LIFE IS AN ATTITUDE – PICK A GOOD ONE
The Not So Silent Killer
Sunday February 18, 2007
Scripture Reference: Romans 12:2, Numbers 12:1-12
Intro.
A. According to recent estimates, nearly one in three U.S. adults has high blood pressure, but because there are no symptoms, nearly one third of these people don’t know they have it. In fact, many people have high blood pressure for years without knowing it. Uncontrolled high blood pressure can lead to stroke, heart attack, heart failure or kidney failure. This is why high blood pressure is often called the “Silent Killer”.
1. This is a lot more on the lighter side but as I was thinking about silent killers I couldn’t help but think of this Christian comedian named Ken Davis. He does a routine where he talks about people being scared of mice and how easy it is to detect a mouse when they are around but what about spiders? You certainly don’t hear a spider when he is crawling up on you.
B. Today we are at the half way point in this sermons series. So far we have looked at two negative attitudes, complaining and coveting. We have also looked at the two attitudes that need to replace these negative attitudes and those attitudes are Thankfulness and Contentment. Today we are going to explore the third of five bad attitudes and the one we are considering today is anything but a silent killer. It may not be loud, but the reason it is a killer is because it can’t keep quiet.
1. When we talked about coveting I told you that I felt that attitude had caused much ruin in the lives of people in our churches. The attitude we are looking at today has done even more damage. This attitude has not only destroyed people in our churches it has destroyed the churches as well. What is so sad about the effects of this attitude is that many of the churches that it has destroyed are still standing. It’s not as through the doors have been closed for business, in fact in most of these churches the doors are still open, but the life is gone. It is as it was said in 1 Samuel 4:21 NLT She named the child Ichabod (which means “Where is the glory?”), for she said, “Israel’s glory is gone.” The lights are on, worship services and Sunday School still takes place. People still show up but the glory of God is gone.
2. What is it that can cause such devastation in the life of God’s precious churches? One word, CRITICISM. All that churches should be and could be has been taken away from them and many times the single cause is criticism. Needless to say I feel that we are about to embark into a very, very serious subject. One that requires our hearts to be completely open and honest before God so before we go a step further I want us to go before the Lord in prayer and ask for Him to guide us through these troubled waters. (Pray)
Trans. Now let’s do what we have done in every one of these messages and define what this attitude is that we are looking at. Now we might think we already know what criticism is but I challenge all of us to take a closer look because I believe that just as I shared in the attitude of complaining not all critical comments qualify as criticism. So let’s make it clear.
I. CRITICISM – LET’S MAKE IT CLEAR.
Let me give you a one sentence definition of criticism and then I will break it down to explain what I mean. “Criticism is dwelling on the perceived faults of another with no view to their good.” OK so what does this mean? Well let’s look more closely at my definition. First of all:
A. Criticism is negative talk about perceived faults.
1. Let me remind you of something I said in the first message of this series. In that message I said that the difference between complaining and criticism was that complaining dealt with circumstances and situations where as criticism deals with people. The first key in understanding what it means to have a critical attitude is that we are dwelling on “perceived” faults in others. We will deal with this a little more thoroughly later on but how many times have we made judgments about people only to discover that what we perceived to be true about these people was not true?
2. (**I won’t use this is Kevin is here this Sunday) [] Some of you who were here then remember that a year or so we had a guy named Kevin who was coming to our church. Many of you see him around town on his three wheeled bike. I had seen Kevin around town for years and always thought he was mentally retarded, but when he began to come here I discovered that he had a very severe motorcycle accident that impaired his motor skills and made him appeal retarded. Now granted Kevin did have some other issues in his life but what I perceived to be true about him was actually false. If we are being critical of what we perceive to be a fault in someone but haven’t taken the time to find out if our perceptions are true we are guilty of this attitude.
B. Criticism Is Dwelling On These Perceived Faults.
1. This is a very important point in our definition because if making a critical comment about someone leaves us guilty of this attitude of criticism then we might as well all surrender now because we are all guilty. This is why I said it is very important for us to understand this definition.
