“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. 7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. 8 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; 9 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. 10 For, “THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT. 11 “HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT. 12 “FOR THE EYES OF THE LORD ARE TOWARD THE RIGHTEOUS, AND HIS EARS ATTEND TO THEIR PRAYER, BUT THE FACE OF THE LORD IS AGAINST THOSE WHO DO EVIL.”
In recent weeks and months in our church we have had more than one opportunity to discuss the oft repeated phenomenon in our society of the presentation of seemingly difficult questions that Christians then struggle to answer, even sometimes among other Christians.
I am referring to the ones that are always around, but tend to pop up every decade or so in a more public forum of some kind, asking, ‘Does God want us to be rich’, or ‘If God is love, why does He allow bad things to happen to good people’, or ‘Would a merciful God send anyone to Hell?’ and so forth.
Now for those who might read this sermon outside the context of our local congregation, I should say here that the ultimate conclusion we whittled the discussion down to was that in most cases the confusion and the difficulty that arises, comes out of the fact that the wrong question is being asked.
Here is an example of what I am saying. The Bible does not indicate that God specifically desires any person to either be wealthy or poor or somewhere in the middle. The concern of God expressed in the Scriptures through His prophets and Apostles on the topic is that Godly stewardship be exercised with all that God has given to us and that we be content with what we have, whether much or little. More importantly, we concluded further, God is not concerned as much with what we have as with how much of us He has.
I believe that response bypasses the original question, which arises out of error and leads inevitably to further error; often from the pulpits of charlatans who are getting rich by appealing to the greed of their spiritually dwarfed congregations.
So it is with most of those other ‘hard’ questions that are asked, usually, out of ignorance of God and His Word.
Now I open my sermon with these comments because we have come to another of those portions of scripture where the temptation is very strong, and the penchant of the fallen human mind is to be very quick, to ask the wrong questions.
“Here we are in the 21st century. Does God really still expect women to be submissive to their husbands?” “Is the instruction of 1 Peter 3:3 that women are to dress in a very prescribed way when in church or otherwise in public?” “Are you gonna tell me that because Sarah called Abraham ‘Lord’, I have to call my husband lord? ‘Cause I gotta tell ya pastor, that ain’t gonna happen!’
Well, these are questions that make some preachers jump right over the first six verses of 1 Peter 3, and the last 12 verses of Ephesians 5 and some other places like Colossians 3 and Titus 2. Believe me, it happens.
Lynn and I were in a church where the pastor was preaching –and I use the term loosely- through Ephesians. The Sunday he was coming to Ephesians 5:22, “Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord”, his own wife and several other ladies sitting with her on the second pew were holding signs face down on their laps. On each of those signs was a large, bold print “NOT!” and they were prepared to lift their signs for him to see if he uttered the wrong words in his sermon.
Now that’s a little bit funny. But that’s a whole lot sad. One sad part is that none of these folks understood the intent of the Holy Spirit or the Apostle’s meaning; the other sad part is that the pastor allowed those signs to intimidate him and he sort of slobbered some kind of spineless, meaningless gibberish, sliding over those tricky verses of Ephesians 5 like a school boy trying to navigate a frozen pond in early winter, and went on quickly to chapter 6 because he at least wasn’t intimidated by the kids.
NOT A MARRIAGE SEMINAR
When we studied the Sermon on the Mount and were in chapter 5 of Matthew I had occasion to say something that I think bears repeating here.
These various statements we find in the New Testament that pertain to the marriage relationship, in Matthew 5, in Ephesians 5 and here in 1 Peter 3 and some others are often used as springboards to teach what a Christian marriage should be.
Now indeed, being the inspired Word of God these things are profitable for applying to our relationships in marriage and for young people to learn and have stored away for that time when they will join with their partner in life.
But to take any one of these passages by itself and attempt to turn it into a comprehensive seminar on marriage is to do injustice to the scriptures.
Here in our text for example, Peter’s primary focus is on Godliness in all relationships. He has spoken of citizens of society and those who govern, he has mentioned slaves and masters, now he speaks of wives and husbands and then he will admonish Christians in general in their behavior toward one another. It’s about relationships in Christ.
When we take a chunk out of this larger passage and attempt to apply it woodenly not much that is good is going to result.
If I get up and tell the women before me that they should be submissive to their husbands and defer to him in all things, I’m going to lose about half of my congregation and the women I don’t lose I’m going to confuse.
Then if I turn and tell the men how to live with their wives I’m going to lose the other half, because men, a very large percentage of them being knuckleheads, don’t want me to tell them how to live with their wives, on the one hand, and on the other many of them are thinking about hunting or fishing and I’d be wasting my breath anyway.
