Theme: Family Busters
Purpose: Crushing the criticism that divides the family
We have all heard, “If you can’t say something good about somebody, don’t say anything at all.” Yet, why do we find it so hard to live up to that old saying? James had his own ideas on the cause of a critical spirit. When he talked to a group of believers who were bickering, fighting and quarreling among themselves and being critical with one another, he said that it was a philosophy of life that is characteristic of the unregenerate mind and that it is a major ingredient of worldliness.
Instead of a climate of peace necessary for the production of righteousness, James’ readers were living in an atmosphere that was anything but peaceful. And he boldly comes out and tells them, “I want you to stop it.” In this chapter, he was trying to jar them loose from their selfish way of life that was causing them to find something wrong with everybody and everything.
Most of the time we don’t even see the seriousness of a critical spirit until it has taken a toll on our spiritual lives and robbed us of our peace. We begin to realize that something is completely out of whack in our lives, but we can’t always put a finger on what it is. Different things may lead to a critical spirit. It may be caused by external things around us or it may come from internal thoughts and motives. James’ readers had fallen into the habit of criticizing one another and in verse 11 James says, “Stop speaking against one another.” He crushes any right his readers may have claimed to sit in judgment over others. He rules out the harsh, unkind critical spirit that continually finds fault with others.
A pastor was invited to dinner. During the meal he was astonished to hear the younger daughter state that a person must be very brave to go to church these days. “Why do you say that?” asked the bishop.
“Because,” she answered, “I heard Dad tell Mom last Sunday that there was a big shot in the pulpit, the choir murdered the anthem, and the organist drowned everybody!”
Not only does James speak of the destructiveness of a critical spirit but in Matthew 7:1-5 Jesus said to avoid it. Luke 6:37 says, “do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. verse 38 says for “with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Paul in Galatians 5:14, 15 says, “Love your neighbor as yourself. If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out for you will be destroyed by each other.”
The main point here is that conflicts and disputes among Christians are always harmful and that we somehow fall into the trap so easily that we don’t realize what is happening. Criticism and a critical spirit will destroy the family of God—the marriage, the relationships with our kids and within the congregation.
STORY: A husband and wife were leaving the office of a marriage counselor. The husband turned to his wife as they walked to the car:
“Well, did what the counselor say about being considerate and not criticizing me finally get through your thick skull?”
I don’t think that it did!!!
James gives us a ten-point way out when we find that a critical sprit has crept into our lives. It is not so important to analyze the cause but to come up with the solution. James is a book that is very practical.
He says first of all that a critical spirit originates out of our own selfishness--wanting to have our own way so much that we will fight to get it. He tells his readers, “This is the way the world thinks--not the way God thinks.” His first point in overcoming a critical spirit is:
1. Submit to God: Submitting to what God’s will was for them was the first step toward resolving the problem. It was the first step toward receiving the grace they needed to overcome the problem. Through saying “OK, God, I will go your way, it brought about the grace or unmerited favor of God that they could quit insisting on their own way and begin to see things in an entirely different light. The Message Bible says, “So let God work His will in you.” By submitting to God--saying OK to what He wants for you, you will be able to see an atmosphere of peace being restored through His grace operating in your life. Proverbs 3:34 says, “he gives grace to the humble”--the quality that helps to overcome the things that pull us down. Submission to God’s will leads to OBEDIENCE. It is not obedience but LEADS TO IT.
2. Resist the Devil: Submission to God is what the devil tries to hinder. He would prefer that we justify our critical actions and statements toward others by saying, “I had A RIGHT to say that.” Matthew Henry says, “Resolution shuts and bolts the door against temptation to be critical.” I RESOLVE to resist the devil and his suggestions.
How do you do this? The Message Bible clarifies this by saying, “Yell a loud NO to the devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet YES to God and he’ll be there in no time.”
Most of us don’t say a firm NO on questionable things. We say, “Oh, it won’t hurt.” Spiritual unfaithfulness was the result of the devil’s influence. The people in James’ day had drifted so far away from God that they didn’t even realize it. I think that is what happens to us when we don’t make God a priority in our life. When he neglect him on a daily basis, in the little decisions of our life.
