We are beginning a sermon series on Proverbs. I was going to call it “The High Way of Wisdom” because the book of proverbs uses that image: there is a wise path and a foolish path to follow in life.
Proverbs 16:17 “The highway of the upright avoids evil;
he who guards his way guards his life.”
But I like the phrase: Proverbs for Life. Our culture, like all cultures, are full of proverbs, little sayings that help interpret life. There are ancient Chinese proverbs and dutch proverbs placed on plaques in kitchens. Advertisers love to create or use or twist a proverb in order to sell something. During the next few months, email me or bring in a copy of your favorite non-Biblical proverbs (please translate the ones that are in a foreign language).
Proverbs are sayings that are true, that are grounded in the reality of life, that reveal a truth about life, about living life.
I have a list of favorites (I’ll show one a week): Here’s for this week’s:
“If a man loudly blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.” Proverbs 27:14.
What makes these proverbs “Proverbs for Life” is that they are God’s own. Next week we’ll spend some time getting the big picture of the book. Today we are going to look at one of the chief concerns of biblical proverbs: children. In fact, proverbs are really written for the benefit of our children:
Proverbs 2:1-10
My son, if you accept my words
and store up my commands within you,
2 turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding,
3 and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the LORD gives wisdom,
and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
7 He holds victory in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
8 for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones.
9 Then you will understand what is right and just
and fair--every good path.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
Introduction: This is a short sermon on raising children, on parenting. I have several books on Christian parenting, a few on child development from college. Look at your book store and you will see dozens of books on parenting. In 20 minutes we are going to touch just the tip of the iceberg of good and godly parenting.
Actually, forget the iceberg image, we are going to zoom in on the foundation, get to the core of the issue: What parenting is all about? What is our #1 goal for our children? What would cause us someday to sit back, smile, and realize that (though we weren’t perfect parents), we did it right, we succeed?
We all hope our kids end up reasonably adjusted to “normal” life, we hope they’ll be above average in many ways. We hope they get a good job, marry the right person, be HAPPY, be comfortable. Most of us would be proud if our child was a prodigy and became a great musician or writer or scientist. Not many of us complain if our kids “do well” and end up stinking rich.
But is that the #1 goal of parents? Is that the best we can hope for for our kids?
Consider one of the many proverbs told by Jesus: “What good does it do a person if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?”
Consider a mother who is having lunch with her adult son. He is the envy of many of her friends. He’s handsome and successful. He was the first in the family to attend a prestigious college, to land a high profile, high paying job, to become financially wealthy. But when she talks to him, he seems so hollow, so caught up in what isn’t really important. Who cares about the stock market and global trading when your own kids don’t like you, when your two ex-wives hate you, when you don’t have a clue what life is all about? Where did I go wrong, asks this aging mother as she sits across from her “successful” son?
Of all the dreams we have for our kids, none should come even close to our desire for them to attain true wisdom. That’s what proverbs is about.
And wisdom, true wisdom, is found only one place. Proverbs 9:10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”
In Proverbs 2, the passage we read, it says that if we search for wisdom as for hidden treasure (I’ve watched Pirates of the Caribbean, I know it takes some effort, it takes a certain hunger and an life-consuming quest to search for hidden treasure):
5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God.
6 For the LORD gives wisdom,
and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.
It’s clear in the Bible: True wisdom and a knowledge of and a relationship with God go hand in hand. You cannot attain true wisdom without knowing the source of that wisdom, knowing God.
Kids will learn the majority of what they know about God from their parents. Not in Sunday School, not from the preacher, not in Christian School. Who God is, and what godly character is all about, is taught to us more by our parents than by anyone else in our lives.
Kids either spend the rest of their lives trying to unlearn the errors passed on from their parents, or they spend the rest of their lives living up to the godly standards given to them by their parents.