May I offer a word of advice that is just out of my own contemplations on the subject? If it helps you, good, if not just let it go and pick up again at my next subtopic.
If you ever plan to attend a marriage seminar, check first for several things. One, be sure the teacher is a believer who will base his counsel in sound Biblical truth. Secondly, check to see what his other qualifications are; eg., does he have a degree in psychology and what background does he (or she) have that qualifies him to speak on marriage. A third thing you might check on is his own marital status. If he has been married four times and he and his present wife take separate vacations save your money and don’t go to his seminar.
Now I offer these thoughts to you because preaching the Word of God and Marriage Counseling are two different things. One does not necessarily qualify the man for the other. I will teach you what the Bible is saying in these various isolated passages that address the purpose of marriage and God’s revealed view of the relationship.
But that does not mean that when your marriage is virtually on the rocks and you’re just about ready to claw each other’s eyes out that you should come to me for counseling. Find someone who went to school to be taught how to referee messy marriages and tell him your sorrows.
WHAT IS ‘GODLY RELATIONSHIP’?
Ok, so… if Peter’s focus is on Godliness in relationships, how do these things that he is saying in verses 1-6 apply?
Well we begin at the beginning and take the first phrase. “In the same way…” What same way?
One commentator says that this first phrase of chapter 3 verse 1 refers back to what Peter was saying to servants in regard to their relationship to their masters, and citizens in their relationship to government authority.
I don’t know if I can agree with that. The relationship between husband and wife cannot be closely compared to the master/slave or ruler/subject relationship. People acting that way is what got us into trouble in the first place.
Now it is true that at the time Peter was writing women were not given equal respect in society with men. They were expected to bear and raise children, cook and keep the house, and otherwise stay silent and attentive to their husband’s needs and whims.
But that is cultural and it is not the attitude that Jesus demonstrated during His earthly ministry. He treated women with gentleness and respect and when He spoke He did not speak ‘at’ them, He spoke ‘with’ them.
When the disciples returned from their errand to get lunch and found Him sitting by Jacob’s well they were astounded to see that He was conversing with a woman.
When at the home of Simon the leper in Bethany, Mary rushed in and broke a vial of expensive perfume with which to anoint Him. Others in the room quickly jumped to criticize her but Jesus praised her actions and declared that what she had done would be declared wherever the gospel was preached (Mark 14:3-9).
He chose women to be the first heralds of the resurrection; an easy enough choice, I suppose, since they were the only ones with enough intestinal fortitude to show up at the tomb. Nevertheless I believe all the details of those days were divinely orchestrated for God’s very specific reasons.
So to get back to my point, as I read these words of Peter I conclude that when he said “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands…” he was talking about the sort of submission he was just praising in Christ who, while being disrespected and mistreated held His peace and endured with patience, letting the Father be His vindicator instead of taking action to defend Himself.
Ok now here is where I’m going to say the hard part; the part that makes preachers break out in cold sweat and afraid of things that go bump in the night.
In a Godly marriage relationship wives are to be submissive to their husbands. They are to be subject to their husbands, not by his whip but by their own initiative.
There. I said it and I’m glad…
Are we implying that wives are therefore just naturally inferior to their husbands? No. Less intelligent? Don’t make me laugh.
This is God’s design for roles in the family so that it functions well as a unit. One commentator used the example of a commander and his troops. He did that because he was writing a book and didn’t have to be there when women read that part. So he’s not brave, he can hide in his study.
Listen. The marriage relationship, as we have noted in the past, is symbolic of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. When wives subject themselves to the leadership of the husband in the home, they demonstrate with their behavior the subjection of the church to Christ as her head (Eph 5:24).
I’ll go further with this. Christ, in the flesh, subjected Himself to the Father. Were the Father and Son equal? Yes. Philippians 2:6-8.
“…who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond servant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself…”
Are wives somehow lower or unequaled with their husband because they submit to him? No. They are demonstrating the submission of Christ to the Father’s will so that Godly purpose could be fulfilled perfectly.
No matter what the culture screams in our ears about the liberation of women and the usurping of the authority and the virtual reign of men in society and the workplace, that should not carry over into the church, and yes, I am aware that unfortunately it does, and it must not carry over into the Christian marriage relationship. When it does it vitiates that type and Christ is not being glorified in the home.
Now Peter is talking about the behavior of Christian wives before their non-Christian husbands. In that society when a woman became a Christian and the husband did not that alone was grounds for him to drag her out to the street and smash her head with a rock. So it was no small thing for Peter to be admonishing the women in regard to their behavior before their unbelieving husbands.
