How to have a Successful Marriage
If you want a good marriage – a healthy marriage – a God centered marriage – you need to go to the scriptures to see what God has planned for your marriage. Did you know that God wants you be successful – not just in your spiritual life but also on your job, in your social life, and in your family life? In other words He wants you to be successful in all aspects of your life. Listen to what Jeremiah 29:11 has to say:
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)
God wants you to be a success. And He wants your marriage successful. So let’s go ahead and look at five characteristics of a healthy marriage.
1. To have a successful marriage establish BOUNDARIES.
Let’s look at Genesis 2 together.
Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:21-24 (NKJV)
Look at what happens here. God causes Adam to sleep and while he is asleep God takes one of his ribs and makes Eve out of it. The Hebrew people have a saying about this passage of scriptures. They say that God did not take a bone from the foot of Adam so that Adam would rule over Eve, neither did the bone come from the head of Adam so the Eve would rule over Adam. But the bone came from the side of Adam so that they could walk side by side as partners, working together, complimenting each other.
From this passage of scripture we see that there is a new relationship established. She is now bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. She has become a part of him and he has become a part of her. They are to become one flesh. God established a relationship between a husband and wife that is unique. They shall become one flesh. They have become jointly connected. Now we could spend the rest of the day talking about the building the marriage relationship – but we are not going to do that today because of time constrains. Let me just say that you are to keep the marriage relationship sacred. Genesis 2 tells you how to do that.
Look at the last part of our text in Genesis 2. ." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, notice that in addition to a unique relationship with his wife there is a change in the relationships with other people too.
Set boundaries. Husbands your parents will always be your parents – but when you married your wife she becomes the number one person in your life. Wives your parents will always be your parents – but when you married your husband he becomes the number one person in your life. Guys your football buddies are not the number one person in your life – your wife is. Wives your best girl friend is not to be the number one person in your life – your husband is. And folks be very careful with this. When you have children your kids are not to be the number one person in your life – your spouse is. The children will grow up and leave the nest – (at least we hope so). And when they move out what you will be left with is each other. Keep the home fires burning – keep building on the relationship you have with each other and the way you do this is by setting boundaries with your friends and relatives. The number one relationship you are to have is with your spouse keep it sacred.
2. To have a successful marriage make a deep COMMITMENT.
Look at Matthew 19 with me.
He… said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ’made them male and female,’ and said, ’For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Matthew 19:4-6 (NKJV)
Look at that last part of the passage again with me. “what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Did you know that keeping a marriage together takes work? How many of you have ever had an argument? How many of you have ever had a fight? How many of you have ever gone through some rough times in your marriage? Folks when you are going through those times you are going to have all kinds of friends and family members tell you just to go and get a divorce. Get out – give it up. Now I know that some marriages will end in a divorce that’s a fact. But I also know that some people give up on their marriage without trying to keep it together. Folks try as hard as you can to keep your marriage together. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. Fight for your marriage. Work at making it better. Don’t give up.
Date! Yes date each other. I don’t know how long you have been married – but even if you have been married five days or fifty years continue to go out on dates. A date may be eating dinner out – going for walks – going to a movie or even sitting down and watching a movie together at home. Keep on building the marriage relationship. Keep on building your commitment to your spouse.
And when you have an argument don’t use the “D” word. You know what I’m talking about. Divorce! Sometimes we use that word as a threat don’t we? Folks I have a better way that you can threaten your spouse – just tell them that they are stuck with you forever. Telling your spouse you’re not going anywhere. Tell them that you’re going to be there for them the rest of their lives. Say – “I am committed to you. We made an agreement and I’m sticking with. When I said ‘I do’ that means that ‘I will.’ I’m not giving up.”
“what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
3. To have a successful marriage fulfill your RESPONSIBILITIES.
Look at 1 Timothy with me.