3. Draw Near to God: The third way out of a critical spirit was another invitation to draw near to God. It was a response to what God had already done for them. The first step in man’s salvation was taken by God. To DRAW NEAR to God is itself a response to that prior call. Setting their hearts on having their own way, James’ readers have drifted away from God. Have you ever drifted away little by little making other priorities more important? Come near to God and He will come near to you. In Luke 15:20 the prodigal son “got up and went to his father.” Just the same, God is waiting on our response. The heart that was distant must now become re-acquainted with Him.
These three things seem to be the approach toward God.
Then James comes up with an assignment. He says these require an immediate response. Not a MAYBE SOMEDAY if I GET AROUND TO IT>
STORY: The preschoolers were reciting their memory verse for the week. “Call unto me and I will answer.”
Jill was trying very hard to remember the verse she had been taught. She twisted and turned as she cautiously recited, “Call unto me...” she paused and then hurriedly finished. “...and I will call you right back!”
Too often we say, “I’ll get back to you later.”
4. Wash your hands you sinners
5. Purify your hearts...
These two are a call for repentance--a change of direction. He calls them SINNERS because of the extent of their involvement in worldly attitudes and actions. They were making SIN A HABIT rather than it being an exception to the rule.
Washing your hands symbolizes the OUTWARD actions. He is saying, “Clean up your act.” The Message Bible says, “Quit Dabbling in Sin.” If you are still doing these things, then quit. Change directions. Clean up your conduct.
Along with that he is saying and clean up your INNER thoughts and motives toward others. Purify your hearts as well. That’s the transformed mind that we talked about last week.
These two things must go together as a package. Psalm 24:4 says, “He who has clean hands and a pure heart--he will receive blessing from the Lord.”
The next four are an emphasis on the SERIOUSNESS OF INTENT:
6. Grieve: repent in misery--be truly sorry for your sins.
7. Mourn: is a passionate grief that cannot be hidden. People will know that you really mean business.
8. Wail: change the laughter into a wail
9. Gloom: joy to gloom
These all indicate the stages of all -out-repentance.
STORY: A man was irritated by his wife’s refusal to admit her hearing problem. Speaking with his doctor one day he asked, “How can I get my wife to admit that she needs a hearing aid?”
“I’ll tell you what you need to do,” his doctor replied. When you get home peek your head through the door and ask, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
“If she doesn’t answer, go into the living room and say, “Honey, what’s for dinner,”
Then walk into the kitchen and ask, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” “If she still doesn’t answer walk right up behind her and say, “Honey, what’s for dinner? Then you will be able to convince her that she needs a hearing aid.
“Great! I think that will work.”
So he repeats the question as he goes through the house. No answer any of the times.
Then he walked right up behind his wife and spoke directly into her ear. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
She turned around in a huff and resolutely replied, “For the fourth time, I said WE WERE HAVING SPAGHETTI!!!”
The Message Bible clarifies this a little more by saying,
Hit bottom and cry your eyes out
The fun and games are over
Get serious, really serious
Get down on your knees before the Master. It is the only way you’ll get on your feet.
The tenth one of James’ instructions brings with it a promise of successfully overcoming a critical spirit.
10. Humble yourself before the Lord and he will lift you up. This process will get you back on your feet again. It will restore peace to your life once again. Getting over a habit of being critical is not an overnight happening. It is usually a process that takes time and a serious change of attitude.
Do you build people up or tear people down? When you are ready to criticize someone remember God’s law of love and say something good instead. Remember Grandma’s Motto “If you can’t say something good about someone, don’t say anything at all.”
Saying something beneficial will help cure you of fault finding and increase your ability to obey God’s law of love. When we criticize and condemn each other, we are criticizing and condemning God’s law as well as causing a loss of peace for ourselves. I think Grandma’s rule was a good one. So are James’ 10 rules for overcoming a critical spirit.
