Sermon for CATM - April 22, 2007
“Family Love” - Colossians 3:18-21
As I was reading scripture and preparing a Bible study I was to lead earlier this week, a picture flashed in my mind of all of us in this place on Sundays. And I’ll be honest. I was overwhelmed with an intense feeling of love for our church.
Loving this gathering on Sundays. Loving what we do through the week. Learning and growing and stretching and changing. Believing in it so intensely that I’m so happy to be part of this community.
The fact that Jesus is worshiped here. That we stand side by side, and sit side by side, singing and listening to the gospel. That we connect in the passing of the peace. That we together live out our deep reverence for Christ as we celebrate Eucharist every other week.
That we meet regularly and reaffirm our love for God and our commitment to each other. We choose to come here to worship. We chose these friends. We chose the challenges that are part of being a part of this congregation.
We are a church that is like a hospital for those who are hurting. That’s a good thing. We are like a hospice in some ways - a place of shelter or rest where we can receive the support needed for the journey. That’s a good thing.
And for many CATM is a place of preparation where we come to grow deeper in our relationship with God, to learn to practice the presence of God, to be trained in Scripture, to be prepared for ministry, to discover who we are and how we are created to serve God and the community.
And as I was just reveling in all that God has given us it stuck me that this is family. For those of us with nuclear families this is a brilliant and warm chorus of witnesses around us, buffering and loving and supporting us through life.
My family’s recent experiences of my brother’s death from cancer and of Jared’s illness drove home to us what a blessing it is to be part of the family of God. Many prayed with us.
The morning that Craig died, before anyone knew he would die that day, Julie and Heather Hogbin laid hands on me and prayed passionately that God would give me strength for what lies ahead.
Many called for updates so you could pray for Jared when he was very ill, many prepared casseroles, most of you asked after Jared. The mission has treated us phenomenally well as I was away for quite a while caring for Jared in hospital.
For those of us without children, this is place of friendship and connection, of support and caring, and we find that we receive and we give and we feel a part of. Being a part of. Not being perfect. Being pretty imperfect and accepting of our humanness actually. But being part of another’s life, being family. And that’s what we are.
The family of God. The people of God. And I couldn’t be more excited to be on this journey with you. And I believe we ain’t seen nothin’ yet!
Now today’s passage is about family. This is my first message since my brother Craig died, since Jared has been in hospital for over a month with a very serious illness. Family has been a lot on my mind. And I’m glad that the Word of God speaks to us about families.
And it says some interesting things. First it says: 18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. That’s the NLT that we usually use.
I like the Message paraphrase as well: 18 Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master.
Now if you’re like me when you hear the word submit, you go “Hgngh!” A lot of us don’t like that kind of word and for good reason. We live in a post-woman’s liberation world. We know now that women are equal to men in every way. Different, yes. More interesting, yes. But equal? Yes.
And we know that women have been suppressed by men for millennia. And we want to see the church thrive by lining up with the New Testament understanding that in Christ “there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus”. [Gal 3:28]
So how do we deal with this passage that tells wives to submit to their husbands. The first thing we do is we don’t take that passage out of context. Here’s the context for any discussion of submission:
Eph 5:21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Eph 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Eph 5:24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
Our discussion about submission must be put in this context: All of us are called to submit to one another. Why? Out of reverence for Christ. We acknowledge the presence of the living Christ in one another. We treat one another with honour that is fitting for one who is the temple of the Holy Spirit...that means all other Christians.
This speaks to how I treat you and how you treat me. Do we honour Christ in our treatment of others? That’s the first challenge of this passage.
So if I need to submit to you and you need to submit to me. If I need to submit to my wife Barbara and she needs to submit to me...if everyone is submitting and no one is lording it over anyone else, then who’s the boss? Paul is helpful here again in Ephesians as he tells us who’s the boss.
He says that the whole church submits to Christ. And that is the context of any submitting we do (and we should do a lot) to each other. The focus isn’t submitting. The focus is Jesus. Verse Eph 5:24 says: “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything”.
**In Paul’s day, the biblical call to submission challenged a culture that gave men power. It said, "Use your power for the benefit of the other person." In our day, it challenges a culture of power wars.
Submission says, "Use your power for the benefit of the other person." The Quest Study Bible puts it this way: "A submissive spirit runs counter to society’s values and it always has. However, it remains God’s standard for all believers—male and female—for all time." **
Wives, can you do that? Women who are not married, can you receive this word from Scripture? Men, can you dig it?
The next passage is 19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.
After this call to submission, which we know includes the understanding of mutual submission, Paul gives these words. The Message puts it this way: 19Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.
So God’s particular word to husband is to love their wives and never treat them harshly. Of course this also goes both ways and is reflected in the commandment to all belivers to love one another.
