HUSBANDS BE CONSIDERATE
1 Pet 3:7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
Be understanding.
Be chivalrous.
The woman has equal spiritual rights.
What Peter called the men to do was unusual advice in that culture: Woman had no rights. The following quote was a common belief in ancient times: “If you were to catch your wife in an act of infidelity, you can kill her with impunity without a trial; but, if she were to catch you, she would not venture to touch you with her finger and, indeed, she has no right.” In the Roman moral code all the obligation was on the wife and all the privilege with the husband. So when Peter said, in the same way be considerate.’’ The question in the same way as what? In context, it is submission. In the same way as Jesus was submissive so you be submissive. The best example of submission is Jesus Christ.
1 Pet 2:21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps. 1 Pet 2:22 "He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth." 1 Pet 2:23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.
How submissive was Jesus?
A. Cannot sin even if sinned against. (He committed no sin).
B.Cannot use your mouth to seek revenge. (When they hurled their insults at him).
C.Trust God for the results. (Instead he entrusted himself).
D.Must be committed to doing the right thing even though the other is doing the wrong thing. (He himself bore our sins).
Look at how Jesus surrendered his life in order to meet our needs! Look at his heart. Look at his spirit.
In the same way that Jesus was submissive and totally trusted God so men be considerate of your wives and gain knowledge of how to treat her. Gain understanding of her needs and how to meet them. Another translation says:
Likewise, you husbands, live understandingly with your wives, remembering that women are the weaker sex and assigning honor to them as fellow-heirs of the grace of life, so that there may be no barrier to your prayers.
When I first began focusing on this area I had to realize that Tres had a different paradigm, basically spoke a different language when it comes to what’s considerate and what’s not considerate. This helped me to realize that I just needed to start over. A clean slate. Like I don’t know anything about it. I just need to let her teach me what it’s all about in her language. The first month seemed impossible. Emotionally I was discouraged a lot. It seemed like no matter what I did it didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t meeting the need. I’ve had to learn that when something’s exposed in your character its just the tip of the iceberg. The problems all over the place. I’ve just never seen it. Sort of like when you get a car and you start seeing the same car everywhere. The first month I saw my lack of thoughtfulness everywhere!
She asked me a number of questions like:
When was the last time you did something just for me?
Do you admire me?
Why don’t you make me feel special throughout the day?
Do you adore me and want me to be in your space?
Why is there so much distance?
Why do I watch TV? and not bring her near me?
She was clear in that she wanted me to:
Be around during the important times during the day.
Be sensitive to the amount of work that she does with the kids.
When she asks me to do something to do it without hesitation.
Be quick to respond to her needs.
What I’ve Learned:
I’ve learned that it’s the little things that let her know that I’m thinking about her. Not just giving her flowers or cards but meeting the need of the hour. This takes prayer and thought and being in touch with her.
I’ve learned that my wife wants to be pursued.
I’ve learned that my wife wants to be missed.
I’ve learned that my wife doesn’t like the leftovers (leftover time, me giving to everyone else and then being so tired I don’t want to give to her).
I’ve learned that she likes flowery talk.
I’ve learned she wants me to be around and connect.
I’ve learned she wants to be treated like a princess.
I’VE ALSO LEARNED A FEW MORE SPECIFICS.
She talked about the importance of me giving more in the following areas:
Support Me (back me up in my authority with the kids; appreciating the pressures I face in my own job).
Respect What I Do (1) in the home, by joining in the care of the food, clothes, kids, cars, and so on — even the smallest gesture can make a world of difference; and (2) in my work, by recognizing that it has as much value to me as his does to him.
Giving Me Warm Affection — physical touch, occasional cards, flowers, and so on . . . even when sex isn’t going to happen.
Sharing Home Responsibilities — taking the initiative to share in everything related to the daily life of a household.
Listen To Me — asking questions and digging deeper to find out where I am.
Share With Me — allowing me to be close to you by sharing your world with me.
What I’ve learned from other women in the church. I took a survey of what some women shared that meant a lot to them.
