Proverbs 22:6
Growing Godly Children in Today’s World
Often I have found that children say the honest things we won’t say. They mirror our thoughts by putting them into words. Let’s listen to a few that kids have expressed.
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids)
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don’t want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure)
On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they’re rich.
-- Pam, age 7
The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8
IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is........
HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10 (this kid has a career in politics ahead)
And then I found the following...
Introduction – The Mommy Test
A mom was out walking with her 4-year-old daughter. The little girl picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. The mom took the item away from her and asked her not to do that. "Why?" the daughter asked. "Because it’s been on the ground, you don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty and probably has germs" she replied. At this point, the daughter looked at her mom with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart." Her mom was thinking quickly and said, "All moms know this stuff. It’s on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mommy!" They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but the little girl was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don’t pass the test you have to be the daddy."
In raising children, they need to be taught four things by their parents.
First, they need to know their…
PURPOSE IN LIFE 6a
Train up a child
We do this in a three-fold way. We …
Invest in a proper direction
The Hebrew word train up means to hedge in or direct. It is our responsibility to direct our children. It is not for the schools, daycare centers, or grandparents but the parents to provide the direction. It is an investment into their lives. The church is to supplement what the parents provide. We are also to…
Invest in positive discipline
Training a child requires both positive and negative reinforcement. One can discipline a child by encouraging words and actions. They need building up. However, only accentuating the positive can lead to warped thinking. Sometimes it is necessary to physically correct the child. Spankings teach the child that there can be dire consequence to their actions. It is not politically correct in today’s society, but in the economy of God He approves of correct physical discipline. Then we are to…
Invest in a personal devotion
This is our responsibility in teaching or directing our children to fear and respect God. It is more caught than just taught. Children must have parents who will invest in them for all the right God honoring reasons. By the time a child reaches their 7th birthday, their character traits are set. One cannot wait until their teen years to form purpose in life. It must be done early!
Ill – A Builder Or a Wrecker
A Builder Or a Wrecker
As I watched them tear a building down
A gang of men in a busy town
With a ho-heave-ho, and a lusty yell
They swung a beam and the side wall fell
I asked the foreman, "Are these men skilled,
And the men you’d hire if you wanted to build?"
He gave a laugh and said, "No, indeed,
Just common labor is all I need."
"I can easily wreck in a day or two,
What builders have taken years to do."
And I thought to myself, as I went my way
Which of these roles have I tried to play?
Am I a builder who works with care,
Measuring life by rule and square?
Am I shaping my work to a well-made plan
Patiently doing the best I can?
Or am I a wrecker who walks to town
Content with the labor of tearing down?
"O Lord let my life and my labors be
That which will build for eternity!"
Author Unknown, The Increase, 35th Anniversary Issue, 1993, p. 9.
Which are you? A builder or wrecker in your children’s lives? As believers, our purpose in growing and building our children is for God’s glory to shine through them.
Second, children need to have…
PRIORITIES IN LIFE 6b
In the way he should go
We should be concerned about three aspects of our children. We should be concerned about their…
Personality
This is a reference to their character and integrity. Our goal is build godly children. We have to teach them how to live holy, godly lives through Christ.
We should be concerned about their…
Passions
What are their likes and dislikes? What do they enjoy? Are we leading them in the correct way? Every child is different. We need to have them pursue the things they enjoy and make godly leaders out of them. We should also be concerned about their…
Pursuits
This is a focus on their earthly and spiritual journey. Give them realistic and reachable goals that are God-oriented. Inspire them to set the right priorities in life.
It would be a tragedy and travesty if we focussed on sports, education, and ‘stuff’ without developing their spiritual formation. The eternal far outweighs the temporal.
Ill - Parents Describe How They Raise Their Children
February 28, 2005
(Ventura, CA) A new nationwide survey of parents, conducted by The Barna Group, offers some surprising insights into the outcomes parents are most eager to achieve in their children, the qualities they believe are most important for parents to have in order to be effective, and some of the critical choices and tradeoffs they make in their child-rearing efforts.
What Makes A Parent Successful?