Now if anyone does not provide for his own relatives, and especially for his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8 (HCSB)
Folks God expects you to take care of your family. He expects husbands to take care of their wives and wives are to care for their husbands. What are you to take care of? You are to take care of three basic needs of your spouse.
Take care of their PHYSICAL needs.
Take care of their EMOTIONAL needs.
Take care of their SPIRITUAL needs.
Physical needs – you know what they are. Food, clothing, shelter, transportation. It’s up to you as a couple to figure out how simple or how fancy these items will be – but everyone has those needs.
Take care of each others emotional needs. Each of us needs to be stroked from time to time. Tell each other how much you need them. How important they are in your life. Tell them how much you love them.
Spiritual needs – build a relationship where you can talk about God. Go to church with one another. Study the Bible together. Worship God together. Establish unity in your theology.
Let me give you this insight. There are certain things that only God can fulfill. He is the only one who can ensure that sins are forgiven. He is the only one who can truly explain your purpose for living. And He is the only one who can grant us a home in heaven. But on this side of heaven He has placed us together wo we can help each other in fulfilling our physical, emotional and spiritual needs.
All of these things are very important – in is your responsibility to help your spouse fulfill those needs.
4. To have a successful marriage build COMPANIONSHIP.
Companionship is key to a healthy marriage. Look at this interesting passage of scripture with me from Ecclesiastes chapter four.
It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there’s no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. Ecclesiastes 4:9-11 (MSG)
There is a lady that I know that I want to tell you about. She married her second time later in life. I believe she was in her sixties when she married her second husband. Her first husband had died. It wasn’t too long after the wedding that it was discovered that her new husband had Alzheimer’s disease. She kept him at home as long as she could. But he started getting up in the middle of the night and would go outside and roam the streets not knowing where he was. It was a tough decision for her but she decided to put him in a nursing home. But you know what she would do – she would go to the nursing home and be with him every day. She would talk to him – even when he no longer could speak in a way that was understandable. She would feed him when he could not feed himself. She would help bath him – even when he no longer knew who she was. He passed away and I’ll tell you he got great care in the last days of his life because of her efforts. What does the scripture say? … if one falls down, the other helps, That is companionship.
5. To have a successful marriage show loving ACTIONS.
What is Love? Is it some kind of emotion high that we have? Yes, it could be that – when we fall in love we are walking on cloud nine. But you know that is not how the Bible defines love. Look at 1 Corinthians 13 with me. Here is the Biblical definition of love.
Love is patient; love is kind. Love does not envy; is not boastful; is not conceited; does not act improperly; is not selfish; is not provoked; does not keep a record of wrongs; finds no joy in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (HCSB)
Do you see how the Bible defines love? It is patience. It is kindness. It is the opposite of being selfish. It is giving even when you are wronged. It is persistent – going the extra mile. According to this passage of scripture, love is action rather then emotion. You find this concept throughout the Bible.
In fact John 3:16 tells us that love is action too.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son
John 3:16 (KJV)
So if you what a healthy marriage you need to love each other by your actions. Show each other kindness, be patient with one another, don’t hold a grudge – seek the best for each other. You’ve all heard the phrase – action speaks louder then words. There is a lot of truth in that. How do you show someone you love them – simple – act like it. Treat them with kindness, be patient, don’t envy, don’t be selfish, hold your temper, don’t hold grudge, seek the best for your spouse. And why shouldn’t you? They are a part of you. They are bone of your bone and flesh of your flesh. You are connected to them in a special way – that which God has joined together let no one separate.
There you have Five Characteristics Of A Successful Marriage - To help you make your marriage successful.
1. Establish BOUNDARIES with each other and family members by setting priorities.
2. Make a COMMITMENT to each other saying whatever it takes I’m going to marriage work.
3. Fulfill your RESPONSIBILITIES by taking care of your spouses needs. Physical – Emotional – and Spiritual.
4. Build COMPANIONSHIP with one another so that when times get tough – you can keep on going.
5. Show loving ACTIONS by treating each other with kindness and patience.