2. How many of you know that some people are pretty natural about giving positive and encouraging comments to others? They just seem to find the rose no matter how many thorns there are, but there are others of us who are a little more analytical and we tend to see the black spots. [] The Seinfeld episode with the sweater. We see the one thing that still isn’t quite right. Now both of these people are necessary and important, but for the person who is a little more critical we need to be careful that we do not spend our time dwelling on the things we perceive are wrong with others. [] Let me give you an example of what I am talking about. Today I am wearing ______________. You may not like what I am wearing you may think I need to wear a suit and tie. Are you going to spend this entire worship service focused and dwelling on what you perceive to be a fault with me? How likely are you hear what God is trying to say to you today if your focus is on how I am dressed and not on God’s word?
3. [] When Sue and I were in Fresno a few weeks ago I was reminded of a man who used to attend my church when I first came there. One Sunday I preached a message about the woman caught in adultery. The whole focus of my message was on the mercy of God. Later that week I got a letter from this man. Now I remember struggling with that sermon. I felt like I just was not getting my point across even though I had fully prepared. Well this gentleman wrote me a letter and scolded me for my message. He told me he felt I did not fully prepare and wasn’t ready to preach. He missed the whole point of my sermon which was about the mercy of God. He failed in a big way to show me any of the mercy I spoke of. He “perceived” that I wasn’t prepared but he never bothered to ask me if I was or what I felt. He dwelt on what he perceived to be wrong with my message and missed the whole point of the message.
C. Criticism Is Negative Talk Without Offering to Help.
1. Anybody can criticize; it doesn’t take a lot of skill or practice. The problem with most criticism is that there is usually very little help or encouragement for the one who is being criticized. At that time (when this man sent me the letter) I did not have a group of prayer partners. It would have been great if this guy would have called me and said something like, “I could tell you were really struggling Sunday with your sermon. What was it you were feeling, was I correct?” Then after allowed me to share what happened he could have helped me by saying, “I want to pray for you each week as you prepare.” “Why don’t you tell me what you are going to be preaching about or the scripture you will be using and I will hold you up before the Lord.” That would have been helpful but the letter tore me up inside. I had already felt that I missed the mark. Thankfully though I got a water colored painting from a lady in the church that next week as well. She painted a picture of the woman caught in adultery and I still have it. (Show the painting) Apparently she found something in the sermon that this other guy missed.
Trans. Well I have spent a lot more time here on defining criticism than I wanted to so let’s jump into the meat of our discussion. Let me give you what I am calling six clear truths about criticism and we will be looking through these verses I read to you today so I hope you still have your bibles open.
II. SIX CLEAR TRUTHS ABOUT CRITICISM.
First of all at the risk of sound completely obvious.
A. Criticism Is Wrong.
1. Now to avoid putting yourself on a guilt trip you need to be sure that you have the definition of criticism clearly in your mind. We are not guilty of having a critical attitude because we said something negative about another person, but is this a pattern with us? Is our criticism about something that is really wrong or just what we think is wrong? Are we fixated on this fault, are we always talking about this? Now let me tell you why a critical attitude is simply wrong.
1. It is wrong because it hurts our relationship with God. Look at what is said by Aaron in V.11 (read). What did Aaron say that he and Miriam did? They sinned! It wasn’t a slip of the tongue or a mistake. It was sin a willful disobedience to God. I have never met a person with a critical attitude that I found to have a close intimate relationship with God. How can you, you don’t have time to think about God and His goodness because you are fixated on this person and what you perceive to be all of their faults. What did Paul tell us in Philippians 4:8 NLT And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise
2. It’s wrong because it also hurts us. What has having a critical attitude ever done to help any one? What has it ever done to make your life better? You know some people seem to feel that God’s commands and instructions to us are designed to squeeze all the enjoyment out of life, but how misguided this thinking is. Everything that God has ever said that we should not do has always been so that we will not end up hurting ourselves. God asks us to choose life not death and criticism is deadly.
3. It is wrong because it hurts our relationship with others. How many of you like to be around critical people? Probably not many of you. Most of us would rather have a root canal than spend time with a person how has a negative attitude. You always seem to walk away from these people drained and in despair.
Trans. Here is truth number two.