WIVES
What makes you feel considered?
When he does little things for me like opening the car door, carrying heavy packages and taking care of chores he feels will be too much for me.
Always supportive of my family.
Cares about my friends.
2. When he chooses to spend time with me over the brothers when I have a bad day.
When he cleans the house and takes care of dinner.
When he lets me vent instead of correcting me after the first sentence.
When he is patient with me.
He includes me in everything when making decisions.
He consults me and takes to heart what I suggest.
When he looks in my eyes and tells me (seriously) he loves me.
3.When I know that he is thinking of me when I am not around. Ex. Brings me flowers after work or calls just to say I love you.
When I know he has denied himself to help me out or to give to me.
When he prays for me.
4.Doing extra things for me. (Ex. Foot massages)
When I ask for a favor and he does it quickly without hesitation.
Buying me flowers and going on dates like before when we were dating.
5.Open and closes doors.
Let me sleep through the night instead of waking me up for intimacy.
Helps me with packages.
Helps me with chores.
Asks me what I want or need and does just that.
Gives me money to help me and not just pays half of the bills.
When he does things for me without me having to ask.
6.When he listens to my side of the story without interrupting.
When my things are respected and not thrown out and not rearranged without my permission.
When my clothing utensils are not boxed up just because he doesn’t use the same utensils.
What makes you feel not considered?
Leaving the toilet seat up.
When I’m not consulted on a family decision.
When he does not take the initiative to make our “date night entertaining or fun.
When he does not lift me up around his family.
Isn’t always sympathetic to my chronic illness.
Doesn’t always ask my advice as if I would be of no help.
2.When he thinks of himself and how he can pleased during lovemaking instead of being intimate (caressing, foreplay etc) with me.
When he lets certain family members disrespect me or our marriage.
When he talks to his co-workers (when we’re together) at a social gathering without including me (jargon I’m not familiar with).
3.When he stays out late and doesn’t go to bed with me.
When he sits down and veggies in front of the TV.
When his jokes get a little harsh and he knows it but he doesn’t stop.
4.Not asking me what my dreams are.
Not asking me “what can I do for you.”
For Valentines Day (Not buying me flowers/card or a gift without being reminded.
5.Wakes me up for sex at 1,2,3 or 4am for sex and not while I am awake.
Grabbing my body parts continuously.
Go in the house and leave me to carry the bags etc.
Always controls TV and radio.
Never offers money to buy food or household supplies without being asked.
Blames me for everything that goes wrong.
It’s o.k. for him to make mistakes because he’s just human but the world turns upside down when I make mistakes.
Don’t dish out anything that you can’t take.
6.When he does not say goodnight or goodbye.
When he buys special food for himself and not me.
Fixes food or dessert for himself and not me.
When children are given permission to do or watch things on TV that I would oppose to.
When there is no communication.
When there is no foreplay before sex.
Where there are no plans made for special events, birthdays, anniversaries etc.
When clothes are not sorted by the bins that I organized and no regard is given and clothes are just thrown together.
Leaving smelly and nasty socks bundled together for me to unroll.
BE CHIVALROUS
He must remember that women are the weaker sex and treat them with courtesy. In the ancient world chivalry to women was mostly unknown. It was, and still is, no uncommon sight in the East to see the man riding on a donkey while the woman trudged by his side. It was Christianity, which introduced chivalry into the relationship between men and women. As a disciple of Jesus do you show respect to your wife?
SHES AN HEIR
She is a fellow-heir of the grace of life. Women did not share in the worship of the Greeks and the Romans. Even in the Jewish synagogue they had no share in the service, and in the orthodox synagogue still have none. When they were admitted to the synagogue at all, they were segregated from the men and hidden behind a screen. Here in Christianity emerged the revolutionary principle that women had equal spiritual rights and with that the relationship between the sexes was changed. Unless a man fulfils these obligations, there is a barrier between his prayers and God.
PRACTICAL
Ask your wife how you can be more considerate of her and her needs and may God bless you.