We want our kids to know God and to be wise. Wisdom in the Bible, is godly knowledge that affects our everyday life. “Wisdom is the skill of living life.” says one writer. (Parenting by the Book, Dr. David Walls, 185) Wisdom is more than just facts, not just education, but a moral connectedness to Reality, to the creator of reality. The goal of parenting, what parenting is all about, is to instill wisdom into our kids.
How do we do that? Proverbs is not an instructional manual on parenting. But there are some basic principles that emerge. It begins by having an accurate view of human nature. It’s hard to raise a fellow human being if you have a warped view of the nature of that being.
I. Dealing with Human Nature (Bible’s Understanding of Kids)
A. The Bible’s view of people, of humans, of children, is significantly different than the view held by many others in America. It’s stated pretty bluntly in
1. Proverbs 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
2. Folly is the opposite of wisdom, it’s foolishness. And it is wrapped around the human heart, the very core of our childish being. It’s like folly has broken into our DNA and corrupted the entire system.
3. And the rod of discipline is needed to drive it out. (we’ll talk about the rod of discipline in a moment)
4. but for now, the point is: we are born in sin, born totally fallen into sin. Naturally fools.
B. That statement contradicts our culture’s basic understanding of children. Some believe that children are born as a blank slate, a clean white board, morally neutral, that can be written onto either good or bad. They learn good or bad from their environment.
1. Others believe that children are born inherently good, and that we need to get out of their way and let them express their creative goodness and find their way to become the wonderful humans that exist in potential form in their little good natures.
2. Have these people ever been one-on-one with a two year old, who is yelling in your ear, “I want to watch a video!” A good two-year old, with fine parents (one is a pastor), with a good environment, lots of positive feedback and encouragement.
3. I was with that kid this week, and the Bible’s view makes more sense to me. Cause I didn’t teach her how to yell in my ear, how to demand her way, how to throw a fit when she doesn’t get her way. That junk is all wrapped around her heart.
C. The basic understand of humanity is that we are born not as a blank slate, not as inherently good, but inherently evil.
1. That is not to say that we are all totally evil and vile, (look at my cute two year old and you’ll see an adorable little angel who can do and say the nicest things, who has recently learned to say please, “Please Daddy can you get me some milk from the frigerator?” -- how can you say no to that???) but beneath the veneer, we have a natural tendency to hate God and our neighbor. That our default setting is selfishness.
2. If you don’t get that basic principle, if you don’t believe the Bible, if you don’t believe the one who made us, then all of your parenting and education will be flawed from the beginning. You’ll think this next point is stupid . . .
Proverbs 23:13-14 “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. 14 Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.”
II. Using the Proverbial Rod (The Rod of Discipline)
Show congregation my "rod" used for cooking over campfire - "Goliath" - I’ll tell you more about it in a minute
A. Why the rod is spared in our culture - why are we anti-spanking, and for many, anti-discipline? Why are our children always the victims and teachers and administrators always wrong for correcting our children?
1. We have the wrong goals for our kids. We want our kids to be perpetually happy, to feel no pain, to have perfect lives. We live in a Kids first culture (Toyota Ad for Sienna Van - Because Kids Come First)
2. We have a wrong view of human nature. Kids are inherently good -- just keep them from bad. Even if they immerse themselves in Grand Theft Auto, their good nature will prevail.
a. So we coddle kids. Even short term pain is avoided, we shelter them from consequences.
b. “In this generation, we parents have gone out of our way to protect our children from pain and to see that they succeed. The problem with this approach is that the kids don’t learn wisdom, and they don’t learn decision-making skills. I believe we learn more from failure than success, but when parents keep kids from failure, our children inevitably end up lacking wisdom.”
3. I want my kids to be happy too -- but truly happy, eternally happy, and sometimes that requires short-term pain. The rod.
