Healing an Old Wound
Ephesians 4:30-32
Studies show that doing this is not only good theology but also good medicine. Latest medical and psychological research says doing this is good for our souls and good for our bodies. People who do this benefit from . . .
• better immune system functioning
• lower blood pressure
• better mental health
• better physical health
• lower amounts of anger
• few symptoms of anxiety and depression
• more satisfying and long-lasting relationships
Ephesians 4:30-32
30 And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he is the one who has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption.
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior.
32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
It is easier to allow wounds to remain than to allow them to heal. Healing process is tougher initially, but in the long run, much better for us.
You say, “What’s the big deal about leaving an emotional wound unhealed?”
v.30 brings sorrow to the H.S.
A man who owed an overwhelming debt. Finally, he stands before the master to whom he is indebted & says, "I can’t pay the debt. I don’t have the money." The master takes the note & stamps it "Paid in full." Then he hands it to him & says, "Here, it is forgiven. You don’t owe me any more."
And that is exactly what God does. In His kindness he reaches down, takes our overwhelming debt & erases it. He takes it all away.
But you remember the rest of the story, don’t you? This same man then went out into the street & met someone who owed him a much lesser amount. He grabbed him by the neck & said, "Pay me now, or else!"
Too often we behave just like that, don’t we? Yet, Paul says, "Forgive one another because you have been forgiven by Christ."
Imagine how this makes God feel
v.30 b/c He has identified you as His own and guaranteed your salvation
You are God’s and what you do reflects on Him.
Is there someone you need to speak with to heal an old wound?
For Christ’s sake, heal the wound now.
You say, “How does one go about healing an old wound?”
v.31 get rid of what’s causing the wound to remain
Bitterness- bitterness is like a root; you can’t see it, but you can see its effects.
Rage- anger forthwith boiling up and soon subsiding again (like the effects of wine on a drunk).
Anger-root word is “desiring and stretching out for something.”
Harsh words-image is that of crying out like a raven
Slander- “Blasphemia”; speaking evil of someone
Malicious behavior-kakos: desire to injure.
You say, “How do I get rid of these? That seems impossible.”
Action Plan
v.32
*Be kind
Opposite of bitter is sweetness
Kindness is love with its work clothes on.
Not an emotion; it’s a choice.
Kindness is something that can eventually lead to forgiveness. Here is an example:
J. R. Packard wrote a short story entitled, "The Trouble Is." In that story there is one very moving scene.
A riot is in progress with blacks & whites fighting each other. The mother of the little black boy who is telling this story has been hurt. Her family has just gone down & picked her up off the ground & carried her upstairs & placed her in bed.
Now, the little black boy is standing by the window with his grandmother watching what is going on below. As they watch the fighting they notice a white boy running away from a group of blacks. It seems that he’ll get away until he makes a fatal mistake. He turns down their alley, not knowing that it is a dead end. Too late, he realizes his mistake & he turns with a look of horror on his face towards the black youths who are coming after him.
As the little boy watches, he sees a door open below & his grandmother standing there beckoning the white boy to escape through the open door. The little boy says, "At first I was glad because my grandmother had opened the door so the white boy could escape. Then I remembered my mother bleeding & suffering on the bed, & that white people had done that to her. Then I was angry at my grandmother for opening the door."
He goes on, "The trouble is that when people hate each other, that the people who are the objects of the hate want to hate the people who hate them, & hurt the people who hurt them, & insult the people who insult them. Soon we find ourselves in a vicious cycle of hating, hurting, & insulting. And nobody opens the door. So we just keep on hurting & hating & insulting."
Will you be kind and allow kindness to soften your heart.
Open the door to forgiveness by being kind.
*Soften your heart
When you do kind things for other people, your heart will begin to soften toward them.
Once your heart is soft toward another person, you will be able to go to the next step which is to . . .
*Forgive
Difficulty of letting things go . . .
ILLUSTRATION… Dr. Anthony T. Evans, Guiding Your Family in a Misguided World.
One day, two monks were walking through the countryside. They were on their way to another village to help bring in the crops. As they walked, they spied an old woman sitting at the edge of a river. She was upset because there was no bridge, and she could not get across on her own. The first monk kindly offered, "We will carry you across if you would like." "Thank you," she said gratefully, accepting their help. So the two men joined hands, lifted her between them and carried her across the river. When they got to the other side, they set her down, and she went on her way.
After they had walked another mile or so, the second monk began to complain. "Look at my clothes," he said. "They are filthy from carrying that woman across the river. And my back still hurts from lifting her. I can feel it getting stiff." The first monk just smiled and nodded his head.
A few more miles up the road, the second monk griped again, "My back is hurting me so badly, and it is all because we had to carry that silly woman across the river! I cannot go any farther because of the pain."
The first monk looked down at his partner, now lying on the ground, moaning. "Have you wondered why I am not complaining?" he asked. "Your back hurts because you are still carrying the woman. But I set her down five miles ago."
I wonder how many of us are still carrying the burden of bitterness.
Truth in Reconciliation Conference-It is clear that forgiveness, reconciliation, are quite central to that process. And justice is an element of it as well. But forgiveness ultimately is to say you give people the chance to change. You open a door for someone to move from a dark past to a new and enlightened present and future.
Are you giving people a chance to change?
Truth in Reconciliation Conference -When people forgive or say they are willing to forgive, it is at very great cost. We need to keep being reminded that it is a costly thing to forgive.
Have you learned the cost of forgiveness?
How can I be kind, soften my heart and forgive others? This doesn’t seem to work in the real world.
As God has forgiven you.
There is NO OTHER WAY for you to do this on your own. It is supernatural.
Forgiveness is to release, to let go, relinquish, get rid of sin—ours and those we’ve been victimized by.
We can only do that with our eyes on our Father.
Dr. Lewis Smedes, wrote about what forgiveness is not.
• When you forgive a person, this does not mean you are immediately healed.
• When you forgive a person, this does not mean you are going to be buddy/buddy.
• When we forgive a person, this does not mean we surrender the right to restitution or justice when appropriate.
• When we forgive a person, this does not mean that we trust them, yet.
• When we forgive a person, we are not avoiding pain, we are opening the door to healing.
• When we forgive, we take the journey at the pace we are able to handle...the deeper the hurt, the longer the journey.
SOURCE: Smedes, Lewis B. The Art of Forgiveness. (Random House, Inc. New York, 1996), pg. 177-178
Like the monk with the good attitude, I pray that you will let go of whatever is keeping you from fellowship with another believer or another person.
Let’s learn to forgive the way the Truth in Reconciliation Conference people did, the way that our FATHER does . . .
Pastor Vinnie Cappetta, PhD
Crossroads Community Church
Framingham MA
crosscommchurch.org