Each of two qualities was listed by one-third of all parents as contributing significantly to effectively raising children.
36% said having patience is necessary to be effective
32% indicated that demonstrating love was indispensable.
22% of parents cited attributes of effective parenting were enforcing discipline and being understanding.
20% indicated that a significant faith commitment and an identifiable set of religious beliefs was an ingredient required for parental success.
17% good communication skills
14% being compassionate
12% knowing how to listen
11% being intelligent
9% of all parents were being an encouraging person
8% having substantial emotional strength
8% making consistent choices
7% having a clear philosophy of parenting
6% knowing how to plan and set goals
4% smaller numbers of parents listed elements such as being a praying person
1% having integrity or good character as significant characteristics.
Most Desirable Outcomes for Kids
Parents described what they feel are the most important outcomes they are devoted to helping their children experience.
Four out of every ten parents (39%) listed getting a good education as a critical outcome they were committed to facilitating.
Helping the child to feel loved was the second most frequently mentioned outcome at 24%
22% followed by enabling them to have a meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ
The only other outcomes cited by at least one out of ten parents were fostering a sense of security (16%), helping them to feel affirmed and encouraged (14%), providing a firm spiritual foundation (13%), and delivering basic necessities such as shelter (12%) and food (10%). Ten percent also said it was crucial to help their children feel happy (10%).
Surprising Insights Into Parenting
In studying the findings, George Barna, who directed the research, noted that the faith commitment of parents made surprisingly little difference in how children were raised.
“You might expect that parents who are born again Christians would take a different approach to raising their children than did parents who have not committed their life to Christ - but that was rarely the case," Barna explained. "For instance, we found that the qualities born again parents say an effective parent must possess, the outcomes they hope to facilitate in the lives of their children, and the media monitoring process in the household was indistinguishable from the approach taken by parents who are not born again."
The California-based researcher pointed out that there was one substantial distinction. "Born again parents were twice as likely as others to teach their children that there are certain moral absolutes they should obey. However, even on that matter, less than six out of ten born again parents took such a position."
One of the most startling observations, according to Barna, was how few born again parents indicated that one of the most important outcomes parents needed to help their children grasp was salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. "Only three out of ten born again parents included the salvation of their child in the list of critical parental emphases," he noted. "Parents cannot force or ensure that their kids become followers of Christ. But for that emphasis to not be on the radar screen of most Christian parents is a significant reason why most Americans never embrace Jesus Christ as their savior. We know that parents still have a huge influence on the choices their children make, and we also know that most people either accept Christ when they are young or not at all. The fact that most Christian parents overlook this critical responsibility is one of the biggest challenges to the Christian Church."
The author of the best-selling book, Transforming Children Into Spiritual Champions, Barna offered his thoughts on the significance of the research. "For years we have reported research findings showing that born again adults think and behave very much like everyone else. It often seems that their faith makes very little difference in their life. This new study helps explain why that is: believers do not train their children to think or act any differently. When our kids are exposed to the same influences, without much supervision, and are generally not guided to interpret their circumstances and opportunities in light of biblical principles, it’s no wonder that they grow up to be just as involved in gambling, adultery, divorce, cohabitation, excessive drinking and other unbiblical behaviors as everyone else. What we build into a child’s life prior to the age of 13 represents the moral and spiritual foundation that defines them as individuals and directs their choices for the remainder of their life. Garbage in, garbage out; there’s no magic that suddenly changes the young person from what they were trained to be in their formative years into a model Christian once they get older."
Third, children are to learn the…
PARAMETERS IN LIFE 6c
And when he is old
This Hebrew word for old does not mean decrepit but rather the ‘hair on the chin’ years. In other words, the teenage years. Some children have a bent to continual disobedience. Don’t give up in prayer or discipline.
We teach them the parameters in four ways.
Your teaching must be consistent
Children need the consistency of parents teaching. Right is right and wrong is wrong. Confusion reigns in a child’s life if they are sent mixed messages. Laughing at a childish behavior when it is wrong will and then scolding them for it later will confuse them.