B. What is the proverbial rod? Are we to beat our kids? (Goliath) I would hit my kid with this stick . . . to save her from the fire
1. Discipline is to save a child, to turn them from death. Rod is used more often in the Bible as punishment. But have you ever heard this Psalm: “your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
a. Rod is correction and guidance, and comforting to know that God corrects and guides us through life.
b. This rod is symbolic (not of beating children), but correcting them.
c. Whether spanking is part of that may be up to you -- hitting kids to injure them is immoral and illegal.
2. The rod is straight - discipline has to be consistent
a. means husbands, wives, daycare workers, need to communicate about what is right and wrong, and what punishment there is.
b. Divorces parents need to humble themselves, get over their personal differences, and create a consistent plan for their kids.
3. Hitting our kids, or using a harsh tone, or taking away TV or video games, is never meant to hurt, but to correct
C. Discipline is necessary. It is our task as adults to correct and guide and express love and acceptance to the children entrusted to our care.
1. Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”
2. Discipline is a thoughtful, well-thought-out, plan of action
a. It is an expression of our love for the child, and needs to be done in the most loving manner possible.
b. Not driven by emotion, my own -- like I’m mad at my kids so I slug em, but by love and care for a child
The goal of parenting is
III. Leading a Child to Wisdom (Wise Parenting)
A. Proverbs 22:6 “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.”
1. You know that many godly parents have done just that -- trained their child, and now their children have grown up and have turned from the faith.
2. There is a difference between a proverb and a promise.
a. A proverb is generally true. A promise is always true.
b. Generally, when we train our children in truth and righteousness, they may (will) rebel at some point, but eventually they will return to truth!
3. Chapter 2, “My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you (the challenge is to the child, the son, the daughter,) if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then the Lord will give you wisdom.
4. I love the payoff. Prov 2:9-10
9 Then you will understand what is right and just
and fair--every good path.
10 For wisdom will enter your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.
Read the book of Proverbs and what you’ll see is that the commands are aimed at us as individuals: we at some point in our lives have to chose the road we’ll go down: the highway to hell, or the highway of wisdom. God and godly parents do everything they can to lead their children, but at some point a child has to choose.
B. Leading a child to wisdom is training.
1. “The word is TRAIN -- not “Let is happen.” The word is TRAIN -- not “suggest.” Training is hard work. WE DON’T TRAIN ANYMORE. We car pool and sign our kids up for twelve different activities instead. Consequently, we have kids who play an instrument, kick a good ball, know how to use a computer -- and tell their parents where to go.”
2. Train our kids in the way they should go. That’s pretty broad, I think intentionally broad. Because each child is unique and needs guidance down their own unique way. We need to tailor our instruction and discipline and our expressions of love to each of our children according to their needs.
But the WAY is unchanged:
Challenge: Wise parenting begins with and ends with the fear of the Lord. Passing on wisdom is passing our knowledge of God, our love for God, our life and lifestyle that is centered in our Lord.
Our model of a perfect father, a perfect parent, is Father God and his relationship with Jesus. Though the Father loved Jesus with a perfect love, he allowed Jesus to be betrayed, falsely accused, and publicly humiliated and executed.
On the cross, one the things Jesus said was “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Oh how those words must have stung the Father.
Based on my experience as a father, seeing his only begotten son dying on the cross for the sins of mankind was more painful for the father than the nails were for Jesus. A different kind of pain, a deeper pain, the pain of not only watching your child suffer indescribly, but blaming you (accurately) for that pain.
In the New Testament book of Hebrews there are a few verses that have baffled theologians: Hebrews 5:8-9: “Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered 9 and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.” It’s hard to know how a perfect person, like Jesus, could learn anything. But the Bible says that Jesus learned obedience through suffering, that especially on the cross Jesus learned something that a person, a child, cannot learn if coddled and sheltered. So it isn’t surprising that later on the cross Jesus said these words, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” The relationship between Father and Son was restored through the cross.
Today we celebrate the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper, the place where our relationship with God was restored.
If you are in Christ, if you trust in him for your salvation, then come to the Table!
