Guilt, Grief and Grudges
How to Deal With Damaged Emotions
Today we are continuing our series Stressbusters. We are going through the 23rd Psalm and looking at seven ways we can relieve stress in our lives. We have already looked at how to deal worry and how to deal with busyness. Today we are going to looking at how to deal with our damaged emotions. Psalm 23:3 says:
He restores my soul Psalms 23:3 (NKJV)
This is good news; we all need our soul restored. We get hurt not just physically but also emotionally and spiritually. Life is tough. We get beat up. We get discouraged, depressed and disappointed. We have failure, fatigue, frustration and fears. We all have hidden hurts from our past. We carry wounds, battle scars and emotional garbage. God wants to restore our souls.
How does He do this? He does this by making three changes in your life:
1. He removes your GUILT.
2. He relieves your GRIEF.
3. He replaces your GRUDGES.
1. Let God remove your GUILT.
Nothing destroys a soul faster then guilt. Look at what Psalm 38 says:
My sins have flooded over my head; they are a burden too heavy for me to bear. My wounds are foul and festering because of my foolishness. Psalms 38:4-5 (HCSB)
This is a person who is plagued by guilt. There are two problems with guilt.
A. We all have plenty of reasons for guilt.
B. We can’t get away from it.
How do we deal with guilt? There are lots of options:
We can deny it. We can try to pretend that it doesn’t exist. We can try to bury it – but that doesn’t work. It’s still alive. Denying guilt doesn’t deal with it.
We can minimize it. We can say, “It’s no big deal.” But we know that it is. If it was no big deal why do we still remember it? Why can’t we forget it? Why can’t we move beyond it? Minimizing it doesn’t work.
We can rationalize it. We say, “Everybody does it.” But we know that is not true; everybody doesn’t do it. Even if they did – that doesn’t make it right. When I try to rationalize it – I am trying to put my head over my heart – but the heart always wins out. “Rationalize” means “rational – lies.”
Most common thing we do with guilt is that we beat ourselves up with it. We administer self punishment. We don’t see ourselves as God sees us. We feel less then human – less then God values us. We see ourselves with little importance or worth. We tell ourselves, “I don’t deserve to succeed.” We live in our guilt.
None of these work. There is only one solution to guilt. You have to give it to God.
He restores my soul Psalms 23:3 (NKJV)
Circle the word He. Only He can restore my soul.
How does He do that? Through Jesus Christ. The most basic truth of Christianity is that Jesus Christ has already paid for all your sins. Everything you’ve done wrong has already been paid for. The stuff you have already done, the stuff you are going to do, all your sins have been paid for. The screw ups, the mess ups, the accidents, the mistakes, the boo boos, the blunders, the fumbles have all been paid for. That’s why Jesus went to the cross – to pay for your sin. No psychologist can remove your guilt; they don’t have the power to forgive your sin. They don’t have the power to remove your guilt. Only God can do that. The Good Shepherd has the power to restore your soul.
How do you get forgiveness from God? By trusting in Him. You don’t beg Him. You don’t bribe Him. You don’t bargain with Him. You just believe Him – you trust Him. Accept that Jesus Christ went to cross for you.
Some of you say, “Pastor Tom, I trust in Jesus – I believe in Him yet I still feel guilty.” That means you don’t understand the forgiveness of God. When God forgives it is immediate, it’s free, it’s complete, it’s unconditional, and forgiveness takes care of your sin the first time you ask. Look at 1 John 1:9 with me.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 (NKJV)
Circle the word “all”. How much sin does God cleanse you of? A part, some, a smidgen, a bit – no He cleanses you of ALL.
When you get your utility bill and you pay it in full – you know there is money in the bank – you know the check is good – do you still worry about it? No! The moment you pay the bill you stop sweating it. It’s paid for. Jesus on the cross said, “It is finished. It’s paid for. It’s over and done with.” So what are you worried about? If God forgives your confessed sins – shouldn’t you? Let God remove you guilt.
2. Let God relieve my GRIEF.
Sometimes we suffer not because of what we have done but because of what others have done to us. Sometimes we suffer when we see other people suffer. This is not heaven; this is earth and people hurt. Sometimes we feel lonely. Sometimes our heart is broken. Sometimes we experience sorrow, loss and grief. But:
He restores my soul Psalms 23:3 (NKJV)
King David was very acquainted with grief. You remember his story; in II Samuel 12 we are given some tips on how to handle grief. Remember David had committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her husband killed? He carried the guilt until he confessed it in Psalm 51. If you’re having guilt it is a good Psalm to turn to. But you know that is not the whole story. Do you remember that Bathsheba became pregnant? She had a baby boy and when it was born it was very sick. David grieved over what he had done. He fasted and prayed. He said, “God the baby has done nothing wrong. I’m the one who messed up. I’m the one who made the mistake. Save the baby. He has done nothing wrong.” The baby died anyway.
What did David do with his grief after the baby died? He did three things:
A. He ACCEPTED what he could not change.
22 And he said, "While the child was alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ’Who can tell whether the Lord will be gracious to me, that the child may live?’ 23 But now he is dead; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me." 2 Samuel 12:22-23 (NKJV)
B. He FOCUSED on what was left not what was lost.
Then David comforted Bathsheba his wife, and went in to her and lay with her. So she bore a son, and he called his name Solomon. 2 Samuel 12:24 (NKJV)
C. He TURNED to God.
11 Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Psalms 51:11-12 (NKJV)
When we grieve we can remain a prisoner of our pain or we can turn it over to God. That’s our choice.
3. Let God replace my GRUDGES.
Grudges come when we hold on to hurts that other people have caused us. We get mad at them and we won’t let that anger go. The people may not have even planed to intentionally hurt us. But we got hurt just the same. So we develop a grudge and won’t let it go.
I feel guilt when I have hurt people, I feel grief when I have suffered lose, but I hold on to grudges when someone has caused me pain. Guess what? In this world you are going to be hurt. Life isn’t fair. You are going to suffer pain. You are going to get bumped, bruised, scratched, scraped and dinged up in this world. How you handle it will either make you bitter or better. The difference between the two is “I”.
What do you do when the hurt has piled up? What do you do with all the emotional garbage? You can become angry with the people who have hurt you – you can hold a grudge. But look at what Job 5:2 says:
For wrath kills a foolish man, And envy slays a simple one. Job 5:2 (NKJV)
Why? Because wrath – revenge and envy are self destructive. They hurt you. They cause broken relationships. They make a person bitter. They hurt you in the NOW. And that’s stupid because the reason you hold a grudge is because of something in your past. Folks, your past is past it does not need to last. Your past can’t hurt you today – unless you keep going over and over it in your mind. The person who hurt you may not even be alive. They may have died years ago – yet you are still holding a grudge. They’re still hurting you from the grave – because you won’t let it go. You can’t bury your anger with them. You won’t let your resentment go. But you need to. All you are doing is hurting yourself. Look at what Romans 12:19 says in The Message Bible:
Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. "I’ll do the judging," says God. "I’ll take care of it." Romans 12:19 (MSG)
In other words don’t hold a grudge – don’t take vengeance into your own hands – that’s God job – not yours – He will eventually make everything right. That’s His job. He is the judge of the world – your not!
Get rid of all your bitterness. Stop holding grudges. Doesn’t the scripture say, "Forgive as you have been forgiven." How have you been forgiven? Completely, totally, absolutely. If you have been forgiven; God expects you to forgive. Even the Lord’s Prayer says:
And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.
Matthew 6:12 (NKJV)
We feel guilt when we hurt others but when others hurt us we hold on to a grudge. It should not be this way. We want others to forgive us – but we have a difficult time forgiving others. But God has forgiven us – we should also forgive others. Matthew 6:12 says – "as you deal it out – so it will be dealt to you." So let go – let God.
You don’t need a self-help book to deal with your guilt, your grief or your grudges. You need a Shepherd. You need a Savior. He is ready to help you deal with your damaged emotions. All you have to do is ask him.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; Psalms 23:1-3 (NKJV)
Let Him restore your soul today. Will you pray with me?
Father, I have been hurt in this world. I feel grief, I feel guilt and there are times I hold grudges. I pray Lord that you would restore my soul. I ask that you would heal me – that you would forgive me. Enter my life and lead me today to still waters. I place my trust in You. Amen.
