Connecting through Friendships
Connecting, part 1
Wildwind Community Church
David Flowers
1/7/2007
No one wants to be invisible. No one wants to be invisible. Everybody wants to be acknowledged. At some point, every person who walks in the door of this church is hoping to make a connection with somebody. Everybody wants to connect. You might disagree with that. You might say, “What about that period of time early on when someone first visits a church where they want to remain basically anonymous. People aren’t always looking for connection when they come to church.”
But if you said that, you would be wrong. A brand new person, coming in here for the very first time, though he/she may not want to be smothered or have a barrage of people around them, they at least want a friendly handshake and/or a smile. That’s connection! They may wish to remain basically anonymous, but they do not wish to remain invisible. No one wants to be invisible.
It is not true that some people come to church looking for connection and others do not. Everybody looks for connection on some level. Can we start there today? Can we start with an acknowledgement that although human beings are different in important ways, we are also alike in important ways? The most essential things that make us human are the things we have in common. People need connection. People need a place. People need to be acknowledged and to not feel invisible. Gandhi built his non-violent movement around that need, as did Dr. King. A man named Jesus built his movement around that need.
Jesus rocked the world, no doubt about it, and the world is still rocking as a result of his impact. How’d he do it? He spoke to what was universal in human beings. A need for unconditional love. A need for community. A need to feel accepted by God, to feel significant because of Him, and to feel secure in Him. A need to make a connection – with God and with other people. After Jesus ascended back into heaven, the Apostle Paul became Christianity’s greatest teacher. How’d he do it? He spoke to what was universal in human beings. A need to feel connected to God and to other human beings.
Please hear me, now, because this is huge. Some people say, “I’m a loner, I don’t need other people. I don’t need connection.” My friends, those words were never uttered out of anything but fear. Fear. Fear keeps us separated from others and from God. Fear keeps us locked inside ourselves. Fear keeps others at arm’s length. Loners are people driven by fear, keeping others at bay through rage and silence. In this way they never have to see themselves in the experience of another person, never have to really get to know themselves, get to always think of themselves abstractly through their own perceptions, and never bump up against the hard realities about who they are as shown in the way they relate to others. You show me a true loner and I’ll show you a Columbine, or a suicide, waiting to happen. Death on some scale – emotionally, spiritually, even physically, is the ultimate fruit of disconnection and isolation. Connection always requires courage, and to whatever extent we avoid connection with others, we live small, fearful lives.
Now I want to do two things. The first will take just a few moments and the second will take the rest of our sermon time today. First, I want to tell you up front that my goal in the coming moments is to present to you the reason why we believe it is essential that you connect to others through a small group. A small group is a group of 3-12 people who meet regularly for prayer, sometimes Bible study, for friendship, and for learning how to live the life God would have us live. If you simply cannot do that now because of work, or illness in your family, we understand. I’m not claiming that you will go to hell if you don’t join a Wildwind small group. But I am promising you will miss the best this church has to offer in terms of your own spiritual growth. Long-term, you are meant to live in close connection to a few other people who can come alongside and encourage you and help you seek and find God better. You also are meant to be that encourager in the life of someone else. Are you sitting there right now thinking, “No way! Not me! I have nothing to offer anyone else!” If so, make no mistake about it. That’s not modesty or humility talking, it’s fear. It’s tricky because it sounds so much like humility, but it’s not. It’s standard-issue fear. We’re born with it. But we’re not meant to live according to it. Small group involvement helps you step out beyond fear and reach for life-giving connection to other people. It helps you realize that you have something to contribute, and that not only is that an obligation, it’s a privilege. There’s my quick word about small groups.
Second is where we get down to business. At Wildwind we believe God calls the shots in the lives of people. We don’t see ourselves as having to talk you into things or beat your head with a Bible, because we quite simply believe that there’s a reason you’re here, and finding out that reason and responding to it isn’t our job, but yours. This means that even as a preacher, I don’t see it as my job to get you to think in certain ways or believe certain things. I don’t have that kind of power. Only God can do that, and our best bet is always to get out of the way and let Him do whatever He wants to do, and to pray that as God works in the life of each person, you all will have the courage to step out and connect to Him and let Him connect to you. Our job, in effect, is to pray away the fear that keeps you from connecting to God and to others – that is maybe even keeping you disconnected from your own heart and life.
What does this mean today? It means I’m preaching a different kind of sermon this morning. For the majority of the rest of this message you will words from a book we believe contains great wisdom – it’s called The Bible. In a moment I’ll turn to reading scripture, and I will trust that the Holy Spirit, who I believe inspired the words in that book, will speak to you about the importance of small groups more powerfully than I ever could. You may not even always understand how some of these words connect to being involved in a small group. No matter. God will paint a picture on your heart and in your mind, and when we’re done I will encourage you simply to respond to whatever is happening in you. Are you ready? I’m going to read slowly, and I ask you to allow these words to sink in. Even if you’ve heard them a thousand times, I believe you will hear them in a new way today. By the way, if you’re already in a small group, today is your lucky day. You get to sit back, hear these words from scripture, and contemplate what you are a part of. I think it will be a great experience for you. Here we go.
Jesus said:
John 13:34-35 (GW)
34 “I’m giving you a new commandment: Love each other in the same way that I have loved you.
