April, 2007
“How to Be a Friend of Jesus”
John 15:9-17
Introduction: A middle school teacher asked her class to write imaginative definitions of a friend. One student said, “A friend is a pair of open arms in a society of armless people.”
Another said, “A friend is a warm bedroll on a cold and frosty night.”
Other said, “A friend is a lively polka in the midst of a dreary musical concert.”
“A friend is a mug of hot coffee on a damp cloudy day.”
“A friend is a beautiful orchard in the middle of the desert.”
“A friend is a stiff drink when you’ve had a terrible shock.” (How does a middle school student know that?)
“A friend is a hot bath after you have walked 20 miles on a dusty road.”
Mark Twain said, ‘the holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money.”
It has been said that a dog is man’s best friend. Pepper Rodgers was the football coach at UCLA several years ago and when his team kept losing games one season he was criticized severely by the media. It got so bad that he said to his wife that a man needs at least two friends but his only friend was his dog.
So his wife went out and bought him another dog.
Friendship is a wonderful thing and a rare thing. The Clergy Journal said that 60% of men over 30 cannot identify a single person they would call a close friend. Of the 40% who list friends, most were made during childhood or school years. Most women can identify 5 or 6 women they call close friends. A closer look shows that a lot of these were functional relationships. Friendship is not easy to develop according to this study.
In scripture did you ever notice that Christians were called “friends” before they were called Christians? In the New Testament it was in Antioch that the disciples were first called Christians long after the death of Jesus. It was Jesus who said, “I have called you friends.” Before anything else, “I have called you friends.”
Someone once said, “There are friends and then there are friends. We have to sort through what we call a friend--an acquaintance, chum, buddy, colleague, business associate, neighbor. There are fair-weather friends who hang around as long as the sun is shining and there’s no hardship. But our real friends are those who show up and stay with us when we face trying circumstances--a storm in our life, an illness, a death, a crisis. Can they stay with us when there is nothing to do but wait?
Jesus saw the importance of friendship and wanted this kind of relationship with his disciples. He knew that it was not always easy and that sometimes people let their friends down. In his hour of crisis in Gethsemane he asked his disciples to stay awake with him while he went to pray. They couldn’t take the pressure and they fell asleep in this critical hour of his life. But even the failings of the disciples and in our failings, it does not prevent Jesus from moving toward his goal of friendship. Why? He knew their future would depend on their attitude toward one another.
What can we learn from this scripture about friendship?
1. Jesus is the Pattern: Jesus shows us how to be a friend. He learned it from the Father. In verse 9 He says to them, “As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you. Now remain in my love.” How can we, with all of our failings, love people like Jesus said to do? Wouldn’t that be impossible? One of the secrets was to REMAIN in his love, and it begins to have a ripple effect toward others. We receive from Jesus what we need in order to be able to understand people, to forgive people, and to make allowances for their frailities. We can do it through Jesus.
STORY: Gladyce, a widow, attended church faithfully every Sunday. She would get there about 20 minutes early to sit and pray. This was her ritual. Just her and Jesus. She had been doing this for years. Then one Sunday a new family sat behind her. This was disturbing. She said, “Oh, well, they’re visitors and they may not be back next week anyway.” She thought she could put up with the small feet kicking at her back and the toy cars being driven on the top of her pew and loud whispers for lifesavers and trips to the bathroom that interrupted her prayer for one Sunday.
Much to her dismay, one week turned into two and two into a month and she realized that they were here to stay.
She weighed her options. She could change pews, but “no, that was where she and her husband had always worshiped.” She wasn’t willing to give up her pew. She could turn around and glare at them. She could pray at home for 20 minutes.
One Sunday before worship was really bad. “Church was for quiet meditation and reflection,” she thought. She looked at the parents and the squirming children. She realized that the parents looked tired. “Perhaps I should just let them be,” she thought. Instead of yelling, she managed a small smile. The next Sunday she took lifesavers and offered them. The next Sunday she asked their names. She found out the oldest liked horses, the youngest liked cars and the middle one liked books. The next Sunday she was disappointed that they weren’t there. It didn’t seem like church without the tap of little feet at her back. Next week she invited the family over for Sunday Brunch and from there on a fast friendship grew.
“You are my friends,” Jesus said, “If you love one another as I have loved you.”