B. Criticism Focuses on The Petty.
1. Look at V.1 (read). If you know your bible history you know that when Moses fled to Midian he married a woman named Zipporah. It seems from what most scholars can glean that Zipporah had passed away and so Moses was marrying another woman. Now she was a Cushite which means she was a descendent of Ham who was one of Noah’s sons. According to the law God had given Moses she would have been a perfectly fine woman to marry. The Israelites were only instructed not to marry the Canaanite women which they later did and got into all kinds of trouble. Now why were Miriam and Aaron so upset over Moses marrying this woman? Well when you look a little closer you find it really wasn’t this woman at all who was the problem because look at what Miriam and Aaron said inV.2 (read).
2. Have you ever noticed that so many times the criticisms that are leveled at us are on the surface very petty issues? They are issues of little consequence. Moses marrying this woman would have been of little consequence to Miriam or Aaron. What we do soon find out though is that behind most petty criticisms is a much deeper heart issue. [] Over my 21 years in ministry I have watched people leave the churches I have pastored. The reasons they say they were leaving for seemed petty to me, but in many cases I discovered after they had gone that there were some much larger issues going on in their lives and the facts are they didn’t want those things exposed.
3. Often time’s people will use criticism to cover personal failures. They will use it to cover unforgiveness or bitterness or resentment. As we see in this particular instance petty criticism was used to try and cover an attitude of envy and jealous. Look again at V.2 (read). The real issue for Miriam and Aaron was that they didn’t think they were getting all the attention they should have. Remember, both Miriam and Aaron were Moses’ older siblings. Now here is Moses in this tremendous place of leadership and they are just the associates. Miriam was probably thinking, “Hey if it wasn’t for me Moses wouldn’t even be alive.” “I was the one who was there when Pharaoh’s daughter plucked him out of the river.” “I was the one who got him taken to our mother so she could care for him.” Then there was Aaron, he probably was thinking something like this. “Why is Moses getting all the press?” “I am the one who is doing all the talking.” “It was Moses himself who said he wasn’t capable of handling this leadership role.” “Why should he be the one making all the decisions?”
4. If you find yourself being critical of others you might want to ask yourself why this is. Are you criticisms valid or are they merely a cover for a deeper issue in your heart?
C. Criticism Falsely Inflates Our Selves.
1. Oswald Chambers the man who wrote the devotional book many of you are using this year said, “Beware of anything that puts you in the place of the superior person.” What criticism tries to do is get the focus off of me and my faults and on to you and your faults. What criticism literally says it, “I am superior to you.” Now what I feel I need to do here again is caution against false guilt. We are not being critical when we say something negative about something that is really wrong. I am well aware that I have faults, you are probably aware of some as well, but do you spend your time dwelling on my faults? Do you have roast Preacher for lunch on Sundays? You might laugh but sadly this happens frequently in churches. I know because often times I hear about it later from someone who was present.
2. [] Have you ever been pulled over at night by the police and noticed that they shine their spotlight in your mirror? They do that because they want you somewhat blinded to their actions. You may have a gun you want to use on them but if you are not sure where they are you are at the disadvantage. The same principle holds true in criticism. If think that if we shine the light of others faults in someone’s face then they won’t see our faults.
D. Criticism Is Painful.
1. Sometimes maybe often times when we are guilty of having a critical attitude we are hurting the ones closest to us. This what Miriam and Aaron did. Moses was their little brother, he was family and yet they chose to try and cut down their own kin. It also happens this way in the church. These relationships that ought to be protected and cherished more than any others are all too often the ones that are taken advantage of the most. Aren’t we told by Jesus to love each other as we love ourselves? Maybe we don’t love ourselves as we should?
2. Criticism will also render good people ineffective. People who have gifts and talents that have the potential to accomplish great things for God are often rendered ineffective because of criticism. I don’t know why it is but I know as well as you do that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The fact is that this person who is guilty of having a critical attitude is someone that really does not deserve our time and attention but we know don’t we that they usually get more of our time and attention than the ones who praise and encourage us. I said at the beginning of this message that I believe there are many churches that have been rendered ineffective and I believe that many times it happens because of criticism. Pastor’s are leaving the ministry these days in alarming numbers and I can tell you why many of them are leaving. It is because of critical attitudes. It’s not because someone once in a while had a criticism to offer it is because pastors were bombarded with criticism and it seemed that there was nothing they could do that was right. [] I left the ministry for seven months in 1994 because so much criticism was leveled at me that I felt I could no longer pastor a group of people. My trip to Fresno a few weeks back went a long way to heal me. I enjoyed so much hearing from some of the people in my last church that the ranks of the critical were much fewer than I was led to believe.