35 Everyone will know that you are my disciples because of your love for each other.”
Jesus prayed:
John 17:20-23 (NIV)
20 "My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message,
21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
22 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one:
23 I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
Paul wrote:
Romans 12:10 (MSG)
10 Be good friends who love deeply;
Romans 12:15-16 (MSG)
15 Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down.
16 Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.
Romans 13:8 (MSG)
8 Don’t run up debts, except for the huge debt of love you owe each other...
Romans 15:7 (NIV)
7 Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
1 Corinthians 1:10 (NLT)
10 Now, dear brothers and sisters, I appeal to you by the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ to stop arguing among yourselves. Let there be real harmony so there won’t be divisions in the church. I plead with you to be of one mind, united in thought and purpose.
Galatians 5:13 (MSG)
13 It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows.
Matthew 16:18 (MSG)
Jesus said to Peter…
18 And now I’m going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock. This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out.
Ephesians 1:15-18; 20-23 (MSG)
22 …[Christ] is in charge of it all, has the final word on everything. At the center of all this, Christ rules the church.
23 The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ’s body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence.
Ephesians 3:10 (MSG)
10 Through Christians like yourselves gathered in churches, this extraordinary plan of God is becoming known and talked about even among the angels!
Ephesians 4:11-13 (MSG)
11 [God] handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher
12 to train Christians in skilled servant work, working within Christ’s body, the church,
13 until we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.
Ephesians 4:16 (MSG)
16 He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.
Ephesians 4:32 (MSG)
32 Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 5:19 (NIV)
19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord,
Ephesians 5:21 (NIV)
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Colossians 3:16-17 (MSG)
16 Let the Word of Christ—the Message—have the run of the house. Give it plenty of room in your lives. Instruct and direct one another using good common sense…17 Let every detail in your lives—words, actions, whatever—be done in the name of the Master, Jesus, thanking God the Father every step of the way.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 (MSG)
11 So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it.
1 Thessalonians 5:15 (MSG)
15 And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.
Hebrews 3:13 (NIV)
13 …encourage one another daily…
Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV)
24 …let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
25 Let us not give up meeting together…
James 4:11 (MSG)
11 Don’t bad-mouth each other, friends. It’s God’s Word, his Message, his Royal Rule, that takes a beating in that kind of talk. You’re supposed to be honoring the Message, not writing graffiti all over it.
1 Peter 1:22 (MSG)
22 Now that you’ve cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it.
2 John 1:5-6 (NIV)
5 …I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another.
6 And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.
Ephesians 4:4-6 (MSG)
4 You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly.
5 You have one Master, one faith, one baptism,
6 one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.
You have just heard many commands from the Bible about how we are to be the church, how we are to treat one another, what love is to look like. Think of this room where you sit for a moment. Do you believe it’s possible in 21st century America to learn to live out those commands seeing each other once a week, and sitting facing the front for 90 minutes? Do we not need a lifestyle of being with other believers regularly, learning to love them, trust them, and to be a rock and a listening ear for them? How can we learn to actually do what is commanded here again and again if we do not have any context for living life alongside other believers? How are we ever to be of one heart and mind as a church if our lives never actually touch? How are we to achieve Oneness?
Small groups are counter-cultural. Some people might mock the idea and say it’s like living in a commune. Well to whatever extent “commune” implies “commune-ity,” I embrace it completely. We are called to live radically different lifestyles from the rest of the world. Paul summed it up incredibly when he wrote:
Ephesians 4:17-24 (MSG)
17 And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd.
18 They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself.
19 They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.
20 But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ!
21 My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus.
22 Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, 23 a life renewed from the inside 24 and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.
Folks, how much clearer could it be? That’s the goal, the thrust, what our lives are to be about. Our use of time, our use of money, our use of language, our use of relationships, of education, of power – EVERYTHING should be different, surrendered to God and used for His purposes. We either follow Christ or we do not – but we do not get to say, “I’ll follow Christ over here but not over there.” We don’t get to exempt our social lives, our financial lives, our sex lives, our emotional lives, our family lives – nothing falls outside the range of God’s sovereignty and his right to everything. Do you think I’ve switched topics? My point, my friends, is that it is in small group that we learn submission to one another. I hope you’ve realized from the scripture that was read today that if we cannot submit to each other, we can never submit to God, and as you see, complete submission to one another and to God is 1) countercultural, and 2) commanded by God.
As I close I want to remind you that I’m not saying you’ll go to hell if you don’t join a small group today. I just wanted to show you (not merely tell you) that as believers we are meant to live in an incredibly vital connection to one another and we cannot do this Sunday mornings from 10:30 to noon. So I hope you’ll respond to the Holy Spirit today. Maybe that won’t even mean joining a group, maybe for you it will just mean asking yourself what am I afraid of? Maybe it will mean examining your schedule a bit closer and making some adjustments, or being realistic about whether you have excuses or reasons. I’m sure both are represented! Maybe it will just mean taking the idea of small group involvement more seriously and being willing to continue to move in that direction. If you respond in some way to what you have heard today, then that is an act of worship, even if for you right now that doesn’t mean signing up. I just ask you to be on the journey and to think about it, and to let scripture get in there and work on you a little bit. If our heart’s desire is to serve and please God, God will do the work in all of us that needs to be done. And I believe that’s a great way to close today – with a reminder of God’s ability to finish in you the work he has begun.
Philippians 1:6 (MSG)
6 There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.