As we remain in His love over a period of time we begin to see the fruit of the spirit begin to grow in our life. It may not happen overnight. Galatians 5:22 mentions love as the first in order--love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. These are all things we need in order to be a good friend. We must go beyond just saying “I love you with the love of the Lord” or “We love you.”
Genuine love and friendship begins with our deeds. Are we kind to people or are we condemning and rude toward people? Are we patient in traffic and long checkout lines? Are we gentle with others who irritate us and who drive us right up the wall???
As we are connected to the vine, Jesus, these characteristics that we need in order to be a friend will grow stronger in our life. In the previous verse 8, He says, “bear much fruit.” It is important that we stick close to our pattern, Jesus, and let him show us what we need to know just like His Father showed Him. How can we go about remaining in his love when we seem to be pulled in so many directions today? He goes on to tell us in the next verse.
2. Obey my Commands: At first when you think of commands it sounds like a harsh word, but the Greek word used her is ENTOLAS, a different one from that used in the Ten Commandments and other places in scripture. It refers to a moral or religious precept. A commission, a charge. It is not a word that beats us down or hangs heavy around our necks like a millstone. Many people feel that they cannot live up to what is required to be a Christian. But we can do it. Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me all you are are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Many Christians live out their entire lives trying to live up to rules and regulations that only become burdensome--no joy, no love springing up in their souls. As we take on his yoke we are not weighed down with a heavy burden but become free to grow in characteristics that give us a good life for ourselves and for others. I John 5:3 says that “this is the love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome or (grievous).” He is telling them, “if you remain in my love to do what I ask you to do, then you are going to have joy--and your joy will be complete” and it will spill over to the other people around you.
3. What’s the Command?: Exactly what is it that he wants us to do? One thing--vs. 12 “Love each other as I have loved you.” He wanted to make sure they got the point because he repeated it again in verse 17--”Love each other.” He goes on to say, “No greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” You might say, “Well I am not going to die on a cross like Jesus did. What does this have to do with me today in the 21st century?
To be a real friend of someone we may be giving our life for them in other ways such as willingness to give our time, being able to put up with their idiosyncracies that absolutely drives us up the wall, to go out of our way to give of ourselves when we would rather do something else. Sacrificial love toward others may cost us something--time, money, patience. Sacrificial love may involve listening to the same old jokes over and over again. I Corinthians 13 says, “Love is patient, love is kind, does not envy, does not boast, not proud, not rude, not self seeking, not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. Do you allow small problems to get in the way of loving others? I think we do.
How did Jesus love his disciples? He put up with their unbelief, their foolish pride, with their slowness to understand. At times they were very exasperating. He gave his very life.
STORY: During the Vietnam war a rural village had been bombed and an orphanage run by missionaries had been hit. An 8 year old girl had multiple injuries and was bleeding profusely. A Navy doctor and nurse came but only had their medical kits. The girl was in critical condition and needed an immediate blood transfusion. Neither American had the right blood type, however, several of the uninjured childred did. The Navy doctor tried to communicate in some pidgin Vietnamese and the nurse in some French. They tried to explain that unless someone could replace some of the girl’s blood she was going to die. They asked if anyone would be willing to give some blood.
Wide-eyed silence met their request. After several moments of eye-searching, a little hand went up and dropped down and went back up again.
“Oh, thank you,” the nurse exclaimed. “What’s your name?”
“Heng,” the little boy replied.
During the procedure, Heng covered his face with his free hand and started to cry.
“Is it hurting, Heng?” asked the nurse.
He shook his head, “No.” But something was upsetting the boy.
Just then a Vietnamese Nurse arrived to help. She learned that the little boy thought he was dying. “He misunderstood and thought you had asked him to give all of his blood to save the little girl,” she said.
“But why would he be willing to do that?” the Navy nurse asked.
The Vietnamese nurse asked Heng why. He answered, “Because she is my friend.”
CONCLUSION: Today Jesus is opening up his friendship to us. He doesn’t call us servants. He lets us in on what is going on. He shares with us in this relationship. It is a mutual relationship. He chose us--he picked us by making the first move. “While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8). Now it’s up to us to make the next move--to accept his friendship and then to start being friends--to love one another.
1. He is our pattern--he shows us how to do it.
2. We remain in his love when we keep his commands or precepts.
3. His commands are not burdensome--love one another.
LET US PRAY:
