A place to Belong: A place for Friendship
Mother’s Day / May 8th 2005
Intro: Why do we have so few close friends, people we can really talk to, people we can trust, people we can count on for help and support when we need it?
Few have relationship with whom they can be unguarded and un-self-conscious, confident that they will be accepted, warts and all.
A few years ago, a newspaper columnist named Marla Paul published a column in which she revealed her frustration over her lack of friendships.
"The loneliness saddens me," she wrote. "How did it happen that I could be forty-two years old and not have enough friends?" She goes on, "I think there are women out there who don’t know how lonely they are. It’s easy enough to fill up the day with work and family. But no matter how much I enjoy my job and love my husband and child, they are not enough."
When this column appeared, letters poured in from housewives, executives, and university professors saying, "I’ve had the exact same experience." One person said, "I’ve often felt that I’m standing outside looking through the window of a party to which I was not invited."
As Marla later wrote, "They wanted to share their frustration and estrangement. All were tremendously relieved to discover they weren’t the only ones."
And it’s not only women who have this problem. If anything, men have more difficulty forming and maintaining friendships. Why? Because it’s hard!
These people found some comfort in understanding that they were not alone. But, really there is more than sharing common pain. I will show you from Scripture today that God has more than this in store for you. I will admit that if you find yourself in a place of isolation and despair this morning, it may be difficult to believe the hope that I will share with you this morning. Therefore, let’s ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you through my words this morning. He is the True Councilor here this morning.
Text: Colossians 2:16-23
I. God knows what we need
a. More than religion
What do you see as the reason for church?
i. Piety? “Getting it right.” / Read verses 16-17
1. Some people think that if they can just “behave the right way” they will feel better.
2. All energy is spent on “controlling” behavior.
ii. Teaching? “Knowing what is right” / Read verses 20-23
1. “If I can just learn enough information.”
2. Jesus rebuked the religious leaders for thinking that knowledge was “the end all and be all.”
3. This doesn’t mean that knowledge is useless; In fact proper understanding is vital! It simply means that knowledge is only a part of the equation.
iii. Religious experience? “If I can just ‘feel’ the right feelings.” / Vs 18
1. These are people who come across as “super-spiritual”
2. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 tells that all the “spiritual experiences” combined don’t amount to a hill of beans with out LOVE.
Illustration: A true story: Several pastors gathered for a “Pastor’s Retreat” The first night they talked about where they were in their lives and ministries. The first went through an ugly church split. The second one was having significant marriage problems. The third was dealing with betrayal of a life-long ministry partner. The fourth was doing very well but was struggling with handling the success. The fifth was burned out and the sixth said something unforgettable. He was the youngest of the bunch. The others members of the group were older and further along the path, some with very sizable ministries. In his mind, they were the models of what he was supposed to be like. When it was his turn, he was asked to share. “Well,” he said, “I just have to say I feel a lot better already. You guys are as screwed up as I am.” The whole group burst into laughter.
iv. If attending church was enough, pastors would be perfect.
v. We do need right actions, knowledge and experiences, however by themselves they are not enough, we need more than
b. More than comfort
i. Comfort is very important but Healing and Growth are the real goals.
You may even say that non-Christians have a form of “Comfort” They comfort themselves with all sorts of things: Like “Southern Comfort”, Alcohol and drugs, adrenaline, lust and a whole list of other sinful behaviors that distract the soul from finding the real answers to the problems.
ii. Christ centered Comfort helps a lot; in fact comfort is a huge part of healing.
iii. Many Christians don’t go past what I will call, “Surface Church”
1. Surface Churchers are real Christians
2. These people have been born again and may even be baptized in the Holy Spirit. They are committed to attending, learning and even life changes in their walk with God.
3. But they change only on the surface. Deep changes are pushed under a false smile and firm handshake and a “everything is great”
4. They find comfort from being here, comfort in greeting each other and comfort in prayer. But the deep issues of the heart never see the light of day
iv. Comfort is temporary, healing and growth are permanent.
Illustration: Comfort can be like pain killers. Let’s say you accidentally stab yourself in the hand with a knife. You rush to the emergency room with the knife sticking out of your hand and after 45 minutes of waiting you get in to see the doctor. He injects you with Novocain and now you loose all feeling of pain in your hand. So you get up, thank the doctor and walk out. The doctor tries to stop you, “Wait, your not finished yet!” “No thanks doc, I don’t feel pain any more.” Mean while, you’re still bleeding, the knife is still sticking out of your hand and the Novocain will wear off in a few hours.
This morning we will look at a very important aspect of church that you may have considered, but dismissed as a side benefit of church but not really a spiritual benefit. That is friendships within the Body of Christ.
c. We need Connected to His Body
i. Read verse 19 / Noting the relationship God uses to bring growth.
ii. Receive His healing through his people, but only when experiencing His people in deep, open and honest relationships.
Doctors Henry Cloud and John Townsend say:
“Virtually every emotional and psychological problem, from addictions to depression, has alienation or emotional isolation at its core or close to it.”
iii. Our verse shows how much we need to be connected to Christ’s body; because through it we experience the Life of God. We are to be connected to a local body. We are to have meaningful relationships with other Christians.
Doctors Henry Cloud and John Townsend say: “Ironically, one problem we often see in the Christian community is that people get more into religion and less into the connectedness the Bible prescribes, with the result that they get sicker.”
2 Corinthians 7:6 “But God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us by the coming of Titus, 7 and not only by his coming but also by the comfort you had given him. He told us about your longing for me, your deep sorrow, your ardent concern for me, so that my joy was greater then ever.”
iv. Take note that God’s comfort came from Titus’ company and the others Love
v. It’s about encouragement and being there for one another. It is also God ministering to you through another person. Like Harold sharing a Scripture at men’s meeting. Something solid to stand on!
II. Areas we all need healing
a. Sins
Let’s go back to the knife wound. The knife represents sin. God’s comfort and Forgiveness may have removed the sting of sin, but you still have a problem with sin. The knife is still sticking out your hand.
i. Comfort is provided so that we can take care of the problem. Few Christians ever find anything more than comfort from their relationships.
ii. God wants to bring healing in the area of sin: This will require a honest evaluation of your heart. Looking at selfishness, rebellious behaviors and attitudes. Look especially beyond behaviors into dark motives of the heart: Withdrawal of love, vengeance, envy and blaming.
So what role do God’s people play in helping with sin?
iii. Accountability
1. We need accountability to help bring discipline and structure to our lives
When you take your financial records to an accountant they will make sure that everything checks out right and then they report that information back to you. But how many know that in the battle against sin we need more than someone to add up the sum of our lives? We need something that we don’t have and can’t give ourselves. We would not expect our accountant to make a deposit into our bank account if she found a deficit.
2. However, accountability doesn’t work without grace and forgiveness.
iv. Grace and Forgiveness
1. Without Grace and forgiveness, all we have is fear and the expectation of judgment. We will fear digging deep.
2. This is especially true for those of us who are overly critical of ourselves. Maybe we were raised by perfectionists; we don’t understand what true Grace and Forgiveness is. So God gives us people to show us.
3. We can’t actually give ourselves grace or forgiveness
4. We need GOD’S grace and forgiveness first and foremost. But He has a wonderful way of showing us HIS G&F through His people.
We all need work. One shameful condition in some churches today is “Judgmentalism” some believers become prideful of their own spirituality and begin to judge and condemn others. This is tragedy, because not only has the “judgmental” person lost the love of God and invited God’s judgment on their own lives, the attitude repels others from God. Church members become the visible examples of God to the world. But what happens when the Christians act more like the devil than Jesus? The world is lost.
Someone said, “You can always tell a real friend: when you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve done a permanent job.” A true friend loves you even when you fail.
b. Hurts and Losses
i. All of us have not only sinned, but also have been sinned against and injured. Look at significant people in your life who have hurt you. Also, look at failures and losses in life, such as medical, financial, or career losses.
ii. Dealing with Hurts and losses is like being stitched up, the ointment and bandages we receive at the hospital. After the knife has been removed, the wound is closed up and protected. Healing begins.
iii. Grieving
1. “Grieving is God’s way of getting us through and past things.”
2. Often when we experience a traumatic and painful experience, parts of our emotions freeze up.
3. For example: If you have been hurt by someone who should love you, your emotions involving love freeze.
4. Or fear rules your heart failures and losses.
iv. Here again we need Connection.
v. Jesus told us to “mourn with those who mourn”
Story about Tina when Gramma died.
vi. Compassion – “hands on love”
c. Weaknesses
i. Finding healing in our weaknesses involves: Identifying character flaws that hamper your life, things you do that you can’t stop doing. This might include irresponsibility, control, people-pleasing and perfectionism
After the knife has been removed, the stitches sewn and the healing begun, now the time comes for physical therapy. That is what dealing with weakness is like.
ii. Modeling
1. I’m not talking about who is wearing the prettiest dress today.
2. People have a hard time learning without example.
iii. Support and Strength
Tom helping tear down the roof off my old porch. I was in the middle of demolition, and I came to critical point. I was pondering what to cut out next. I was trying to anticipate the cause and effects of each option. “Well, if I cut this then that will swing this way and smash me.” After I had thought for sometime, I couldn’t see a path that wouldn’t end in smashing myself. Then, Tom called me and asked, “What are you doing?”, “I am tearing the roof off my porch.” I said. He said, “Do you need some help?” Now there is a novel idea foreign to most male brains, asking for help! So I said, ‘Yes’ Tom dropped what he was doing and came over. Together we finished the job and neither of us was smashed.
1. Even the strongest and most resolute people have times of weakness and doubt.
2. We all need somebody
3. One of the greatest actions of support and strength is Prayer.
Conclusion: Invite God into the situation. He is the Great Counselor, the Great Physician. Pray for one another and seek God’s wisdom through prayer and searching God’s Word together.
