“Give ‘em a Brake”
Colossians 3:1-15
A news story out of St. Louis last year began…
"He was a loving father and loved his grandkids," Linda Heath never imagined Wednesday would mark the first time she referred to her husband of 31 years in the past tense.”
On April 26, 2006 Henry Heath was killed while directing traffic in a construction zone on Illinois Highway 162 east of St. Louis. He was struck by a trailer as a semi jackknifed trying to stop suddenly to avoid hitting pickup that had properly slowed for the work zone.
Henry’s daughter pleaded, "Pay attention to the speed limits. They are there for a reason… My kids don’t get to grow up with a grandpa because somebody wasn’t paying attention."
The National Work Zone Safety Information Clearinghouse reports that in 2004, three people died every day nationwide in work zone crashes. The Federal Highway Administration says over 40,000 people are injured yearly in work zone accidents. That’s 110 people injured daily.
What’s the problem? We’re in a hurry – we have schedules to keep. Or we’re in to multi-tasking, and as a result don’t pay attention. Or we’re just careless – what we want matters and we’re willing to take risks.
Work zone dangers & safety tips hold some valuable lessons about managing and maintaining good relationships.
In his letter to the Colossians, Paul helps us see that because of our old sinful nature we can be pretty self-centered. We’re good to others when they’re good to us. But let them get in our way, slow us down, make things hard for us or treat us carelessly…
Then it’s easy for our sinful nature’s response mechanisms to kick into auto-pilot and we get angry, get even, and take all kinds of risks.
But in Colossians 3 Paul offers valuable help for living in better relationships. He starts the chapter pointing to healing in three dimensions: upward, inward, outward
“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God’s right… Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things here on earth… put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you.” (Col 3:1-5, NLT)
When your relationship with God is transformed (that’s the upward dimensioin)…
You are transformed (the inward dimension).
And one result – your relationships are transformed (the outward dimension).
In a work zone, construction workers are very vulnerable and drivers can be careless. That’s why we’re reminded to “Give ‘em a Brake.”
We’re all vulnerable to being hurt when people are careless. For example, it today fifteen people are kind, friendly, and give you compliments, but one person is rude, what will you remember tomorrow?
All of us are vulnerable to pain caused by each other’s recklessness.
Paul’s practical teaching shows how we can protect each other. His principles apply to all relationships but you’ll notice at the end of chapter 3 and into chapter 4 he applies them specifically to wives and husbands, children and parents, workers and bosses.
I want to focus on verses 12-15 to see how we can give each other a break and protect one another from the harm we cause if we respond recklessly out of the sinful nature.
Let’s read in unison…
Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
And the most important piece of clothing you must wear is love. Love is what binds us all together in perfect harmony.
And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
Colossians 3:12-15, NLT)
I visited the IDOT website where I found six safe driving tips. They’re the obvious and practical ideas you’d expect, like slow down, don’t tailgate, stay alert, obey the signs & signals. I realized there are spiritual parallels in these that help us navigate relationships. Let’s look at a few.
A. Slow Down
Be Patient, Don’t Follow Too Closely
IDOT says, “Posted speed limits are not a suggestion – they are the law. The most common crash in a work zone is a rear-end collision. Make sure you can safely stop your vehicle.”
Most accidents occur when we’re going too fast or following too closely.
Likewise, we collide with each other because we’re in high gear. When something happens, we’re quick with a reckless response.
Here are three reasons we suffer relational wrecks:
I have a schedule and must hurry. You present an obstacle. Let me ask you, what’s the speed limit on Detroit Avenue south of Farm & Fleet? It’s 45 mph. About 3 of 4 people who drive that stretch seem to think it’s 30 or 35. God uses that drive at least once a day to teach me to slow down and be patient.
I have important goals. You’re in the way. For example, you may be a team leader at work or school responsible for the success of an important project. But you have an associate whose carelessness jeopardizes your success, perhaps your advancement.
I have values and I won’t tolerate your disrespect. There’s an old story about Abraham sitting outside his tent one evening. An old man came along, weary from his journey. Abraham invited him into the tent where he washed his feet and served him a meal. The old traveler began eating without offering a blessing. Abraham asked, “Don’t you worship God?” His guest said, “I worship fire only & reverence no other god.” Abraham became so incensed that he threw him out and sent him on his way again.
Later, God asked, “Where is the stranger is sent to you.” Abraham answered, “I forced him out because he does not worship you.” And God replied, “I have suffered him these eighty years though he dishonors me. Could you not endure him one night?”
“You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3:13, NLT)
But we say, “My anger is justified.” And God says, “So is mine.”
What does He do?
The word “forgive” comes from the same root as “grace” (charis). He extends forgiveness graciously though the offender is unworthy. He calls you and me to do same.
Your life is a work zone. Not where highways of concrete, steel and asphalt are under construction, but where people are. Are you speeding through, impatiently tailgating people who are getting in the way of your schedule, frustrating goals, disrespecting you or your values?
Be careful. It’s time to slow down and back off.
“My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight.” (James 1:19-20, NLT)
I like the story of a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary. She offered her secret to long and happy marriage: "On my wedding day, I decided to make a list of ten of my husband’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook."
One guest asked what some of them were.
"To tell you the truth, my dear, I never did get around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would say to myself, ’Lucky for him that’s one of the ten!’"
“My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”
B. Pay Attention
IDOT says, “Traffic patterns in work zones can change several times a day. Even drivers familiar with a particular road or work zone should watch for new lane closures & changing traffic patterns. Expect the unexpected.”
Sometimes because I’m familiar with my route, I turn my attention to other things: finding a different CD, changing radio stations, talking on my phone, or just daydreaming. As a result, I’m not always as alert as I should be.
When we aren’t paying attention we may not notice: traffic ahead has come to a stop, the lane change sign that wasn’t there yesterday, the backhoe coming across the road, or the flagger trying to get us to slow down.
Life is like that. We’re experienced drivers. Most of what I’ll do today, I did yesterday. Most of what I’ll think today, I thought about yesterday. It’s all familiar territory and I’m used to moving through my days on cruise control. So it’s easy to miss unexpected lane changes and stop signs that weren’t there yesterday.
That’s when some nasty relational collisions happen.
Am I ready to respond well when people do the unexpected?
They do that – the unexpected.
• Your wife went shopping for shoes and comes home with bags of “deals”. You know the electric bill will have to be late.
• Your husband heads out with his buddy for the day and arrives home on his new toy – a real sweet Harley.
• Your 21-yr-old son walks in with his girlfriend and announces, “Mom, Dad. We eloped. We’re married.” (No that hasn’t happened to us – yet)
• Your 16-yr-old daughter calls and says, “Dad, I just totaled your car.” (Yes, that has happened)
• A key employee tells you, “I’ve taken another job. I’ll be here to the end of the week.”
• Your boss invites you to her office to say, “We have to let you go.”
People do the unexpected. Suddenly the familiar roadway isn’t so familiar any more. How do you respond?
I have to switch metaphors here because Paul’s help in such times comes from the world of fashion. “Since God chose you to be the holy people whom he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” Colossians 3:12, NLT)
Have you ever been caught in the wrong clothes? I was once pretty embarrassed when I showed up at a wedding that I thought was casual. It wasn’t. How about when you tell yourself, “I don’t want to take the time to change. I’ll just make this quick stop at the store in my grungy sweats. Nobody I know will see me.” They do. I’ll bet we’d have some real fun if I give you the opportunity to tell some of your stories. I won’t.
Paul urges us to be prepared for the day by being properly clothed.
Put on a heart of compassion. That’s a deep sensitivity to other people’s needs, pains or sorrows that result in acting for their comfort and help.
Be clothed in kindness. That is, sincerely desire the other’s well-being. And Jesus told us to express kindness, not just to those who’ve been kind to us, but to the ungrateful and unkind. In doing so, we identify ourselves as children of the Most High.