But while we live in a society that does not allow that kind of abuse the counsel is still sound. And if wives should behave purely and respectfully with their unbelieving husbands, how much more if the husband is a believer?
Now husbands. And in this I have no fear because I’m one of you.
Peter only gave you one verse and he gave wives 6. But that’s ok because this sort of balances Paul’s advice to the Ephesians, where he gave the wives 3 verses and the husbands 6.
“You husbands likewise…” ‘Likewise’ is the same as saying ‘In the same way’. What way? In submission. Submission to your wife. Are you still listening? You must submit to serve your wife sacrificially.
Remember Ephesians 5? “…as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her…”
“In an understanding way”. That means considerate. Sensitive. Gentle.
Are you still listening?
“As with a weaker vessel”. Is she weak? She’s probably stronger than you are in some ways. No, it just means that generally speaking women are not as strong physically as men and are more vulnerable to danger and to hurt. So treat her with tenderness and be her protector.
“…and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life”
That is not a reference to eternal life. Peter wants husbands to consider their wives as equal partners in this gift from God called marriage and honor her as such, just as the Son of God honors the Father and the Father honors the Son.
So have you been absorbing all of these relationship words in this passage? Submission. Chaste. Respectful. Gentle and quiet spirit. Understanding. Honor.
But Peter isn’t done. There is generally the relationship of believers to other believers. The fellowship of the saints.
Hear more words.
Harmonious. Sympathetic. Brotherly. Kindhearted. Humble in spirit. Blessing.
WHAT IS THE ‘BEAUTY’ IN A GODLY RELATIONSHIP?
“You are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in you” SS 4:7
This is the beauty in a Godly relationship. The beauty is that it demonstrates Christlikeness. In fact, it is Christ in you, manifesting Himself in and through the relationship.
Look at verses 8 and 9
“To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead, for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.”
Now think about Jesus.
Harmonious: “The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one;” Jn 17:22
Sympathetic: “For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin.” Heb 4:15
Brotherly: “For both He who sanctifies and those who are sanctified are all from one Father; for which reason He is not ashamed to call them brethren,” Heb 2:11
Humble: “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS.” Matt 11:29
Not returning evil for evil or insult for insult: “He was oppressed and He was afflicted, yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, and like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, so He did not open His mouth.” Isa 53:7
“For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart,” Heb 12:3
The beauty in Godly relationships, Christians, is when the character that was exemplified in Christ is made manifest through us toward one another.
Can we do that? No, we cannot. Peter is calling for the impossible here. Not that we are not responsible for our own part; after all, he is exhorting his readers to this sort of behavior.
But when we compare these words with what we know of Jesus and from these scripture references we’ve just looked at, it helps us see that in our relationships there has to be a yielding of ourselves; in fact, a putting aside of ourselves; to let Christ live through us.
There is a way that we respond to those in authority over us, and there is another way that we respond to our spouse, and there is another way that we respond to one another generally as fellow believers. But to all we must be submitted for Christ’s sake so that He can bless us and bless through us.
Do you see what Peter said there in the last of verse 9? You were called for the purpose of inheriting blessing, therefore, bless. Not only those you love but also those who are evil and insulting.
How? What sort of blessing can we possibly give to those who mistreat us? There is only one. It is the good news of Jesus Christ and His sacrifice made so they might be saved.
That is the blessing we were purposed to inherit and it is the one we are to give.
Now I’ve been speaking in general terms to some degree and I’ve said a lot about the behavior of Christian wives to Christian husbands and Christians to Christians, but as we come to a close I want to point out something from this whole passage that we must not miss.
And I’m really backing all the way to chapter 2 verse 13. In this entire portion in which Peter is exhorting to Godly and understanding behavior, to humility and submission and blessing, every relationship he lists is one-sided.
Subjects to the king, slaves to the master, wife to the unbelieving husband.
The real beauty in Godly relationships is that it can work one way. We are not given the right from scripture to react in kind to evil, insult, abuse, curse, wrong.
We are instructed instead to bless and to be the channel through which Christ Himself can extend His offer to purify and redeem.
As I was pointing out earlier, the wooden application of the comments about the marriage relationship becomes a stumbling block to comprehending this entire teaching of Peter’s if we lift them out of context.
This isn’t about marriage. It’s about Godly beauty in relationships, even if only one party is demonstrating the Godliness.
We have His example: “Who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept trusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed.”
Now that’s beautiful.