3. Here is advice I really need and probably some of you need it too. Center your attention on what God thinks of you not what others think of you. This is not to say that what others think is totally invalid, but listen. Not all the criticism we receive is valid and neither is all the praise we might receive. Let me use Paul’s words again in Romans 12:3 NLT Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Theodore Roosevelt had some meaningful words to say about this. Let me share them with you. “It’s not the critic that counts, not the one who points out how the strong man stumbles or how the doer of deeds might have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory of defeat.”
Trans. I need to be brief in these last two truths.
E. Criticism Can Sometimes Be Just A Stumble.
1. Look at V. 11 (read). Sometimes a critical attitude can be a stumble and not a sign that a person has gone totally downhill. Remember that man I mentioned earlier who was critical of my sermon? Well after getting his letter I shot off one to him. It was kind but it was direct. I told him that he missed the whole point of my sermon. I told him I agree that to me the message didn’t come out as I wanted it to but that it hurt me deeply that he chose the method he did to communicate with me. That Saturday I got a phone call from him and he asked if he could come and see me. He came to my office that day and with tears in his eyes he apologized for his words and told me he wanted to be an encourager to me. He stumbled but he didn’t fall.
2. Just because I stumble and fall sometimes doesn’t mean I no longer know how to walk so I go out and buy a wheel chair. I just need to be more careful so that I don’t’ stumble again. Sometime I just need to pick my feet up instead of dragging them.
F. Criticism Will Stop The Flow Of God’s Blessing.
1. Mike Bayer keeps asking me to preach a sermon called “The Big Little Word”. He wants to me to preach a sermon on the word “If” because the bible is full if “ifs”. God wants to do so many things for us but He is hindered and limited because we are choosing not to do what will release those blessings. If we chose to keep a critical attitude then we are also choosing to cut off the flow of God’s blessing in out lives.
2. I have seen this happen over and over again where people get upset and leave a church and then move to another one they think is better. Usually if they are Nazarene’s they will pick out the closest Nazarene church. The problem with many of these people is that they never dealt with that heart issue I spoke of before. They thought that a change of scenery would change their attitudes but it didn’t and I have witnessed in those churches where pastors had a nervous breakdown because of all the complaining and critical attitudes that filled those churches. Remember, no matter where you go, there you are. You may need to leave that church but will you be open and honest with the pastor or leader you are upset with before you leave? If not you will take those same bitter and critical attitudes to the next church.
LIFE APPLICATION:
A. Well I have spent a long time on this attitude but I believe it is a very important attitude for us to know about and beware of. All of us need to understand that criticism will come to us. If you or I think we will be able to avoid all criticism we are very wrong, and the fact is there is some criticism we need. What you and I have to be careful of is that we don’t catch the disease. I think that criticism is an infectious disease. If you hang around critical people you will eventually become a critical person. So be careful of the company you keep.
B. The best way to deflect criticism is to hand it over to God. 1 Peter 5:8 CEV says, All of you young people should obey your elders. In fact, everyone should be humble toward everyone else. The Scriptures say, "God opposes proud people, but he helps everyone who is humble." 6 Be humble in the presence of God’s mighty power, and he will honor you when the time comes. 7 God cares for you, so turn all your worries over to him.
1. [] I had a pastor friend who gave me an illustration one time that I think might be helpful here. He said that all of us carry two buckets, one is filled with water and one is filled with gasoline. What you and I chose to do with those two buckets will make all the difference in the world. [] I have told this story numerous times but back over 12 years ago when this church and school were going through tremendous turmoil there was a meeting here in this sanctuary one night. I will never forget the parent who stood up and said, “What are we supposed to do about all this gossip that is going on?” My response although admittedly was not necessarily tactful was, “Shut Up”. If you refuse to join in with the gossip the gossip will soon stop because it needs oxygen to keep going. We can stop criticism by refusing to listen to it. It is not fun to sit in a room by yourself and criticize others, you really need an audience.