Be sure to dress in humility. It’s the opposite of arrogance. If I can learn to see myself as an undeserving recipient of God’s mercy and acknowledge that I have no rights to assert, I can be patient with others and so much less demanding.
Also put on gentleness. The word is “meekness”. That’s not weakness, it’s strength under control. When I was working in dairy farm construction, our crew put in a comfort-stall barn for an Amish family in Indiana. There were children all over the place ranging in age from older teens to toddlers. I especially enjoyed 5-yr-old Levi.
They farmed with horses – the big Belgians – huge and powerful. Little Levi could walk upright under those horses and not bump his head on their bellies. One day a team of Belgians was standing in the barnyard strapped to a hitching bar lying on the ground behind them. That bar could be hitched to wagons or other equipment to be pulled by the team. Levi’s father told him his brothers need the team in the field. So that little guy picked up the reins, stepped onto the bar, and shouted a command at the horses. They obeyed his command and he drove them off, riding on the hitch. That’s power under control.
We like to be powerful. But apparently God wants us to show real power by our gentleness.
You’re used to driving the same route every day in many of your relationships. Get used to responding with these Christ-like virtues when people hit you with the unexpected.
These are not ways in which most of us naturally respond. But we can when we stay alert and form these new relational habits of mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
C. Follow the Signs
Sometimes I get pretty annoyed when I’m cruising down the highway and come upon a sign that says, “Construction Zone Next 5 miles.”
When you see the merge signs and flaggers, do you ever feel like they were put there just to frustrate you?
IDOT says, “Signs, arrowboards and flaggers are not there to make your life more difficult. They’re there to help guide you safely and efficiently through the work zone.”
We have to look at those signs as being there to let us know a safe speed, where and when to merge, when to stop and what to be alert for so we can get safely to our destination.
God has given us signs, arrowboards & flaggers. They come in the form of Scripture, teachers and preachers, and of course His Spirit.
Many people feel and act as if these are placed along the roadway of life to make things more difficult for them or to curtail their freedom. But that’s just wrong. God posts the signs to help us navigate safely and get to our destination.
In Colossians 3, Paul set up some big arrowboards to help us navigate our relationships. “Over all these virtues [from vs. 12 - mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience] put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” (Colossians 3:14, NIV)
Love is not one more virtue to add to the list. It is the bond that knits these virtues together and gives complete harmony. Without it, the other virtues are only obligations.
Another arrowboard stands in verse 15: “Let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are all called to live in peace.” (Colossians 3:15, NLT)
It seems to me Paul is speaking of both kinds of peace: the inner condition of harmony that reigns when our conflict with God is resolved, and the outward harmony we enjoy in relationships.
An important theme in Colossians is the two natures at war in us - sinful vs. sanctified; Spirit vs. flesh. When people become obstacles that frustrate our goals or disrespect what we value, we naturally tend to respond from that sinful nature with angry outbursts, inner rage and the desire for revenge.
When we find ourselves responding from the sinful nature, peace is the umpire. That’s what it means when Paul wrote, “Let the peace of Christ rule…” Peace plays the same role in us that the officials played in the ancient games; the same purposed served by the guys in the striped shirts on our fields and courts.
When we respond from the sinful nature, peace is the umpire. It whistles a foul. It flags a penalty. Or it gives us a warning that there will be consequences if we don’t play within the rules and with proper sportsmanship.
Sometimes we need the referee to stop the action. Remember? Slow down. Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry.
Maybe it will help to get back to our driving metaphor. If I’m ignoring the signs, going too fast, tailgating and cutting people off, there’s a good chance I’ll be pulled over by an “officer of the peace.” He stops me and helps me remember to do the right thing, so I’ll navigate safely to my destination, and so others will get home safely too.
In Christ we are to be governed internally by peace and to let peace govern outwardly our relationships with others. That happens when we follow the directional signs God positions along our way.
