Reviewing A Few Foundational Truths
Predatory relationships do not work.
We live in a society that teaches us that we need to go after what we want. Pursue the thing that we think will fill us.
But the bible disagrees with this.
James 1:14-15 But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desires. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death.
Remember that we do not know what we really need. And If we grew up in a dysfunctional family we especially do not know what we need.
Pursuing a relationship with another person to have them complete you, fill you or, meet your needs is based in selfish desire and will ultimately destroy the relationship if the pattern is not broken. It is predatory demanding of the other. It has nothing to give only to take. It will drain the mate, exhaust the mate and the mate will be slowly destroyed by the constant demand of the predator. After the mate dies from the predator the predator will move on to it’s next victim leaving a destroyed and unable to be of worth to another. It is emotional murder to approach a relationship like this. One must find his or her needs met in the never ending source of Jesus Christ. Who never runs dry and can fill us.
The Only Love worth pursuing is God Because God Is Love.
Without God’s Love you have nothing of value to offer anyone else.
Anything you have to give is counterfeit and its days are numbered.
Unselfish love is the "glue" that holds families together. In marriage we must subdue our own egos and selfish pride for the sake of the family. The Apostle Paul states it eloquently in this passage from First Corinthians:
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (NAS, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
AO-TIGER spells disaster.
(Anything other than involving God every relationship)
This is true in any relationship for any purpose.
For us to have a friendship/relationship/marriage/working or whatever without having as our goal to glorify God with that is a waste of time. Just getting along with someone and failing to tell them they are in danger of eternal damnation is selfish and mean. It makes you a sadist. You are enjoying their company and companionship while putting them in danger of destruction. That is as god a definition of sadism as I can muster.
It is unhealthy and unproductive.
You cannot be a good spouse if you do not know what Good is.
You cannot lead where you have never been!!!
You cannot give what you do not have!!!
Once the Foundation is poured you are ready for marriage.
This does not mean that you are perfect. Just sold out. There is no other option for you. You and whoever you marry will likely give your life to pursue together the love of God which is found in Christ.
If God is the foundation the building may stumble and even be destroyed at times but rebuilding is always doable with a solid foundation.
When you are Sold out to that idea and you meet a suitable mate for that then you are ready. Not before and not with someone who is not that way.
God’s Plan For The Marriage.
Equal Partners:
Suitable Helper
Gen 2:18
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is like him." (HSCB)
Note: Before man realized he needed a partner God said he needed one.
Animals paraded by and no one worked because…
20...no helper was found who was like him.
God wanted to make a helper like him not a subject for him but one who was like unto himself.
So instead of making one from the dirt he took and made eve from Adam. The only thing a man has ever birthed.
Gen 2:21-25
God put the Man into a deep sleep. As he slept he removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from the Man to make Woman and presented her to the Man.
The Man said,
"Finally! Bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
for she was made from Man."
Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and embraces his wife. They become one flesh.
The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame. (Message)
Equal Parts:
Before the fall the bible is not specific about the difference of the roles between men and women. Some of the roles are obvious, the woman bears the children and has, therefore, a more nurturing spirit.
I realize that there is a real competition in today’s society to place women into the same ability set as that of men. While that is a popular concept in today’s culture it is a relatively new concept.
It by no means elevates a woman to a greater status if she is able to do the roles of a man. It is not demeaning to ascribe to a woman a differing set of roles than that of a man. Indeed it makes a woman necessary. If both a man and a woman are able to do the same thing then one of them is not necessary.
The Fall of the Plan
So The Plan is Partnership, companionship. Never in the scripture is the purpose of the woman to be a slave to the man. The intent is that two who come from one who are a companion and helper to each other. But, Because of sin this ideal is not as simple as it looks.
It was never intended for husbands and wives to have to deal with the issue of knowledge of Good and evil and so after sin entered the picture things changed...
Gen 3:16
You’ll want to please your husband, but he’ll lord it over you."
Gen 3:17-19 He told the Man:
"Because you listened to your wife
...The ground is cursed because of you; getting food from the ground Will be as painful as having babies is for your wife;
A man would have to bust his tail to make ends meet.
The woman will always long for her husband to be more connect with her as an equal and yet he will always struggle with his ego and feel a need to be over his wife.
For whatever reason this has led to a history of mankind where men have always felt the need to dominate the female and the female have always wanted to give her man enough but struggle to feel as if she can ever give him enough.
A New Hope For Marriage.
Remember AOTIGER spells Disaster..
The lack of God in the relationship explains a lot the struggles we see in today’s modern relationships. It explains infidelity and why men leave women for other women and why women feel as if they can never keep any man happy. It…explains a lot.
But lets turn to a new Hope for Marriage. Just as Christ saves us and brings us into a fresh and new relationship with God. Our encounter with God can shape our relationship between men and women and shape a positive and proper way in which men and women relate to one another in a relationship.
While the Goal would seem to get as close to the original as possible. Because of sin we still have some limitations that make us aware of the difference between good and evil and because we live in a world hostile to God’s word we need to look to the model as God has given us in light of the world we now live in.
A Picture Of a Marriage.
Mutual Submission With responsibility and organization
Ephesians 5:21-33
submitting to one another in the fear of Christ.
The Man is to Serve The Woman
Ephesians 5:25-28
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church and gave Himself up for her,—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already "one" in marriage.
29-33 No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become "one flesh." This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.
1 Peter 3:7
Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.
(note: men how is your prayer life? Feel like it is hitting the ceiling? Then check with your wife and see how she Is feeling)
Men it is your job to pour everything you are into making her look and feel her best. Because Jesus does that for you. Think about it we are trashy but God makes us good by his love and grace. We are to do the same for our wives.
The Woman Is To Serve The Man
1 Peter 3:1-6
Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.
4-6 Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as "my dear husband." You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.
Ephesians 5:22-23
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Yes girls, it is saying for you to stroke him a bit. He is your protector and your champion. And as a warrior who goes into battle he needs to feel confident in his struggle. If he is going to sweat to make you a queen then you make him your king.
The Higher Purpose of Sex.
Hebrews 13:1 Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.
1 Corinthians 6:16 There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.
1 Corinthians 7:2 It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband. Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.
In essence: Sex is an act of spiritual worship celebrating the oneness of men and women it is a reuniting of that which was taken from man, the woman as well as a reaffirmation of the intent of the relationship of exclusivity that should exist between Man and God.
Both of these pictures of love in a marriage show an unselfish giving of one to support the other.
Organization
1 Corinthians 11:3
In a marriage relationship, there is authority from Christ to husband, and from husband to wife. The authority of Christ is the authority of God. Any man who speaks with God or about God in a way that shows a lack of respect for the authority of Christ, dishonors Christ. In the same way, a wife who speaks with God in a way that shows a lack of respect for the authority of her husband, dishonors her husband. Worse, she dishonors herself—an ugly sight, like a woman with her head shaved. (The Message)
For this to work there has to be trust.
Submission cannot stand without a feeling of safety.