What does Paul have to add to this from Ephesians?
Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
There is a special nuance here for husbands when we consider how it is that we are to love our wives. Perhaps more than a nuance. We’re all called to love one another, but for men there seems to be a particular way we are to express this love. Again The Message paraphrase is helpful here.
“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives”.
So God calls men to express their love for their wives in extraordinary self-giving. Just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for us. I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard ultra-conservative male voices talk about what Paul says about submission, without the proper general context of mutual submission as we’ve discussed, and who just skimp over this passage, which is far weightier and far more demanding in some ways.
What I would say to those who emphasize a wife’s submission is that FIRST, they better be demonstrating Christ-like self-giving in every aspect of their marriage. I suspect that when we do this, we won’t focus so much on power issues. We may become too aware of our shortcomings to do this.
Christian teachers from the earliest centuries, such as John Chrysostom, have pointed out that what Paul asks the husband to do is actually harder than what he asks the wife to do. He asks the wife to show respect and submit; he asks the husband to die.
When Paul writes, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her," that’s a nice, poetic way of saying, "Jesus chose to submit himself to the whip, the thorns, and the nails for our benefit. That’s the example for husbands. Are you daily dying to what you want to make sure your wife gets what she needs?"
It’s true that Paul asks people to submit in different ways, depending on whether they have less or more power, but the person with more power must also submit.
When that occurs, something amazing happens in the other person. As a married woman once said: "Show me a man who lays down his life for his wife, and I’ll show you a wife who has no problem with submission."
One other thing: Something you hear in church circles surrounding this issue is that the man is the head of the family. That’s specifically taken from Eph 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. What’s always struck me is that Scripture doesn’t say that the man is the head of the family.
Only that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. People deduce from this that God intends the man to be the head of the household. I want to suggest that at the very least Scripture provides a weak argument for husband-as-head-of-household. Again, the example of Christ is self-giving love. His headship is one of covering, of love, of giving, not getting, of bringing out the best in each of us.
The head of the family is Christ. How Christ’s headship gets worked out is one of the most important things for the husband and wife to work out together. In our household, Barb and I share leadership based on our strengths. The big decisions we make together by consensus, by working it through and trying to understand the other’s point-of-view.
If we can’t get on the same page, we don’t act. Not being able to get on the same page is sometimes direction from God that something else entirely needs to happen. On everything else, we defer to each other, seeking to please one another and not control the other. And you know what? We are extremely happily married. Have been for nearly 21 years. It works folks. Trust me.
There’s an important word here for parents too. One that suggests what can happen when we think in terms of having the right amount of power instead of giving the right amount of love.
Col 3:21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
The Message says: 21Parents, don’t come down too hard on your children or you’ll crush their spirits.
None of us had perfect parents.
None of us are perfect parents, Or husbands or wives for that matter. That fact alone keeps us coming to Jesus. Asking for his strength to love as we can and need to.
But our children...if you have children you know what a blessing and a treasure they are. I discovered during Jared’s sickness that when my kids are not well, I can’t function anywhere near my normal capacity.
I had to be with him, or to know that Barb was with him. I’m very thankful that I was given the time to be with him. As was Barb through the extraordinary kindness of the mission.
But our kids. As parents we have the power to bless and nurture and love and bring up healthy, loving children. Unfortunately, we as parents also have the power to mess our kids up. Some say it’s inevitable that we will mess them up.
I hope that isn’t true, and I believe that by God’s grace children can thrive and blossom and exceed our dreams for them.
But we have to be careful. If we come down too hard, if we fail to find a loving balance as we guide and discipline them, we may crush their spirits. They may not find the courage to take risks. They may end up struggling to feel their worth.
And so we as parents are told to not do anything to make them bitter or to take the wind out of their sails. Again, it’s one tough responsibility to raise children, and to do it right we need God. We need to learn our parenting from God.
We, here, are a family. The family of God. The people of God. You and I are brothers and sisters in Christ. The most important thing we have in common, I believe, is that we share the same heavenly Father. That’s how Jesus taught us to approach God. OUR Father in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.
And how does God treat us? He is patient. Aren’t you glad that God is patient with you? I am. He never stops loving us no matter how we behave. Aren’t you glad for that! He teaches us through his Word and by His Spirit.
He comforts us when we hurt. He calls us to high things. Higher things than we ever thought we could achieve. And gives us the power to risk. And He is always present to strengthen us with his outstretched arm. He sees you as you are: His beloved child.
Prayer: Lord Jesus, you help us to know that we are the children of God. You give us profound and challenging insights from your word about how to be children and how to be in relationship with one another. Give us courage to hear your voice and to learn from what you say to us in your holy Word. In Jesus mighty name, Amen.
