from trading post to trapping station and beyond, one sled started out from Nome while another, carrying the serum, started from Nenana. Oblivious to frostbite, fatigue, and exhaustion, the teamsters mushed relentlessly until, after 144 hours in minus 50-degree winds, the serum was delivered to Nome. As a result, only one other life was lost to the potential epidemic. Their sacrifice had given an entire town the gift of life.
Do see the overwhelming WE in that story? No one person could be credited with saving all those lives. It took teamwork to accomplish the task!
We do well to remember that we’re better when working with others to the glory of God. WE can do more than I can do. WE can accomplish more than I can. WE can give greater than I can give alone. WE can serve more than I can serve alone. WE are better than I!
Share the credit, joy and experience with others by declaring WE did it!
Finally, the least important word is: “I”
Philippians 2:3 says, “…but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.”
This is often a hard one to do. We like to use the word I, don’t we? Because to use it means I don’t share this success with anyone else. It’s all mine. It was my hard work, my ingenuity, my determination, my talent, my resources…etc.
Can one truly take credit for anything to the exclusion of others? I don’t think so. Somewhere in the accomplishment is a teacher who believed in you, a Mother who prayed for you, a Father who supported you, a sibling that encouraged you, and a friend that went with you. The point is there are always others to thank for whatever it is that we think we accomplished single handedly!
Improper use of the word I can be selfish and self-serving.
You’ve heard it said that there is no I in teamwork. If you really want to make your relationships better and get along with people, minimize the use of the word I to the exclusion of others.
While there is certainly nothing wrong with saying I did or I can or I am we must see the importance of others in our lives.
Paul demonstrates this well in Philippians chapter 4
Listen to what he says here beginning in verse 13.
“13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
14Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble.15And you Philippians yourselves know that in the beginning of the gospel, when I left Macedonia, no church entered into partnership with me in giving and receiving, except you only.16Even in Thessalonica you sent me help for my needs once and again.17Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit. 18 I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God.19And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
You see what Paul was doing here? He was being inclusive not exclusive. He was praising God and thanking the Philippians church for all they had done for him. In verse 19 he assures them that God will supply every need that they have according to the riches of Christ Jesus.
Paul could have said I can do all things, leaving out Jesus Christ as the source of his strength. He could have left off thanking and giving recognition to the Philippians church and act as if he provided for himself. Paul knowing true humility understood that in all that he was used of God to do included others more than himself to accomplish it all. We do well also to include others in our accomplishments. It’s a sign of true humility.
One of my favorite verses of scripture is short and saturated with humility.
John, speaking of Jesus says, "He must increase, but I must decrease."
The truest form of humility is when we can say, I must decrease so that others can increase!
We understand the point behind John’s statement here regarding Jesus but how can this type of attitude be beneficial to our own relationships.
If you’re always the one that has to be seen as the one with all the good ideas; you’re always the one with the best of this or that. You’re always the one that has to be heard above all other voices. You’re always the one that has to be seen over everyone else, you could take a little lesson in the humility department and decrease so that others can increase!
In closing, let me share with you a prime example of someone that failed to decrease and thereby demonstrate humility.
In 3rd John we read about a fellow named Diotrephes. Let’s look at what John had to say about this fellow.
9 I have written something to the church, but Diotrephes, who likes to put himself first, does not acknowledge our authority.10So if I come, I will bring up what he is doing, talking wicked nonsense against us. And not content with that, he refuses to welcome the brothers, and also stops those who want to and puts them out of the church.
The KJV says that Diotrephes loved to have the preeminence among everyone. Do you know anyone like this? They love to be first. They rarely if every consider another above themselves.
Let it not be said of you! Share in the joys of others and include others in your joy and accomplishments because truly, we can never do anything great without the partnership of others!
The 3 most important words: “After you please”
The 2 most important words: “Thank you”
The 1 most important word: “We”
And
The LEAST important word: “I”