We also find…
Your teaching must be constant
Don’t give up. Stay the course in raising godly children regardless what others think or say. It needs constant reinforcement from both parents.
Your teaching must be comprehensive
It should cover every area of life. Don’t abdicate your areas of responsibilities. You must teach them biblical principles and how to use them.
Your teaching must be conscientious
And you must be teaching them the right thing. For years my dad would tell me “do what I say, not what I do.” A child will say to their parents, “What you do speaks louder than what you say.”
Ill – The Best Preacher in the Family
G. Campbell Morgan, a profound British preacher whose four sons all became pastors, influenced millions with his preaching, teaching and writing.
One day, when his young son Howard finished preached, a reporter asked him, "Since you have five Pastors in your family who is the greatest preacher? Expecting the son to give the honor to his father, Howard surprised the reporter by saying, "My Mother!"
Often people do not realize that a mother’s love, concern and teaching are often far more influential on people than anything else. Never underestimate the power of love.
Fourth, children are to learn the…
PRINCIPLE IN LIFE 6d
He will not depart from it. God has given us a principle not a promise in this passage.
Christians ought to desire for our children to trust God in all things. We train them in six areas. First we are to…
Shape the mind
We shape the mind by knowing that our children have a sinful nature. It is depraved. Every child is born this way. Teach them scripture. It will help them overcome some very difficult trials.
Second, we are to…
Shepherd the heart
The heart cannot be driven. It must be led. Exhibit the right attitude and actions. Lead by example.
Third, we are to..
Subdue the will
Breaking the will is perhaps the most difficult. Many times I have seen children who dare their parents by challenging them. The parent must be the parent. Friendship with parent develops as the child becomes an adult and moves out becoming self-dependant.
Then we are to…
Stimulate the conscience
Stimulating the conscience is encouraging them to be sensitive and not seared regarding godly standards. It is encouraged through a biblical world-view of life. Last, we are to…
Safeguard the soul
No parent has a desire for his or her child to go to hell. It is a Christian mandate that we lead others to Christ. How much more are we to share with our children our desire for them to have a personal relationship with Jesus Himself.
Ill – Faithful despite discouragement
Chuck Colson writes of being invited to preach at tough old San Quentin Prison, an opportunity he greatly anticipated and carefully planned for. Three hundred of the 2,200 inmates had agreed to come to the chapel to hear him. But just days before his arrival, officials uncovered a hidden cache of weapons, and the prison was immediately locked down with the inmates confined to their cells. When Colson arrived at the prison chapel, he was disheartened to find that only a handful of men were able to be present, and they were mostly Christians. His spirits flagged, for he so hoped to preach the gospel to the unsaved. Struggling with a lack of enthusiasm, he thought, “Maybe I’ll just give a short devotional, ten minutes or so. I can’t really preach my heart out to this crowd.” But spotting a video camera in the far end of the room, he said to himself, “Maybe this is being recorded for the chapel library. Maybe I’d better give it my all.” He felt convicted for basing his morale and mood on the outer circumstances rather than the inner impulse of the Spirit, and so he preached with great fervor, as though a thousand inmates were listening. Later he mentioned to the prison chaplain how disappointed he had been to have missed sharing the gospel with the three hundred men who had originally signed up to attend. “Didn’t you know?” asked the chaplain. “Because of the lockdown, the administration agreed to videotape your sermon. They’ll be showing it to all the inmates tomorrow on closed-circuit television in the morning and again in the afternoon.” In fact, the sermon was aired not just twice, but nearly a dozen times over the following weeks. Because of the lockdown, not just three hundred but all 2,200 prisoners heard the gospel. Colson said that he learned three lessons from the incident: 1. Mother Teresa is right. God calls us to faithfulness, not to success. 2. When our goal is to change society, we often fail. When it is simple obedience to God, He blesses our efforts more than we can envision. 3. We should not grow weary in well-doing, for we shall reap a harvest if we faint not.
Nelson’s Complete Book of Stories, Illustrations, & Quotes, Faithfulness p. 291
There are some parents who blame themselves over their children’s waywardness. There may be some truth to this. However, every person must make their own decision what they will do with Jesus.
